Weight loss jealousy

buffywhitney

In 2011 I went through a painful divorce and gained weight. Since June of this year, I have lost over 30 lbs.. I am 10 lbs. from goal weight and I am pleased. Unfortunately some of my co-workers, with whom I spend most of my time, have turned on me. I am extremely careful not to talk about food, exercise or anything pertaining to my weight loss (difficult as we eat lunch together everyday). I don't boast or show off. It hurts. Knowing all I have been through, why can't they be happy for me?

maasha81

How have they turned on you?

joyfuljoy65

I totally empathise - I also put on a lot of weight post divorce 14 years ago and have only just lost it over the past 16 mths.... people say such nasty things don't they! "If you lose any more weight, you'll fall through a grate" "You are REALLY starting to look haggard now" "Do you actually eat anything? (said while I was eating a biscuit)" etc etc. There are plenty of women at work thinner than me that do not attract such comments.....surely the grate will catch us all!!!

I also find the look of hate - and I am not joking - so awful it puts me off talking about healthy eating.... you know, when they ask how you lost the weight and when I say 'just watching what I ate, portion sizes etc' they look disbelieving at first..... they they say "did you not drink raspberry tea/do the 5:2 diet/drink shakes/live at the gym (or whatever is the fad atm) and when I sort of shake my head and shrug I have actually had women turn away and stalk off muttering..... and they don't look me in the eye for ages.

I have learnt to walk with my head up, a smile on my face and if any one asks tell the truth and let it seep into them eventually. If they want to be nasty, then let it wash over you as best you can..... at the end of the day your health, your life and your confidence are much improved and thats what matters. If they cannot be happy for you then you can't make them, so be happy for yourself and smile :happy:

buffywhitney

Gossip, snide and disparaging remarks, and general attitude towards me. These things I can deal with but I can't understand why they are not even a little happy for me as I know I would be for them if the roles were reverse.

MzzFaith

sadly, sometimes you will have a lot of that, hold your head up, keep going, keep a positive attitude.

buffywhitney

Thanks joyfuljoy and Jus_E. That's what I need to hear

Youmirinlol

Its something most insecure people would do. They are jealous of seeing someone get out their comfort zone and do something about themself and it even gets worse when you succeed doing the thing. I dont think you should care tho focus on ur goals and yourself thats way more important

TamTastic

Oh I dealt with that too. I always say that nothing brings out your true friends like weight loss and divorce (which I also went through). And people telling me I'm too thin, and "scary", perhaps trying to sabotage me. I now just focus on being at the happy weight that I am comfortable with..and not worry about anyone else. And I give everyone else the courtesy of keeping my mouth shut about THEIR weight/weight loss, etc. And if I say anything, I just say "Awesome!"

Sassy_Girl

I have found and believe I don't know why that sometimes women can be catty about their own insecurities. Women/men both need to be secure in who they are and not be so judgmental. I guess maybe you are now saw as a bigger competition to some? It's silly as you have worked hard and everyone has the same opportunities to work on their health/appearance. Even if weight loss isn't on everyone list, toning and exercising can be. No need to not be happy for those who have worked hard. Losing weight is no easy task so Cheers to you and keep up the good work.

maasha81

This is so sad ...I do remember once I did lose a lot of weight ( going through a divorce ) and coworker mentioned to me that I was losing too much. He said it out of a concern and in private nothing insulting.

I'd say ignore them all and do your thing. This is your life, your body.

Sassy_Girl

Agreed!!!! Your post sounds much like mine. It's insecurity. I am happy for everyone I know who tries to better themselves whether health, appearance, or new hobbies. Don't matter if there are happy I am too. I don't like things thrown in my face but even where I work and I've lost a pretty sizable about of weight, no one has ever commented. So I get just the opposite which suits me fine I am not doing it for a pat on the back. I lost weight to take my life back. The excess weight kept me from many things through the years and I'm enjoying so much more now.

SugafreeNsweet

I have had the same experience and I finally I had to start turning the tables a bit.....for instance at lunch someone says is that all your going to eat ....I say (a joking but sincere tone) I would love to have what your having smells so good but it looks so much better on you....I have seen such a turn around on the comments since coming up with a few of my own. :laugh:

selfepidemic1

Insecurities, they probably find loosing weight is difficult and see that you're doing it well, so they reflect that onto you. Don't worry about it

la8ydi

I work around people like that - a few weeks ago, someone brought in birthday cupcakes - I decided to fit one into my daily calories, so I ate one. One of my coworkers made a HUGE fuss, even snapping and posting (on the cabinet) a picture. Like "OMG Diane is actually EATING!!!" It's so bad that I don't eat in the lounge - I go sit in my car or in another room or go out for my break. I generally wear baggier shirts so it's not obvious how much I've lost...or I'll get crap about it. I really feel for you - it's like they feel like they need to validate their bad behaviors by insulting our good behaviors - typical bully behavior. ANYWAY...keep your head up. Remember why you're doing it. My hope is that eventually, like most bullies, if I ignore them, they will stop because they aren't getting what they want from me. GOOD LUCK!!!

wannehunter85

Good for you, I gained a lot of weight the last year I was married because we were sooooo unhappy. I have always been big since puberty, and now (past 2 years) has been the time I've focused on me. I haven't had too many experiences like this, but I do occasionally get people who are rude when I don't want to gorge myself on sweets. Like since I am still overweight I should WANT to eat cheesecake all day. It is their own insecurities, don't let it bother you. The people who support you should be those you surround yourself with, and try to avoid those you only want to bring you down to make themselves feel better.

svsl0928

You will find that there are people who are unable to be happy for someone else. I have found this to be true with family members. True friends support and encourage you no matter what. They are with you when things are good or bad. You are doing what you want and what's right for you. If they cannot be happy for you then shame on them.

MickeyBoo

I've had this in the past as well. Funnily enough I had positive supporting comments right up to the last 10kg while I still had that 'slightly overweight' look and then once I broke into that healthy weight range and had no more weight to really lose, just muscle definition to gain, the positive comments stopped (except from people who hadn't seen me in a long time) and it was like all the hardwork people knew I had put in had been forgotten and I must be anorexic, or exercising too much, too thin, when was I going to stop etc etc

I also get the look when people ask how I lost weight before or how I'm losing it now. My standard response is 'watching what I eat, and exercising almost everyday' its almost like they think I've been given the key to a magical kingdom and I'm not giving them entry. I realised too late last time that they don't want to hear reality, because denial is a much more comfortable place to be.

Basically it was all insecurity on their part and unfortunately it fed into my lingering insecurities as well and stopped me from being able to maintain long term, it helped to fuel the excuses that led me back to overeating when I was physically injured and very unmotivated. Everyone seemed so much happier and comfortable around me while I was fat, I didn't realise until too late that it was because they felt better about themselves when I was fatter than them and it had nothing to do with concern for my wellbeing :ohwell:

Lesson learnt this time and I am going to go by how I feel not how everyone else feels about me.

BrattyLori

Girls are terrible. The best thing you can do is just be kind and act like it's not happening. They'll get used to your new skinny body and it wont be a thing anymore. Meanwhile, for what it's worth, *I'm* really happy for you!

farmgirlrrt

First of all, congrats on your weight loss. I think girls are the worst when it comes to other girls. When I lost weight I was being accused of using diet pills, starving myself, etc. Then I was told that I was "stick thin".

I can't speak to what their motivation was for their hurtful comments. It was then that realized who my real friends were.

wannabpiper

That's why they call jealousy the "green monster". I couldn't care less what they think of me, and live my life that way. I know I'm a genuine and kind person, and I know it's their sh&t that's making them behave that way. In my line of work the faculty room can be one tricky place to navigate when the "ladies" are all in there. After years of taking her abuse, I finally told one of them off and it got back to the director. He took me aside and told me "good job"! So know that you're likely not the only one receiving their rath - and it's no secret that they're rude and jealous.

Ideabaker

First of all, congratulations on your weight loss! It is a huge accomplishment, and is a physical step on your journey to a new stage of your life. Well done!

Some people have not yet developed the emotional maturity to truly be happy for the successes of others, particularly when those successes force them (as your visual reminder--despite your lack of words--of your weight loss does) to look at what they would like to have, but don't. Your weight loss could make some others feel more aware of their own need to lose weight when they compare themselves to you.

Surprisingly, it could also make "friends" who felt secure that THEY were more virtuous/attractive/whatever because they were slimmer feel threated as their place in the pecking order of thinness is possibly "threatened".

Like you, I try not to compare myself to others, and don't really 'get' folks who feel that other's successes take something away from me. The reality is that some people just do that.

Enjoy your new health status, continue being modest and friendly, and many will come around. Those who don't weren't really on your side to begin with!

airdiva1

You will find that there are people who are unable to be happy for someone else. I have found this to be true with family members. True friends support and encourage you no matter what. They are with you when things are good or bad. You are doing what you want and what's right for you. If they cannot be happy for you then shame on them.

So true! On Thanksgiving my uncle commented on that he could see my weight loss. Do you think that my parents said anything? Or even a great job? No! It hurts when those close to you should be the biggest cheerleaders. But I know that the only support is me and that's what I have to rely on during my journey to live a better life!

BeachIron

Girls are terrible.

^ That. And they also make me feel funny in my pants.

TheBoldCat

Laugh at them. They are jealous because you are much stronger and you have a self control. They have nothing so they gossip

triskaidekaphile13

I also find the look of hate - and I am not joking - so awful it puts me off talking about healthy eating.... you know, when they ask how you lost the weight and when I say 'just watching what I ate, portion sizes etc' they look disbelieving at first..... they they say "did you not drink raspberry tea/do the 5:2 diet/drink shakes/live at the gym (or whatever is the fad atm) and when I sort of shake my head and shrug I have actually had women turn away and stalk off muttering..... and they don't look me in the eye for ages.

I've had people asking me if I've had a gastric band fitted, others started a rumour that I had been seriously ill. When people ask me and I say I eat less and move more they seem extremely dubious and disbelieving. I work in a small team and have three male and one female colleague. They've been mostly fine although there has been some defensive comments when I get out my healthy packed lunch and they are eating deep fill sandwiches and two packets of crisps (each). However, it seems to be the wider group of women that mainly make the negative comments. The basic issue seems to be that they would like to lose weight but aren't prepared to do anything about it. When they find out that I don't have a miracle cure that involves no effort on their part they discount what I've done and decide I must not be telling the truth. Oddly the men have in the main been absolutely fine.

BeachIron

okay, honest answer, ignore them.

Not everyone cares about you. Most care only about their own problems. It's the way people are. Just move on and let it go.

There's no sense in tying yourself in knots about things you cannot change.

Kevalicious99

Honestly .. it is all jealously at work. They are pissed that you are getting fit, hot and trim and well they aren't.

I have really good friends in real life and they all understand that this is not easy and they are all happy for me.

Just ignore the negative people .. and there will be many. Be happy for the positive ones.

Cali_Chica

There are always going to be people in this world who can't be happy for others. They don't feel good about where they are so instead of building themselves up and doing something about it, they find it easier to just tear down others and diminish their success. It's THEIR problem, not yours. Ignore them and be glad you don't live in that state of mind. Congrats on your weight loss too. You look amazing.

linsey0689

I don't really have an answer for you but I deal this all the time. I just try to next bring it up but when I wear new clothes that show my new body I'm bragging. What you want me to wear cloth 3 sizes too big forever no thanks. I just don't even comment anymore. Haters gonna hate

Amadbro

comes with the territory. Haters gon hate. They're jealous because they don't have the same drive and determination you do. Don't take it personally in reality, it's them being angry at themselves.

TropicalFlowerz

Hold your head up Beautiful!! You've worked so hard! Sometimes people are mean cause they're unhappy w/ themselves and just projecting.Brush your shoulders off! and keep smiling!!:drinker: :happy: