Relationships ruin diets !

healthymissfit

My obsession with healthy living has really put a damper on my relationship, so quite the opposite for me!

How so ?

because he doesn't see it as i see it. i prefer to trudge this journey alone as far as he is concerned. i workout in private, i eat small portions without going out to eat much, etc. I'm more introverted than ever. All he sees is what I want him to see. He sees me on this site (and my fitblr) he hears me talk about everyone the site and how i can't wait to lose more weight, but he doesn't see me trying, he just sees this. It makes him angry and he thinks I'm lazy. It causes a lot of tension. He also isn't a big fan of the healthy food choices I make when grocery shopping (i.e. skim milk, no pop, non-fat everything, etc.)

ldrosophila

This is regards to marriage, but there has been some study about the comfort effect of a relationship

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/04/05/happy-marriage-tends-to-mean-weight-gain/53453.html


Marriage has long been associated with health benefits. However, times change and contemporary marriage appears to be linked with weight gain.

On the up side, Southern Methodist University researchers discovered the increase in body mass index over time is associated with relationship satisfaction.

By contrast, when couples are less satisfied in their marriage, or even contemplating separation, they’re significantly less likely to incur the weight penalty of their happier counterparts.

“It’s pretty well-established that marriage is associated with weight gain, and divorce is associated with weight loss,” said Dr. Andrea Meltzer, assistant professor of psychology. “But the extent to which satisfaction plays a role hasn’t been examined until now.”

The outcome of the study, found in the journal Health Psychology, was uncertain from the start.

Prior research has found that satisfying relationships are actually helpful in promoting good health practices. But Meltzer notes that those studies focused more on behaviors — such as taking medication on time or getting an annual physical — than weight.

Literature on mating, meanwhile, has shown that weight-maintenance is motivated primarily by a desire to attract a partner.

From this perspective, it makes sense that keeping svelte could be a function of dissatisfaction, and a desire to get back on the market.

To test which of these models held true, Meltzer and her co-authors tracked 169 newlyweds (married within the previous six months) for four years, checking in biannually to assess such measures as height, weight, marital satisfaction, stress, steps toward divorce and so on.

Upon analyzing the results, they found that more satisfied couples gained more weight — even controlling for confounding factors such as pregnancy.

“It was a relatively small amount of weight,” said Meltzer, who used changes in body mass index to assess this. “But we only looked at a snapshot of the first four years; if you take one of those happy marriages that go on for 20, 30, 40 years, it could potentially become unhealthy.”

In fact, a 2007 study of nearly 8,000 people found that over a five-year period, married men gained six more pounds than their same-aged bachelor buddies, while wedded women gained nine more pounds than their single counterparts.

As for why a happy marriage is correlated with a heavier physique, researchers can only speculate.

“What I think is happening is that people are thinking about weight maintenance in terms of appearance as opposed to health,” said Meltzer.

“The individuals who were buffered from weight-gain were the ones who were considering going back into the mating market and having to find a new partner, which suggests it has something to do with looks.”

The sheer stress of a breakup is also known to make the pounds melt off. And in a recent study out of Rutgers University, it was found that women in low-quality relationships were more likely to crash diet.

Meltzer suggests that happy couples who consider weight in terms of health, as opposed to appearance, may be able to avoid the costs at the scale.

But she also cautions that happy couples whose pants-size has crept up over the years can’t discount the effects of, a poor diet and limited physical activity.

“There’s more than just relationship satisfaction accounting for increased weight over time,” she said.

ladytinkerbell99

What are your thoughts on this statement.

First off, I don't like the word diet.. Healthy eating lifestyle change )

Well in my experience, for me.

When I am single I am focusing 100% on creating the best version of me and eating very healthily, making great choices and generally make getting healthier and reaching my goal weight my priority !

Then with this comes higher self esteem, looking better and being more confident, which then often leads to putting myself out there more and meeting someone...

In the past 3 years of my weightloss journey I would say I have had 2 big plateaus.. Both coinciding with a new relationship. And lasting the duration of the relationship ! One year... and not really a plateau as I gained 10lb ! Then lost the 10lb and a bit more... then another relationship of 6 months where I was a bit better and only gained 5lb.

I get more comfortable and my focus shifts from weight loss to the new boyfriend and nights in and pizza, and restaurants and going for ice cream and all that stuff.

I am single now and I am determined to keep on track until I reach my goal weight and not get distracted !!

What have your experiences been like when it comes to relationships/dating and weight loss?

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this !

^ Totally agree 100%.

Also, in response to others who mentioned to pick different men. Been there, done that. A man can be fit, athletic, a couch potato or somewhere in between. When the heart is involved, it does not matter how fit the man is in your relationship. Just my opinion. :flowerforyou:

ladytinkerbell99

Love your answer ldrosophila !!! It makes me so happy!! :flowerforyou:

Siansonea

Easy solution. Skip relationships. Do stuff you actually want to do. Works for me! :drinker:

jalara

I think it's not true. No one forces you to eat bad things - it's your own choices. If you blame others for where you are, for gaining weight, or for not reaching your goals then you might need professional help. Seriously. And a new life attitude.

What are these "bad things" that you think we're eating? And how do you know we are not being forced?

If you are being forced to eat things against your will then you should call the police as force feeding is ASSAULT. Otherwise, no - you are not being forced.

MandyMason7

I disagree. I gained about 75 lbs during the course of my 7 year marriage and when I decided in January that enough was enough my husband has been nothing but 100% supportive in my lifestyle change. He cooks our dinners and portions mine out for me without me having to remind him. He isn't very active at all unfortunately, so I'm on my own in that department but I've accepted that. I've got a 5k next weekend and he won't be there to run it with me or to meet me at the finish line but I'm doing it with some friends and that's ok with me.

kellybellyjellyn

Most of those who have agreed, are now single.
Whilst most of those who have disagreed are married or in a commited relationship of some kind.

So, is it not just that the wrong relationships can hinder diet success, whilst the right relationships suggest supportive flourishing lifestyle changes.

Just a thought.
:flowerforyou:

Very good observation

kellybellyjellyn

This is regards to marriage, but there has been some study about the comfort effect of a relationship

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/04/05/happy-marriage-tends-to-mean-weight-gain/53453.html


Marriage has long been associated with health benefits. However, times change and contemporary marriage appears to be linked with weight gain.

On the up side, Southern Methodist University researchers discovered the increase in body mass index over time is associated with relationship satisfaction.

By contrast, when couples are less satisfied in their marriage, or even contemplating separation, they’re significantly less likely to incur the weight penalty of their happier counterparts.

“It’s pretty well-established that marriage is associated with weight gain, and divorce is associated with weight loss,” said Dr. Andrea Meltzer, assistant professor of psychology. “But the extent to which satisfaction plays a role hasn’t been examined until now.”

The outcome of the study, found in the journal Health Psychology, was uncertain from the start.

Prior research has found that satisfying relationships are actually helpful in promoting good health practices. But Meltzer notes that those studies focused more on behaviors — such as taking medication on time or getting an annual physical — than weight.

Literature on mating, meanwhile, has shown that weight-maintenance is motivated primarily by a desire to attract a partner.

From this perspective, it makes sense that keeping svelte could be a function of dissatisfaction, and a desire to get back on the market.

To test which of these models held true, Meltzer and her co-authors tracked 169 newlyweds (married within the previous six months) for four years, checking in biannually to assess such measures as height, weight, marital satisfaction, stress, steps toward divorce and so on.

Upon analyzing the results, they found that more satisfied couples gained more weight — even controlling for confounding factors such as pregnancy.

“It was a relatively small amount of weight,” said Meltzer, who used changes in body mass index to assess this. “But we only looked at a snapshot of the first four years; if you take one of those happy marriages that go on for 20, 30, 40 years, it could potentially become unhealthy.”

In fact, a 2007 study of nearly 8,000 people found that over a five-year period, married men gained six more pounds than their same-aged bachelor buddies, while wedded women gained nine more pounds than their single counterparts.

As for why a happy marriage is correlated with a heavier physique, researchers can only speculate.

“What I think is happening is that people are thinking about weight maintenance in terms of appearance as opposed to health,” said Meltzer.

“The individuals who were buffered from weight-gain were the ones who were considering going back into the mating market and having to find a new partner, which suggests it has something to do with looks.”

The sheer stress of a breakup is also known to make the pounds melt off. And in a recent study out of Rutgers University, it was found that women in low-quality relationships were more likely to crash diet.

Meltzer suggests that happy couples who consider weight in terms of health, as opposed to appearance, may be able to avoid the costs at the scale.

But she also cautions that happy couples whose pants-size has crept up over the years can’t discount the effects of, a poor diet and limited physical activity.

“There’s more than just relationship satisfaction accounting for increased weight over time,” she said.

Interesting information thanks for posting

whitebalance

The thinking for most is that "hey I got my partner, so I don't need to work out or eat as well anymore to attract". This is why when a lot of people get married, weight gain usually follows.
When divorces happen, for some reason my personal training clientele increases. Time to attract a new mate workout time.
I don't believe relationships ruin diets (or physiques), I believe the focus on staying fit takes a back seat to other goals.

Agree with the last sentence. The rest is not why I gained weight in relationships. I gained weight because I spent my time with the guy instead of doing my own things. And cooked for him, and he wanted more weight-gain-inducing food, and it's a hassle to make separate meals. It wasn't "I got mine, time to relax," it was "I'm giving up my 'me' time to make room for him." I've always been healthier and less stressed when I'm single. :ohwell:

whitebalance

Easy solution. Skip relationships. Do stuff you actually want to do. Works for me! :drinker:

Ditto!

mbagradstudent

I wouldn't say my relationship ruins my diet, but it's much more fun having movie nights in with pizza and wine. I still work out on a daily basis, but in the past 2 years I've gained 15lbs (working during the day and going to school at night) in those 2 years also hasn't helped with dinners shifting to 10pm. Now that I'm done with grad school I'm trying my best to lose the weight that I gained. Tempting pizza nights and wine aren't helping, but I don't think my bf forced any on me either. Although he does make more meat dinners than I like and gets upset when he thinks I'm not eating enough...not sure how eating alot equates to happiness in his mind...but I just ignore him when he makes my dinner portion the same as him.

Haha this happened to me so often with my husband before we got married, he was taking a hamburger and I had to do so, same with any other food LOL. He was like: "Are you sick?", "You're going to get sick if you don't eat well", "I don't want you to be hungry", etc... He never forced me 'cause it was delicious so I was like "Ok, give it to me", but when I started changing the way I eat I was like, see it like this, I'm shorter than you, plus I'm a girl and you're a boy, and you seem to have a much better metabolism than I do... So I need less food, and I'm eating well and I won't get sick,,, It took him a while to get used to it, and to me to learn to resist, but it's so funny the way they show they care about us :P So cute!

HAHA. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I have learned to not finish everything on my plate. He enjoys the leftovers anyway so food isn't being wasted. He's learned to somewhat except that some nights I only want eggs for dinner and yes I will take that really small piece of chicken...I don't need .5lbs of any meat. I just need to work on his wine pouring skills now...I would LOVE a full glass...to the rim.....but my belly will not like the added sugar/calories/etc. He means well.

bcattoes

Easy solution. Skip relationships. Do stuff you actually want to do. Works for me! :drinker:

And what if the relationship is what you want to do?

bcattoes

Most of those who have agreed, are now single.
Whilst most of those who have disagreed are married or in a commited relationship of some kind.

So, is it not just that the wrong relationships can hinder diet success, whilst the right relationships suggest supportive flourishing lifestyle changes.

Just a thought.
:flowerforyou:

Very good observation

It's possible to be single, as in not married, and be in a relationship. But if you are talking about single as in not having a relationship, how do you know most of those that have agreed are single?

Taterpoof

I think it just depends. In past relationships, yes they did have an effect on my eating habits and healthy lifestyle, but they were also very stressful relationships. The one I am in now has helped me to be as healthy as I possibly can. It is a wonderful relationship and we both are studying to become personal trainers so we motivate each other everyday to workout and eat right.

Siansonea

Easy solution. Skip relationships. Do stuff you actually want to do. Works for me! :drinker:

And what if the relationship is what you want to do?

Then be prepared to channel all your energy into that. :smokin: Personally, I can't be bothered. :drinker:

illuvatree

My gf and I are all about healthy food. Sometimes I freak out because my calorie count is slightly higher (still around my goal) some days when I'm with her, but the fact is that I eat a lot of organic veggies and fruits, whole grains, and things like that. It's all about portion control, too! It's not necessarily a relationship's fault that the diet gets "ruined." You have to try and have the willpower to keep going, even when the temptation to stop is there