Negative Nancies

asianmonkie

Yeah, a lot pf people can be like crabs in a bucket. When one starts to climb out the others will grab onto it trying to pull themselves out but instead pull that one back in. Same with people from some of my experience. You do you and just let the others talk. They will be oooing and awing when you accomplish your goal. I really do not get people who are like this. I know when friends ***** at me for choosing training over happy hour it is in one ear and out the other. Training is my form of meditation. It is a time in the day that I have to myself. All issues / problems are left at the front door of the gym.

My work out is my meditation too. Nothing like kick boxing after a terrible day at work

asianmonkie

I'd just stay friends with them if they bring anything else to your life, but steer AWAY from the diet and weight loss topics.

But it was my mistake. I should have known better. Talking about diets is boring... only those taking the same path as you may be interested. But I forgot myself and answered their questions honestly. Again, my mistake.

LOL -- but it do like MFP cause i can post my "brag" flag above!

Honestly, why do people ask us questions and then not want to hear it or turn on us when we genuinely answer? I've learned my lesson.

Mr_Starr

Honestly, why do people ask us questions and then not want to hear it or turn on us when we genuinely answer? I've learned my lesson.

@ asianmonkie

I wish i knew myself But weight/diet is highly sensitive subject to many.

I have learned by experience to NEVER talk about it a group situation, but I have shared on one on one with some good friends. But i realize the conversation is not going to be about me... but them. They are looking for hope ... or excuses. If hope... I try to be supportive and offer to share and help. If I see they are looking for excuses, I change the topic. But I try to be gentle and change it on a positive note.

seltzermint555

When we go to a restaurant, I don't lament the menu or the restaurant - I just scan the menu, find something that's well enough in plan, and order it. WITHOUT explaining why I'm ordering it. No fanfare. No "siiiiigh, I WANT the fried chicken, but I'm getting a salad".

ooh sooo much this. A lot of times I read stuff on MFP about "How can my friends sabotage me like this, they wanna go to a Mexican restaurant, what am I going to DO!? OMG" and I think...wow, seriously?!?

I just ate 1/2 of a thin crust Dominos pizza with pineapple & onion for lunch. Work was buying, and they asked what I wanted. My coworkers each got their own pizzas, thick crust with meat and extra cheese, and they ate the whole medium pizza themselves. I have 1/2 of mine left and it's prelogged as tomorrow's lunch. I don't see any problem with that. I didn't have to get involved in a big discussion about my nutritional habits like a lot of people would. And I think I'm happier for it.

Gosh that sounds like I am patting myself on the back. That's not how I mean it. I just think it doesn't have to be a big deal to make better choices.

asianmonkie

When we go to a restaurant, I don't lament the menu or the restaurant - I just scan the menu, find something that's well enough in plan, and order it. WITHOUT explaining why I'm ordering it. No fanfare. No "siiiiigh, I WANT the fried chicken, but I'm getting a salad".

ooh sooo much this. A lot of times I read stuff on MFP about "How can my friends sabotage me like this, they wanna go to a Mexican restaurant, what am I going to DO!? OMG" and I think...wow, seriously?!?

I just ate 1/2 of a thin crust Dominos pizza with pineapple & onion for lunch. Work was buying, and they asked what I wanted. My coworkers each got their own pizzas, thick crust with meat and extra cheese, and they ate the whole medium pizza themselves. I have 1/2 of mine left and it's prelogged as tomorrow's lunch. I don't see any problem with that. I didn't have to get involved in a big discussion about my nutritional habits like a lot of people would. And I think I'm happier for it.

Gosh that sounds like I am patting myself on the back. That's not how I mean it. I just think it doesn't have to be a big deal to make better choices.

I do this a lot- eating only half of the food I order and only ordering what my calories for the day allows. I don't fret over it either. It seems my friends make a bigger deal out it than I do and that's what annoys me. They make me out to be the bad guy for not eating what they're eating.

lcvaughn520

I was just trying to think of how I usually approach this, but I realized that I don't really have your same issue, luckily. I can't imagine how awkward that would be to have your friends constantly obsessing over what you're eating and how much. Sometimes my friends will ask about what I'm eating, but I usually just say, "I'm trying to lose a little bit of weight" and then there are no follow up questions. I've never really appreciated this until now as I just thought it was normal. I mean, usually people will be like "oh my gosh you do NOT need to lose weight!" but then they drop it.

Like you've already said, trying to find activities other than eating out together will help. Or you could even host a dinner party where you prepare what you want to. Then you can just eat what everyone else is eating so there won't be anything to worry about.

I also agree that trying to help people lose weight isn't normally a great idea. Although you have really good intentions, it probably exacerbates your friends' feelings of inferiority or insecurity. Unless they've asked for your help, in which case, help away!!

kgeyser

I NEED to vent. All of my friends are so negative and it's so discouraging. I have distanced myself from them because they're just bringing me down and it makes me less motivated to work out and eat right. I have one group of friends who are telling me I'm obsessive. Another group of friends ask me about my diet and follow it up with their complaints about their weight and their poor diets.

For the first group, I explain to them that it's not a diet but a lifestyle change. They said, "It's like that's all you think about." Of course it's all that I think about. It's my LIFE that I'm changing here! Why are they so "offended" that I am trying to make myself a better person? What's their problem?!

The second group of people just whine and complain about how fat they are and how bad their diet is. Then they proceed to make excuses for their pathetic choices. It's not like I haven't tried helping these people. I have bought them weights and work out videos, and even offered to take care of their kids so they could exercise. I've even given them some of my recipes. They always come up with a sorry-a** excuse. Don't ask me about my progress and follow it up with your self pity. I'm not your therapist.

I have been dealing with this pretty well for most the first couple of months but it came up again today and I blew my lid. There's only so much one can take. I am done with these people! If they're not happy for me, they can shove it!

How do you deal with these people? Should I ignore them and come back to them later? Should I just not be friends with them anymore just because of this?

So basically what you are saying is, when you were fat and making "pathetic choices" yourself, these people who stood by you, supported you, and cared about you no matter how much you weighed or what you ate are now no longer "good enough" to be friends with you.

The first group isn't "offended" by your lifestyle change, they're offended that you care more about your diet and exercise than you do about them now. And the second group of people whom you seem so disgusted by were exactly where you were not that long ago when you were making excuses. I'm guessing both groups probably didn't spend their time talking about you behind your back and complaining about how fat you were or your poor excuses or your pathetic choices on the internet.

So to answer your question, cut them out of your life. They've clearly fulfilled their purpose of supporting you when you were at your lowest and you obviously have no interest in accepting them for who they are, including their flaws, so let them go find a friend who will.

asianmonkie

So basically what you are saying is, when you were fat and making "pathetic choices" yourself, these people who stood by you, supported you, and cared about you no matter how much you weighed or what you ate are now no longer "good enough" to be friends with you.

The first group isn't "offended" by your lifestyle change, they're offended that you care more about your diet and exercise than you do about them now. And the second group of people whom you seem so disgusted by were exactly where you were not that long ago when you were making excuses. I'm guessing both groups probably didn't spend their time talking about you behind your back and complaining about how fat you were or your poor excuses or your pathetic choices on the internet.

So to answer your question, cut them out of your life. They've clearly fulfilled their purpose of supporting you when you were at your lowest and you obviously have no interest in accepting them for who they are, including their flaws, so let them go find a friend who will.

I'm sorry that you're misreading everything I have written. They don't disgust me and I never said they weren't good enough to be my friend. I am stating that their negative feedback is causing me to become negative as well. No one can live a healthy life being surrounded by negativity.

DaveneGfit

It's not that uncommon to experience this. I have certain friends that fitness and exercise are on the do not discuss list. I found that those friends are still important to me in other aspects of my life and we can get along fine as long as we avoid that topic, I've had other friends that I've ended the friendship due to finding that there were many other things that I did not see eye to eye with. You learn and you grow. All you can do is invite them to join you in your journey, they won't until they;re ready to make a change.

As for friends in general, maybe try joining a local running club, or a new workout class/studio, I tend to find that I befriend people that are more like minded and so eventually it doesn't even present as a problem anymore

I agree! When I first stared a lot of people were negative about it and I still get made fun of to this day. I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with their own choices and that's how the deal with it.

briana12077

I'm pretty new back into this and don't have a lot of friends... but it still happens. Just recently my friend offered to bring me pizza, and I politely declined but she didn't see the text and got it for me anyways. I felt bad and just told her I didn't want it because I didn't really have the calories, and she was like a little offended so I told her I appreciated it so much and would bring it home with me and eat it later when I did. That made her feel better but she was still giving me a look that seemed like she thought I was obnoxious. Another time she invited me to go to taco bell with her. I said I really didn't want to, but could tell she just wanted to hang out and she called me a freak, so I said fine I will go cause I want to hang out but I might not eat anything or just get something small. She still called me a freak and was like "look how much food I'm getting" and I was just like that looks delicious. Best thing to do is just understand that everyone is jealous and just doesn't want to hear about it. I just try to not talk about it. Sometimes (since it is on my mind all the time) it just spills out, but I try to control it or only tell people like once and very little about my progress. I find it usually that its easier to just not talk about it and post on here on your feeds or something and talk to your mfp friends

summerroxygoodin

*hug* I hope I'm not one of those friends you are talking about. I think it's great that you are doing what you can to change yourself and be happy. You always comes first before anyone unless you have children...that's kind of hard to put you first. Anyway you know what I mean I hope. Hope today gets better for you.

asianmonkie

*hug* I hope I'm not one of those friends you are talking about. I think it's great that you are doing what you can to change yourself and be happy. You always comes first before anyone unless you have children...that's kind of hard to put you first. Anyway you know what I mean I hope. Hope today gets better for you.

Of course not you! You're awesome! I meant my friends IRL. Not that you're not real... I'll just be quiet now >.<

sabified

I'd just stay friends with them if they bring anything else to your life, but steer AWAY from the diet and weight loss topics.

This is basically what I do.

This, and

As for buying your friends weights and offering so much assistance...I would stop that. It's nice and all, but maybe that is not what they need or want. I think that would kind of put me in a grumpy mood toward them and cause me to expect them to follow through...but I think everyone has to change their diet and exercise habits at their own pace.

This.

Try to remember - when your second group of friends whines to you abt their own habits, they're not asking you to be their psychologist or to help them in any way. They're just talking- something a lot of people do.

Try not to get offended if they don't follow your advice or do the things that you say to do.

I haven't experienced this with regards to my weight loss, but I do have friends that I've had to tell not to talk to me about certain things because I just couldn't handle constantly giving advice and having the opposite done.

And almost 10 years later, we're still friends and most of those things which were once issues aren't anymore.

summerroxygoodin

*hug* I hope I'm not one of those friends you are talking about. I think it's great that you are doing what you can to change yourself and be happy. You always comes first before anyone unless you have children...that's kind of hard to put you first. Anyway you know what I mean I hope. Hope today gets better for you.

Of course not you! You're awesome! I meant my friends IRL. Not that you're not real... I'll just be quiet now >.<

I see how it is...:P I know what you mean. I'm glad.

Mr_Knight

For the first group, I explain to them that it's not a diet but a lifestyle change.

First of all - yes, you are on a diet. If you can't even be honest with yourself about this, how can you expect others to take it seriously and be supportive?

Of course it's all that I think about.

How do they know what you're thinking about?

The second group of people just whine and complain about how fat they are and how bad their diet is. Then they proceed to make excuses for their pathetic choices.

That this is in a post complaining about not getting enough support is beyond ironic.

MeRoHa

I unfortunately have to deal with a major negative person at work. This person is slightly overweight herself, but is constantly making negative comments about other people that are overweight. Several times when a group of us are having a conversation about something she will butt in and make a highly inappropriate comments about someone's weight.

Example: about four of us were talking about our experiences with the births of our children. This person did not know any of us back when we were having our children. She butted into the conversation and said that I must have looked like a baby hippo when I was pregnant. I know she was baiting me to say something back. I just ignored her and continued my conversation with the others.

I know this person needs intervention to deal with her obsessive need to belittle others to make herself feel more important.
I can and will become a lighter and more healthier person. Unfortunately I think she will always be a jerk!

mamma_nee

I found that its a whole lot easier not to tell anyone your dieting, If you are in a situation like birthday party and you want to avoid cake and not make people shove it down your throat , I just say - I just found out that I am allergic to baking powder, yeast ,flour, chocolate etc so they will not make a big deal if you push it away. I sometimes take the cake and squash it in my plate and slowly walk and put it in the trash lol

When They noticed I lost alot of weight , they are like -- wow , what are you doing? you lost alot of weight? What diet are you on? I say …. NO DIET BUT my doctor changed my blood pressure meds and I am not as bloated any more !

alisonlynn1976

One of the reasons I joined this site was so that I could talk about it here and not annoy my friends by talking about it constantly to them. You might legitimately be annoying them if you talk about it all them time and they don't want to hear it. When people criticize your choices, just tell them that you'll do your thing and they can do theirs.