Why do people insist on giving (bad) advice?
Replies
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Even bad advice can be useful, if it requires you to think through why it's bad advice.0
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Ah, nevermind.Well let me just say this. In my country we used to go around and if we needed to know anything we just asked people for advice.
Then somewhere between the seventies and the eighties some bright sparks appeared who started saying that giving advice was wrong. In fact in the end people were victimised for giving the wrong advice. You would think that this was good - but no it was not. Companies were hounded out and prosecuted for giving the wrong advice they said.
Then people appeared who said that you could not acll a ballcock a ballcock. So what was good for our parents, who brought us into the world and stood up and fought in the war - was not good enough for these people. No - they had to change the world by pointing their fingers at the least thing and declaring it wrong. Meanwhile we went form a first class power to a nobody - our toilets are stinking or non existent. Councils are allowed to turf sick people out of their homes and our pensions are not worth the money that they were printed on. It is simply a total lack of social responsibility where we disrespect our elders. You would not like to live in our country.
So I say listen to all the advice that you can - some of the advice is sound because it opens our eyes to all of the crappy things that are going on - all of the shilly things they are putting into our food because there is no monitoring going on anymore.
We are descending into the slough of despond and we can only save ourselves and our loved ones - and the first thing to do is to start caring for people. People are just lost in the absence of good advice and shackled to a silent government with no strength or leadership to guide us with our nutrition and how to preserve our health. So they believe that they are right but in most cases they just do not know what real food is anymore and just eat the junk that is peddled.
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"thanks. I'll take it into consideration." Or not really but whatever.0
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I am very proud of my weight loss and I do talk about it with people. I tell people I watch my caloric intake as well as my macronutrients. This will work 99% of the time. I think because some people don' t understand macronutrients. This comment either keeps them quiet or asking more questions. I love questions and sharing what has worked for me. Good Luck!0
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Well let me just say this. In my country we used to go around and if we needed to know anything we just asked people for advice.
Then somewhere between the seventies and the eighties some bright sparks appeared who started saying that giving advice was wrong. In fact in the end people were victimised for giving the wrong advice. You would think that this was good - but no it was not. Companies were hounded out and prosecuted for giving the wrong advice they said.
Then people appeared who said that you could not acll a ballcock a ballcock. So what was good for our parents, who brought us into the world and stood up and fought in the war - was not good enough for these people. No - they had to change the world by pointing their fingers at the least thing and declaring it wrong. Meanwhile we went form a first class power to a nobody - our toilets are stinking or non existent. Councils are allowed to turf sick people out of their homes and our pensions are not worth the money that they were printed on. It is simply a total lack of social responsibility where we disrespect our elders. You would not like to live in our country.
So I say listen to all the advice that you can - some of the advice is sound because it opens our eyes to all of the crappy things that are going on - all of the shilly things they are putting into our food because there is no monitoring going on anymore.
We are descending into the slough of despond and we can only save ourselves and our loved ones - and the first thing to do is to start caring for people. People are just lost in the absence of good advice and shackled to a silent government with no strength or leadership to guide us with our nutrition and how to preserve our health. So they believe that they are right but in most cases they just do not know what real food is anymore and just eat the junk that is peddled.
da hell did I just read?0 -
I dunno either. :laugh: But "slough of despond" made me think of the Dead Marshes. I must be due to read or watch The Lord of the Rings again..da hell did I just read?0 -
I stopped halfway through. Too confused to continue.0
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I just posted the following in another thread at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1124994-what-does-your-family-say-when-you-lose-weight earlier today but it seems to fit here too so I thought I would share (most applicable bit in bold)...
I get virtually no encouragement from family. Sometimes they will get mad at me if I don't eat the same thing as them, sometimes they will try to shove food I don't want not just onto my plate but in my face, and sometimes they insist that what I am doing is completely wrong.
All of the people included in that "they" are either obese or very overweight themselves, and some extremely offended by that fact (when told by their doctor, not me).
They don't want to change their habits so seeing me (or maybe you in your family) changing habits makes them feel bad.
They also think they know what is healthy and want me (or maybe you in your family) to support their completely unfounded sense of intellectual superiority.
I think a lot of people believe they are much better and smarter than everyone else around them and if they see someone else making improvements that they aren't making and following advice other than theirs' it hurts their egos and so they subconsciously act out either with backhanded compliments, outright insults, sabotage, or even just a passive aggressive lack of support.
I posted a somewhat related topic you might find many of the responses to it very helpful: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1110715-they-just-don-t-get-it-what-do-you-tell-them0 -
Another part of this really boils down to personal responsibility. When you tell someone that all you've done is to watch your calories and made sure to exercise more, they don't want to think it could be that simple. If it were that simple, then they no longer have their excuses to hide behind that something other than what they ate and their activity level led to their current weight. I know I was like that for a long, long time. It wasn't until I accepted that my decisions had led me to this place that I was able to start making changes.
The theory of doing it the right way is VERY simple - eat less, move more & you'll lose weight. The problem is that to those getting started the practice of it is NOT so simple, at least before there were tools like MFP. Those here, that are willing to make the necessary changes, understand that it is a long term project - we didn't get this way in a month & we aren't going to get back to where we want to be in a month. People are willing to jump on the fad bandwagons because they are being promised big results in a short time with little to no effort. Many of them have yet to realize that they need to make behavioral changes, that it isn't about eating a particular way and/or exercising for a short time & then you can go back to what you were doing before. They want to look good in that bathing suit by summer or lose all that extra weight by the class reunion in a month & they have a choice between the way (albeit very simple in theory) that will take a long time, perseverance & will power & the way that they are being told will be a miracle for them. Unfortunately, they usually choose the miracle........0 -
It's kind of strange, because folks don't usually like just having to offer a compliment when a subject comes up, if that makes sense. They want a subject, lol.
So you say (or your mom does or whatever) 'I've lost a bunch of weight!'. Well, great. Seriously, that's awesome. But folks want to have a personal stake in the conversation. They don't just want to talk about you, lol. It's silly, but there you go.
You brought up a juicy TOPIC by talking about losing weight
They have all these opinions they've pondered and want to share. So you get to hear them sharing (like it or not).
Try having a bad back. Oy. People start it by asking why you can't this or that, so you have to say you have a bad back. But then the floodgates are open, ROFL. I actually had a professor who made me come after class to discuss how I was getting on in the back exercises he assigned for me. **Not kidding**0 -
Another part of this really boils down to personal responsibility. When you tell someone that all you've done is to watch your calories and made sure to exercise more, they don't want to think it could be that simple. If it were that simple, then they no longer have their excuses to hide behind that something other than what they ate and their activity level led to their current weight. I know I was like that for a long, long time. It wasn't until I accepted that my decisions had led me to this place that I was able to start making changes.
Yup! Many people want to believe that it isn't their fault. They can't _____ because of ______ that they have no control over. It's a lie they tell themselves to feel better about their bad habits and bad choices.0 -
Well let me just say this. In my country we used to go around and if we needed to know anything we just asked people for advice.
Then somewhere between the seventies and the eighties some bright sparks appeared who started saying that giving advice was wrong. In fact in the end people were victimised for giving the wrong advice. You would think that this was good - but no it was not. Companies were hounded out and prosecuted for giving the wrong advice they said.
Then people appeared who said that you could not acll a ballcock a ballcock. So what was good for our parents, who brought us into the world and stood up and fought in the war - was not good enough for these people. No - they had to change the world by pointing their fingers at the least thing and declaring it wrong. Meanwhile we went form a first class power to a nobody - our toilets are stinking or non existent. Councils are allowed to turf sick people out of their homes and our pensions are not worth the money that they were printed on. It is simply a total lack of social responsibility where we disrespect our elders. You would not like to live in our country.
So I say listen to all the advice that you can - some of the advice is sound because it opens our eyes to all of the crappy things that are going on - all of the shilly things they are putting into our food because there is no monitoring going on anymore.
We are descending into the slough of despond and we can only save ourselves and our loved ones - and the first thing to do is to start caring for people. People are just lost in the absence of good advice and shackled to a silent government with no strength or leadership to guide us with our nutrition and how to preserve our health. So they believe that they are right but in most cases they just do not know what real food is anymore and just eat the junk that is peddled.
But who was Carbs?0 -
When I was at about the 70lb mark of my weight loss, my coworker saw me eating chips and proceeded to tell me that they were a bad choice. I said, do you really think for the past 8 months I haven't eaten chips or cupcakes or cheeseburgers? This is the same guy who told me I should be taking green tea pills to lose weight. I thanked him for his concern but assured him that "I got this". I think one of the things that is very annoying about unsolicited advice is that it can come across as rude and condescending.0
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I take only helpful advice and ignore the rest. I have few of my friends talk all the time how we are not supposed to eat any carbs post 4 PM and also strength training = ripped woman(alas!). When they argue about such stuff, i say i believe its wrong(also state the scientific reason, which leaves them speechless sometimes), but they still insist that it is right(no logic whatsoever) , i just say do what works for "YOU" and change the topic.0
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Many people believe things that aren't true and refuse to stop even when shown that they aren't true. Health and weight loss are right up there with plenty of myths and misinformation. Even doctors keep giving old advice about avoiding fat and cholesterol believing in a link to heart disease that's since been debunked in most studies. Updated information increasingly changes much faster than people's beliefs and attitudes.
Just thank people for sharing their advice and say you'll look into it. Then keep doing what works best for you.0 -
thank you for this post0
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They love to do that and the more you lose the worse it gets. I'd lost 65lbs, before the pregnancy, and got so much "great" advice. I blow it off 99% of the time not only do I have the education but I have the experience, so I dont need any advice really.0
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https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/strawmandifferent things work for different people......
Oh, really? So not everyone is subject to the laws of thermodynamics and calories in/calories out? :huh: What an interesting world you must live in. *slowly back away*
strawman
You misrepresented someone's argument to make it easier to attack.
By exaggerating, misrepresenting, or just completely fabricating someone's argument, it's much easier to present your own position as being reasonable, but this kind of dishonesty serves to undermine honest rational debate.
Example: After Will said that we should put more money into health and education, Warren responded by saying that he was surprised that Will hates our country so much that he wants to leave it defenceless by cutting military spending.0 -
Join the club on that one. :grumble: I've lost 123lbs in about 15 months and a week doesn't go by without someone insinuating that I'm doing it wrong and suggesting something they've read about on Facebook or seen on Dr. Oz. It goes like this generally:I've lost 50 pounds since I started my weight loss plan. I pretty much just eat what I want and count calories, although I do try to avoid processed foods and artificial stuff as much as possible. I feel like the fact that I am losing steadily, feel good and am rarely hungry says I am doing things the right way, at least for me. So, why then, does everyone who sees or hears that I have lost weight insist on giving me advice? I'm already losing the weight, I don't need their ill-informed advice!
I've gotten where I really don't tell anyone what I am doing, but my mom insists on telling everyone and their grandmother.
When I told my aunt I just count calories she said "well, they say it's not about calories, it's about fat." No, no one says that, not since like 1962.
If I post on facebook that I have lost weight a bunch of people ask how and when I say that I just count calories a bunch of other people chime in to inform me that I should be cutting carbs.
It's like I can't just say "hey, I lost 10 more pounds since xxx" and have people tell me "great job" or whatever. Everyone insists on telling me the "right" way to do it.
Random acquaintance/customer/half assed friend/family member says: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!"
Me: "Why yes, I have. Just eating at a calorie defict and exercising, nothing fancy."
Random Person: "But you cut carbs/fat/processed/gluten/chocolate/junk food, right? You eat clean/paleo/primal right?"
Me. "No. I eat ice cream everyday."
Random Person. *looking annoyed now* "Well, that's not possible. You should try cutting carbs/fat/protein/salt/processed/gmo's/gluten/sugar/aspartame.... and buy raspberry ketones/garcinawhateveryoucallit/shakeology/visalus/eat clean etc.... because what you're doing CLEARLY doesn't work."
:laugh:
:laugh: sounds so familiar!0 -
I recently ran into a casual acquaintance in the grocery store.
Her: Wow, you've lost a lot of weight.
Me: Thanks.
Her (as she eyed my shopping cart and pointed): You aren't going to eat that or that are you?
Me: Yep.
Her: You know you should be eating "clean". It's the only way to lose weight.
Me: Interesting. Gotta run.
This is why I don't discuss my diet with ANYONE or have my diary open. Why give people a chance to be jerks or give you their opinion on why you're doing it wrong? One size fits all does not work in clothing or diets.0 -
I'm part of an online weight loss challenge with people in my area. Some of them have received complicated (and downright gross) mealplans from a personal trainer and the misinformation is staggaring. I just keep my head down and keep losing 1lb/week while these poor ladies are cooking seperate meals for their families and probably eating 1200 calories and droppping 2-3lbs/week. I wonder how they'll do when the 12 weeks is over lol0
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I'm part of an online weight loss challenge with people in my area. Some of them have received complicated (and downright gross) mealplans from a personal trainer and the misinformation is staggaring. I just keep my head down and keep losing 1lb/week while these poor ladies are cooking seperate meals for their families and probably eating 1200 calories and droppping 2-3lbs/week. I wonder how they'll do when the 12 weeks is over lol
Me too!! I am all types of last place in my challenge.. oh well. *eats ice cream*0 -
QUOTE:
QUOTE:
different things work for different people......
Oh, really? So not everyone is subject to the laws of thermodynamics and calories in/calories out? huh What an interesting world you must live in. *slowly back away*
No its the law of cake dynamics...
cake in...and more cake in....
then bull**** comes out...
I love cake
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Congrats on losing the weight! I also lost weight by just simply counting calories, and I think it's effective for a lot of people. I fell of the 'losing weight' wagon when I started reading a whole bunch of stuff on the science of it all, and honestly, it just confused me and I felt discourage I didn't meet those standards and binged.
Some people may mean well, but there are those folks who feel the need to 1 up others when they accomplish something!
Just stay positive and do whatever works for you!0 -
This is why I stopped telling people I'm losing weight. I get the "How did you do it?" followed by the "Oh, don't you think this *insert obnoxious theory/diet product here* would work better?" No. It's working for me so far, bugger off.0
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Yep. I have a close friend who keeps doing these fad things. A few months ago, she was on a Soup Diet and proclaimed that the soups that were in the plan were all delicious and it was a very easy diet to stick with and she loved it. I think she lost 2 pounds and gained it right back. Now she's doing some sort of plan for 3 weeks that gives you a specific amount of carbs to each on each day with one day being a stuff-your-face day. She loves it, she's very proud of herself. Yet each and every day, she's made comments about "I'm not allowed to eat that" or "I'm going off my diet right now so I can eat this, and I'll start again tomorrow." She's lost nothing. Meanwhile, I've been doing this for a year and am happily counting calories and balancing my macros much better and eating foods I love and losing slowly but surely. Yet she brags that she knows the One True Way to lose weight and sort of rolls her eyes at me. I am honestly baffled by it.
I know someone doing something similar to this for quick weight loss. She's always complaining about how hungry she is, and how she can't eat this or that. She looks and sounds so miserable0 -
I know what you mean. My brother-in-law always has to make a comment about how I'm eating when we're at a family dinner. Completely unsolicited, he'll say "how can you lose weight eating like that??" He may be getting the wrong impression, bc at family dinners I tend to budget my day so that I can allow for more calories at dinner. It's not a regular thing. But I feel like turning to him and saying "49 lbs down says it's working, so please mind your own business." Instead I end up trying to defend myself, "I don't do this everyday!" *sigh* If there's one thing that everyone has an opinion on, it's weight loss. Whether you're successful or not, people want to give you their opinion. The fact that I am losing weight steadily and I'm doing so in a healthy way means nothing to him, if I'm not doing it exactly the way he thinks I should.0
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First - great job OP!
Second - Dunning-Kruger effect.
From Wiki:The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes.[1]0 -
Before I started losing weight I wouldn't discuss weight loss habits/techniques or people's weight loss. I still don't. I feel it's a common courtesy and I don't want to impose on them/be imposed on. Better just to avoid opening myself up to comments.0
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I'm part of an online weight loss challenge with people in my area. Some of them have received complicated (and downright gross) mealplans from a personal trainer and the misinformation is staggaring. I just keep my head down and keep losing 1lb/week while these poor ladies are cooking seperate meals for their families and probably eating 1200 calories and droppping 2-3lbs/week. I wonder how they'll do when the 12 weeks is over lol
Me too!! I am all types of last place in my challenge.. oh well. *eats ice cream*
I'm in last place too hahahah. Whatever, I'll still be losing long after the 12 weeks have gone by. Slow and steady.0
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