People telling you that you're fat?

randysbombshellgirl

When I was @ my heaviest no one ever called me fat. Since I've lost the weight and gained some confidence I bought my self some two piece bathing suits that I recently wore on vacation. When I got the pictures back my MIL felt the need to tell me my suit made me look fat. Very hurtful and discouraging. So IMHO keep your negative fat comments to yourself.

prattiger65

If it is someone I know well and love, I will gently tell them that there is a healthy/beneficial way to live. I would only do this if I felt they were at a serious health risk. Even then I would know that they will probably be mad/hurt. Someone I don't know? Naa, just stay fat. In the world of "everything offends me" i would never comment on someone else's eating/weight that I didn't know. It's funny how we quickly condemn people who smoke or drink to excess and bemoan their health problems while cursing their drain on the healthcare system, yet if you say something about someone's weight, just as unhealthy, you are a fat shamer and a meanie. Nope, they can just stay fat.

Edited to put on my flame retardant suit.

GuybrushThreepw00d

I know everyone was trying to be nice, but I really wish someone had told me before now. I feel like I was a little in denial about my size and 'cause I wasn't really unhealthy looking, it took me a long time to realise that I could stand to lose a bit.

I think having now lost the weight you're wishing you'd done it sooner... which is understandable.

i don't think most people would respond positively if one of their friends/family took them aside and told them that they were fat - however well intentioned. Although i do recall reading that's what prompted Sidesteel's fitness regime.

mamma_nee

Actually no one ever flat out told me to my face that I was fat but I always heard whispers behind my back `` Doesn`t she look like she put on alot of weight ? `` She looks huge`` `` Boy did she get heavy`` Did it help me ? nope, hearing it all just made me depressed and hide and pig out on junk so they could whisper some more about me at the next party.

My husband would always say - I like you just the way you are, There is more to love but then one day I am sitting in the chair nakid lol in the bedroom and he blurts - Hunny You are huge!! You need to get healthy - go take a look in the mirror and see what I am talking about . I think that has been my wake up call .


My 12 year old was always skinny up till 3rd grade - By the 4th grade he was 20 lbs overweight - always beeing bullied and picked on at school and then we are at a party and I hear the whispers`` Boy adam got big`` And that was my wake up call for him, I did not want him going thru what I did so I took it upon myself to rid the house of junk foods and start cooking him healthier meals and push fresh fruits & vegetables in place of chips and donuts and within 1 1/2 month he has transformed into a healthy young boy without even realizes he was dieting - He is so proud when he takes his shirt off and looks in the mirror. He says that kids are treating him differently this year - they are getting nicer , He says maybe thats what growing up does to bully`s ? ``Makes them nicer`` I am so happy for him.

ktsmom430

As others have commented, we pretty much know it.

That being said, I would never personally say that to anyone. It is cruel, and intentional or not, hurts to hear, as generally it is not meant as a compliment.

We, as a society, should learn acceptance of what we may think of as undesirable attributes about appearance. There are a lot of people worth getting to know that may not appear to have what is considered, "acceptable packaging". May be a surprise to get to know the "inner" person and many times, very worthwhile.

ekz13

we've gotten to a place that is just sad in society .. We've gotten so sensative that even the most innocent of words have been given "teeth" and it's hampering the abilty of people to communicate and do their jobs.

I'm not saying its nice to just walk up and tell someone they are fat, but lets be honest, if you ask?? really, do you honestly expect to be lied to by your friend/Spouse/partner, whatever? What is your expectation of that question and that person? I think its a bit unfair to put that kind of pressure on that person. at 350-400lbs to ask that question and then be offended when someone is trying to be honest?

Don't ask questions, you don't want answers too.

Another trend is the medical folks, when did it become a sin for a doctor to be able to tell a patient what their proffessional opinion was of their health? Can't tell them they are fat, overweight, obese, heavy, etc... what the hell are they getting paid for. Are the smoking people offended now too, how about the cholesterol people?

its like people that are offended when they are loud on their cell phones in a public place and then get pissy when you look ...

what exactly was your expectation in that situation?? we need to get a bit more realistic on our expectation management.

again, not saying it's ok to just walk up and point and yell "you're fat" ... that's damn rude..

lthames0810

First: I think it's inappropriate to comment on someone else's appearance in any way, past or present. I recently received the comment "Wow, your hair has really turned gray!" Rude. (I'm uncomfortable even if someone tells me I look nice, but that's just neurotic me.)

Second: Who asks someone if they look fat? If you have to ask, you probably know the answer already. And you'd have to know that the question will make the other person uncomfortable. It's just inconsiderate.

Rage_Phish

I've never been obese but at 5'2" I was carrying 30 lbs more than I should have been. It took some vacation photos for me to see how much I had gained. When I ask my family why they didn't tell me I was getting fat my daughter's response was "We aren't stupid!" When I think about it now I probably wouldn't have taken it well but then again at least I might have thought about it even if it was hurtful.

It seems like people always assume the fat person knows that they're fat and that isn't always the case. I hear a lot of overweight people trying to pass off their weight by saying that they "carry the weight well" or "don't look as heavy as I am" when in reality they aren't hiding anything.

It's hard to know what to say when someone who is overweight says something to which you have to make a response. Do you lie and tell them they look great or be honest and probably hurt their feelings? It's really a no win situation.

I was one of those people. Didn't really realize how big I had gotten. Even when I saw pictures I just thought oh musts been a bad angle.

I wish a friend or family member had taken me aside and kindly said something to me about it. GlD it finally clicked for me on my own

bumblebreezy91

I have been more hurt by people calling me 'fat' than by my close friends and loved ones being honest when I would say something about my figure (I would mention a desire to lose weight and instead of sugar-coating it, a couple of people have said things like, "But you don't have as much to lose as you think you do," or "You're not as big as you think you are," or "You hold the weight pretty well for being so petite, but I know you want to get to a healthier BMI so you can accomplish other non-weight related goals," or if I mention feeling heavier in one area, someone will correct me, "You didn't hold as much weight in your arms/bottom/stomach/face before you started those medications, I don't really see you holding extra weight in your legs," etc). I gained my weight on antidepressants over the course of 3-4 years, so I will hear a lot of "Before the meds" instead of "Before you gained all of that weight." I appreciate it more than dishonesty because they are not people who barely know me or strangers and they aren't being cruel or treating me like I don't know I'm overweight. They only say something when I initiate the conversation and I never get unsolicited advice like, "Are you sure you should be eating that on your diet?"

But a stranger looking at me weird and/or saying something cruel about my weight has always stung. They don't know me! They don't know that being "fat" means I'm alive, that I survived a bad time without taking my own life! They just want to hurt me and knowing that makes it hurt even more because it's like I don't have any legitimate feelings.

JSHamm

My wife and I were in Atlantic City a few months ago and as we were getting off the elevator an older man was coming in. I was carrying a rather large fountain soda and as he passed us he said "Big boy with his soda". I laughed the entire day at that. Just the way he said it was so matter of fact. I thought it was hilarious. meh, it did get me thinking though.

GuybrushThreepw00d

And that was my wake up call for him, I did not want him going thru what I did so I took it upon myself to rid the house of junk foods and start cooking him healthier meals and push fresh fruits & vegetables in place of chips and donuts and within 1 1/2 month he has transformed into a healthy young boy without even realizes he was dieting - He is so proud when he takes his shirt off and looks in the mirror. He says that kids are treating him differently this year - they are getting nicer , He says maybe thats what growing up does to bully`s ? ``Makes them nicer`` I am so happy for him.

puts a smile on my face.

Akijade

I've never needed anyone to tell me I'm fat (though plenty of people have been "kind" enough to point it out unsolicited). Trust me, if no one ever called you fat, consider yourself lucky. It doesn't help at all, and tends to only make you feel bad about yourself.

arcana7609

My wife and I were in Atlantic City a few months ago and as we were getting off the elevator an older man was coming in. I was carrying a rather large fountain soda and as he passed us he said "Big boy with his soda". I laughed the entire day at that. Just the way he said it was so matter of fact. I thought it was hilarious. meh, it did get me thinking though.

This made me laugh. Old people do not give a crap what they say.

One time I had went and picked up groceries for my grandma. I had forgotten to pick up her newspaper. She called my mom and told her "That FAT and forgetful Diann forgot my newspaper" We'll still laugh about that one today. I really enjoyed the alliteration.