Wondering...without meaning to insult.
So people shouldn't judge but they do, most are just courteous to keep their mouths shut. Here is something that popped into my mind today from another thread and got me thinking. No insult intended to anyone, just would like others views on this.
Why is it that in society you should not comment on someones weight if they are heavy, even if they are a spouse, child (adult not an actual child) or anyone you love; just because it might hurt their feelings or cause them emotional harm ....BUT if the person in thin (naturally) people feel that they have the right to comment over everything?
I thought about this because in another thread I felt mean by suggesting if the husband is not ok with his wife being unhealthy he had the right to bring the subject up, not shame her or insult just honesty. Everyone disagreed and felt it would be better to not say anything in case you upset her or hurt her feelings. I had made the off hand comment that at times I wish my husband would have pointed out my weight gain to me. Well it got me thinking and I thought about my little sister she is 33 yrs old and never over 110 and 5'6" she would be lucky to not have a size 3 fall off of her. My sister is naturally thin, she eats healthy but really doesn't think too much about it and does not exercise. People always comment about her weight, even complete strangers. when her and her husband were having a hard time conceiving (his end, she checks out) people just assumed it was that she needed to gain weight. Before her wedding everyone said she should gain weight to fill her dress better, she was Beautiful. She is constantly fending people off from criticizing her weight and they all seem to think they are trying to be helpful, even after she explains she is in perfect health as her doctor tells her. They have even told her that her doctor must be wrong.
I know strangers should not judge or make statements unsolicited about others but why does society view this behavior of judging the thin (she is healthy and does not try to be thin) as acceptable (even strangers) and view the idea that a husband thinks his wife is gaining too much weight as an awful thing for him to think or say especially when the latter is destructive and is being made as a personal choice (not saying all cases, but this one was). My sister will even force herself to eat extra and eat more junk at parties so that she doesn't hear that "she needs to eat" all night.
I think strangers should keep their mouths shut unless asked, but loved ones can show concern when the issue is self inflicted and there is cause.
Also it really pisses my sister off when people say they wish they had her problem and that she should not care what people say because its a compliment. She does not see it that way and it makes her very self conscious.
ETA: after checking the thread that got me thinking it does seem there are a few that agree with me, but would still love to understand the double standard
Why is it that in society you should not comment on someones weight if they are heavy, even if they are a spouse, child (adult not an actual child) or anyone you love; just because it might hurt their feelings or cause them emotional harm ....BUT if the person in thin (naturally) people feel that they have the right to comment over everything?
I thought about this because in another thread I felt mean by suggesting if the husband is not ok with his wife being unhealthy he had the right to bring the subject up, not shame her or insult just honesty. Everyone disagreed and felt it would be better to not say anything in case you upset her or hurt her feelings. I had made the off hand comment that at times I wish my husband would have pointed out my weight gain to me. Well it got me thinking and I thought about my little sister she is 33 yrs old and never over 110 and 5'6" she would be lucky to not have a size 3 fall off of her. My sister is naturally thin, she eats healthy but really doesn't think too much about it and does not exercise. People always comment about her weight, even complete strangers. when her and her husband were having a hard time conceiving (his end, she checks out) people just assumed it was that she needed to gain weight. Before her wedding everyone said she should gain weight to fill her dress better, she was Beautiful. She is constantly fending people off from criticizing her weight and they all seem to think they are trying to be helpful, even after she explains she is in perfect health as her doctor tells her. They have even told her that her doctor must be wrong.
I know strangers should not judge or make statements unsolicited about others but why does society view this behavior of judging the thin (she is healthy and does not try to be thin) as acceptable (even strangers) and view the idea that a husband thinks his wife is gaining too much weight as an awful thing for him to think or say especially when the latter is destructive and is being made as a personal choice (not saying all cases, but this one was). My sister will even force herself to eat extra and eat more junk at parties so that she doesn't hear that "she needs to eat" all night.
I think strangers should keep their mouths shut unless asked, but loved ones can show concern when the issue is self inflicted and there is cause.
Also it really pisses my sister off when people say they wish they had her problem and that she should not care what people say because its a compliment. She does not see it that way and it makes her very self conscious.
ETA: after checking the thread that got me thinking it does seem there are a few that agree with me, but would still love to understand the double standard
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Eh. If anyone wants to comment on what I am doing to my body, I already have my repsonse:
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Eh. If anyone wants to comment on what I am doing to my body, I already have my repsonse:
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Eh. If anyone wants to comment on what I am doing to my body, I already have my repsonse:
It's genetics. She is big boned with a slow metabolism.0 -
Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
And as far as other people, I will only comment on a person's weight if I know they have been exercising/working out and trying to alter themselves......then I will comment on their progress.0 -
Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
True story :happy:0 -
@infoForBacon............ I would have to say that picture would be insulting, I really don't want anyone insulted just have no clue why its ok for people to insult my sister for being thin but everyone must keep their mouths shut when it comes to over weight.
@djeffreys10 That one is funny... and that is a double standard too, people at the gym constantly talk about the guys lifting but if they heard those guys talking about them they would have a melt down and have to report them to management.0 -
Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
True story :happy:
Men often get the raw end of the deal. If you don't say anything about their weight, then they are being an enabler and if they say something about it, then they are just jerks.
I feel bad for you men out there!0 -
I had the wrong pic up, the right one is up now.@infoForBacon............ I would have to say that picture would be insulting, I really don't want anyone insulted just have no clue why its ok for people to insult my sister for being thin but everyone must keep their mouths shut when it comes to over weight.
@djeffreys10 That one is funny... and that is a double standard too, people at the gym constantly talk about the guys lifting but if they heard those guys talking about them they would have a melt down and have to report them to management.0 -
Don't forget the thyroid problem.
It's genetics. She is big boned with a slow metabolism.0 -
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Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
True story :happy:
:laugh: :laugh:
So you are the same way?0 -
Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
True story :happy:
Men often get the raw end of the deal. If you don't say anything about their weight, then they are being an enabler and if they say something about it, then they are just jerks.
I feel bad for you men out there!
I feel bad for us men out here too. :laugh: :laugh:
If my wife asks me things that I know is in an area full of land mines, I just tell her I ain't answering..... :noway: :noway:0 -
Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
True story :happy:
:laugh: :laugh:
So you are the same way?
:devil:0 -
@infoForBacon............ I would have to say that picture would be insulting, I really don't want anyone insulted just have no clue why its ok for people to insult my sister for being thin but everyone must keep their mouths shut when it comes to over weight.
Probably because since she is skinny.....people can say something......because well.....she is skinny.
She is what most everyone wishes they were.
Hell, I get insulted (I see it as an insult).....with little slighted remarks.
Like::
you are showing off,
you are no fun to eat with
you think you look better than everyone else.
I think in those cases it comes down to jealousy....but it is still annoying.
I didn't get to where I am at now, by sitting on a couch and stuffing chips down my throat.0 -
Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
True story :happy:
:laugh: :laugh:
So you are the same way?
:devil:
:laugh:
Be gentle please. :flowerforyou:0 -
Well for me, regarding my wife, I keep my mouth shut.....
Because if I were to offer any opinion, it would most certainly be taken out of context, and I would never hear the end of it.
True story :happy:
Men often get the raw end of the deal. If you don't say anything about their weight, then they are being an enabler and if they say something about it, then they are just jerks.
I feel bad for you men out there!
I feel bad for us men out here too. :laugh: :laugh:
If my wife asks me things that I know is in an area full of land mines, I just tell her I ain't answering..... :noway: :noway:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I feel bad for us men out here too. :laugh: :laugh:
If my wife asks me things that I know is in an area full of land mines, I just tell her I ain't answering..... :noway: :noway:
Lmao, my husband just laughs and says that he isn't suicidal.0 -
I feel bad for us men out here too. :laugh: :laugh:
If my wife asks me things that I know is in an area full of land mines, I just tell her I ain't answering..... :noway: :noway:
Lmao, my husband just laughs and says that he isn't suicidal.
Yep, my thoughts exactly.....0 -
Eh. If anyone wants to comment on what I am doing to my body, I already have my repsonse:
There ya go!0 -
People should just mind their own business in general. I wouldn't comment that someone's hair color was bizarre, their tats are ugly, or their nose is too crooked. Similarly, I'm not going to comment on someone's size, big or small.
Live and let live. Unsolicited criticism, particularly from strangers or anyone not close, is never warranted. From a spouse or relative, unless asked for, it's rude.0 -
A few weeks ago cleaning out my attic I found my stash of fat pants. When I unfolded them, I was shocked cuz I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to get THAT big. I was telling a friend about it and said "why didn't anyone ever say anything about how big I was?", though I agree with the others I probably would have been insulted if someone actually had. But now I'm on the other side, people feel free to tell me all the time how skinny I am or that I don't have to worry about what I eat because I'm so skinny now, which, to me, seem to discount all the hard work I put in to get this way.0
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The double standard just speaks to a truth about our current Western culture. It's far better to be considered too thin than too fat. I have been called both in my life. It felt a LOT worse to be told I was too big.0
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1. I agree that if you have a close/trusting relationship/friendship with someone and you are genuinely concerned about their physical or mental health due to a weight issue (whether overweight or underweight) you may not have the RIGHT but you have a duty to reach out. To me, it's not what you say but how you say it. To even be in this position means you know this person well enough to think it through and make sure you word yourself in a way that will not offend them but let them know you are there for support and/or are concerned.
2. When it comes to strangers, depending on the situation, you have to either accept that some people were not raised properly or were raised differently and they just don't know better and don't let it get to you, or speak up for the sake of humanity and explain to them why their questions/statements are completely inappropriate. For example, I have a friend and she is naturally VERY skinny. We went to the store and I didn't have my ID so she bought me a pack of cigarettes. The cashier was an older, asian woman. She looked at my friend's ID and then pointed to the picture and said "This is you?" and my friend said "yeah, why?" and she said "Oh you look fatter in the picture." I promptly piped in with "You can't say that to people." and she looked at me like I was furious, but that was all I said luckily for her. I've come to notice that a lot of foreign people say REALLY inappropriate things. It's like they don't have manners on other continents. Bizarre. Another instance of this was an older hispanic man who worked at the gas station by my house. He saw me a million times and would say hello to me. Then he went to work at another gas station that I never go to. I happened to stop in there and he says "You had your baby?" and I was like "What? What baby?" So yeah thanks for that, Mr. Convenience store man :laugh:0 -
I think a person shouldn't ever criticize someone for not doing something they're not doing. I would be royally PO'd if my husband said anything negative about my weight and did nothing about his, for example. Don't tell a person they're fat if you're fatty yourself and your only exercise is lifting your food to your face (general you, not specific!). I also don't like unsolicited "help". If I'm a bit heavy, I probably know it and don't need nor want a reminder!0
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I get it a lot. In high school I was quite heathy, still am yet those that don't know me think I don't eat.
I eat more than most even when I'm not active. I was in high school when the nurse called me anorexic, my parents
threw a fit because I had never lost weight and was always fed well, this was the 80s so the nurse didn't know any better.
Anyway, there are naturally skinny people and hearing the insults hurt.0 -
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I completely agree that it's a double standard. I have been very annoyed seeing heavy friends on Facebook post things like "Real women have curves" and "Bones are for the dog, meat is for the man," not even thinking that they might be really insulting women who are thin, whether by nature or by choice. They're effectively saying that if you're thin, then you're unfeminine and unattractive. If someone were to post the opposite, like "real women stay thin," there would be no end to the anger such a post would incur.
I guess the thing to remember is that people who make insensitive remarks like that are probably speaking from their own bodily insecurities and trying to make themselves feel better by looking at very thin people as being worse off than they are.0 -
I could look at this for a long time and not stop cracking up
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I completely agree that it's a double standard. I have been very annoyed seeing heavy friends on Facebook post things like "Real women have curves" and "Bones are for the dog, meat is for the man," not even thinking that they might be really insulting women who are thin, whether by nature or by choice. They're effectively saying that if you're thin, then you're unfeminine and unattractive. If someone were to post the opposite, like "real women stay thin," there would be no end to the anger such a post would incur.
I guess the thing to remember is that people who make insensitive remarks like that are probably speaking from their own bodily insecurities and trying to make themselves feel better by looking at very thin people as being worse off than they are.
Exactly. 0
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