One Night Stand - Liberating or shameful?
Replies
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As to the question of safety and sex, I think it is hilarious that we become so very serious and induce this awe inspiring fear of the looming specter of STD's, but think nothing of jumping in our cars on an almost daily basis (for most adults). Motor vehicle accidents kill and seriously injure more people in a year than all of the STD's combined...
Car accidents in 20 years: 3 (not always the driver)
Permanent injuries from MVA: 1
STD's in Lifetime: None
Also, most STD scare is stigma-based. Bacterial STI's (most of the ones people are familiar with) are easily treatable with antibiotics. Herpes, although painful, is manageable and people taking medication can really reduce their outbreaks. Even the worst case scenario, HIV, is manageable and many people who are HIV+ can live a long and fulfilling life.
The worst outcome for driving a car is NOT a long and fulfilling life. Interesting point. I think about that often when I see people freak out about going on a plane. People really don't have a good sense of risk.0 -
I always call the next day just to thank the woman who was drunk enough to sleep with me. :drinker:0
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Whether or not you're going to walk away feeling shameful or liberated is dependent on how you were raised, your personal convictions and morals, state of mind and what romantic experiences you have had.
I would personally feel ashamed of myself. But the next woman might have a totally different mindset.
So the answer for you is look within yourself to determine what value should be put on sexual relationships. This question won't be answered by me or anyone else on the forums.0 -
I have never had one, but I could image feeling used afterwards, which is exactly what happens in one night stands...really no other reason for it.0
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Plan-B efficiency is surprisingly low, according to my doctor.
Plan B is up to 89 percent effective when taken within 72 hours. I think you should get a new doctor. A lot of anti-choice wackjobs try to scare people out of using emergency contraception. And honestly, the $40-$50 you might spend on it is a hell of a lot cheaper than the cost of an abortion or baby. Almost nothing is 100% effective, but if you don't want to be pregnant, there aren't any better options short of abortion.
THIS! I would question a doctor's agenda if they spouted such a claim....
He didn't try to scare me out of using it, simply warned me about the fact that he has seen quite a few ladies get pregnant although they have used the pill. Its efficiency is lowered by a multitude of factors, and a lot of ladies use it incorrectly. I believe there is a limit of times you can use it in a year too..
If other means of contraception fail, by all means, TAKE THE PILL.
Effectiveness gets lowered the longer people wait to take it. I think it gets down to the 80% range after waiting like 3 or 4 days. But honestly, that's still pretty decent odds. The key is really taking it as soon as possible. The idea that you aren't allowed to use it a certain number of times in a year is wrong. You just shouldn't use it as you're main form of birth control, although I don't know who would given the price. Efficacy is really only lowered by the time you wait and if you throw up after recently taking the pill, although I've heard it doesn't work quite as well in women who are severely overweight. But that might be a dosage issue.0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!0 -
F**k that, I wear a hazmat suit.I'm an old fashioned girl so it wouldn't be something I would engage in.
I am not sure it is all that safe either - strangers and diseases etc.
Um, you do know that there's this neat invention called condoms, right? And this other neat thing called "STD testing" that many adults do?
A friend of mine got pregnant on a one night stand and that was with a condom so they aren't 100% safe.
Like I said it isn't something that I would engage in. I don't judge people that do as it isn't any of my business.
You're right. That's why people should use back-up protection (such as the pill, IUD, or ring) or use plan-B if there's a condom malfunction. Sex education, y'all!0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.0 -
I personally found that the sex was not as good. \
MUCH better with someone you are comfortable with and who knows what you want.0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
You know, some people have a different opinion than yours, believe it or not.
Believe it or not, some people believe that sex before marriage, or sex without being in a relationship is wrong. That is the moral component to sex. I'm not sure the argument here?0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
As I said, if one is religious and believes the link between sex and marriage, that person would likely think a one night stand has a lot to do with good/bad behavior and right/wrong.
You don't like me. You love to argue. It's cool. I get it. But you're not always the authority on all things sex-related. Others have valid opinions/ideas. It's not a right or wrong answer.0 -
Let's not castrate Junken_Diraff, now. They are correct in stating that some people take the view that there is a moral component to sexual activity. Some people do subscribe to stricter positions as to the morality of sexual activity.I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
Segue on morality. Interesting fact. Across the vast, vast majority of societies there is only one moral/ethical issue where they all agree. It does have to do with sexual behavior and it concerns incest. Incest as a moral/ethical question is almost universally held to be an immoral act. Not killing. Not stealing. Not lying. Not the hundreds of other ethical issues.0 -
Almost nothing is 100% effective, but if you don't want to be pregnant, there aren't any better options short of abortion.
Abstinence is 100%, just sayin. As far as abortion, I'm not opening that can of worms........0 -
Liberating and very very fun
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Dude, you and me both! :laugh:I always call the next day just to thank the woman who was drunk enough to sleep with me. :drinker:0 -
I personally found that the sex was not as good. \
MUCH better with someone you are comfortable with and who knows what you want.
i agree with this, for myself.
but, i do not think there is anything immoral about any number of consenting adults having one night stands. if it makes you happy, and you aren't hurting anyone, what right has anyone else to judge?0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
As I said, if one is religious and believes the link between sex and marriage, that person would likely think a one night stand has a lot to do with good/bad behavior and right/wrong.
You don't like me. You love to argue. It's cool. I get it. But you're not always the authority on all things sex-related. Others have valid opinions/ideas. It's not a right or wrong answer.
Awesome response - twice! :drinker: :drinker:0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
actually, this is very well said.0 -
Shameful. You should all feel bad about your sloring ways.0
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Liberating. Just be safe!0
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Always lasts longer than one night...I must be doing it wrong. *shrugs*0
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I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
As I said, if one is religious and believes the link between sex and marriage, that person would likely think a one night stand has a lot to do with good/bad behavior and right/wrong.
You don't like me. You love to argue. It's cool. I get it. But you're not always the authority on all things sex-related. Others have valid opinions/ideas. It's not a right or wrong answer.
Ok. So "because the bible" said so. Great argument! Religion sure is great at showing logical proof for determining if something is ethical.
It's not that I don't like you. It's just that you're wrong. And I like stating my opinions not arguing. I never said I was the authority. I just happen to have a working brain and don't take "because religion says it's wrong" as a valid answer.0 -
Almost nothing is 100% effective, but if you don't want to be pregnant, there aren't any better options short of abortion.
Abstinence is 100%, just sayin. As far as abortion, I'm not opening that can of worms........
Nothing is 100% effective once you've had sex and have a possibility of getting pregnant. The topic was plan-b after having had sex when the condom didn't work. READING COMPREHENSION!!0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
You know, some people have a different opinion than yours, believe it or not.
Believe it or not, some people believe that sex before marriage, or sex without being in a relationship is wrong. That is the moral component to sex. I'm not sure the argument here?
Believing something doesn't make it true. Basic logic.0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
You know, some people have a different opinion than yours, believe it or not.
Believe it or not, some people believe that sex before marriage, or sex without being in a relationship is wrong. That is the moral component to sex. I'm not sure the argument here?
Believing something doesn't make it true. Basic logic.
Correct.
If you want to sleep with whomever you want, go for it. I won't judge. But I am curious as to why you sit here and judge everyone who has a different opinion than you?0 -
I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
As I said, if one is religious and believes the link between sex and marriage, that person would likely think a one night stand has a lot to do with good/bad behavior and right/wrong.
You don't like me. You love to argue. It's cool. I get it. But you're not always the authority on all things sex-related. Others have valid opinions/ideas. It's not a right or wrong answer.
Ok. So "because the bible" said so. Great argument! Religion sure is great at showing logical proof for determining if something is ethical.
It's not that I don't like you. It's just that you're wrong. And I like stating my opinions not arguing. I never said I was the authority. I just happen to have a working brain and don't take "because religion says it's wrong" as a valid answer.
Emma-you're a smart girl. You know better. Some people 100% believe that "because the Bible said so" is a valid argument. The Bible influences their views on sex, love, marriage, right and wrong, child-rearing, etc. People believing in something you don't does not make them wrong and you right. It makes your opinions and beliefs different. That's all.
Morality and ethics are on a continuum. There are very few things that are right or wrong. You're educated. In social sciences, if memory serves. You, of all people, should be able to see both sides of this coin.0 -
Sometimes people just need to feel physically wanted.0
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I'm an old fashioned girl so it wouldn't be something I would engage in.
I am not sure it is all that safe either - strangers and diseases etc.
Um, you do know that there's this neat invention called condoms, right? And this other neat thing called "STD testing" that many adults do?
A friend of mine got pregnant on a one night stand and that was with a condom so they aren't 100% safe.
Like I said it isn't something that I would engage in. I don't judge people that do as it isn't any of my business.
It's always a friend!
But she lied to you about it by the way.
I know condoms are not 100% but in this case they weren't there.0 -
^this. Everyone has perspective which is psychologically made up of experiences, beliefs, culture....the list of factors that can go on....and all can be incorporated in how a person views sex, preference, etc. some people place stigmas upon the act, others attach more emotion. Some not at all. Combined all of that influences an opinion on sex, and in my opinion, everyone is entitled to their feelings as long as they are not rudely berating others. I personally thrive on emotional attachment and see no fulfilling attributes to a one time sexual encounter. I have plenty of friends who love one night stands and I don't see any negativity in their decision. It works for them. My choices work for me.I'm gonna agree with the neither shameful nor liberating camp on this one. They can be fun, they can be awful. Depends largely on the partner, setting, state of mind, etc. To many variables to make a blanket decision.
I will say, though, that I believe there is a moral component to sex, beyond consent, for many people. Not everyone has the same view, therefore you cannot say sex has nothing to do with morality. To some, sex is inextricably linked to religion/marriage. There would most definitely be a moral component to sex for them. To some, sex is a recreational activity, so it's less likely there would be a moral issue.
For me, I'm trying to figure out my changing views on it. I grew up believing that sex was only okay within a marriage. Then I decided it was okay within a loving relationship. Then, I realized how fun it can be and now see it as more recreational. That being said, I find it a different experience to have sex for fun and to have sex within a loving committed relationship. (that's not to say that sex within a relationship isn't fun, btw!) Neither is better or worse, just different. And equally rewarding!!!
There is a moral component to sex?
NOPE
Morality- principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior
You tell me how sex between two consenting adults can be used to show a person's ability to determine right from wrong. Please enlighten me as to who is being hurt and how casual sex can be seen as unethical.
You know, some people have a different opinion than yours, believe it or not.
Believe it or not, some people believe that sex before marriage, or sex without being in a relationship is wrong. That is the moral component to sex. I'm not sure the argument here?
Believing something doesn't make it true. Basic logic.
Correct.
If you want to sleep with whomever you want, go for it. I won't judge. But I am curious as to why you sit here and judge everyone who has a different opinion than you?
0 -
Believing something doesn't make it true. Basic logic.
Correct.
If you want to sleep with whomever you want, go for it. I won't judge. But I am curious as to why you sit here and judge everyone who has a different opinion than you?
I never judged anyone. I never said anyone had a stick up their butt or were bad people for wanting to only have sex in love. While on the other hand lots of people said that having casual sex was disgusting and a moral issue and that people who have it are bound to be riddled with disease.
As someone who has long worked in sexual health, I find that thinking to be intolerable. As an agnostic I try to do my best not to judge religious people but when those ideas seep into culture and are used to judge someone's sexuality I find it hard not to talk back. I work in a swing club with people who are safe and enjoy casual sex. All of whom are intelligent and good people who have shown me nothing but kindness and all of whom have safer sex practices than the average NYer. So the misconceptions on casual sex appear to me to be nothing but religious scare tactics.
And honestly if "casual" was replace with "homosexual" we wouldn't be having this conversation. Everyone has a different sexuality and preferences when it comes to sex. Why is it so acceptable to judge some and not others?0
This discussion has been closed.
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