Parents who have lost a child.

blably

it will be 4 years in February for me. the pain doesnt get any smaller, but i do believe you kinda learn to live with it.

i am sorry that happened to you, loss of a child is somethin i wouldnt wish my worst enemy.

if you ever need someone to talk to, im a pretty good listener, just PM me.

stay strong girl!

jmcreynolds91

I appreciate that. Every single morning is a battle to relearn she isn't here. I miss her so much

jmcreynolds91

Thanks to everyone for sharing their losses. It means alot

redladywitch

I'm so sorry you lost your daughter. I hear your words and I am numb. I have experienced this loss in my life also. Anniversary dates are still difficult for me. I don't know if it gets easier...I just don't know.

I volunteer with Hospice now. Contact Hospice and see if they can offer you some supportive services. They might have some ideas and a list of what you can expect as you grieve...although everyone grieves differently. Be gentle with yourself right now.

I wish I could hold you in my arms. Please keep reaching out. Do what you can each day to take care of yourself.

jmcreynolds91

Will look into it. Thank you very much for your advice. It is not any easier without my sweet girl. I hope and pray I will find peace.

debsanders58

I lost my daughter, Brandis, 14 yrs ago when she was 17, in a car accident. I can tell you that time does help you to be able to live with it. I would also tell you that one thing that really helped me & my husband was joining a support group for bereaved parents. It was so good to be able to meet with other parents who knew how we were feeling. No one else could really understand . . . all people have suffered losses, but none is like the loss of a child! I lost my dad when I was just 13, but that was nothing compared to losing my child! The other thing that saved me from wanting to die was getting back in church & returning to the faith that I was brought up in. Turning back to God brought me a peace that I could find nowhere else. Even though I still suffered deep grief, there was an underlying peace. The peace of knowing that Brandy was in Heaven & if I wanted to see her again I needed to accept the gift of salvation that Jesus offered. Peace is the thing that bereaved parents seek the most. I know how your mind is always filled with thoughts of your child & it's hard to think of anything else. Don't push yourself into doing too much over the holidays . . . now is a time you need to focus on what you need to stay healthy & alive. Let your husband help you & you be there for him, too. Cling to each other! I will be praying for you!
God Bless,
Deb :flowerforyou:

workhardandbenice

I am so sorry that you must walk this road. It can be dark, twisty, and really, there is no road map. I lost my 9-year-old in March 2012, six days after she was diagnosed with leukemia. It hit fast and hard. We had two different doctors tell us it was a viral infection. A third doctor ran a blood test. Twelve days separated our first ER visit and my daughter's death. So, like you, there was absolute disbelief. How could this happen?

Like others have said, it is so very important for you to find some support, whether it be Compassionate Friends or another parent support group. Talking to those who have been there has been good for me (but also hard at the same time). The pain never completely goes away, which, I know is hard to hear. It won't always be so raw, but you will always feel some version of it.

It is also so important for you to continue to talk about your child and to encourage others to do so. I think it's great that you're journaling. Ive been writing ever since my daughter died. I've also done a lot of reading since then. The pile of books by my night stand is ridiculous, but again, knowing that others have walked this road and survived such tragedy helps me realize that maybe I can too.

I think this is the first time I've ever posted on here, but felt compelled to do so. Feel free to message me if you'd like. Again, I'm so sorry...

jmcreynolds91

I am so sorry that you must walk this road. It can be dark, twisty, and really, there is no road map. I lost my 9-year-old in March 2012, six days after she was diagnosed with leukemia. It hit fast and hard. We had two different doctors tell us it was a viral infection. A third doctor ran a blood test. Twelve days separated our first ER visit and my daughter's death. So, like you, there was absolute disbelief. How could this happen?

Like others have said, it is so very important for you to find some support, whether it be Compassionate Friends or another parent support group. Talking to those who have been there has been good for me (but also hard at the same time). The pain never completely goes away, which, I know is hard to hear. It won't always be so raw, but you will always feel some version of it.

It is also so important for you to continue to talk about your child and to encourage others to do so. I think it's great that you're journaling. Ive been writing ever since my daughter died. I've also done a lot of reading since then. The pile of books by my night stand is ridiculous, but again, knowing that others have walked this road and survived such tragedy helps me realize that maybe I can too.

I think this is the first time I've ever posted on here, but felt compelled to do so. Feel free to message me if you'd like. Again, I'm so sorry...

wow, I am SO SO sorry to hear about your daughter. My 14 yr old sister, who was also down syndrome had leukemia and relapsed twice with it. She had battled so hard and it got the best of her. It doesn't make since for them to be taken so quick and sudden. My rylie was so healthy and perfect and should have been saved. I also find alot of help with reading bible and my books I have gotten. Me and my husband have recently gotten back into my church and I am finding that to be help to me. It is so helpful to talk to people that have been through the same thing. I have not gotten into a group, but I would love to talk to people that have been through the same thing. Thank you so much for replying.

jmcreynolds91

I lost my daughter, Brandis, 14 yrs ago when she was 17, in a car accident. I can tell you that time does help you to be able to live with it. I would also tell you that one thing that really helped me & my husband was joining a support group for bereaved parents. It was so good to be able to meet with other parents who knew how we were feeling. No one else could really understand . . . all people have suffered losses, but none is like the loss of a child! I lost my dad when I was just 13, but that was nothing compared to losing my child! The other thing that saved me from wanting to die was getting back in church & returning to the faith that I was brought up in. Turning back to God brought me a peace that I could find nowhere else. Even though I still suffered deep grief, there was an underlying peace. The peace of knowing that Brandy was in Heaven & if I wanted to see her again I needed to accept the gift of salvation that Jesus offered. Peace is the thing that bereaved parents seek the most. I know how your mind is always filled with thoughts of your child & it's hard to think of anything else. Don't push yourself into doing too much over the holidays . . . now is a time you need to focus on what you need to stay healthy & alive. Let your husband help you & you be there for him, too. Cling to each other! I will be praying for you!
God Bless,
Deb :flowerforyou:

Thank you for your kind words. I am leaning onto God in the horrible time. Every day is so hard.

disneygallagirl

So sorry...I can't think of any words to take away your pain ... sending hugs. Like so many have suggested, get help and support to grieve and heal for yourself and your family.

sweetpea129

Oh my goodness I am so very sorry. Truly sorry. I cannot even begin to imagine the depth of your pain. You are all in my thoughts ((((huge hug))))


I have never lost a child. My best friend died when we were teenagers in a car accident. Her parents turned to the church. Its been 12 years now and they seem to be dealing as best as they can. The church really helped them.

Another one of my friends died when we were 14 from meningitis. Her mom struggled bad. Sat in her room and left it untouched for years, withdrew from her 2 younger children and was like a zombie day to day for many years. She eventually sought out help through counseling.

I think its all about your support system. I truly hope you have an amazing one. And if not, please know that we are all here at MFP :flowerforyou:

tristansmommyx3

Its horrible but amazing at the same time to have this many angel mom's and dad's. Its horrible because of what we have all went through, but amazing because we are able to get together and support each other in more ways then just weightloss. What we have went through takes all of our strength and I believe that if we can get through that, we can get through anything.!!

My little boy would be 2 1/2 years old, and passed when he was 5 days old in 2011. I have struggled everyday since then but I know that I am a strong woman and will prevail. Lets all lean on each, there is a REASON we have been put through what we have, and now we have a DUTY to help those in the same position.

NoMoreStretchyPants

My heart is broken for you. I am shattered reading this. I am so very sorry for your loss. You won't get over it in as much as you will think about your daughter every day. But one day, it will get a little easier, and a little easier. I promise you that. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. It's important for you and your husband to support each other. Be there for each other. It's going to be easier to fight and maybe shed blame. Don't do that. You need to stick together.

jmcreynolds91

I agree as it is so awesome to have so much support from you all. I also know that if I somehow get through this, I will be able to get through anything. It is so helpful to have all of your replies. Me and my husband are doing good with it all. We have gotten much closer and refuse to let this tear us apart. We miss our sweet baby so much. My heart aches every single day and I wish to hold her and squeeze her tight like I always did. The pain everyday is so hard. Sometimes I feel like this is what life has dealt me and I have to deal with it now, and other days I feel like I am just going to die from all this pain. Sometimes it feels like it is so overwhelming. Thanks again for all of your support.

dward2011

I delivered our stillborn little girl on February 6, 2014. The heartbreak and devastation is tremendous. My husband and I are supporting one another, but it does help me to hear from other women that have been here. It is a terrible club to be a member of... but here I am. I cannot imagine next week or next month... sometimes even tomorrow. The pain is like nothing I have ever experienced. My husband is the only reason that I keep going now. I am back here on MFP to lose the pregnancy weight... much sooner than I anticipated and without the joy of my daughter to motivate me.

PinkyFett

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine. I'm bawling after reading that. Makes me want to wake up my kids and hug them.

4realrose8

I'm so sorry for your loss and for all the loses of children in this thread. The pain is almost unbearable, but know that prayers, love and compassion surround you during your grief.

Please click the following website for a wonderful support group called Infants Remembered in Silence. (IRIS). They are based in Minnesota, but maybe they can help you, too.

http://www.irisremembers.com/welcome.cfm

TXEXrunner

So very, very sorry for your loss. I can only offer my prayers for you and your family. May God help guide you through this very terrible time. Thank you for sharing your story. Yes I will hold my son (and wife) much longer tonight. God bless.

HRLaurie614

I am so sorry. Sending you hugs and strength.

LawRoc

I am so sorry for your loss.

melindareese

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you. I lost my 25 year old son a year and a half ago. I think about him every day and try to remember all the good times we had. I feel his spirit is with me so I talk to him all the time. I also think about my younger son and that keeps me going, just like your son who needs you so much. I will tell you that first year is a fog. I got counceling from my church and read a book titled Thoughts for the grieving Christian. I have read it more than once as time does let you see things differently. Just try to put one foot in front of the other and stay close to those you love.

Sovi_

Omg omg.....my heart is with you.

ARDuBaie

So sorry for your loss. I have been there as I lost my second child to seizures brought on by the MMR vaccination. You will always feel the loss, but it becomes less painful over time. I recommend joining a support group for grieving parents. I found it extremely helpful during the first year after Adam's death.

candlechick27

I lost my 16 year old son two and a half years ago from a drunk driver. The loss doesn't ever go away, but always be sure to talk about her often. We don't ever exclude him like he was never here. He was such a huge influence in everyone's life. Be sure to get counselling, as well as your other child if needed. Feel free to friend me if you would like, I am here for support!!

Trechechus

I have no words. I hope you find healing and peace.

FatFreeFrolicking

Hi everyone. 3 days ago, I lost my 16 month old baby girl. It was all so sudden as she suffered from what we thought was Asthma for only 2 weeks. She was having a hard time breathing so I took her too the doctor. They gave her breathing treatments and she did good on that for about a week. She started wheezing again and the albuterol treatments weren't helping her as much. I took her back to the doctor as she was coughing all night and was having a really hard time breathing. The doc gave her a higher dosage of albuterol and a steroid. We thought she had IGE allergies like my hubby. She did great over this past weekend and I thought she was fine. We actually started thinking she just had bad allergies like her daddy and took her off of milk products. She was better so I thought she was okay now. On Monday she was crying all day and wheezing bad. I kept giving her breathing treatments but they weren;t helping at ALL. My baby girl was trying so hard to breathe. She had a gray look over her, but I thought she was having the same issues as before. My hubby came home and saw her, and ran out to get our humidifier. 20 minutes later, he got back with it, hooked it up. We were in the room with her as he leaned down to give her a kiss, and shouted "JULIE!!" She had stopped breathing. :brokenheart: :sad: I grabbed her, and did CPR on her all the way to the hospital,( I had training)which seemed like a 3 hour drive. It was only about 4 minutes at 110 MPH. I tried to resuscitate my little angel. I ran into the ER and handed them her lifeless body. I watched them try and get her back for about 5 minutes as my husband and I held each other and our son. Finally, the doctor came and told us the thing that no parent ever wants to hear. "There is nothing we could do. She was already gone." My baby girl, is gone. Just.....GONE. How can my baby girl just be gone like this. I guess I am asking any parents who ever have lost their baby, does it get any easier.?? The pain is so heavy in my heart and I don't understand any piece of this. We got the autopsy results back, and everything pointed to a lung infection like pneumonia or bronchitis. I DO NOT understand how this happened. When we were at the doctor those 2 times, they did 2 X-rays and the first one, looked like she had a patch of bronchitis, but the second looked clear. She was on a 5 day course of antibiotics. The hardest part of all of this is it could have been prevented if the doctors would have caught it. Instead, I am without one of my angels. I am asking for all of your prayers for me and my family. I do not know how to hold myself together for my son and husband. This is the hardest thing ever and my heart is broken into pieces. Hold your little ones tight, as every day is not promised. :brokenheart: :sad:
Thank you all for reading and God bless.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. No parent should have to bury their child. While I personally haven't lost a child, my parents have and I saw what they went through and still do go through. My brother was brutally killed 7 years ago. He would've been turning 29 on the 25th of this month. You ask if it gets easier…. honestly, no. It never gets easier. You just learn to cope with the pain and sorrow. Acceptance of death is the hardest part, but when you accept that they are no longer here, you do find peace. You and your family are in my thoughts in prayers. I hope you have found some peace. I hope you know that your little girl is in heaven and watching over you every day.

krazyforyou

I'll pray for you and your husband. Just remember that God loves you.

uconnwinsnc

I am only a young man who has never had a child. My understanding of what a mother's love for her child is next to nothing, but I can offer a few works of empathy and philosophy. You lost your child. You experienced something that no mother ever wants to experience, and no mother ever should experience. I hope, at this point, a few months after you have come to some sort of peace. Nobody will ever expect you to move on completely, and you shouldn't have to. Every day for the rest of your life your baby is going to be on your mind, and you might cry. You might fall to your knees and just flat out cry. And that is completely OK. But there is something I want you to know...

When I look at my mother I see the most amazing person in the world. I see someone who would sacrifice the world to protect me. I see someone who would, without hesitation, throw herself into danger to protect me. I am 22 years old, about to turn 23. I don't need her protection anymore, but I will always need her love and support. I might think myself capable of living completely independent, but there is a part of me that knows I will always got to her in times of struggle. And this is where your other child comes in. You have a little boy who will look at you and say to himself, "Wow, I am the luckiest person in the world." He will cling to you, he will cry to you, he will yell at you, he will laugh with you, he will smile with you, and he will get mad at you. He will express every single emotion in the spectrum of human emotions. But when the day ends, when he looks up at you, he will see the most amazing person on the face of the planet who is capable of conquering the world to protect him. Your job now, and for the rest of your life, is to love him. You need to be strong for him, whatever comes your or his way.

In the end,love your lost baby girl. Love her with all of your heart. She is your child and will ALWAYS be your child.

Ophidion

This a pain and loss I would never wish on anyone.

OP my heart goes out to you,no parent should ever have to bury their child.

rondaj05

I have no words ... I can't imagine. Lots of love, hugs and prayers for you and your family.