What would push you to divorce?

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Replies

  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Abuse.... that would be automatic divorce.... all else it would have to depend on what happens afterwards.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    What about selfishness, addiction to videos games and lack of emotion or communication? One who will have his mother watch his one year old daughter so he can play his video game first thing when he gets home till he falls asleep.. doesn't pick up after himself. Takes his wife for granted working a full time job, coming home to be mommy and house wife at the same time? One who can't buy a simple card for his wife on her birth day when the month before his wife bought him a 800$ tool he isn't using because of a video game. One who snaps at his wife for tryin to go to bed for work in the am, asking to get off the game. So his wife sleeps in another room. One who say he knows he has things to work on but does nothing? One who is 30 years old and has do much potential but choses to throw it away? Or a spouse that has had good conversations with you on positive Change who doesn't even bother to nag anymore?

    I'm just curious... would this be a cause or am I the selfish one?

    That would definitely do it for me! And you are not alone in this situation. I know other young wives facing the same crap. Way past time for him to grow up.

    I thought 30 was a bit old to be still growing up..

    this describes my roommate to a T- 30 something plays games all day long- complains about not sleeping- insists on keeping a ridiculous sleep schedule- likes to "drink himself" to sleep and if he isn't at work or upstairs he's at the bar. He just got his licence back from his DUI.

    Seriously- he's the most useless lazy piece of chit EVER. he's walked over blood stains on the floor before. I spent HOURS cleaning up after his dying dog. He just makes a mess up stairs in his room and drinks and plays games constantly.

    he used to tell his X that he was too busy to do things... then he tried pulling that crap on me... I was like really? You work the night shift- where you either sleep all night- or study for class- and then you go to school- sometimes.
    I work 4 jobs *****. tell me again how busy you are that you can't clean up after yourself?

    that's toxic- I would seek therapy- for yourself on your own- and with him for marriage counselling.

    And then if that doesn't work leave. 30 years old behaving like that is 150% unacceptable.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
    A lot of people, from what I've seen, would automatically divorce because of a cheating spouse. Understandable, but what other things would you "call quits" for?

    Him cheating - I am not so bothered with. Good luck to anyone trying to replace me in his life! (and I would get a free pass)

    Communication issues - that's what counseling is for.

    Physical abuse - ah, well. They'll only ever get to do that once. Then they had better sleep with both eyes open.

    My husband serving me with divorce papers would probably be the only thing to push me.
  • Aleta7
    Aleta7 Posts: 92
    @tboscamp if you want forty years of this then stay.
  • BrunetteRunner87
    BrunetteRunner87 Posts: 591 Member
    Wow this is all so scary. For all the people who are divorced or want to be because of problems, were there really no signs before you were married? I'm asking because I really am curious and for my own good. How can you be perfectly happy with someone for four or five years, and then they change? It seems like there should be no reason to get married at all if people just change and there was nothing there before to tell you that it would happen.

    I don't feel like I'm settling at all for the person I am with, he treats me very well and while he's not perfect I can accept his flaws and don't expect him to ever change them. We always communicate about things that are bothering us and make efforts to change or compromise. I have no doubt in my mind about him, but reading all of this is so disheartening.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Wow this is all so scary. For all the people who are divorced or want to be because of problems, were there really no signs before you were married? I'm asking because I really am curious and for my own good. How can you be perfectly happy with someone for four or five years, and then they change? It seems like there should be no reason to get married at all if people just change and there was nothing there before to tell you that it would happen.

    I don't feel like I'm settling at all for the person I am with, he treats me very well and while he's not perfect I can accept his flaws and don't expect him to ever change them. We always communicate about things that are bothering us and make efforts to change or compromise. I have no doubt in my mind about him, but reading all of this is so disheartening.

    I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with time. I have known my husband for 18 years (half of my life). I was friends with him for two years (which was really a form of dating in a way, but we were dating other people) before I realized I was in love with him and started dating him. Then we dated for two more years before we got married. We have been in relationship for 16 years. We are still happy.
  • MuscleAndMascara
    MuscleAndMascara Posts: 1,260 Member
    Wow this is all so scary. For all the people who are divorced or want to be because of problems, were there really no signs before you were married? I'm asking because I really am curious and for my own good. How can you be perfectly happy with someone for four or five years, and then they change? It seems like there should be no reason to get married at all if people just change and there was nothing there before to tell you that it would happen.

    I don't feel like I'm settling at all for the person I am with, he treats me very well and while he's not perfect I can accept his flaws and don't expect him to ever change them. We always communicate about things that are bothering us and make efforts to change or compromise. I have no doubt in my mind about him, but reading all of this is so disheartening.

    People CAN last. Like I said, my mother and father stayed happily married for 43 years until my dad passed away. People do change. Some for the worst, some for the better. I knew I was going to have issues in the future.. Just by the past we have had. A lot of heart ache and broken promises. He did ask my father for my hand in marriage... come to find out he told him no (too late).. I should of taken my time... It was not a game to be played. I ended up being the loser in this. I was and maybe still am, very young and naive.

    Time, that is what I should have taken more of. We have been married for two years. Together for five. (off and on)
  • MuscleAndMascara
    MuscleAndMascara Posts: 1,260 Member
    @tboscamp if you want forty years of this then stay.

    I do not!
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    why does divorce cost so much?

    cause it's worth it
  • smelius22
    smelius22 Posts: 334 Member
    if they lead a double life of any kind. cheating can be worked through but a whole other family, nuh-uh.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    I didn't read through all of these, but it looks like everyone hit on most of the big ones. Abuse, cheating, leading a second lifestyle. I also want to add that I couldn't stay with someone who refuses to take care of themself. I know that vows state in sickness and in health, but if my partner won't do anything to help himself, and if I have to sit there and watch him fade, then I'm out. My ex is an alcoholic who refused to go to counseling or AA. He would hide alchol around the house and drink it until he passed out every night. He once tried to drive the kids home drunk. There is only so much of that a person can take. I told him I wouldn't marry an alcoholic and in the end he chose the booze. We were 5 weeks from our wedding when he decided that he no longer wanted to get help and chose the booze instead. I can't help feeling I dodged a bullet because it certainly would have ended in divorce.
  • smelius22
    smelius22 Posts: 334 Member
    why does divorce cost so much?

    cause it's worth it

    ba dum ba, chhh
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
    I divorced my ex husband because he had no respect for me, he refused to address his alcohol dependency, he was sexually abusive, and socially, emotionally, and financially controlling. My breaking point after all of that was driving his drunk *kitten* home one night and he was berating me for taking some time off during my winter break from college to visit every day with my dying grandmother. I realized at that moment that I was suffering through his mind games and abuse for no reason because I definitely did not love him anymore, so I talked with him about if for a few months, and after his promises to treat me better fell through I moved out and we got divorced.

    I had my suspicions that he did cheat on me a few times, and that would have saved us both a lot of time if he'd just come out and told me about it because I definitely would have divorced him because of that. Instead, it was a slow, painful process of putting up with abuse and falling out of love with someone.

    To the person that asked if there were no signs before marriage--yeah, I guess there probably were a few, but in my case my ex blatantly told me after two years that he was "already married so why bother trying?" Some people drastically change, OR they stay the same and the person that they're with continues to grow as a person. I think if you don't have mutual respect in your relationship, if you don't continue to grow together and you stop communicating, it's inevitable that a rift opens between you.
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
    Any kind of abuse, be it physical, emotional, verbal, whatev. And obviously if he was a pedo or rapist.

    And yes, cheating, definitely.
  • mamma_nee
    mamma_nee Posts: 809 Member
    My 1st marriage had signs of DO NOT DO THIS ! WALK AWAY but do we ever listen ??? Nope - 11 yrs later I was divorced on 5/11/00 and remarried on 5/20/00 !!!! 10 days after my divorce lol Hubby wanted to marry the same day the divorce was final but I couldn`t - He said my ex was a fool to let me go and he wanted to be sure he made me his before I decided to change my mind- I met my sweet heart during my separation and its been 12 yrs now and I never looked back.
  • smelius22
    smelius22 Posts: 334 Member
    I feel like people don't spend enough time getting to know their SO's before getting engaged and married, and it causes problems down the line. obviously this isnt true for all, some people meet and marry within a year and stay together forever.. either way, I'm glad i was with my man for over 6 years before even getting engaged. our engagement will last 15 months, and by the time we are married we will have been together 7.5 years.
  • Nierikah
    Nierikah Posts: 22 Member
    For the record, I'm a lady who loves her video games, I worked for a video game developer for years and as such I've seen people who balance their game hobby and real life fantastically (I'm in this camp) and I've seen friends/coworkers who destroy their marriages and relationships having the addiction.

    What have you worked on?

    I worked on Blizz titles and God of War before that. :)
  • Nierikah
    Nierikah Posts: 22 Member
    THIS. YES.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    THIS. YES.

    Heh, sorry, my pm was a total dupe. :D

    Just saw this now.

    You've got some gumption. I ran from console into the wild world of making money through social. ;)
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    Just sucks.. I don't want to be a failure.. My poor daughter. I don't know what is better, growing up with divorced parents or growing up with parents who hate each other?

    My parents were married for 43 years and they loved each other so much. My father was such a good family man. I never, ever even heard that man raise his voice to my mother.. I guess my standards are too high? Maybe I think my husband should be like my father...

    Looks like we will try marriage counseling seeing this is the only thing we haven't tried.

    Thank you for the advice.

    Yes, counseling is a great idea, for you both.I learned a long time ago that we teach people how to treat us. People continue behavior that they get away with. If there is no consequence, then there is no motivation to stop. Counseling should help you both communicate your needs better, and set some boundaries.

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