Why do people say that?

snowangel1975

Hello MFP friends and family!

Yesterday I was up at our local college. I was talking to one of the instructors about my weight loss (31lbs), and I told her I still had 45 lbs to go before I'm at my goal weight of 130lbs.

She looked at me and said you don't look that big, and if I was to lose any more weight I would look like a stick.
I'm currently 174lbs, and a lot of people have told me I don't need to lose anymore weight. I'm only 5'4" and I totally have a pear shape going. I'm starting to find it annoying. I have a goal and it seems people don't see my weight as much of an issue as I do.

Are they just saying that to be polite?
Are they saying it because they really think I don't need to lose anymore weight?

Why do people say that?

aehenson

I sometimes think our successes make other people feel guilty for doing nothing.

ashleyp35

Who cares what people say. People have told me the same thing, even after losing only 10lbs. I know what my goals are and where I want to be. Do what makes you feel happy.

EmilyAnn89

people say the same thing to me. i'm 5'2 currently 126 lbs, and before i had kids, i looked good at that weight. now that i have 2 kids and my stomach's been stretched to the size of a watermelon, i don't look the same at that weight! the way i feel is, you have to be happy for yourself. most people say it to be polite IMO, but what they don't know is that it isn't always the best thing to say to someone trying to lose weight. i like when people say "good for you, i hope you reach your goal!" because it gives me more motivation to keep going. so you do what you want to do, for yourself! don't listen to what other people say!

thirtyby40

I get that a lot. Sometimes I know it is people who are threatened by my success because they are struggling themselves, then there are people like my mom who worries I will develop an eating disorder, then there are the people who think that is what they should say because really are they going to say... "yeah I thought you could stand to lose some more" after they just congratulated you on your success.
Take everything with a grain of salt. You and your body know your ideal weight and you don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

JessiJean

I agree that they feel guilty or jealous. I try NOT to talk about my weight loss or my goals with people to avoid this very situation. Some of my co-workers comment on my weight loss "you're loosing so much" or the occasional "your gonna break if you loose any more" and I just say "I really haven't lost that much" or I tell them that "I am pre-diabetic and have borderline cholesterol, so I am doing my best" and I try not to go into details, unless of course they are like-minded and supportive of my exercise endeavors! Good luck!

MassiveDelta

I don't get this until I tell people how much more I have to lose. I think its a disconnect between how much you have lost already how they visibly see you now and then some skewed mental picture that they see of you when their brain tries to figure out how much 40 more lbs (for me) is going to look like.

I also think that So many people around us are obese and even overweight that people don't really know what a healthy weight looks like. They have become so accustomed to seeing fat overweight people that when they hear your final goal weight it is a shock because their mental image of what you should look like does not at all match what you just told them.

Nina74

I have found people really don't have a concept of what 125, 150, 175, 200, etc lbs looks like, because it looks different on each person's body.

Keep going and do what you want to do. I'm sure if you are getting stickly, you will stop yourself.

Great work on the 30+ lost!

cobygrey

I just had an argument with mom for the very SAME thing. You have do what is healthiest and satisfying to you. Good Luck and Keep on Keeping ON!

Raina0512

I sometimes think our successes make other people feel guilty for doing nothing.

AGREE!! :happy:

LittleSpy

I think it's a combo of being polite, being guilty, and having a skewed image of what a "healthy weight" is. I know when I think of someone who is "thin," they're really just a healthy weight. And when I think of someone as "average," they're overweight, probably bordering on obese.

I've heard the same things lately and I'm your height and weigh 17 pounds more than you (I have the birthin' hips going for me as well). If I tell someone how much more weight I want to lose (at a minimum - 40 pounds), their jaws drop open like I'm nuts. But the reality is I can probably easily lose 40 more -- or even 60 more -- and be healthy.

MissingMinnesota

I have been getting the "If you loose any more you will be able hula hoop a cheerio." I am a size 14 190lbs and I just got out of being obesse into overweight bmi so I still have a 50 lbs and atleast 10% body fat to loose before I am even thought of as a healthy weight. I currently live in the south where the obesity rates are sky high so maybe next to a lot of the people I work with I look healthy but it is not the case. I have just got to the point were I say thank you and move on. I only go into it if someone asks what I am doing to lose the weight. Then I shock them by saying "eating right and exercising." They are thinking I would be on some fad diet they wanted to follow not the actual hard work that I am putting into it.

tracyts

I have found people really don't have a concept of what 125, 150, 175, 200, etc lbs looks like, because it looks different on each person's body.

^^^in total agreement with this. I don't know if you shared what your goal weight was, giving context of your starting weight or only gave the number of pounds you want to lose. Even at my heaviest, friends and family were amazed at the number because I carried it "well." :ohwell:
Congrats on your loss and GL for continued progress!

candican

I agree that they feel guilty or jealous. I try NOT to talk about my weight loss or my goals with people to avoid this very situation. Some of my co-workers comment on my weight loss "you're loosing so much" or the occasional "your gonna break if you loose any more" and I just say "I really haven't lost that much" or I tell them that "I am pre-diabetic and have borderline cholesterol, so I am doing my best" and I try not to go into details, unless of course they are like-minded and supportive of my exercise endeavors! Good luck!

Totally agree. When you say you lose 30lbs and you look totally different, if you say you're going for another 30lbs they think you've lost your mind and you will look anorexic. I think it has a lot to do with perception and also some people who are just trying to be polite.

thedreamhazer

It's so reassuring to see that other people have this issue too, and to know that if I come on here people will be encouraging and not tell me that I'm going to be anorexic just because I'm shooting for a BMI of 22, which is still 23 lbs. away.

Before I started to lose weight, people would always say, 'You look great, I'd never know you weighed that much!' or 'It's all in your boobs!' Yes, I am large-chested, but I KNOW that I'm not just carrying 40 extra pounds in my chest! And just because I 'look good' because I distribute fat evenly doesn't mean that I'm healthy.

This is why I love MFP -- people here are great and encouraging, even when we might not get all that we want from the people around us in our lives.

trekkiebeth

I could understand how it might be guilt or jealousy when it comes from other girls. What I don't get is when guys tell me that I don't need to lose any weight. They go on and on about how perfect stick-thin girls on TV are and they call anyone on TV fat if they weigh more than 120 pounds, and then they go and tell me I don't need to lose weight? The only explanation that I can think of is that they just don't care what I look like. I just have to make my own goals for myself.

aippolito1

They say it because we can't assess just with a naked eye how much a certain amount of weight looks on any one person. It's like when you gain weight and finally weigh and you think "Wow, I didn't think I was that much!" because everyone's fat is distributed different ways. 10 lbs on my guy looks a lot different than 10 lbs on me. 10 lbs on me is EVERYWHERE. For him, it's a tiny belly. Remove that and he looks instantly slimmer. From me... well, I still have 20 to go anyway... but really, just looking at him, I guessed he'd gained 5 lbs, not 10. It's just how we perceive certain things.

sbilyeu75

You are the same as me, with stats and everything. I focus on more strength training so I look at the scale, but it doesn't hold the value it once did for me.

raymj61

Regardless of why people say that, whether they're being sincere or not, my advice would be to stop losing when YOU want to. You'll know better than anyone else when you feel good about yourself.

candican

Weird, I meant to quote mcope. lol

TateFTW

I get that too! I don't know what the deal is. I lost about 100 lbs. 5 years ago (310 down to 210), and people were concerned when I told them I wanted to be below 200 lbs. I think people have a certain concept in their mind of the other people they know, and if it changes to much they get unconfortable with it regardless of whether it's a positive or negative change. I'm sure it's subconcious. People knew me as being fat, so when I wasn't fat anymore all of a sudden it was "don't lose TOO much weight!" I'd say "Are you crazy? I still have a belly." Right now I'm still trying to get to 200. It's been a magical number for me for a long, long time. But I could be around 180 and still be quite healthy.

My wife has similiar issues. She is only 5', and weighed under 115 all through high school. Now she's over 120, and people think she's nuts when she says she wants to lose weight. 5-10 lbs. is a LOT to gain or lose for someone that small. Sure, she could stay 120, but next thing you know it would be 125, then 135 and so on. It's all about a healthy lifestyle with good habits that can last a lifetime, and heading off small bad habits before they turn into big ones.

MassiveDelta

Weird, I meant to quote mcope. lol

thanks! I really do think alot of it has to do with what our brain has been trained to see as normal. Meaning...What we see everyday on the normal people (not advertising) is what we begin to see as normal and acceptable. So when we see someone that is actually healthy normal weight we see them (with our minds eye) as ultra skinny or even unhealthy.

We all need to retrain our brains some more than others. I know I still have screwed up weird pictures of myself in my head its just going to take some time for me to retrain my brain.

LittleSpy

I could understand how it might be guilt or jealousy when it comes from other girls. What I don't get is when guys tell me that I don't need to lose any weight. They go on and on about how perfect stick-thin girls on TV are and they call anyone on TV fat if they weigh more than 120 pounds, and then they go and tell me I don't need to lose weight? The only explanation that I can think of is that they just don't care what I look like. I just have to make my own goals for myself.

I tend to believe it's a bit of a primal evolutionary trait to want to mate with a woman who has a little "meat on her bones" (ie -- has extra weight on her to carry and produce a healthy child even in those possible periods of famine). But the optimal mate also needs to be physically fit and healthy.

Danielle_81

I get this too, I have gone so far as to get on the scale for people when they don't believe me when I tell them my weight. You could always become friends with models :laugh: or a modeling agent! They would support you no problem and probably tell you you still have to lose weight when you get to your goal weight :bigsmile:

shintowa

There is another part that people don't seem to be talking about. People get used to seeing others at a certain weight, and the change seems jarring when someone gains or loses because they are not used to looking at the person at anything but the size they knew them before at.

Example, my friend, who I agree was overweight, lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, so when I saw him again, he looked completely different. Was he underweight? No, but that didn't stop my mind from thinking that he lost too much at first, until I could get used to the new look. I meant nothing by it, and logically I knew I was wrong, but emotionally I couldn't help what I thought.

It takes a while for people to get used to how another person looks. It is just how the human mind works. The commenters could mean absolutely nothing behind what they say, and they are perfectly correct to say it /from their point of view/. Just give it a little while, and they will be able to see you for what you look like now, not what you look like in their mind's eye.

msciccone1

THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS CAUSE I AM GETTING SO FREAKING TIRED OF THIS :explode: I am freaking 228 lbs. (have lost 55) and I say I want to get to 135 by next year and everyone, I mean everyone is telling me that I would look wayyyyyy too skinny. Everyone wants me to stay around 150 and some have said you just need to drop another 10 lbs. cause you look fine :noway: This is the face I put when they say this :grumble: I swear it is because they are like don't make me look bad. I am so freaking annoyed I feel like slapping them silly and saying 228 is not healthy!!! Sheesh!!! Just keep doing what you are doing and go to a weight and look YOU are happy with because after all we are doing this for our own happiness not everyone else's :drinker:

iDreamNEON

Honestly I find it more discouraging than annoying. I had two friends say similar things to me just yesterday. I'm 5'8" so a healthy weight range would be between roughly 121 and 165 according to MFP so I set an initial goal weight of 140. When I shared this with them they look shocked and disturbed. They seemed to generally agree that I shouldn't get smaller than 180 or I would have the dreaded "my head's too big for my body" look. Ever since then I've been second guessing the goal weight I set for myself. What's more because I've always been over weight and don't know what I'd look like at 140 I'm wondering if maybe they're right. I hate that they put that bug in my ear.........

SayRah

People say that to me too and I'm 30 - 35 lbs overweight. I carry it really well though, I definitely have a 'Beyonce'-like body (well....I think she carries her weight a lot better, lol). My hips are curvy and wide. I love them to death but they need to shrink, just a little!

Don't worry about it. It's your body. And you aren't losing weight in a frantic, 'Oh my god I can't see every single one of my ribs' kind of way, so just don't worry about it!!

ivyjbres

I think its due to a few things happening at once. Part of its because change is difficult, and other people don't like it (even if change is necessary) status quo makes people feel secure. Another part is the whole "obesity epidemic" or whatever you want to call it. We're getting used to seeing bigger people, and if you already dress with at least of little style, look presentable, we're getting more and more OK with weight and seeing it less and less as a problem. Another is I think is big butts being popular(?) now. I don't get it, 10 years ago size 8 was way too big, now I'm a size 14-16 and all my perv neighbors tell me they'd like it bigger. (?!?!?!!!!!?) Pear shaped has started to be almost idealized by some people, so you might here from them a lot (I do!) that you shouldn't loose any weight.

I just take it as a compliment, but I don't let myself get deluded about it. When people tell me I look good, I just silently remind myself that I do look good, for 200 lbs. And when they tell me I shouldn't loose any weight, I just assume they don't know what they're talking about!

MzBug

Another idea.... if you take off the weight you will be healthier and look better than they do. People are always comparing themselves to others and thinking "if he/she looks ok at XX lbs then I am better at XX-5 lbs". They are just trying to justify to themselves that it is ok to be overweight, even if it is just 5-10 lbs. When you lose weight you are changing the status quo and they will feel bad about themselves. So... they don't want you to lose that much weight and rock their boat. They would rather have you bigger and more unhealthy than they are to make them feel good about themself. They get to feel superior to you.

bzmom

You know what i just heard this a few weeks ago. I was at 175 and lost 16 lbs My goal is to get as near to 130 as I can. I actually think they say those things because their idea of loosing weight consists of your stomach shrinking and your face. They dont seem to put in perspective that its not only face and stomach but its bust, butt, thights, claves, arms. KWIM It dosent really bother me really cuz to me its like telling me I look goooooood so really I just take it as a compliment and move on and continue to try and reach my goal.