People telling you that you're fat?
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I would hate to be told I'm fat. I know I am. I don't need shame masquerading as concern to try and push me into changing. It's my body and if I want to be fat I'll be fat and if I don't I won't. I'm healthier than those skinny people that have soft drink and cigarettes for breakfast but no one judges them on their appearance. It's BS.
Nobody knows a person's emotional state at any point in time (even if they think they do). You don't know how it will affect them. It's pure selfishness if apropos of nothing you go and comment on their body.
Anyway.
It's my body and it's nobody's business what it looks like.0 -
Being asked if you think someone is fat?....RUN!
Seriously, with the anti-bullying/fat acceptance/anti-fat shaming campaign that is going on no one is going to tell you that you are fat. There is also a skewed sense of what is actually a healthy body fat level. There are so many obese people now that simply being over weight is "normal".0 -
My grandmother asked my 'why are you getting fat?' when I weighed 150 lbs. I was annoyed but used it as the kick up the backside to start tackling my weight as I knew I was overweight and made sense to nip it in the bud. Presently down to 133 lbs with 14 lbs to go.
Remember, simply because someone doesn't say it out loud doesn't mean they aren't thinking it.0 -
I dunno, it's not my job to tell people how they should live their lives. Some people who are fat are perfectly happy that way, so they don't need me to say "by the way, in case you didn't notice, you're fat, and you're welcome." And people who are not happy being fat are also perfectly aware that they are fat, and they don't need me to say "by the way, in case you didn't notice, you're fat, and you're welcome." It just comes off as rude and judgmental. And while I am rude and judgmental, I prefer for it to manifest in other ways, rather than by picking on people who either don't care or who already feel bad about themselves. I much prefer to pick on people who are full of themselves. :devil:
^^this. All of this.0 -
If you're ever in doubt, ask a kid. Kids don't have that filter.0
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It's not peoples place to tell others that they're fat. I mean, if it's a partner or parent or someone you're very close to and trust then maybe but otherwise no, people should, and generally do, mind their own business imo. There's enough unwanted fat-shaming that goes on as it is.0
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At my heaviest i weighted 69 kg. Im 170cm and im naturally "bottom heavy". I do have bigger hips and i DO have a bum. My top however is very small. nobody has ever told me i was too heavy- i did not look good and it could not be healthy for me. when i look back at my pcitures i was just simply fat. i wasnt "curvy" like i thought i was. however not a single person mentioned this to me. i have a great relationship with my mum and even she admitted that she has never viewed me in the "fat" category (however after looking back at my old pictures she agreed that this was the case). i think it is difficult for the people around us to see those things. i guess we are always more understanding towards our loved/liked ones...0
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Most people in my life have been pretty blunt about it, thankfully. Granted, there were the small few who were unnecessarily rude.
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Being asked if you think someone is fat?....RUN!
Seriously, with the anti-bullying/fat acceptance/anti-fat shaming campaign that is going on no one is going to tell you that you are fat. There is also a skewed sense of what is actually a healthy body fat level. There are so many obese people now that simply being over weight is "normal".
I agree with this completely. I was reading a thread here the other day and someone mentioned that "only" being 50-100 lbs overweight was average. That statement speaks volumes. This country has gotten so large that we have pushed the idea of what "obese" is too something that make us feel better. I have lost 41 lbs with another 30 or so go. Never did I think I was "chubby". At least for me, no one told me I had gotten "fat" BUT I could see it in their faces. And I could (can) feel it.0 -
Unless I ask someone their opinion, then I don't want to hear their thoughts. This goes for any subject. I think people sometimes worry too much about sharing their take on a situation and not enough about their own goings on. I could be having personal issues and eating to deal, or be injured and unable to work out as much or have a medical issue. If that persons opinion meant anything to me, they'd know that stuff already and be able to do better than "wow you're fat".0
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My mom pretty much called me fat during my late teens and early twenties. I wish she hadn't. I was well aware of my body and wasn't happy with it. I didn't need her telling me i was overweight.0
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I was chubby as a kid and my Dad constantly let me know. It hurt my self esteem a lot and nothing positive came from it. I don't think people who value your feelings will ever call you fat, and I don't think people letting you know you've put on weight is ever "helpful." You know if you've gained weight and the last thing you want is for other people to notice. I want to lose the weight for myself - to be healthier and to live a longer, fuller life with my husband and kids. I've had to come to that place on my own, and I have not once been called fat in my adult life, even though I've gained 40 pounds in the last 4 years.0
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Being told your fat does not make people change. At one point my dad offered to pay me $50 for every pound I lost. I turned him down and didn't talk to him for a long long time. It would have made you feel terrible, and if you are like a lot of people on here- feeling terrible would have made you eat. A lot. Be glad you never went through that.
I'd be $2000 richer if I was you... damn'0 -
If you're ever in doubt, ask a kid. Kids don't have that filter.
This lol.
Seriously though, it's true.
Nobody ever told me I was fat or gaining weight. I was always big so maybe that's why. And I wish someone would have said something. After I had my daughter I went from fat to huge. Nobody said a word. I kinda give my family a hard time about it now and we talk about my fat days openly. And I'm fine with it. Though now I feel fatter than I ever did before which nobody gets... so someone could've called me fat when I was almost 300 pounds but now slightly overweight if they call me fat I'd probably punch them.
Everyone is different and everyone reacts different. I can tell you taht I did yell at my husband for not noticing the 5 lbs I gained so he has clear permission to tell me when I look like I'm gaining weight if I'm not currently weighing myself.
And the one poster said her Dr never mentioned anything. This was my complaint too. My Dr kindly mentioned things on occasion when I was in for physicals that I might want to lose a little weight. I had like 100 pounds to lose. Never went through risks etc very seriously. I remember one conversation with him and that was it. My OB never said much either and I didn't realize until now all the risks that come with being obese and pregnant. Yes - there are a ton for you and the baby!
I would never tell someone they are fat. If someone asks me my opinion I would probably say your weight doesn't matter but your health does. Waist size is more important than a number on hte scale for many health risks. Fat is a harsh word but a reality health check - for many only when asked - is a kinder way of helping.0 -
Ehhhh. My parents (who are both obese) have told me for YEARS that I was fat. My mother in law (also obese) has also suggested I lose weight. I would try dieting but I never saw myself as large so I was only dieting for them. It never lasted.
It wasn't until I looked in the mirror and decided to do it for myself that a change finally took place. I think you have to believe it and see it for yourself.0 -
Stalking my news feed fattyBeing told your fat does not make people change. At one point my dad offered to pay me $50 for every pound I lost. I turned him down and didn't talk to him for a long long time. It would have made you feel terrible, and if you are like a lot of people on here- feeling terrible would have made you eat. A lot. Be glad you never went through that.
I'd be $2000 richer if I was you... damn'
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People sugar coat things too much, that is why so many people find it acceptable to let themselves get extremely overweight. If you are constantly being told you are curvy, not fat, you will have no desire to change. Although it is harsh being told the truth, it is better than letting it get out of hand in my opinion.
These people have eyes and mirrors though. And if they don't see it in mirrors, they generally do see it in photos. I really don't think it's my responsibility to tell someone that they're fat. I'm not their doctor.0 -
I expect people to refrain commenting on my body if I didn't ask and be honest with me when I do ask.0
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I remember at my heaviest (163lbs on a 5'2" body) that even when I asked if I looked too big (because I knew I did), no one would say yes. Only finally did my husband say that if I felt too big then I needed to do something. I think people are afraid of hurting your feelings when you are heavy. Now, however, lots of people tell me how good I look since I have "lost so much weight".0
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People sugar coat things too much, that is why so many people find it acceptable to let themselves get extremely overweight. If you are constantly being told you are curvy, not fat, you will have no desire to change. Although it is harsh being told the truth, it is better than letting it get out of hand in my opinion.
These people have eyes and mirrors though. And if they don't see it in mirrors, they generally do see it in photos. I really don't think it's my responsibility to tell someone that they're fat. I'm not their doctor.
Is that why so many people say they are big boned etc? I'm not saying tell people they are fat, just if someone asks it's counter productive to tell them that they look healthy.0 -
I'm not in the habit, of devastating people, with my words. I've been a fat person, and I knew it. Crazy to imagine a person who is fat not knowing it. Also, having had been a fat person, I have a lot of compassion for those who struggle with their weight. I would much rather comment on someone's beautiful eyes or cute outfit. I try to not be mean on purpose.0
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frankly i don't think it's anyone's business to tell someone they're fat and need to lose weight. it is cruel and just breeds self-hatred in my opinion. i was overweight in my childhood/preteen/high school days and nobody close to me told me that they thought i should lose weight or whatever, but now that i'm slim a few family members made remarks about how i was too fat back then. i'm not mad at all that they didn't tell me until now. if they said it back then, it would just make me feel miserable about myself. i don't think it's other people's responsibility to tell you that they see you are getting too fat.. it's your own responsibility to have self-awareness and decide for yourself whether or not you want to do something about it. i was guilty of being in denial sometimes too but most people come to realizations sooner or later on their own. i leave it at that.0
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I don't see what purpose is served by telling someone they're fat, unless they've asked for your opinion. Telling someone they're fat may not encourage them to lose weight, but assuring them they aren't fat when they've asked you point blank won't do them any favors, either.
I've been asked on a few occasions by friends if they looked fat. If they were, I told them so. It's like a bald person asking if their head looks bald. Well yes, mf'er, it does-- because you're bald.
It's not like it's a character flaw or some personal shortcoming-- it's just some fat.
Best answer..it is just fat.
I am hugely fat and am aware of it. I recently was talking to a coworker and I said something about being fat and she said "oh my god you're not fat just stop....". I laughed a lot. It was very sweet of her to try to protect my feelings, if not a little absurd to tell a woman who is as of their last weight in was 405lbs that they aren't fat.
To the OP I have been told I am fat my entire life and it didn't make any difference. I am sorry you feel like the people around you let you down by not being honest. I had a teacher take me aside after class one day to advise me of my fatosity. I thanked him and confirmed that yes I knew I was fat.0 -
When I was 14 I had trouble controlling my eating. I was a self harmer and that included eating out of self hatred. For my 15th birthday I stayed with family friends in the South Island (of New Zealand). They told me I could eat whatever I wanted for it. I ordered a bucket of KFC and asked for a 2 liter tub of chocolate icecream to myself. I was not a big girl, I was 63kg but i was heading for really big if I carried on that way. I thought I was really fat and wanted to die all the time but also felt like I deserved to be fat so I ate. I hid my feelings on how I felt about myself and continued that way. That was until I got home from the holiday and my Mum told me offhandedly that we received a phone call from the lady I stayed with saying she was worried about my eating. Mum wasn't sweet and kind about it, she outright just said, you are getting fat, you need to stop. The truth is 1. I was far from fat and 2. It didn't help. In fact from that point on I went from binges like that of my birthday to starvation. I was hit by a car not long after that birthday and I used the fact I couldn't eat while so pumped full with morphine that I didn't know how to chew, and I ran with it. I was on crutches for months following and used that as exercises, taking the stairs and going everywhere. I barely ate and eventually it was full blown eating disorder mode. You could say it was because I was a teenager or that if my mum had sugar coated what she told me or you could say, you don't know how bad someone is going to take it when you tell them they are fat. Truth is being really overweight is a sign of self hatred in itself at least on some level. I am still struggling with food anxieties, I have not had a healthy relationship with food ever since. I am overweight, BMI says I am obese and now my metabolism is screwed.0
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I have been told I am "fat" or have 'gained weight' and it had the opposite effect on me. I would be depressed and binge which leads to MORE weight. I don't think people realise the effect words can have.0
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I don't know if it would have helped or not. But the having it brushed to the side didn't help either. I think when I would say I was fat it would have helped if someone had said "I think you look great but if you're not happy about your weight what kind of choices could you make to change that?" BUT THAT IS IN A FANTASY WORLD ha ha ha. In the real world I would not tell a fat person they were fat either.
Really it was the reflection in the mirror that spoke volumes to me more than someone's words.
Congrats on the weight loss too!!0 -
My mom's friend once asked me(unsolicited), "are you gaining weight?" I already knew I was overweight, and NO, it did not spur me to lose weight at that time. It just confirmed to me that she was a b*tch.0
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This is what I think: If I ask someone "Do you think I'm fat?", I expect an honest answer. Otherwise, I wouldn't have asked. However, if you just come up to me and say "Girl, you're getting fat!" then that's just not cool. If I want your opinion, I will ask for it. But when I do ask, I expect you to be honest.0
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If it is people you see on a daily basis, they don't see it. They are the people you wish would tell, but they just don't know. Coworkers that you sit next to at work, etc. the friends that you don't see very often don't want to hurt your feelings. It doesn't come on overnight, and it sure as hell doesn't come off that way. It is easy to say we would do it, but when you see them, could you really?0
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My brother used to call me fat all the time and it certainly didnt spur me to lose any weight. The one that really hurt my feelings was a coworker who, while I was walking out the room one day, compare me to the old maid on Ducktails. When i went and looked at the picture, I was so hurt!
What really annoys me though is that now I can no longer be classed as "fat" people think it is perfectly acceptable to tell me how fat I used to be. I still have feelings and inside my head, sometimes I am still that fat girl and to be told that I used to be sooooo big hurts me.
Its also the double standard where it is not ok to tell someone they are too fat but its ok to tell someone they are too thin? That makes no sense to me. Just butt out of my business unless I ask!0
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