Why do people say that?

sublimechik28

What reaaaallly bugs me is when people ask "how did you do it?" uuuhhhhhh i ate good healthy food not crappy fatty food and i got my *kitten* off the couch and started moving, no magic pills or crazy fad bs diests!! geez its now rocket science seriously!! i'm 5"4" i used to weigh 195 and caried it well but i knew my weight and did something about it. i weigh 154 now and i wanna be at 145 if i can get lower great but ive never weighed less than that my entire adult life so i figure that number is doable. sooo you can weigh whatever you want and whats great is that you know how hard you worked to get there thats the best feeling it makes you want to never ever go back since you put so much into it!!

gnrshelton

I really think people that say that mean to them you look fine. Not meant as an insult. They don't know if your frame hold more weight than you show (that's my problem big bones) or if you are just above your weight for your height and frame. Don't let it bug you. You know where you want to be and that's all that matters. You have made great strides in your loss. Congrats on that. Keep right on doing what your doing.

xDeannaGarciax

I'm going to say what just about everyone else has said. Don't worry about them. Don't let it get you down, you must look great if people are saying that to you. But you know what is the right weight for you and where you feel comfortable. Use what they say as motivation, if you look that good now, imagine how you'll look when you've met your goal. Say you reach 140 or so and you feel good there, then you can stop, but that's your decision to make. Congrats on the weight lost already:flowerforyou: .

CGerman

I think sometimes it's just a point of reference thing; they know what you used to look like and what you currently look like - which is probably a pretty big change to them. They can't imagine you need to lose more because you're looking good. Maybe just put a different spin on it, and instead of being annoyed, feel flattered. You're obviously looking good (even if you're not at your goal weight), just imagine how hot you'll be when you're done

jheller

We had a fitness challenge at work and when I weighted in the person who kept the records was shocked that I weighed so much more then another woman doing it as well. For one thing I told her I'm 4 inches taller then her and I really think that people just can't estimate how much someone else weights. I'm a terrible judge of age and I know when I saw how much (or little) my co-workers weighed I was surprised as well.

I also think that while people don't consciously do it they say things like to sabatoge you. They are jealous that you're taking action and they aren't. And I'm guilty of the same thing myself with another co-worker who is tall and slim and fit. She wanted to lose 20lbs and I was incredulous!! From where are you going to lose it from I asked her. I didn't mean to be discouraging but thinking about it I probably was thinking "I'd be so flippin' happy to look like you why aren't you happy with yourself" How we view ourselves just isn't like how others do.

Behavior_Modification

Think about what the alternative would have been..."Oh, yeah, you'll look much better then..." C'mon, no one in their right mind is going to say that to you after you've already just told them that you're making a conscious effort to lose weight. I think people just don't know what to say sometimes. Weight loss talk can make people very uncomfortable and America doesn't have a proper "fat talk" etiquette. It is certainly very possible in her mind that she doesn't think you need to lose that much weight but then again she might be the kind of person that just can't tell what 30lbs looks like. When I was tipping the scales over 300 I never ever had one person guess I was more than 250 (even people who were 300lbs). People just don't know. Also, everyone carries their weight differently. I wouldn't give it much thought, it really doesn't matter how she perceives you, it is all about how you perceive yourself and how you will be happy with your body, so focus on that. :flowerforyou:

tater8589

Im at 142 and 5'7", tons of people tell me i don't need to lose any weight... but those people didn't know me 3 or more years ago when i was a size 5 and trying to get into the model world. I almost cried (not literally) when my pregnant friend took my old clothes to wear as she gained (i should mention she is only 4'8" and tiny). Also (and im not the only one) I have a small frame so even being tall i don't carry extra weight well. Ignore those other people (as long as your goals are healthy) and do what makes you happy.

Maggie1960

Honestly I find it more discouraging than annoying. I had two friends say similar things to me just yesterday. I'm 5'8" so a healthy weight range would be between roughly 121 and 165 according to MFP so I set an initial goal weight of 140. When I shared this with them they look shocked and disturbed. They seemed to generally agree that I shouldn't get smaller than 180 or I would have the dreaded "my head's too big for my body" look. Ever since then I've been second guessing the goal weight I set for myself. What's more because I've always been over weight and don't know what I'd look like at 140 I'm wondering if maybe they're right. I hate that they put that bug in my ear.........

I am 5'8" as well and I am just 2-3 pounds from my goal weight of 135. I just bought a pair of size 6 pants (wore sz 10 for years) and I was beside myself with excitement! I do not feel that my head is too big for my body - I feel that my love handles are too big for my body!!! I say to keep up the good work b/c you will look amazing before you know it!!

Another 5ft 8" lady here, currently weighing 200lbs:ohwell: and aiming for 130 - 140lbs - I daren't tell anyone at work what my goal is because I know I'll get people telling me I don't need to lose that much. But I have been 133lbs in the past and I looked absolutely fine, no lollipop head, no signs of ill-health. So I am keeping very quiet about my intentions because I am not letting ANYONE put me off. And I will do it, in a healthy way, and I agree with people that have said some of it is envy!

jennylynn84

What reaaaallly bugs me is when people ask "how did you do it?" uuuhhhhhh i ate good healthy food not crappy fatty food and i got my *kitten* off the couch and started moving, no magic pills or crazy fad bs diests!!

This happens to me and my husband all the time. People ask "how'd you do it?" We always tell them the same thing - tracking calories, working out, cutting out crap and not drinking as much.

EVERYONE looks seriously depressed at that response. Because they've seen such major changes in us over just the past 6-7 months, they seem to really, really hope I can offer them a pill or meal plan they can purchase. Finding out its good, old-fashioned eating healthy and exercising they're all "Oh, nevermind, then."

Geez.

highrise

This is the face I put when they say this :grumble:

LOL, me too!

Sara1978

I've been running into this a lot too. I'm short, and according to the BMI measure a healthy weight for me is between 105 and 140lbs. I started at close to 150lbs, and had people telling me that I shouldn't be dieting because I "wasn't heavy". Maybe I wasn't overweight to the point where I was seriously jeopardizing my health, but I was heavier than I wanted to be, my knee hurt, and my asthma was kicking my butt every time I tried to do something strenuous. I'm down to 127lbs now, I feel much better, but I'd still like to lose a few more pounds to get back to the hourglass shape I was when I was in college. Again, people keep saying that I shouldn't keep working on it and that I've lost enough. I'm aiming for 120lbs, which is a perfectly reasonable weight for someone my height and is pretty much right smack in the middle of the healthy BMI range.

I have a feeling that the "stop dieting!" comments are good-intentioned. There are so many television shows and articles in magazines about women with eating disorders that people may be hypersensitive to the idea of someone who isn't obviously obese trying to lose weight and exercise. I need a t-shirt that says "Don't worry: I'm just eating less than 1800 calories a day and exercising. It's not lethal."

Cytherea

A friend of mine said this to me when I went home for a visit. I live across the country, so I really haven't seen *anyone* since I've lost weight. She was impressed and encouraging, but then she asked me how much more I want to lose, and said "I hope its not too much!" because she was worried. I told her around 50 more pounds. She was shocked and said that that was way too much! I told her that losing ONLY 50 more pounds puts me at the very high end of the weight range for my BMI- I should be aiming for 108 (low end) according to that (which would be 40 MORE pounds than I plan on losing!). But I had no problem just telling her this and showing to her that I wasn't crazy or trying to be skinny- which has never been my goal- by pointing out what range I should be in and that my goal weight was actually on the borderline of average and overweight. I think she understood and didn't get upset or offended or anything when I explained it. So why not just explain it to people that don't understand instead of getting upset and worked up about it?!

angiereid

There is another part that people don't seem to be talking about. People get used to seeing others at a certain weight, and the change seems jarring when someone gains or loses because they are not used to looking at the person at anything but the size they knew them before at.

Example, my friend, who I agree was overweight, lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, so when I saw him again, he looked completely different. Was he underweight? No, but that didn't stop my mind from thinking that he lost too much at first, until I could get used to the new look. I meant nothing by it, and logically I knew I was wrong, but emotionally I couldn't help what I thought.

It takes a while for people to get used to how another person looks. It is just how the human mind works. The commenters could mean absolutely nothing behind what they say, and they are perfectly correct to say it /from their point of view/. Just give it a little while, and they will be able to see you for what you look like now, not what you look like in their mind's eye.

I AGREE WITH THIS QUOTE SO MUCH I HAVE LOST 34 POUNDS AND WEIGH 165 I AM 5"7 I WANNA BE 130 I AM MUSCULAR AND WHEN PEOPLE HEAR I WANNA LOSE MORE THEY SAY WHY YOU LOOK GREAT NOW BUT WHEN I SAY THANK YOU BUT IAM 165 AND WOULD LIKE TO BE AT A HEALTHIER WEIGHT OF 130, THEY SAY I WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT YOU WERE LIKE 140-150 NOW HARD TO BELIEVE YOU ARE 165, I CARRY MY WEIGHT VERY WELL EVEN AT 196 PEOPLE NEVER BELIEVED I WEIGHED THAT MUCH AS I LOST THEY NOTICED, BUT AGAIN THEY SAW YOU DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU SEEN YOURSELF. SELF ESTEEM COMES IN TO PLAY HERE AS WELL IF COMMENTS LIKE THESE BOTHER YOU YOU MAY NOT BE AT EASE WITH YOURSELF YET, BECAUSE I TAKE THINGS OUT OF CONTEXT ALL THE TIME, AND MY SELF ESTEEM IS VERY BAD. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT.

californiajuls

Never mind what people say. Keep doing what you are doing. You are all an inspiration.

Mirabilis

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That bare bear is so totally me.

I'm OK with this *nod*.

One general observation from my own experience -- women are much quicker to notice other women losing weight than men are.

I work in an office with mixed women and men and do some work out of the office as well.

At 20 lbs. (about 10% down), the women noticed and on the whole have been very encouraging. The only one who hasn't been encouraging is the one who has never in her life weighed more than 135 at 5'9" and has training as a fitness instructor (so of course she knows everything about dieting). She thinks I'm being irresponsible in my weight loss but has no idea how I'm doing it, even at 1 lb. per week. The rest of the women look at me and smile. I think they're proud of me.

At 45 lbs (about 20% down), the men started noticing. They look at me as if struck by lightning, or like I just dropped a chihuahua eating baby back ribs in a microwave on their desks. I don't think they comprehend what's happened. Btw, I don't think all men are like this because I'm getting compliments from them too, but the ones in my office I think are genuinely obtuse

Mirii

ShellyLee

I'm 5'7" and am currently 174. At one point about two years ago I was around 145 and one of my friends was telling me that I "needed to eat a sammich". At 145 at that height I was very much in a NORMAL weight range. I just rolled my eyes since she was loosing weight via prescribed medication and not actually working out at all. And it wasn't like she all of a sudden saw me... I saw her at least once a week, generally more. I think it's because I get so small through the middle with a long torse (but still have a big chest and hips) so that just makes it seem like I'm that much skinnier.
It drove me nuts though. I'd be happy back at 145 (size 8).

FuerImmerStark

OMG! This is my life story right now. I'm 185 pounds, so I CLEARLY have weight to lose. I think what happens, is they just see a HUGE weight loss, and they just think that we look great compared to what we used to look like. So, take it as a compliment that they truly think you look good. (: haha

I had lunch with my basketball coach today and he told me "you could almost blow away!" I'm about 20 pounds overweight!

Jennili7

I agree that people telling you that you shouldn't lose more weight is VERY annoying..but one side of it that I can't help but think of is that these people that have become part of our lives have gotten used to seeing us at the heavier weight. I think jealousy has a big part in it but it is also change. We all know that people don't like change! :noway: The people that are close to us and that are supportive will give us that pat on the back and encourage us to keep making good decisions. We can't worry about what everyone thinks cause then we won't get any where. :flowerforyou:

NH_1970

Hello MFP friends and family!

Yesterday I was up at our local college. I was talking to one of the instructors about my weight loss (31lbs), and I told her I still had 45 lbs to go before I'm at my goal weight of 130lbs.

She looked at me and said you don't look that big, and if I was to lose any more weight I would look like a stick.
I'm currently 174lbs, and a lot of people have told me I don't need to lose anymore weight. I'm only 5'4" and I totally have a pear shape going. I'm starting to find it annoying. I have a goal and it seems people don't see my weight as much of an issue as I do.

Are they just saying that to be polite?
Are they saying it because they really think I don't need to lose anymore weight?

Why do people say that?

Maybe her idea of what your weight looks like is different than what you know isn't good for your body and what you want to achieve is.

Could be to her you're perfectly fine, but you know, you'd like to be at a different weight so the two aren't jiving.

People have a lot of different motivations though, could be anything really, but you can always ask her why she said that. That way you wouldn't have to be wondering. Or educate her LOL let her know what your ideal weight is and how you plan to achieve it.

islandnutshel

I found myself saying something like that to a friend today at lunch. She said she would like to lose 20 pounds and I said something to the effect that I couldn't imagine she had that much to lose. Thinking about why, part of it was to be polite and say I didn't notice she had extra weight on her, and the other part is that I see her as a healthy weight. She has maintained the same weight as long as I have known her so it looks normal and healthy to me, but I am sure she see's herself different. She would know better then I, but what is the polite and appropriate thing to say?
(I did mention MFP)