Body Dysmorphia?

ekaustin7

This may seem like it should be in the "general weight loss and diet help" board, but because my goal is to maintain my current weight, I'm posting it here.

I'm just wondering if anyone else seems to have this sort of "body dysmorphia" feeling after losing weight. I am 5'8", lost 42 pounds (went from ~174 to ~132) and am currently in a size 2 pant. All of these things sound like they should satisfy me, but for some reason, I'm finding they do not. I may look like I lost 42 pounds to others, but I do not FEEL like I lost 42 pounds. I look in the mirror and like the way my body looks, but I can't seem to stop feeling like I am still overweight and that I need to lose more. I feel like my belly is huge, but when I go to touch it I see that it is flat. I still treat my maintenance calorie goal as a limit to stay under, not a target to hit. This puts me at 400 calories under my goal on some days, but I cannot seem to make myself eat those last calories.

I am frustrated with myself because I did all of this hard work so that I would feel satisfied with myself and proud of what I have accomplished. Now that I am there, I feel like it's still not enough and I need to lose more. Any thoughts or ideas on how I could help convince myself that I am at a good weight?

AverageUkDude

Just going to say that one side effect of being in a calorie deficit for an extended period of time is depression. I would honestly try your hardest to eat enough or maybe a little more for 2-4 weeks and see how your feeling then.

Otherwise a good book to look into reading:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Problems-including-Dysmorphic-Disorder/dp/1845292790

It helped my friend alot.

Tuala42

I can really relate to this. I'm 5' 7', started out at 169, and my goal range is 124-128. Last time I weighed in a couple of days ago I was 122.5. I know I should get back up to 124, but still feel like I have to apologize or explain to my mfp pals that I'm overeating on purpose, and feel very guilty if I go over on calories for more than a day or two in a row. I usually try to get to at least 100 calories of my goal when I'm maintaining, but still can't help but feel proud of myself if I'm more than 100 calories under my goal at the end of the day. I do check the mirror every day still to make sure my tummy is still flat, and get so frustated if I feel bloated at the end of the day, worrying whether I'll feel that way in the morning or not. I don't think I ever really saw myself as the size 10 that I started out as, and now that I'm a size 4 I don't think I see myself as that way either. Trying on new clothes is still an eye opener, still surprised at how the mirror looks when I try on a small dress or pair of pants that actually fits. I definitely think body dysmorphia is an issue I should try and deal with.

Sorry I can't offer any advice, but wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat.

ekaustin7

I can really relate to this. I'm 5' 7', started out at 169, and my goal range is 124-128. Last time I weighed in a couple of days ago I was 122.5. I know I should get back up to 124, but still feel like I have to apologize or explain to my mfp pals that I'm overeating on purpose, and feel very guilty if I go over on calories for more than a day or two in a row. I usually try to get to at least 100 calories of my goal when I'm maintaining, but still can't help but feel proud of myself if I'm more than 100 calories under my goal at the end of the day. I do check the mirror every day still to make sure my tummy is still flat, and get so frustated if I feel bloated at the end of the day, worrying whether I'll feel that way in the morning or not. I don't think I ever really saw myself as the size 10 that I started out as, and now that I'm a size 4 I don't think I see myself as that way either. Trying on new clothes is still an eye opener, still surprised at how the mirror looks when I try on a small dress or pair of pants that actually fits. I definitely think body dysmorphia is an issue I should try and deal with.

Sorry I can't offer any advice, but wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat.

Thanks, I really appreciate that. It's good to know that I'm not the only one.

EmilyEmpowered

I think I do have BD, but my biggest issue is the loose skin that I can not see past. So when I look in the mirror, even though I am wearing a size 2 I see myself as huge because I know what my body looks like under the clothes. I am disgusted by myself on a daily basis, every time I see myself naked in the mirror. my boyfriend and other people close to me reassure me that I shouldnt be so hard on myself, and I guess I know deep down that I shouldnt. However, it doesnt change the fact that my self esteem is much lower now after losing over 100 pounds than it wa at my biggest.

I do have good days and bad days, and I went to counseling for a while that helped. But I think it is going to take a lot of time before I can accept that this body is mine for good. I wish I could just be happy and proud of where I am, not still feel so bad about myself.

steph6467

How long have you been at maintenance? To be blunt, for most people getting to the point of eating at or above maintenance after dieting is not a long term struggle. Statistics bear out that *most* people gain back some (or all) of the weight lost and over time it's hard to stay at goal. I'm sure there are some people who really do struggle to get out of deficit mode after a few weeks or months, but if that's the case you may need to consider whether you've crossed into eating disorder zone.

If you are brand new to maintenance, give yourself some time to adjust to your 'new' body and calorie goals. If you are still losing weight a month from now and feeling like you're dipping into unhealthy zone, don't be afraid to talk to a counselor. This body image stuff can really mess with your head.

sullus

I still do things like turn sideways to get through a turnstile, but I don't have to any more ..

NRSPAM

Same here, I've lost 65lb's now, and still don't feel like I look "good enough." Not quite at goal yet, still have 15lb's to go. Hoping that last 15lb's will come off where I need it to! So tired of this belly! On the other hand, I've had 2 kids, and I got huge with both of them, especially my last one. Gained a lot of weight in my belly, and my LO was 10lb's to boot, so yeah....my belly was HUGENORMOUS! Lol. Anyway, don't know if it will ever look even remotely normal again. Oh well, I'll just keep truckin' n see what the end product looks like. :happy:

fkim13

I know how you feel. I have now got down to 120lb but I look at myself every day in the mirror and just think i still look fat. I am trying to maintain at the moment but cant eat my calories and always leave at least 100. I thought I would feel great at the weight I am now and people are telling me I look good but I dont understand why I dont feel that way, I keep thinking I am going to wake up in the morning and the weight will have gone back on, I am going to try and loose a little more and hopefully that will make me feel better. I also worry that I wont every feel happy with my weight.

aubyshortcake

I tend to have this issue as well. Last week I started eating at maintenance (up from deficit) and doing strength training because I realized I really am not seeing myself clearly. I am 5' 3", small bones, and fluctuate around 103 lbs (my highest weight a few years ago was 149). This is the first time I've ever really been "thin" since childhood, so my mind does play some tricks.

I'm not sure if this will help you or not, but last week I took a picture of myself and looked at it - I looked much thinner to myself there than I did looking in the mirror 5 minutes earlier....just goes to show how much the mind can deceive the eyes.....

I still struggle with this every day, but it's important to remind yourself that it's in your head!

echofm1

I haven't really experienced this issue as I'm nowhere near my goal, and despite what I've lost it's not super noticeable. However, if you have any clothes that you used to wear when you were bigger, take that and then take something that fits you now and hang up the current weight shirt over the old weight shirt. Or pants if that's where you saw the biggest difference. It might be a handy reminder that you really are smaller than you see yourself. It's a nice visual representation of your journey.

I did had to do that with a particularly tiny friend who didn't realize how much smaller she was than me. Turned out we could fit two of her inside of me. :drinker:

Keiras_Mom

I think it's something we all have to deal with to a greater or lesser degree. I was fat for a long time. I've only been thin for a year. I have to accept that it will take a while to see myself the way I really am. I also have the issues with loose skin and knowing that I'll never have the flat, firm body I want. I think that exacerbates the BD issue.

I rely on pictures more than the mirror when I'm feeling particularly down. For some reason I'm able to be more objective looking at photographs. I can see myself how others see me, and it really does help.

QuietBloom

This is very common. If I lose 10 lbs, to me I still look exactly the same. Stick out in the same places, etc. Have a hard time returning to eating normally. I think it is normal to some extent. Change is hard. When you have a certain mindset for an extended period of time, it takes time to change it. But it will change. I wouldn't go so far as to call it BD. I think it's normal to feel confused for a time when your body has changed so much!

Brandolin11

I still do things like turn sideways to get through a turnstile, but I don't have to any more ..

Haha! I did stuff like that for awhile myself - I'd find myself sitting way back from the table (because my boobs and stomach used to be in the way).

I wanted to chime in and say that I also struggled with this for awhile after reaching my goal. It took me about 3-4 months before my eyes and my brain and my body all sync'd up. I FINALLY saw myself properly. I likened it to the "phantom limb" phenomenon - y'know, when people lose a leg and still feel it? I think it's similar.

The thing I really worked hard on protecting myself from was feeling *bad* about myself. It was hard at first. Initially I had discouraging thoughts like, "well at least when I was overweight, I had soft, full cheeks - now I have sunken cheeks with "old lady" lines in them" or "see? you did all this hard work and you STILL don't look good". I had to stop myself and say, "NO. Stop. You are beautiful. You are healthy. Are you going to have some cosmetic consequences due to your poor eating choices all those years (like a little saggy skin in the butt)? Yes. But that's life. That's the choice you made. Let the saggy butt be a reminder to NEVER let yourself go like that again. But look at you NOW! You DID it. You lost that weight! You reached your goal! You look AMAZING in this dress. You rock those size 4 jeans!!"

A lot of self-talk really helps.

Also, get a full-length mirror and put on your favorite outfit. Then stare at yourself. Take deep breaths. Turn this way, and that. Look at yourself from different angles. Breathe deeply and say to yourself, "This is Me. This is Me." Find some pants or a skirt from when you started. Take off everything but your bra and put on the skirt. Hold it out from yourself and turn sideways. Stare at it. Look at the difference. Breathe and say, "This is me. I am healthy. Even if I don't particularly like how I look right now, I WILL eventually. This is temporary. It's just a trick of the brain." I would maybe do this once a week, for 5-10 mins at a time. Do it more if you think you need to.

Lastly, find a photo of yourself from the beginning of your journey. Put on your favorite outfit and take a full-body "selfie" in the mirror and put the two pics side by side. Stare at them. Breathe and absorb it. Look at how far you've come and let the positive feelings of victory and success wash over you.

Eventually - one day you'll wake up and everything is synchronized. It's exhilarating. It WILL happen. Be patient. And do NOT talk badly to yourself, EVER. Speak positively, meditate, and absorb the beautiful person you've become! Good luck!

PriceK01

How long have you been in maintenance? It does take some time to get your head wrapped around it. I've been maintaining for a few months now, and am just now getting to the point where I don't cringe every time I see red in my diary. In fact, I've been having quite a few red days lately! Rather than focusing on staying under my calorie goal as I had been for the last year, now I try to meet or exceed it, and pay more attention to macros that calories, trying to ensure I'm getting enough protein. Switching my focus from calories to macros had helped.

As for BD, I've had that forever and always will. Even at 115lbs, I thought I had a pot belly and big *kitten*. For whatever reason, I didn't seem to mind the pot belly and big *kitten* as much at 170lbs. I'm 124lbs now, and am just starting to get comfortable in my own skin (even if it is loose and scarred).

niknokd

I completely understand. I am 5'0 and more than a year ago I lost about 15 lbs to get to my goal weight of 105. I felt so skinny and awesome for a few months, then it kind of wore off and in my head I was still "the chubby girl." Then, due to stress and finals and lack of appetite in May 2013 I unintentionally lost 7 pounds and went down to 98. I felt skinnny and awesome again, and I have more or less maintained this weight yet I've begun to feel so self conscious again and I still worry that I am "the chubby girl." You're not alone in feeling this, the best advice I can give is to just remind yourself you're awesome and dont be too hard on yourself.

pkw58

I don't think of myself as fat anymore, I went from 174 to 128 and am 5'8". I just want to tighten everything up and I don't care if it takes two more years, I am exercising at my own pace and keeping my food plan steady.

I do think it is more about feeling good and a high energy level more than looks now.

cyoka13

Thanks for posting this. It is kind of a difficult topic to discuss because you have reached your goal weight but are still not at 100% acceptance of where you are.

I am 5'4" and between 123-127 depending on the day. I am very proud of the weight that I have lost, but feel like I could still do better. I have no desire to lose any more weight. But I think I my body-comp could be better.

To achieve what I would like, I need to weight train. However, I do not have the $$ to put into a gym membership with a lifting heaving program, even though that is what I need to do to achieve what I want.

My best advice for the moment: Celebrate what you have accomplished. Try on old clothes, look at old pics... you will be amazed with yourself

Keep up the awesome work!

Sherbog

Just the opposite here. Started at 212 down to 146.4 this morning. I truly believe I looked better at around 157 or more. But what is important to me is my lab reports. My heart really does not care how I look but how hard I make it work.

Best to you all on your journey's.

Shirley in Oregon

kezzola

I'm about half way into my weight loss journey - have about 30 lbs to go. I've gone down almost 2 sizes in clothes but I still can't bring myself to buy anything fitted. I just keep buying the old loose styles just a smaller size. Common sense tells me that being 30 lbs overweight doesn't make me enormous but somewhere in my brain I'm obviously still convinced that I can't wear anything fitted. I look at clothing in shops and just reject the tight clothing as unsuitable for me. I've been wondering how long it will take me to finally let go of the "fat image" I have of myself.

Shawver83

I think I have this in reverse. I was always thin all my life, then gained 50 lbs during pregnancy and have not lost an ounce of it, even though my son is nine years old. I was a size 6 pre-pregnancy and I'm now a 16. I don't realize how big I am sometimes. I'll grab something off the rack, and just by eyeballing it I think it looks huge and will probably be a bit big on me, then when I actually try it on it's too small. I catch a glimpse of my reflection or see a photo and I actually don't recognize myself at first, it's always a shock how big I've gotten.

SapiensPisces

I had body image problems at my highest weight, and I'm realizing that I have it now too in a very different way.

I'm not to my goal weight yet, but after losing almost 50 lbs and being in a size 12/14 pants, I still end up over in the plus sizes trying on clothes sometimes. I still can't believe I'm not a 18W or 20W anymore, because all I see is "fat fat fat" still. It's getting better with time, but I suspect I'll be dealing with this for a long time.

I think what you're feeling is very common among people who have lost a significant amount of weight. Give it time and try to focus on being as positive as you can. If you find that you're overwhelmed by this, then please don't hesitate to talk to someone.

SapiensPisces

I rely on pictures more than the mirror when I'm feeling particularly down. For some reason I'm able to be more objective looking at photographs. I can see myself how others see me, and it really does help.

^ I do this also. It is very helpful.

fleetzz

My original goal was 140, then 130, then 120, now it is 115. I am 5'4" and at around 125 I still have a saggy tummy and rear. My daughter told me she didn't like how my new clothes fit ( I needed them because I lost the weight) because my stomach protrudes, and that she liked me better before I lost the weight. I still have a high body fat % but am slowly working on it: running as I can and working with a personal trainer. Part of the problem is lack of exercise so long. While it looked like I had muscle, under the fat was more fat.

I will get there, it will take time.

You may also consider the unrealistic expectation we have of the normal/ideal female body due to the media, that more than anything is likely contributing to your expectations of yourself.

wild_wild_life

I think BD is one way to describe the inability to see our body as it isbut I wanted to clarify that this is different from clinical body dysmorphia or body dysmorphic disorder. Be glad you don't have that.

http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd

As others have said, I think we all get used to seeing and thinking about ourselves a certain way and it's normal, even expected, for the brain to take a while to catch up with the body's changes. I also think that there are a lot of other areas in our lives where we probably don't see ourselves clearly besides weight, including our strengths, weaknesses, personality, etc. We just don't see ourselves objectively, so why should body image be any different?

Maybe the important thing is just recognizing it is happening so we don't believe the stories our brain tells us. As someone else said, how you feel physically is probably the best guide, although I know we all want to feel good about ourselves. I like to think the brain will catch up in time and show us how awesome we actually are.

chelstakencharge

I went from wearing a size 20wp to a 4/6p and I still see the fat girl in the mirror. Not duress this will ever change

Kalee34

I seem to have the same problem. I am 5'5" and at my highest(not pregnant) I weighed 185, now I am down to 125-129 and all I can see is the bad stuff. I still see myself as the overweight person that I was 6 years ago. My husband says he gets really tired of me cutting myself down and talking bad about myself. But it is hard for me to except that I am now the skinny girl and not the fat girl. At the beginning of this year a started incorporating weight training into my exercise routine and it has helped so much with toning my body, although I still have saggy skin on my belly:(

dumparump

Totally in the same situation. From going from 160 to 129 and realizing that the weight doesnt sit on me the same way it did before I had my son its a little confusing and frustrating. It gets difficult to keep going especially when dietary and fitness needs keep changing. I just keep telling myself: when I think I can't, push harder; and when I can, push for more.

We'll get there eventually.

oregonzoo

I've been here for a while. I teeter on totally "normal" and realizing where I am physically, to times where I want to cry looking at myself.
It's gotten better, but it's not perfect.

I went from 200 to 136 (actually down to 120 when my self image go so bad just pretty much made me stop eating).

It does help to remember how far I've come.

I hope it gets better for you very soon.

funkyspunky872

As of right now, I've lost 120ish pounds. I started out at 300 pounds, and I still find myself thinking that I'm morbidly obese. I turn to squeeze through spaces that have plenty of room. Whenever I go shopping, I automatically reach for the 'plus size' because I think it looks my size. My ring size has gone from an 11 to a 5.5, and I still see chubby, sausage fingers. When I went to group therapy at my local eating disorder clinic, we played a trust game where you had to walk across a wooden plank/board, and I refused to step on because I was convinced my weight would snap it right in half. (And that was at my lowest weight, I've gained back a ton since then)

Even then... I'm not entirely convinced that I've got body dysmorphia, because it seems so real. It's an endless mind game; most of the time I think other people are just straight up lying to me about how I'm not fat.

trudijoy

Yep I've lost 27kg this year and I struggle on and off with it. I find comparison pics and shopping trips to be the most effective ways of beating it, and I have started buying 'goal' clothes that aren't smaller clothes that I want to get into, but more revealing clothes that fit but I have to develop the confidence to wear them in public.