Hi guys, boyfriend issue?
Lunera85
Posts: 5
Hi lads, nice to meet you all! Seems like I got a small issue here, so namely... I'm 20 years old, I weigh 125 pounds at 5'3 height. I consider myself a healthy young woman, maybe not very fit, but I'm definitely not fat... Lately I was told by my boyfriend (who is health and fitness conscious) literally this 'you didn't have that MUCH fat on your belly before'. He also keeps pointing it out and 'measures' my body fat. And laughs. Like an idiot. Then he was keep going on that I should take more care of myself and change my lifestyle. I didn't agree to it, so he mentioned that 'if you're going to have this attitude till the rest of your life, you're not gonna go anywhere' etc. I'm an university student so I would be busy during the week days and I don't have that much free time to plan out my diet and other stuff as he does. Besides... hardcore fitness and diets are not for me, I tried before. We're going out for 6 months. I found his comments offensive and defended myself, however once in every few weeks he does 'remind me' of what's 'important'.
I'm not sure what I should think about him. At the end of such conversation, he would tell me that I can do whatever I want and remains quiet for a while. As if he got offended by my self defense.
I'd like to thank you in advance for your replies
I'm not sure what I should think about him. At the end of such conversation, he would tell me that I can do whatever I want and remains quiet for a while. As if he got offended by my self defense.
I'd like to thank you in advance for your replies
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Replies
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Maybe u SHOULD get rid of some dead weight....your boyfriend.0
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I once had a fiancé like that...I was about your size...he became my ex-fiancée....I realized I had always been content with my body before him and I was content with my body after him....unless you want to put up with this for the next 20-30 years I would let him know or let him go....!!!
Taking care of yourself is important and if he was helping you make better decisions regarding fitness/health in an encouraging way that's one thing....sometimes fitness is not always top of our list during busy periods of our life....however, measuring your belly!! and nagging you suggests he's placing a high priority on perfection!!
Tell him how you feel, give him a chance to think about it and observe if he's able to change...if not, find yourself someone who will accept you as you are...you are young and your body will go through many changes...having a supportive lover/spouse/friend is the best gift you can give yourself...I should know...I have one and he has supported me in a positive way whether my weight has been up or down...he has never made me feel ashamed of myself and trust me, as you get older you will be hard enough on yourself, you don't need someone else to be!!!0 -
If you are into abusive relationships then hang around. If not then look to get out and find someone who likes you for who you are. Your BMI is 22, nothing to be ashamed of. He puts you down, complains you're fat and in general verbally abuses you for a non existent condition. You may need to tone a bit and build muscle but that does not give him the right to complain, or gives him the expectation that he controls you body, your health or your time.
There are better friends out there, take care of yourself first, take care of your classes next, and then think about a healthy relationship!0 -
Um seriously? :noway:0
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"Laughs like an idiot" , because he IS an idiot! Let him find some gym bunny, you've got better things to do (and nicer guys to meet.)0
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I'm not sure what I should think about him.
You should think he's an asshat.0 -
Maybe u SHOULD get rid of some dead weight....your boyfriend.
Even though I am a guy ... I totally agree with this. He is a total jerk. Time for a new one.0 -
Maybe u SHOULD get rid of some dead weight....your boyfriend.
this0 -
You should talk to him and be honest about it. Tell him how you feel and if his reply is over reactive and negative then it might be time to call it quits...Hopefully everything will be OK
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I think that there are some major warning signs going on here. Honestly he should want YOU to be happy and he should do what he can to make YOU feel good about yourself. It's good to be healthy, but he shouldn't be making you feel guilty about your body.0
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Lads I'm amazed by the amount of comments on this. Thanks for your support everyone! I actually started thinking that maybe he was right at some point. And that it's normal that a guy complains about a lot of things about my look. But then I looked in the mirror and got some confidence back. 0
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Umm....Red Flag....:explode: ...Red Flag...:explode:
JUST NO...Red Flag :explode:
Control issues and lack of respect in the first 6 months....JUST NO :explode:
Move on now before he can waste anymore of your time.0 -
Well, obviously he doesn't want you to get fat! That seems pretty important to him.....a bit to important if you ask me. I would get annoyed with his attitude real fast. You will have to determine if that is the kind of relationship you want, maybe talk to him about it, and decide if the relationship is worth it. Really, if your 'honey' doesn't make you feel good about yourself I am not sure why you would stay in the relationship. Don't sell yourself short.0
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Wow. Kick his *kitten* to the kerb. What a *kitten*!0
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I agree with the other posters. Get rid of him. What a jerk.0
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"Laughs like an idiot" , because he IS an idiot! Let him find some gym bunny, you've got better things to do (and nicer guys to meet.)
Wise words!0 -
That's ridiculous. He doesn't respect you and you should definitely move on. Everyone deserves someone who is supportive, respectful, and loving. Seriously, he's not worth sticking around for. I do agree with him in that fitness is important and dedicating yourself to choosing a healthy lifestyle shows dedication and will get you far in life (and there are no excuses), BUUUUUUUT he should NEVER treat you that way. It's your choice and he should respect it and love you nonetheless Dump him.
Edit: DAMMIT! I did it again -_- I posted through my boyfriend's mfp x/ Sorry! My actual account is under "dianamatienzo." Sorry :P0 -
Lads I'm amazed by the amount of comments on this. Thanks for your support everyone! I actually started thinking that maybe he was right at some point. And that it's normal that a guy complains about a lot of things about my look. But then I looked in the mirror and got some confidence back.
Good! Don't listen to him! You're at a PERFECT weight-height-age ratio If you decide to change your lifestyle it will be for YOU, not for anyone else. 0 -
^ Those comments are mine! lol Just clarifying 0
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You're seeing big red flags.
You've been together 6 months. This is still his "best behavior."
If he's this way now, it ain't gonna get any better.
You're young. Be smart. I wouldn't waste any more of my time on him.
Good luck!0 -
Umm....Red Flag....:explode: ...Red Flag...:explode:
JUST NO...Red Flag :explode:
Control issues and lack of respect in the first 6 months....JUST NO :explode:
Move on now before he can waste anymore of your time.
Lol! We thought the same thing! :-)0 -
First..anytime a female complains publicly about her mate on this forum, the hens start clucking collectively "KICK HIM TO THE CURB".
Its always the same even for the most minor infraction.
First off, dont lie to us, don't lie to yourself. Telling us you are busy with school as an excuse not to eat right and workout? I have some news for you, college is the ONLY time in your adult life when you have time to eat right and workout. Working+coomuting 10-12 hours a day in the real world isnt going to free up any time for you.
That said....his behavior and extreme rudeness toward you is downright scary. It may be that he is just too young to know how to treat a woman and if you stick with him..well he will never learn. As men there exists a feedback mechanism we all have to how we're treating women..we either get laid, or get dumped. And this guy needs you to dump him hard in order to understand he cannot treat anyone this way.
Be honest that you probably have gained weight. That often happens as we get "comfortable" in relationships. There is no external motivating factor of having to compete in the dating pool to keep yourself fit.
Today I will have to agree with the hens. This guy is ****ing MILES from where he needs to be in treating women. And unless youre willing to put up with his idiocy for the rest of your life, you better free yourself now.
I agree with your boyfriend, you should take better care of yourself. By finding a supportive partner who will encourage and support you in good times and in bad and not kick you while you're down.
Think about what sort of husband he will be. What sort of FATHER. Will he pick on you for gaining baby weight? Will he wake up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby. Not likely.
As other posters said..you're 6 months in. Thats a pretty new relationship and THIS is his best behavior? Yikes.0 -
You are 20 yrs old.. move on.0
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vmerov0
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First..anytime a female complains publicly about her mate on this forum, the hens start clucking collectively "KICK HIM TO THE CURB".
Its always the same even for the most minor infraction.
First off, dont lie to us, don't lie to yourself. Telling us you are busy with school as an excuse not to eat right and workout? I have some news for you, college is the ONLY time in your adult life when you have time to eat right and workout. Working+coomuting 10-12 hours a day in the real world isnt going to free up any time for you.
That said....his behavior and extreme rudeness toward you is downright scary. It may be that he is just too young to know how to treat a woman and if you stick with him..well he will never learn. As men there exists a feedback mechanism we all have to how we're treating women..we either get laid, or get dumped. And this guy needs you to dump him hard in order to understand he cannot treat anyone this way.
Be honest that you probably have gained weight. That often happens as we get "comfortable" in relationships. There is no external motivating factor of having to compete in the dating pool to keep yourself fit.
Today I will have to agree with the hens. This guy is ****ing MILES from where he needs to be in treating women. And unless youre willing to put up with his idiocy for the rest of your life, you better free yourself now.
I agree with your boyfriend, you should take better care of yourself. By losing him.
See? The old adage "it takes one to know one" is true, and this guy is telling you that you're BF is a rude piece of
work.0 -
Chiming in with what everyone has said already; what he's doing isn't okay. It's one thing to occasionally mention how to be healthier, to discuss one's personal views on health, or to even offer to help another person in that regard. But there is a very clear and real line between offering help and forcing someone else to change because *you* (read: your douchetuba boyfriend) think you know what's best for another person. It's rude and controlling and has no reason to be constantly brought up in conversation like he has done.
Are you okay with your weight and health level? If so then he needs to back off, or as others have said perhaps he needs to be removed from your life permanently. Especially if this lack of respect towards you, your body, and the choices you make for YOUR body are readily ignored.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with a person like this in your life, OP. *hugs*0 -
See? The old adage "it takes one to know one" is true, and this guy is telling you that you're BF is a rude piece of
work.
Are you calling me rude? I suppose I've been called worse.0 -
First..anytime a female complains publicly about her mate on this forum, the hens start clucking collectively "KICK HIM TO THE CURB".
Its always the same even for the most minor infraction.
First off, dont lie to us, don't lie to yourself. Telling us you are busy with school as an excuse not to eat right and workout? I have some news for you, college is the ONLY time in your adult life when you have time to eat right and workout. Working+coomuting 10-12 hours a day in the real world isnt going to free up any time for you.
That said....his behavior and extreme rudeness toward you is downright scary. It may be that he is just too young to know how to treat a woman and if you stick with him..well he will never learn. As men there exists a feedback mechanism we all have to how we're treating women..we either get laid, or get dumped. And this guy needs you to dump him hard in order to understand he cannot treat anyone this way.
Be honest that you probably have gained weight. That often happens as we get "comfortable" in relationships. There is no external motivating factor of having to compete in the dating pool to keep yourself fit.
Today I will have to agree with the hens. This guy is ****ing MILES from where he needs to be in treating women. And unless youre willing to put up with his idiocy for the rest of your life, you better free yourself now.
I agree with your boyfriend, you should take better care of yourself. By losing him. I like the way you are honest with your opinion here & thanks. (lol, the school part hurts though sigh:P) Still, I'm pretty sure that I didn't gain weight. Why would I lie on an anonymous forum? All my clothes from back then fit me just the way they did before, and I see it in the mirror that I didn't gain weight. My family agrees to it, too. I guess it's him - he did get much skinnier. So maybe the way he thinks of his perfect couple has changed. Dunno. 0 -
I am afraid that
1) This young man is too shallow to understand that if someone is normal weight for their height, with a bmi in the normal range, and that they are happy with their body, that the person doesn't need to change!
2) If he will complain about a normal weight, normal bmi body, it is just a way to exert control.
3) If this person continues to harrass you about this, even though you have told him that you don't care and am not interested in his views, he just may not care enough.0 -
Sorry if I misread that OP. Your picture just showed up. You don't need to be taking any bull from any man. Guys are a dime a dozen.0
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