Child support- what do you think?
Replies
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This is better:
http://money.cnn.com/2013/08/14/pf/cost-children/
$241,080 to raise a kid. That comes out to $1,116 a month. That's actually not bad. Oh, except I have 3. Opps.
That is bogus, at least for where I live. I do not pay anywhere NEAR 2000 a month to raise my two kids. Hell, my basic expenses aren't a whole lot more than that, and I would be paying most of that without kids.
I guess if you include day care that would impact it, but I have family to babysit. However, the bloated child support orders ADD daycare costs to the order, rather than including daycare costs.
Yeah, I pay $35/day/kid for daycare. And I think that includes housing, so the difference in your mortgage vs. what you'd pay for a single bedroom apartment, maybe. And that's average for the country, so includes high cost of living areas. Still interesting.
Damn I pay $35 a day to have my dogs in doggy day care.... always thought kids would cost more than my little furbabies0 -
I can't read all of this thread , I just don't have time so I don't know what the majority is going with but heres my views :
I'm a single mother of 4 kids, my husband left when I was pregnant with our youngest (she is now 7)
I filed for child support about a year later . I worked part time, my husband made close to $90,000/yr.
The amount of child support the judge wanted to order was over $700 a week.
I nearly fell over in the courtroom and quickly disagreed.
Imagine? $2800 a month !
My opinion at the time was my husband needed to be able to afford a nice place to live in a good area with lots of bedrooms for all those darn kids (lol) . I didn't want all his money . I wanted what I needed to provide a decent living for my kids. It was my responsibility to work and pay for them too so as soon as I could (which was a couple of years since my kids were so young) I went full time.
The amount that we agreed to was about half of the original amount of over $700. I rec'd very inconsistant payments over the years and to date he owes his kids $52,000. I know they will never see that money although it would be nice for them. I decided to work, budget, cut my expensives, live without and not be to proud to ask my family for help when I needed it.
My kids havent spent any quality time with their dad in 5 years, they went 2 years without seeing him at all and just got random phone calls every once in a while. For them , I would gladly forgo the $52,000 and any other money in the future so they could have some of his time which is priceless.
I think its both the mothers and the fathers responsibility to provide for their kids emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. Fathers are soooo important in their kids lives and play such an imperative role.
This may have been said already so sorry for the repeat if it was
Off to read some of this very long thread! 0 -
She definitely should get child support. If he makes $9 or $90k he is financially responsible for that child. Shame on him for letting his child get less than they deserve,0
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This is better:
http://money.cnn.com/2013/08/14/pf/cost-children/
$241,080 to raise a kid. That comes out to $1,116 a month. That's actually not bad. Oh, except I have 3. Opps.
That is bogus, at least for where I live. I do not pay anywhere NEAR 2000 a month to raise my two kids. Hell, my basic expenses aren't a whole lot more than that, and I would be paying most of that without kids.
I guess if you include day care that would impact it, but I have family to babysit. However, the bloated child support orders ADD daycare costs to the order, rather than including daycare costs.
Yeah, I pay $35/day/kid for daycare. And I think that includes housing, so the difference in your mortgage vs. what you'd pay for a single bedroom apartment, maybe. And that's average for the country, so includes high cost of living areas. Still interesting.
Damn I pay $35 a day to have my dogs in doggy day care.... always thought kids would cost more than my little furbabies
I do an in-home stay-at-home-mom. A commercial place is going to charge a lot more.0 -
Yessssss!There is so much BS in this thread that I could argue about, so I will just try to stick with the OP. Child Support is NOT government assistance. There is no shame in asking for someone to pay to help care for the child they helped create. Even if he did ask for an abortion and did not stick around....he's still partially responsible for the child being here and should definitely pay his fair share.0 -
... She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility...
Bahahahaha! This is all HER doing, right? No, THEY should have been more careful. Any man who doesn't want the responsibility of a child needs to choose his partners carefully and he better consider the possibilities of his actions. It's on him to use extra precautions and deal with the consequences if those precautions fail.0 -
... She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility...
Bahahahaha! This is all HER doing, right? No, THEY should have been more careful. Any man who doesn't want the responsibility of a child needs to choose his partners carefully and he better consider the possibilities of his actions. It's on him to use extra precautions and deal with the consequences if those precautions fail.
problem is most parents and authority figures DONT teach their kids the gravity of these life changing decisions...
Ignorance to these things is a primary cause of many young people having unplanned pregnancies...0 -
And to be fair to this said girl the guy should have kept his pecker in his wife if he didn't want anything other then the family he already had.0
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I am a custodial father of a 17 year old. I have raised her by myself without a nickels worth of support. I fought tooth and nail for custody to the brink of bankruptcy. My ex wife had free legal aid, my lawyer cost me $250 per hour. It was money well spent and I don't regret that part of it. My kid is worth it. That being said... the amount of money I spent on lawyers and the fact that my Ex avoided paying child support is an outrage. Prior to a decision in the courts my wife went so far as to quit her job and have no income. The court offered to reevaluate Child Support pending a change in the Mothers circumstance. Great! Likely spend another 30-40 hours on legal fee's only to have her quit her job again? I would fight for my kids, but this is a sucker bet and I'll
In my mind here is what I think needs to happen to fix the system;
1. The Childs needs be met ahead of both parents. It should not be on the state or government to support your child. You had a kid, support it. If you slept around and got someone pregnant good luck explaining it to your significant other... your child comes first. Can't afford it, get a second job.
2. Establish reasonable guidelines on the cost of raising a child and base them on regional needs. Sorry, but your child doesn't need Gucci or the Gap... Walmart clothes will do.
3. Established guidelines should be mandatory and not subject to the court system. It should be a basic calculation and nothing more. Provisions should be available for extenuating circumstances (i.e. Special Needs Children, significant hardship) If you can't afford the guidelines, zip it up, stop having kids and get a second job. Your child comes first.
4. Mediation should be required ahead of lawyer envolvement. Lawyers should not get rich off of money which should be going to children.
5. Equity in Child Support\Custody proceedings. One party should not be able to bankrupt the other during a court proceeding. If one party qualifies for Legal Aid, both parties should qualify.
Would I have appreciated the help in raising my daughter yes. I would have also appreciated not being bankrupted by a system that favors paying lawyers ahead of supporting children.
Am I bitter... to a degree. I don't know to many people who couldn't use an extra $20K. Especially when you consider that my Ex simply walked away a year after our court battle. 15+ years without any significant involvement has been nice.0 -
Why did she allow him to put it in her without a condom? Men aren't the only ones responsible for whether or not they use one
Certainly not. But the woman is not the only one responsible for the pregnancy.
It's a matter of protecting HIMSELF in that case. If he didn't want to get her pregnant, he should have worn one or not had sex with her. Period.
Both people are equally responsible for the fact there is a child in the world needing food, water, clothing, shelter, education ...
You don't want a baby with a woman? You don't want to have to pay child support? DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER.
I agree. There's no whose at fault arguement. They are BOTH responsible for creating the child and are BOTH responsible for supporting the child.0 -
It's simply. Every person, man or woman, that creates a child, has the responsibility to support that child. There is not if, ands, or buts about it. It is their responsibility.
I paid child support for 28 years total. Later I got custody of my youngest son when he was 8. I didn't make his mom pay court ordered child support, but she did have to pay his school lunch money every month. She didn't make much and that was a way for her to contribute.
Pay it people! If you have a child and you are supporting said child, then shame on you!0 -
I read a lot of this, but frankly our system IS broken. Assuming both parents are good parents and competent raising their kids, custody should start at 50/50 for EVERYTHING. Including cost of raising the children, time with the children, etc.
Right now, most states are still on the archaic system of every other weekend for fathers. In today's modern society where everyone demands equality and most women and men work, there's ZERO reason that one party should be seeing their kids only a couple days every other week.
In my state that's the norm, and fortunately I've been able to fight for a 50/50 split.
Now, again...if one parent is irresponsible, incompetent or abusive, parenting time and support should go from there.
I pay WAY more in child support than I should (about 4x), but I actually do that on purpose. I do it because I want my kids to have the best possible situation at both houses. I will be dialing it back in a little while once she's able to earn more income (she was WFH before we split), but it won't be at the expense of my children's living situation.0 -
I didnt have time to read the thread, so is the answer Adrian Peterson?
This is all I want to comment on (since I am 23 and kid-less, I have no perspective on child support obligations) but Adrian Peterson, really? Kind of poor taste to mention him in a thread about children, considered what happened to his son...0 -
Wow!0
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This is better:
http://money.cnn.com/2013/08/14/pf/cost-children/
$241,080 to raise a kid. That comes out to $1,116 a month. That's actually not bad. Oh, except I have 3. Opps.
That is bogus, at least for where I live. I do not pay anywhere NEAR 2000 a month to raise my two kids. Hell, my basic expenses aren't a whole lot more than that, and I would be paying most of that without kids.
I guess if you include day care that would impact it, but I have family to babysit. However, the bloated child support orders ADD daycare costs to the order, rather than including daycare costs.
It bogus anywhere.0 -
I didnt have time to read the thread, so is the answer Adrian Peterson?
That was in incredibly poor taste.0 -
This is better:
http://money.cnn.com/2013/08/14/pf/cost-children/
$241,080 to raise a kid. That comes out to $1,116 a month. That's actually not bad. Oh, except I have 3. Opps.
That is bogus, at least for where I live. I do not pay anywhere NEAR 2000 a month to raise my two kids. Hell, my basic expenses aren't a whole lot more than that, and I would be paying most of that without kids.
I guess if you include day care that would impact it, but I have family to babysit. However, the bloated child support orders ADD daycare costs to the order, rather than including daycare costs.
It bogus anywhere.
$35 / day / kid * 3 kids * 5 days * 3.5 weeks = $1840
$400 / month for food.
$200 / month for clothes, shoes, toys whatever.
$800 / month for house (difference between my mortgage and rent for a 1 bedroom)
= $3240 for 3 kids
And I didn't count insurance which could be another $500 or more. Also diapers can run about $50 a month.0 -
I don't personally know any single mothers who are living some kind of cushy life because of all the child support they are raking in. I got child support for 18 years and it'd didn't come close to covering half of the cost of raising my daughters. I was fortunate to have a college degree and a stable teaching position. For many single mothers, they face years of under-employment or difficulty obtaining more education because of the need to care for children.0
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I think it's kind of hilarious that this is a man posting this nonsense lol
I agree that she should have been more careful and blah blah blah. But here is how I see this -
He chose to lay with her and unless she lied and said she was on birth control and wasn't then guess what? He is responsible!
The way child support works is they calculate how much the child would have to live off of any the quality of living the child would have IF BOTH parents were responsible and created the child while married/in love/still together.
If they were marroed that child's standard of living would be much higher with both of their incomes as opposed to just hers
And he would be providing a much higher ratio of support Bc she wouldn't be making the majority of the income. Period.
So therefore he is required to pay based off of his ratio available.
Now I understand that women are capable of exploiting this to whatever degree I suppose but the formula remains the same.
This kind of "out to get the father" mentality that people stick to child support is ridiculous! It is not in ANY WAY the mothers responsibly to be the sole provider of this child. Period.
Men tend to look at child support for children ad "extra income" for mothers and that's bull.
It's not extra...
What it is most of the time is not nearly enough to even come close to make up for day to day spending but in the off chance that it is... It's simply brings the mother back to what she would have available to herself after paying for half of everything for the child that he helped create.
It needs to stop being viewed as extra and start being viewed as mandatory.
How I see it I already spend every dime I have on my child so if I wanna use "child support" to by myself a pair of boots.. Guess what I am! Bc if he were still here everyday and helping pay for the day to day things I would definitely be able to afford these boots..
It's not extra income...
It's my money that he owes me for me giving our child everything I have day to day.
No woman (or man) should ever EVER feel guilty for child support... Ever... It's their job to help. Period!
For the record I haven't gotten child support for over 3 years and before that it was $30 a week.. Enough for gas to get to my job so I can support "our" child 0 -
you know what I agree with that. It should be based on the cost of raising a child rather than income, but in some cases like this she's making probably less than 18k a year and he's making 90k a year. His other kids probably have a college fund I feel that her child should get the same treatment as the others. I commend you for taking care of your kids. You don't hear of too many single dads in the area I live in. People like you could def make a difference in some of the dead beat dads out there
The fact that she makes very little and he makes a lot doesn't change it. No, the kid shouldn't "have the same treatment as the others" unless he chooses to make it so. The only things he should ever be on the hook for is 1/2 the cost of raising the kid. She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
HE should also have been more careful about having kids if HE wasn't ready for the responsibility.
Yes, your friend should file for child support. Half of daycare, a portion of rent, half of food, medical care, ext.
Yes, he should have been. And since he wasn't, he should pay 1/2 the actual cost of raising the child.
This was the post I was referring too... Idk why it didn't quote it lol0 -
Honestly, if he makes that much and he lied about having another family, he probably won't pay child support. But, here's the good thing. If she gets it approved that he has to pay and doesn't, he'll have a nice collection on his report and will ruin his credit for the next 7 years. So it could be nice revenge if he doesn't pay, and if he does pay, then her child will at least have a decent life!!0
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Gotta pay to play. Child support is not a luxury, it's so your kids have a roof over their heads and food on the table, clothes on their backs. Kids aren't cheap to raise and just because mom may benefit somewhat from the support because (someone has to take care of the kids) it usually does not provide a life of luxury. I don't get why men get so upset when they have to pay. If they were living full time with the kids they'd be forking out the dough anyway. Seems pretty selfish to me if he doesn't want to pay just because he doesn't have the benefit of seeing the kids everyday....they still need to eat everyday0
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I raised a child on my own . I had a child at 15 and his dad never helped at all. I asked him for diapers once and he refused and said something really hurtful and mean so I never ever called to ask for anything again.
I regret that more than anything now. My son will be 32 tomorrow and we were so very poor. We sometimes didn't have food and would eat left overs from my mom. She would bring her left overs to my house instead of throwing them away.... I didn't ask for too much help because I was ashamed . one year my sons aunt on his dad's side brought cloths over for him donated from her church . I don't know what I would have done without them.
I worked two jobs most times and put myself through nursing school because I sure didn't want to depend on other people my whole life.
My sons dad received a lot of money from a work accident and I never knew about it until years later when someone asked if he had given his son anything.
I think I was stupid for not getting child support.
My son suffered.
He went to college but took out student loans and will have this debt for a long time to come.
now on the other part of this topic. I do not agree with the way child support is calculated either.
I'm sorry I feel like I'm ranting I feel so angry that some people don't pay anything while others are abusing the other parent ?
also , It doesn't matter how or why she became pregnant- she did and that's that .0 -
I think it's kind of hilarious that this is a man posting this nonsense lol
I agree that she should have been more careful and blah blah blah. But here is how I see this -
He chose to lay with her and unless she lied and said she was on birth control and wasn't then guess what? He is responsible!
The way child support works is they calculate how much the child would have to live off of any the quality of living the child would have IF BOTH parents were responsible and created the child while married/in love/still together.
If they were marroed that child's standard of living would be much higher with both of their incomes as opposed to just hers
And he would be providing a much higher ratio of support Bc she wouldn't be making the majority of the income. Period.
So therefore he is required to pay based off of his ratio available.
Now I understand that women are capable of exploiting this to whatever degree I suppose but the formula remains the same.
This kind of "out to get the father" mentality that people stick to child support is ridiculous! It is not in ANY WAY the mothers responsibly to be the sole provider of this child. Period.
Men tend to look at child support for children ad "extra income" for mothers and that's bull.
It's not extra...
What it is most of the time is not nearly enough to even come close to make up for day to day spending but in the off chance that it is... It's simply brings the mother back to what she would have available to herself after paying for half of everything for the child that he helped create.
It needs to stop being viewed as extra and start being viewed as mandatory.
How I see it I already spend every dime I have on my child so if I wanna use "child support" to by myself a pair of boots.. Guess what I am! Bc if he were still here everyday and helping pay for the day to day things I would definitely be able to afford these boots..
It's not extra income...
It's my money that he owes me for me giving our child everything I have day to day.
No woman (or man) should ever EVER feel guilty for child support... Ever... It's their job to help. Period!
For the record I haven't gotten child support for over 3 years and before that it was $30 a week.. Enough for gas to get to my job so I can support "our" child
The fact the you would be able to afford that pair of boots if you and the father were together is irrelevant. You deserve nothing more than the standard of living that you can provide for yourself. And as you contributed 50% to creating the kid, just as he did, you should contribute 50% of the cost of covering the kids needs, just as he should.
It is also laughable that you think my gender pays any role in that issue. I'm also a single parent with custody of my two kids. Which is a lot more relevant than my gender. Furthermore, plenty of women in this thread agree with my well thought out, logical responses (as opposed to your emotional "I should benefit" mentality). The nonsense is thinking that you should have any higher a standard of living then what you can provide for yourself after meeting your moral obligation to provide 1/2 of your child's needs.0 -
Gotta pay to play. Child support is not a luxury, it's so your kids have a roof over their heads and food on the table, clothes on their backs. Kids aren't cheap to raise and just because mom may benefit somewhat from the support because (someone has to take care of the kids) it usually does not provide a life of luxury. I don't get why men get so upset when they have to pay. If they were living full time with the kids they'd be forking out the dough anyway. Seems pretty selfish to me if he doesn't want to pay just because he doesn't have the benefit of seeing the kids everyday....they still need to eat everyday
Wow, so it's justified that the mom get financial gain because she is raising the kids? That's a load of crap. I'm raising my kids, and the privilege of doing so is its own reward. The fact that someone believes they should have financial gain as an extra incentive is pitiful.
Furthermore, the dad would not necessarily be "forking over the dough" if the parents were together. My kids cost much less per month then what my child support would cost. Meaning that if their mom were raising them, she would be getting a large lifestyle subsidy. And if we were together, it would not make my children cost me more money, so I would not be "forking over the dough." That argument is invalid.0 -
Wow, well I avoided reading through this until now. For obvious reasons.
This is a subject that is very sensitive in my own life. I am a single mother. I left my ex when I was still pregnant with our 2nd child who just turned 4. My entire family is on the other side of the country and I live in one of the most expensive areas of the country. I'm in Fairfield County, CT (a suburb of NYC). And I left at the height of the recession in 2009. Not exactly ideal circumstances! lol!
I do get child support. Yes, my ex thinks it's too much and "unjust" in his mind. He was working a good job in Manhattan and let that go during the divorce. The child support was determined based on that. Since then he has stopped working at times. Going to school (great but he has a degree already) and filed to modify it. We were at odds all Summer and he stopped paying at one point assuming his modification would be granted. He was gaming the system too, trying to cause trouble for me. At the end of the day the judge denied him the modification because while they applaud his going to school they don't reward a man for letting a good paying job go when he has two boys to feed. They expect the father to work and put his kids first. End of story.
I don't feel bad for taking the child support for certain reasons. 1, I am working full time and doing my part. 2. I am responsible with my money and take care of all of us. 3. My family cannot do much and as a grown woman who can work I don't see a reason to burden them when they have a father who can help. 4.He actually keeps us in this very expensive area. Since we share custody, I cannot go back to the West Coast. I have actually asked him. He liked it out there and his dad is in California. (I am from Oregon)...but he refuses and the cost of living is insane here. 5. Of the two of us, I actually feed them nutritious meals, get them haircuts, buy them clothes and yes we do enjoy entertainment. He is the "McDonalds dad" and any clothes he gets them is usually at the help of his parents buying them for him.
He is currently paying back the arrearage he owes from not paying all Summer when he assumed he'd get his way. And he has gotten a job. Reality is not always fun. I do my part and always have and when I separated from my ex I was a mostly stay at home mother working one day. I haven't been sitting at home doing nothing, I got out there and now have a solid work history.
At the end of the day, to the OP....don't be afraid to get some help. Kids and their needs can be crazy expensive depending on where you live. Activities, food (My boys are bottomless pits) can rack up fast. I know there are mixed feelings about this on this post....but do your part and accept a little help to get a breather. I certainly appreciate the breather! And I am certainly not living a lifestyle of the rich and famous on his dime!! :laugh:0 -
My point was not that I should benefit. It was exactly the opposite actually. It also appears to me that you do not try to get child support simply so you can say " I do it on my own" which is preposterous! There is obviously no sense disagreeing with you so I've made my point. Yours is ridiculous. So instead of beating a dead (or ignorant) horse I'll leave it at that. Take care0
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I wish I wouldn't have read this, because it has me so fired up. My husband and I just forked over a couple grand in legal fees because his ex-one-night-stand decided she wanted more money from him. All she had to do was walk her happy *kitten* into SRS and fill out a form, while staff attorneys took care of everything for her, and we are drowning in legal bills. It's so unfair. The system is so biased. It sickens me. My husband and I both work our *kitten* off. She has been unemployed for 9 years, lives in subsidized housing, receives food stamps - and she needs MORE money? In my state, it is based purely on income also. They don't even take into account any other children the father has - so the fact that we have an infant and have to buy diapers makes no difference. I feel my daughter is being punished for having been born into a happy and committed marriage. Child support is so much bull... any woman can spread her legs and get pregnant and push a baby out 9 mos. later. That does NOT make her entitled to anything that the father owns or buys or achieves. The man in OP's story is going to get raped for back support if he makes 90k.0
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My point was not that I should benefit. It was exactly the opposite actually. It also appears to me that you do not try to get child support simply so you can say " I do it on my own" which is preposterous! There is obviously no sense disagreeing with you so I've made my point. Yours is ridiculous. So instead of beating a dead (or ignorant) horse I'll leave it at that. Take care
You specifically said that if you wanted to buy a pair of boots with the child support money, after the kids needs were met, you would. Because you would be able to afford them if you were together. If you have child support money leftover after the needs are met to spend on you, you are benefiting from it. Not the kids. So yes, you are arguing that you should benefit.
And I am not receiving child support because I agreed to it in meditation to avoid going to trial. A trial is rarely in the best interest of the kids. But their mom cares more about her pocket book than she does about them. That being said, I am not a victim of benefactor of the system, and as such, can easily make a logical argument about it. You, being a benefactor, are presenting your "I deserve it" emotional response.
All you have shown is that you are someone who benefits from a crooked system. And because it benefits you, you see it as perfectly fine. People who are favored by a system rarely see the system as flawed. My logical arguments only seem preposterous to you because they would remove the preferential treatment you get, as proven by your emotional response.
So yes, you made a point. You made mine. Thanks.0 -
..... My husband and I just forked over a couple grand in legal fees because his ex-one-night-stand decided she wanted more money from him. pers makes no difference........ Child support is so much bull... any woman can spread her legs and get pregnant and push a baby out 9 mos. later.
Although I can't really say that the amount of child support is always fair, in reality is that the mother of his child didn't just spread her legs. Your husband put his penis between her legs and now he has to face the consequences of his decision to do so that night.0
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