Second child

kelly_c_77

I just want to start by saying I wanted to ask this question on here so that I get honest answers. My friends and family would love to see my husband and I have a second child so I already know what their answers would be.

I am wondering just how much harder it is going from one child to two.
I am a stay at home mom to a 22 month old son. I am alone Monday through Friday until about 4:00 when my husband gets home from work. He usually works a day on the weekend as well and gets back around 5:30. We moved a little over a year ago and now most of our friends and our families are at least an hour away. We just recently(last month) left our son with our neighbor for 2 1/2 hours so we could go out and celebrate our anniversary...it was the first time EVER leaving him! Other than that day, I have never gotten any help from anyone...no sleepovers at Nana and Grampy's or staying with a friend for any amount of time. We are on a great schedule, and everything is great
In the past, we had always said that if we ever had kids, we would only have one. We liked the idea of our child getting ALL of our attention..not that we want him spoiled but just being able to give him all of our love. However, we have recently started talking about possibly having one more. We are 36 and 37 years old and would kind of need to start thinking about doing it sooner rather than later since we aren't getting any younger
Anyway, we both would like to have another just because our son is such a joy and we really just love parenthood. We have two concerns: First is how much harder it will be on me with two considering I have no help during the day. And the second is how hard it will be for our son to adjust going from having all the attention to having to share it with another child. I know it will probably be better for him in the long run to have a sibling to grow up with but also think that the baby will be getting so much attention especially in the first few months that I feel like he would be left out.
Also, if anyone is an only child...did you ever wish you had a sibling or did you like being an only child? Do you feel closer to your parents from being an only child because you didn't have to share the spotlight?

Thanks in advance for any replies...

Edited to ask what you all think the best age gap is between having the first and second.. Again, our son is 22 months...will be 2 in December.

heylookitsval

I only have one but I've heard going from 1-2 is easy, it's going from 2-3 that's hard.

Lisa1971

Hi Kelly! I am also a SAHM. My daughter is 7 and my son is 3. I was in the same predicament that you are in. My family lives in Ohio, I'm in PA and get little to no help. I won't lie when I say going from 1 kid to 2 is more like going from 1 kid to 10! My husband works a lot and sometimes Saturday and sundays. If I didn't plan my days I'd be DONE! I have to literally plan all meals and activities ahead of time so we don't get behind schedule.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! My daughter is a HUGE help and I call her "little mama" because she loves helping me with her brother. There are days when I can't even shower! Our lives are pretty hectic but I love it. I love how cute and adorable the kids are when they play together. It's priceless! Of course only you and your husband can decide if another child is right for your family and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. My husband is an only child and he has often said he wishes he had a sibling. I have 2 younger brothers and I can remember loving my childhood and playing/fighting with them all the time!

It's a HUGE adjustment but I wouldn't trade it for a minute. My daughter wasn't jealous at all when our son was born and in fact she loved to show off her little brother and would refer to him as "my baby." So cute!

Good luck in your decision!

Naomi0504

Your son will be fine Yes, it's more work for you, but not really hard. IMO at least. My youngest 3 are 2 years apart each. They are 2, 4, and 6. I think a 2+ age gap is nice, preferably 3, but it is what it is!

Holly_Roman_Empire

I will say only this:
If you never had a second child, would you regret it?
If you did have a second child, would you regret it?

Okay, and I'm adding this:
When you have more than one child, you aren't dividing your love in two. :-D

TheBackStory

Your son will be fine Yes, it's more work for you, but not really hard. IMO at least. My youngest 3 are 2 years apart each. They are 2, 4, and 6. I think a 2+ age gap is nice, preferably 3, but it is what it is!

I agree with ^^^... I have a 10, 3 and 1 1/2 year old. My husband works a lot. I work full time as well. The grandparents live out of state and it basically on me to do it all. It all works out. A schedule is a great thing but don't make one that is not bendable.

For me personally, I enjoy the craziness that my kids bring....

Best of luck!

walleyclan1

I think having 2 kids is 2.5x harder than having one. I don't regret it but it has been tough for me. Hard to divide your time and attention between them, hard to find time for your partner and yourself, and I imagine it will be more challenging when they are older and going off to different practices and sporting events etc. But again, I don't regret and I love both my daughters but no number 3 coming from this womb

Beckboo0912

I only have one and would someday love to have more...I'll wait until I've found a husband and such but after asking my mom about it, she had 4. My sister and brother are 15 months apart and then I'm 3 years younger then my brother and then my little brother is 15 years younger then me. She thought the 3 years was nice but she also liked the 15 months. Although she knows it's harder if you have an older boy and a younger girl to have them closer together, just because of maturity and those things. But she doesn't regret having kids closer together and to be honest the three of us older kids are all best friends, so it was great! Good luck and remember everything happens for a reason.

CompressedCarbon

I am a single mom with two kids. Whether or not adding a child to your family is harder depends entirely upon the children involved and how low you are willing to let your standards drop. If you have longing dreams of Martha Stewart style standards, you are going to be disappointed that it will be next to impossible to maintain those ideals. If you're ok with occasional trips to chaos and minor flirtations with insanity, you'll be fine.

My kids are almost five years apart and are best friends. I have a friend whose kids are not best friends,

There are no good generalizations. Search your heart, talk with those who matter most and you'll come to your own perfect decision.

thatonegirlwiththestuff

Going from one to two was hard, but not as hard I thought it would be. I live by the philosophy that ''you don't want to be outnumbered'' so 2 is it for me. I have heard the jump from 2-3 is difficult, for me two is manageable and enjoyable. You'll never regret the children you do have. I love having siblings, and my kids love each other. But to each his own.

SemperAnticus1643

It will always be harder having two or more kids than having one. I have 2 children ages 10 & 7. And let me tell you our life is a crazy mess of organized chaos. You always have to have a plan but I guess that goes for even one child. My children are athletes. My youngest plays soccer in the town south of ours and my oldest plays softball in the town east of us. We have bags and uniforms packed the night before so that we walk in after work and school and are quickly right back out the door. Sometimes, I swear, we pay for our house just so that we have a place to sleep and wash clothes. Do I regret any of it? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! They are the greatest blessing.

The transition from 1 to 2 wasn't the easiest because I didn't have any help other than a 3 year old that had a tendency to try and overhelp and was more in the way than anything. (Don't tell her I said that. :happy: ) I think the transition from 2 to 3 will be easier because my husband has great hours and our daughters are old enough to help if they choose to. The way they are around babies, I think it would be often. Although they may get tired of their own sibling sometimes. :flowerforyou:

powerpuffgirl66

I only have one son. He is 11 now. In comparison to my siblings and friends who have multiple children, I think I have a harder time. Because there is only one of him, he needs my attention ALL THE TIME! He dosen't have a sibling to play with or to share with. I have to do that. Don't misunderstand me, I'm very attentive and provide him with a lot of attention and love. But when you're a busy single parent, this does get in the way. He does complaint that he is bored and guilt trips me if I'm busy and can't play with him. This is when a sibling would come in handy.

kgerm317

I am a single mother to twin almost 7 year old boys. I don't have a clue what it's like going from one child to two (because I only had one baby for 18 minutes and I was kinda busy giving birth to #2!) HOWEVER, I can't imagine my life growing up without my younger brother. He's 3 years younger than me, and neither of us has ever felt that our parents loved one more than the other. Do they love us differently? Absolutely. But that's the beauty isn't it?

Also, as a mom to two, I can't imagine life with only one! They have a best friend, always. At 22 months, your son is still plenty young to adapt to a major change like a baby brother or sister. He's also old enough to understand most of what you tell him. If you decide for baby #2, you have 9 months to communicate with him about what's going to happen.

It sounds like you have a pretty good schedule in place now. And schedule is definitely key to success with babies and kids! Sure, in the beginning, you will need to give the baby plenty of attention. But there will be time (babies sleep a lot) to get in some quality time with your son. And if he's anything like my boys, he'll be eager to help with little tasks (and he'll eat up every second of praise that you want to give him!)

Ultimately, only YOU and your husband can decide what's best for you. I wish you the very best of luck in whichever decision you make!

Mama_Jag

Be sure to think long term. Having two kids that were 2 and 3 and even 9 and 10 was not too tough. Two teenagers is very different than that. Not bad, just different.

pawnstarNate

I only have one but I've heard going from 1-2 is easy, it's going from 2-3 that's hard.

I went from none to 3 within 3 years. Two step kids and my little girl. I've always been a risk taker though!

RozayJones

I have two boys 9 & 7 and two step-daughters 9 & 7. For the longest time it was always just me and my boys. They love each other, though this morning they faught over the last cracker with peanut butter - they walked out of the house laughing at each other. If it wasn't for this I would be a mess! After 4 years of being just us I met my now husband and our family became blended. Talk about adjusting - BUT I was the only one that had to adjust, now doing laundry for 4 kids and why in the world are girls so bossy lol
We got lucky as they love each other but they still fight. I think my life would be boring without all of the craziness of them all. When school starts up we have two different schools & schedules, 3 different sports teams at a time. 4 birthday's not to mention other holidays - oh and buying a bigger car. I wouldn't trade it for the world! They have a life long best friend - imagine your life without your sibling(s) - Sounds like you would do just fine! :flowerforyou:

We are now thinking of having a child together - we go back and forth because we worry how it will work. Truth is we will make it work. I think I would regret not having another child in the future - I cannot see regretting having a child.

simplycorey

I had my first 4 in under 5 years and then my 5th came along 10.5 years after the 4th. I like the closer age gaps and think they have a lot in common growing up, you get everything done all at once so you can get rid of all your baby stuff, etc at the same time, get through diapers all at once, etc. Honestly, they're all different and you can't predict how things are going to go. However, one thing will be the same. You will never be able to imagine life without that child once they're there. You don't focus on how to do it but you just do what you need to do and enjoy them even through the challenging days. They grow up way too fast.

TheBackStory

I only have one but I've heard going from 1-2 is easy, it's going from 2-3 that's hard.

I went from none to 3 within 3 years. Two step kids and my little girl. I've always been a risk taker though!

So did my husband!!! - well one stepchild and two together....

rbear713

Okay, and I'm adding this:
When you have more than one child, you aren't dividing your love in two. :-D

Ok, THIS one for me. Im a dad, not a mom, but we both work, and as it so happens, Im the more domestic of the two of us.
Were both 41, and our son is 9, our daughter 6 - pretty close to where you might be, just further down the road a bit right?

The quote above is 100% accurate, so no worries there, and IMO, having more than one is EXPONENTIALLY MORE WONDERFUL - gives them someone to play with, someone to take it out on, someone to look after, someone to blame it on, someone to argue with, someone to teach, someone to learn from, someone to talk to, someone to LOVE besides YOU. And you get to watch it all, and do your best to steer them in the right direction...

No doubt its more work, but when theyre your children, is it really work at all???

DONT TRY IT. DO IT!!

gobonas99

I'm not a mom, but I do have a sister...so while I can't speak to how much harder 2 kids is over 1, I can give you my experience with age differences

My sister is a little over 4 years younger than me. I *HATED* her (and she me), from the day she was born until the day I left for college. We fought like crazy. But then once I left for college, we realized we missed each other...and over the next few years, we grew closer. I am happy to say that we have been best friends since I was 24 or 25 (about 12 years now).

Is my experience typical of a larger age difference? I can't say for sure, but in my anecdotal evidence based on my friends and cousins and their relationships with their siblings, I have settled on the following: 3 year or less gap = normally very close (especially sibs of the same sex), 3-6 year gap = normally fight a LOT and may or may not get closer later in life, 6-12 year gap = normally close and the elder liked helping out with the baby, 12 year or more gap = could be close or not, but you essentially have 2 "onlys".

Or you could just go crazy and be like my cousin who has 4 under 5 years old (4.5, 3, 2 and a newborn). :laugh:

Shayley20

I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. The only "hard" part of having 2 is just the fact that my daughter is going through the terrible twos. If she wasnt going through that, it would be much easier. Im in the same position as you. My husband is military.. we moved away from home a year ago and I have had no help (other than my hubby and occasionally a neighbor). It depends on each individual, but IMO its not necessarily any harder to have 2 vs. 1.... your just a little bit busier. Its all about a schedule. Babies are fun.. go for it!

BusyRaeNOTBusty

My second child was the debil and her sister was a perfect baby (seriously slept through the night at 8 weeks, slept until 10am most days), so it was VERY hard (plus they are only 21 months apart). The oldest didn't seem to notice or be effected by the decrease in attention. Going from 2 to 3 was easy. We were pros at that point (and he wasn't so evil as #2).

But really, I love having multiple children. They play with each other, take care of each other. It's just super fun.

A 2 year gap is hard because the older one is still really a baby (still in diapers, and still in a crib), but they are great friends. I have a sister who is 3 years older than me and a brother is is 2.5 years younger, I was closer to the brother, but my sister was a weird kid. I'm sure a 3 year gap would work too.

BinaryPulsar

Going from one child to two will have no negative impact on your first child what-so-ever. That is a worry that you can put aside. It will only be good for your child. "Only" children do not feel more loved by their parents. All children feel more loved when they are loved unconditionally (not something all children or possibly even most children get), and when the parents have their own lives and do not place too much importance, expectations, pressure on the child(ren) to fulfill their lives in any way. Also, I am a twin and it was a huge benefit to my life to have a sibling. I also had an aunt that was just five years older than me. It is a good thing to have a family member that is a peer.

Everyone needs to decide for themselves what they want and can handle in life, and there are many factors that go into that. It's no other person's right to tell you they want you to have more children (even if your own child is saying it). Some people choose that one child is all they want for many many reasons. For me, I am happy to have two children, but I am absolutely not going to have any more (for many reasons)!! No matter what anyone says (even my youngest child asking me to have another one). Bringing a whole other person into the world is a big thing to do and should not be done lightly.

Being pregnant was a bit of a challenge because I have vomiting the whole nine months, and in my last two months of pregnancy I was ambulanced to the hospital with a medical emergency that was traumatic for my older child (but only at the time, she has fully recovered), and had to be hospitalized for a week and then on bed rest and my child had to be careful with me. But, we all recovered and I even gave birth at home and my older child was there at the moment of birth (she was asleep and woke up just in time). She cherishes this memory. In the end, even the challenges turned out to be positive growth experiences. Sometimes challenges are good. And it was also good for me to realize that while it is good to be loving and giving, I do not have to give so much at the expense of even my own health. Good I learned that early on when having my second baby.

Initially it is more challenging to go from one to two (I also have no help, support, family). With one, you are always either with one child alone, together as a family, or the child is asleep or occupied and you have time with your partner. With two, it seems you are always with a child or two. So it`s always you alone with two, you with one, husband with the other, or the two of you with the children, or you are alone and husband is with the two. There is less down time with your partner, alone together. But, it`s not that much more difficult to be caring for two children during the day. It`s actually kind of nice to have a toddler and a baby, those are some of my most happiest memories. The baby sleeps a lot. I spent a lot of quality time reading with my toddler and going out for adventures with my baby in a sling.

And when the kids get older, while sure you are caring for two human beings instead of one, they also occupy each other, play together, etc. It is so wonderfully happy for me to see the close relationship that my daughters have. It is so incredibly wonderful. And it is so good for socialization. I am glad that my children have that. As wonderful as it is to have well attached babies and toddlers, separation from parents is an extremely important step that all children are slowly growing towards and eventually will take.

And once both the kids are in school, you can schedule occasional day off dates to be alone with your husband during the school day. Those don't happen as often as we would like, but we are very happy when we can do that.

Sandia_Sweetie

I have three children, 14,12 and 10.

When they were born, I was also a SAHM with little help, and I thought going from one to two was a breeze! (2 to 3 was rough)

It is chaotic at times, and yes they fight sometimes, and yes we are outnumbered; but I love that my daughters are close in age, and they will have each other when their dad and I are gone. Their relationship with one another is an amazing thing!

But if you ask my daughters, they would probably say they would rather be only children!

bethanytowell

Its funny, I was just telling an expecting friend that when i was expecting my second daughter, everyone said that 2 is no different than 1. I can now see how that was some evil joke they were playing! lol. I actually think it would be easier if there were some amount of age between them. Mne are 2 years apart and while its nice that they enjoy most of the same things, being so close in age means they FIGHT over everything under the sun. Its flat out exhausting. I would love to have more but knowing what i know now, it would suit my personal situation best if they were about 5 yrs apart.

RunThinLift2Tone

Okay, and I'm adding this:
When you have more than one child, you aren't dividing your love in two. :-D

Ok, THIS one for me. Im a dad, not a mom, but we both work, and as it so happens, Im the more domestic of the two of us.
Were both 41, and our son is 9, our daughter 6 - pretty close to where you might be, just further down the road a bit right?

The quote above is 100% accurate, so no worries there, and IMO, having more than one is EXPONENTIALLY MORE WONDERFUL - gives them someone to play with, someone to take it out on, someone to look after, someone to blame it on, someone to argue with, someone to teach, someone to learn from, someone to talk to, someone to LOVE besides YOU. And you get to watch it all, and do your best to steer them in the right direction...

No doubt its more work, but when theyre your children, is it really work at all???

DONT TRY IT. DO IT!!

Love this!^^ 100% agree

ladymiseryali

If you're 100% financially and emotionally ready to take on a second little thing-a-majig, then go for it.

Dunkirk

Regarding dividing your love in two, love doesn't divide, it multiplies!

The work load gets higher with each subsequent child. Going from one to 2 was the biggest adjustment, compared to 3rd, 4th and 5th child. From 3rd child it gets easier, as they interact more with each other, rather than just mum. You set the 'culture' of your family with the first two, subsequent children mimic the first two, so training is easier.

I found it interesting when I had other children visitors, how those from larger families coped differently from single child families, regarding peer interaction and squabbles. I observed what would be a 'shrug it off and get on with life' incident to a child with siblings, could be an earth shattering event to a single child.

I was a stay at home mum, my husband and I have 5 children, the youngest is now 19. My husband and my view was and is, you breed them, you feed them. We could afford a lot of children, 3 are university educated, the other two are in trade, doing work they love.

Timshel_

It is harder, if that is the question. While some aspects are less stressful because you know more about raising a child, you STILL have to do it all again.

cathymarie75

It keeps you busy that's for sure but wouldn't trade it for anything. I have a 4 and half year old and 22 month old both boys
They are very active but love watching them when they play you can really see how they live each other even after they fight ... Lol

The best thing I gave my oldest was a bother !

cathymarie75

Meant love each other .... Auto correct ... Lol