Parents who have lost a child.

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Replies

  • Sanders119
    Sanders119 Posts: 2 Member
    Hello. I've never posted on here before but feel I must in response to your very sad post. I'm so sorry for your loss. Words are very difficult to come by as I've been in a very similar situation myself 18 years ago with my second daughter when she was only 8 days old. Fortunately for us the outcome was a positive one and so I can only begin to imagine your loss. However, the stress of giving her mouth to mouth etc, the ambulance ride, the waiting in another room and praying as hard as I've ever prayed in my life, and all the other things that you mention immediately preceding your loss I have experienced. It took me around 8 years to come to terms with this experience. Not only have you lost your angel but you will most likely have to deal with these additional feelings too. Our daughter has mild cerebral palsy and we don't know whether this is linked to this event early in her life. My husband, who gave mouth to mouth for 13 minutes before the ambulance got to us, took a very long time to come to terms with what he had to do and how this affected the outcome. What I'm trying to say in a very ungainly way is that I would imagine that not only have you got to grieve for your daughter but you will have to come to terms with the 'emergency' situation too. And I suppose I'm also trying to say that it will take a very long time indeed. I feel so guilty when the outcome for others is not the same as ours. I truly am so sorry for you. I will hold you in my prayers and I hope that you can find strength from your family and friends to get through the days that lie ahead.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    I'm so very sorry for your loss :heart:
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry.
  • Linli_Anne
    Linli_Anne Posts: 1,360 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  • lessofme43
    lessofme43 Posts: 139 Member
    I do not know the pain you are feeling, although I am a mother of 3 wonderful boys. I can't imagine your grief, but I know God and know the comfort that only He can give, so I will lift you and your family to Him in prayer.
  • thebza_x
    thebza_x Posts: 15
    My heart is genuinely aching for you, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It is cruel and unfair, and I am sending all my love and thoughts to you and your family. X
  • skywalker0829
    skywalker0829 Posts: 39
    I wanted to give an answer to the original posters question. You had asked if the pain gets any easier. The truth is that you will never forget your baby, but you will learn to live without them for now. I'm not sure if you believe in God or not, but if you do, let this be one of the things that pushes you to live for God, so that one day you will meet your baby again in Heaven.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    your baby will continue to live as long as you keep her in your heart. I have lost and I keep her close, it was 9 years ago, breast cancer.
    There is never a day I dont think about her and remember all the good times..............I keep her in Spirit, and our memories live as welll

    I will pray you find the way , don't be afraid to ask for help, even professional.........

    Again, please accept my condolensces................LLoyd
  • friggie
    friggie Posts: 140 Member
    I am so deeply sorry for your family's loss. I can't imagine what you and your husband are going through! Hold tight to each other and your son. Let those close to you help out in anyway they can. That is every parents worse nightmare and so sorry it has happened to you.
    My thoughts are with you all at this difficult time.
  • crazyincolorado84
    crazyincolorado84 Posts: 26 Member
    I lost my 14 month old daughter October 19th to a malignant brain tumor. It did not come suddenly, and I don't know if it gets any easier, but my heart goes out to you.
  • alhumphreys
    alhumphreys Posts: 53 Member
    Bless her little heart !! Stay strong !
  • soulshine23
    soulshine23 Posts: 28 Member
    i am so sorry for what you have lost, and that your daughter is not with you now.
    what a horrible, horrible tragedy.

    I would urge you to seek out a support group thru a local hospital, or ask hospice, or call anyone who may be able to refer you to a counselor that specializes in grief. you need support and guidance *right now*, and you will continue to over the coming days, weeks and months.

    I have lost two babies, both at birth, both stillborn, 9 and 5 years ago. the acute pain that you feel will lesson, but you will never forgot the pain of losing them, and you will never feel whole again. you are a changed person now. and while you will never forget the pain of their loss, you will never forget her, she will always and forever be your daughter and you will find ways of living without her. parents survive the loss of a child... when you scratch the surface, you realize that there are many of us out there, all surviving.

    people are very uncomfortable with death in general, and especially with the death of a child. they may say stupid, terribly inappropriate and irrelevant things to you, trying to be helpful. ignore the bad things- people can be so dense and downright mean. grieve how you need to. this just happened and you are probably in a shock period. the stages of grief are tried and true, they come and go in waves, in different order, and in different intensities... you just have to go thru it.

    please find a grief counselor, or someone who you trust who can listen to you without judgment, and please find time to cry- it can be hard when you are expected to be "strong" and "brave". you need to feel it all, and cry, and cry some more. you have suffered a loss like no other. there are online support communities to be found... just start looking. I belong to one, but it is more for parents who have lost newborns or pregnancy losses... you are definitely not alone in your pain- and you will get thru this.

    and again, I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your daughter, to your family. it is horrible enough to have lost your precious little girl, and the blame and anger that you may be feeling can put you right over the edge... there will be time to feel everything you need to- try not to get overwhelmed. my babies both died from "falling thru the cracks" and I totally understand and live with the "if only's" and hindsight being so clear. having a support group or a counselor can help to organize your grief and keep you from downing in it.
  • chelstakencharge
    chelstakencharge Posts: 1,021 Member
    My heart breaks for you. I carried twins knowing that a birth one would not survive. I refused to give up. I delivered one very healthy baby boy and another baby boy that never lived outside my body. The pain is great even 13 years later. Lean on you faith and family to get you through the days, months and years ahead! Praying for you!
  • skinnymorgs2013
    skinnymorgs2013 Posts: 4 Member
    I've been thinking of you since I read your original post and hesitated writing something because I couldn't think of what to say. I am speechless and filled with sadness for you. It sounds like a scenario that could have happened to anyone. I am so so sorry. You are in my thoughts.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Oh dear God. As a mother my heart breaks for you and there are no words sufficient to ease your pain. I am praying for you and your family.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    Oh, I am so, so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my prayers.
  • wayback63
    wayback63 Posts: 210
    I am so sorry for your loss.
  • jr235
    jr235 Posts: 201 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. You must be such an incredibly strong person to have even made it through the last few days. I cannot begin to imagine your pain, but I hope you come to find some peace in time.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,972 Member
    I can't imagine what it's like to actually lose a child since it's never happened to me. I can think of what it would feel like, but it's still not the same as it really happening. I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you the best.
    If I'm being honest, even with your loss the world goes on. Unless it directly affects them, others around you are going on with their lives, people are going to go to work, etc. They will give you their condolences and offer sympathy, but eventually you'll have to pull yourself together and continue on. How you do that will depend on your approach. Getting support from organizations that help people through this should help. I think the biggest thing to take away is that it's not your fault. It sounds like you did all the things you could to prevent this from happening. If I'm looking at this objectively, I can't think of any child wanting their parents living a sad life till they pass. They would want you to go on with a happy life.

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  • jmcreynolds91
    jmcreynolds91 Posts: 777 Member
    Thank you all for your sympathies and input. So sorry to hear all of your stories. I don't know how I have continued on these last few days but I have been there for my son and husband. I have my mom and dad with me now because I am just scared of being alone. I have realized that life goes on and see everyone carrying on with their lives, and it really hurts. For me, I don't know understand how I am expected to continue on without my sweet girl. But I will, I am the strongest person and always have been. During the day it seems fine, but the raw pain hits me in the morning and night when I wake up and relearn that my baby isn't with us. Sometimes, I feel like I could just pick her up, as it is still so fresh in my mind. I plan on seeking counseling as I find that talking about her helps. I started a journal today to write about her and remember small things she did. I will never forget my sweetheart. Once again, Thank you all for your words.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    Oh, my gosh, I cannot even imagine the pain you are going through. I have never lost a child and pray I never will, but I will be praying for you and your family. I'm Christian, and I truly and deeply believe that you will see your little girl again. Try to take some small solace in that God always knows what He is doing, and that she is safe in His care now. They say God will never test you past your limits, so you must be a remarkably strong woman. I'm sure you will always be sad about your little one, and always miss her, but the pain will slowly fade to a tolerable level. Give it time, read the Bible regularly if you believe in it, and keep praying. Try to let this painful trial bring your family closer to God, not away from him. I am so, so sorry. :cry:
  • ShrinkingShona
    ShrinkingShona Posts: 218 Member
    I'm so sorry that this happened. And to the others in this thread who have experienced similar tragedies. It's all so terribly sad.

    I think your journalling idea is wonderful, both to help you put into word the feelings you will be having, and to remember and cherish that perfect little girl of yours. You would have been blessed to see such incredible change in her over those 18 months she was with you and remembering all of those wonderful little things will help keep her in your heart even when she can't be in your arms.

    Please reach out if there is anything helpful any of us can do for you during this period of deep sadness.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I can't even imagine the tremendous grief of losing a child. I have known people that have experienced this loss. And having been through loss of a different kind, I can say that right now just allow yourself to feel the intense grief. This is normal. And while you will always feel pain and loss, you have to know that it will not always be as strong, intense, difficult, and all consuming as it is now. Focus on being there for your son and find shared solace with your partner. And with this all said, I can't even imagine the depth of this loss. :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • westendcurls
    westendcurls Posts: 252 Member
    Im so sorry for your loss. my heart goes out to you. No parent should ever have to know that pain.

    My first born son was stillborn. there are no words to describe the emptiness that's felt when I child is gone.

    (( Hugs)) and If you need someone to talk to I'd be happy to lend an ear. take care of yourself.
  • jmcreynolds91
    jmcreynolds91 Posts: 777 Member
    Thank you. So sorry for your loss. Appreciate all your kind words.
  • susanrechter
    susanrechter Posts: 386 Member
    My heart aches for you and your family. It is profoundly sad.Each day passes and your heart will always be full of love and grieving for your little girl. My prayers for you. Big Hug.
  • jmcreynolds91
    jmcreynolds91 Posts: 777 Member
    Thank you
  • grentea
    grentea Posts: 96 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers, I hope God's peace will find you.
  • ingeh
    ingeh Posts: 513 Member
    massive hugs to everyone who has suffered a loss. Im a mum to two boys and the oldest is 2.5yrs and youngest 13months and Iv always dreaded waking up one morning and something has happened in the night. I cant imagine the pain you mums/dads have felt and although Im not a deeply religious person il be thinking of you and hoping the pain gets better every day x

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