I'm a Chauvinist?
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I'm a student, and around many young adults, I can tell you that there is much holding doors open for people going on here. The young'uns are just as likely to be polite as the older people. However, nobody stands when I enter a room. That would be a bit off-putting for me. Lots of "oh, please, don't get up!", etc. instead of the normal greetings of griping about the weather.
I always stand to attention when you enter a room.
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Eh, I'm not a fan of guys who open doors specifically for women only. Why not open doors for EVERYONE who seems in need of help?
Because it's nicer to watch a woman walking through the door than a man...
Ooooo. :laugh: Truth comes out?0 -
ThisI'm a door holder no matter the sex and if I get a thank you that's nice and if I don't well then I still did the right thing.
I live in the midwest and this is incredibly commonplace tho. That's just what we do here.0 -
I'm a student, and around many young adults, I can tell you that there is much holding doors open for people going on here. The young'uns are just as likely to be polite as the older people. However, nobody stands when I enter a room. That would be a bit off-putting for me. Lots of "oh, please, don't get up!", etc. instead of the normal greetings of griping about the weather.
I always stand to attention when you enter a room.
:flowerforyou:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Eh, I'm not a fan of guys who open doors specifically for women only. Why not open doors for EVERYONE who seems in need of help?
Because it's nicer to watch a woman walking through the door than a man...
Ooooo. :laugh: Truth comes out?
Ha! Well, that further confirms why I dislike it, then.
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Eh, I'm not a fan of guys who open doors specifically for women only. Why not open doors for EVERYONE who seems in need of help?
Because it's nicer to watch a woman walking through the door than a man...
Ooooo. :laugh: Truth comes out?
Ha! Well, that further confirms why I dislike it, then.
You convinced me, I'll stop.
I need to anyway, my shoe rig for my gopro is almost ready. If only it were summer.0 -
I'm in the South, and in general, people hold doors for each other. I've a had a few instances where someone has dropped a door right on me, I just open it up and say loudly "thank you so much for holding the door". Normally they ignore me, but I feel better because I feel like I've made my point.
I am an equal opportunity door holder. Male, female, young or old, I don't care. It's just plain common courtesy. My husband and I raised our son (our only child) to hold doors for people, too. It was cute when he was about 5 years old because he LOVED to play doorman. It usually made us late, but he really liked doing it and people got a kick out of it.0 -
I hold the door for anyone but that is just the way I was raised.
On a side note, I watched a lady berate the hell out of a kid this past week for holding the door open for her and gesturing to her to go ahead in front of him. After he kinda let the door close and was telling her he is sorry, as she opened the door for herself and was walking in, I smiled at him and told him he had nothing to be sorry for because some people in the world don't understand simple acts of kindness (made sure she heard me).
I've seen this happen. It's never pretty.0 -
I can only say that I appreciate it when someone holds the door for me. I have 3 (grown) sons, they had better hold the door for a woman. If not, "Momma's gonna get ugly."
I am raising my sons to be couteous and polite (they are 7) so I fully appreciate your statement!!0 -
I'm courteous as often as possible, but I don't expect anyone else to be. I figure I've done nothing to earn anyone else's courtesy, so I've no right to expect it. This way I'm always pleasantly surprised when I get it, and remain in my typically content, self-sufficient state when I don't.
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I can only say that I appreciate it when someone holds the door for me. I have 3 (grown) sons, they had better hold the door for a woman. If not, "Momma's gonna get ugly."
I am raising my sons to be couteous and polite (they are 7) so I fully appreciate your statement!!
Okay so I'm at risk of sounding extremely chauvinistic here, but so many women I know on MFP and in real life always feel obligated to show their sons the importance of being a gentleman. In my opinion, this is the father's responsibility to show them how to be a man.0 -
I am 66 and a woman and hold the door open, or give up a seat in the bus/subway or do similar small services to anyone who needs it in the case of the door , or who needs a seat more than I. I do this for both sexes equally.
But if my hands are empty and I need no help no one needs to hold the door open for me, just because I am a woman. I find the idea that things are done for me " just because I am a woman " insulting. However in the case of the OP's wife I find the action of the student somewhat selfish, unless of course he was unaware of her presence .
For example; I need help in the super market with getting things down from high shelf because I am five feet tall and not because I am a woman. Last year I walked with a cane due to balance problems and was grateful when a seat in public transportation was offered to me, because I obviously had problems. Now that I am much better I don't care if I am offered a seat or not, because I don't need it just because I am a woman.0 -
I always hold the door open for women. Then when they pass me I give them a nice slap on the *kitten* :laugh: :laugh:0
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Really though, I hold the door open for everyone and anyone0
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I am appreciative when people open a door for me when my hands are full; in recent memory, I believe the exact phrase I used in all earnestness was "Thank you very much indeed." I try to extend the same courtesy to others every time I can.
However, I would like to throw in one teeny tiny wrinkle y'all may not have thought of, that may allow you to think more generously of people who don't hold the door sometimes.
They may have some level of hidden disability. I sometimes have chronic shoulder problems, and if I under-do it or over-do it with physical therapy or heavy lifting, it really hurts to hold a door open for the person behind me, so I have to let it shut and I feel really, really sheepish about that. And if I'm coming up to the door first when I would normally hold it to let someone else pass, sometimes I have to just do the minimum amount of pulling to let myself squeak through in order to minimize the time my shoulder is under load.
Some of them are just boorish louts, no doubt about it, but please consider being charitable in your thoughts, because some of them might just be temporarily or permanently incapacitated and you just can't tell by looking.0 -
It's good to be kind and hold the door for someone who's hands are full, or who is right there - that's just being a nice person, I agree with everyone about that.
However, I hate it when I'm 10-20 steps away from a door, like nowhere CLOSE to a door, and nothing is in my hands, and someone stands there and holds it open for me. Then I feel like I have to RUN to get through the door. Once I didn't run and continued my own pace and the person got super pissed. I'd seriously rather just open my own door than have to jog to a door, at that point it's way more inconvenient than a courtesy.
If the worst thing that happened to me today had to do with someone holding/not holding a door, I think it would be a pretty good day.0 -
I can only say that I appreciate it when someone holds the door for me. I have 3 (grown) sons, they had better hold the door for a woman. If not, "Momma's gonna get ugly."
I am raising my sons to be couteous and polite (they are 7) so I fully appreciate your statement!!
Okay so I'm at risk of sounding extremely chauvinistic here, but so many women I know on MFP and in real life always feel obligated to show their sons the importance of being a gentleman. In my opinion, this is the father's responsibility to show them how to be a man.
Absolutely. Meanwhile, mothers should focus their efforts on their daughters and teach them how to properly scrub pots and pans and pump out babies.0 -
nvm. tmi.0
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Yep, you sure do. Not everybody has a father in their life (for a variety of reasons, none of which require you to pass judgment on), and not every mother has the luxury of delegating the responsibility of teaching human decency to their children. I'm pretty sure you don't need a penis to teach someone how to behave like a gentleman. Are girls raised by their fathers doomed to a lifetime of un-ladylike behavior (whatever TF that means...)?Okay so I'm at risk of sounding extremely chauvinistic here, but so many women I know on MFP and in real life always feel obligated to show their sons the importance of being a gentleman. In my opinion, this is the father's responsibility to show them how to be a man.0 -
I'll hold a door open for a man, woman or child. It's called courtesy.
It's still the norm where I live in England.0 -
I can only say that I appreciate it when someone holds the door for me. I have 3 (grown) sons, they had better hold the door for a woman. If not, "Momma's gonna get ugly."
I am raising my sons to be couteous and polite (they are 7) so I fully appreciate your statement!!
Okay so I'm at risk of sounding extremely chauvinistic here, but so many women I know on MFP and in real life always feel obligated to show their sons the importance of being a gentleman. In my opinion, this is the father's responsibility to show them how to be a man.
Absolutely. Meanwhile, mothers should focus their efforts on their daughters and teach them how to properly scrub pots and pans and pump out babies.
Often times mothers need to show their sons how to be a man because the father is nowhere to be found...0 -
Yep, you sure do. Not everybody has a father in their life (for a variety of reasons, none of which require you to pass judgment on), and not every mother has the luxury of delegating the responsibility of teaching human decency to their children. I'm pretty sure you don't need a penis to teach someone how to behave like a gentleman. Are girls raised by their fathers doomed to a lifetime of un-ladylike behavior (whatever TF that means...)?Okay so I'm at risk of sounding extremely chauvinistic here, but so many women I know on MFP and in real life always feel obligated to show their sons the importance of being a gentleman. In my opinion, this is the father's responsibility to show them how to be a man.
Don't be so haste to say that I'm passing judgement. I do correct myself in that I should have noted that "if there is a father figure" in the son's life.
I didn't really feel the need to write an entire essay on listing all the other factors...just a quick forum post. We're being nice here people : )0 -
Then here's a helpful tip. If you preface what you're saying with "at the risk of sounding whatever", that's your red flag that other people are going to think that you sound whatever. What inevitably follows "I don't mean to sound racist, but..."?
Yep, you sure do. Not everybody has a father in their life (for a variety of reasons, none of which require you to pass judgment on), and not every mother has the luxury of delegating the responsibility of teaching human decency to their children. I'm pretty sure you don't need a penis to teach someone how to behave like a gentleman. Are girls raised by their fathers doomed to a lifetime of un-ladylike behavior (whatever TF that means...)?Okay so I'm at risk of sounding extremely chauvinistic here, but so many women I know on MFP and in real life always feel obligated to show their sons the importance of being a gentleman. In my opinion, this is the father's responsibility to show them how to be a man.
Don't be so haste to say that I'm passing judgement. I do correct myself in that I should have noted that "if there is a father figure" in the son's life.
I didn't really feel the need to write an entire essay on listing all the other factors...just a quick forum post. We're being nice here people : )0 -
I fully expect someone to hold a door for me - particularly a man. I also hold the door for other people. I have taught my daughter who just turned 7 to do the same. She also has to say please and thank you to just about everything. one of my friends gives me a hard time but there is no way she is not going to have manners.
One of my coworkers, who I already believe to be completely arrogant, will not hold the door for me - or anyone. All of his friends do so I called him out on it one day and all his friends gave him a hard time. I'm glad I saids eomthing. It's common courtesy.
The funny thing of this is when I was fatter nobody would hold a door for me, help me, look at me etc unless i was traveling alone with my then toddler daughter. Now, people definitely hold the door and are more courteous. I have also been spoiled by my husband who always holds the doors, carries the bags, pulls my chair etc. So now I do think it's abnormal when people don't do that for other people.0 -
Then here's a helpful tip. If you preface what you're saying with "at the risk of sounding whatever", that's your red flag that other people are going to think that you sound whatever. What inevitably follows "I don't mean to sound racist, but..."?
Yep, you sure do. Not everybody has a father in their life (for a variety of reasons, none of which require you to pass judgment on), and not every mother has the luxury of delegating the responsibility of teaching human decency to their children. I'm pretty sure you don't need a penis to teach someone how to behave like a gentleman. Are girls raised by their fathers doomed to a lifetime of un-ladylike behavior (whatever TF that means...)?Okay so I'm at risk of sounding extremely chauvinistic here, but so many women I know on MFP and in real life always feel obligated to show their sons the importance of being a gentleman. In my opinion, this is the father's responsibility to show them how to be a man.
Don't be so haste to say that I'm passing judgement. I do correct myself in that I should have noted that "if there is a father figure" in the son's life.
I didn't really feel the need to write an entire essay on listing all the other factors...just a quick forum post. We're being nice here people : )
You are correct. I should have done a better job with my wording.0 -
Oh my word! You must go through life positively filled with disappointment! I think manners are something you're supposed to practice without expecting them in return. That way you can be pleasantly surprised when you encounter them.I fully expect someone to hold a door for me - particularly a man.
I am, however, appalled at the idea that someone would berate someone else for having the audacity to hold the door for them. /shudder0 -
he probably thought your wife was a strong independent woman who don't need no man opening doors for her.0
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If I reach the door first I hold it for those behind me, it's just how I was raised and how I am raising my kids.Remove "woman" from just about every statement and it's not chauvinism, but common courtesy.
QFT. I would hold a door open for anyone that had their hands full!0 -
Last night my wife travelled about 80 miles to help my daughter pack up her apartment in preparation for moving. As my wife was walking up the walkway to the apartment building, a College student (male) walked ahead of her, opened the door, entered, and let it shut on my wife. My wife had a vacuum cleaner in one hand and a carpet cleaner in the other.
I know the kid didn't do anything wrong, but, when my wife called last night and told me, it plssed me off.
What happened to manners? Opening doors for other people? Giving up your seat to a woman or an older person? Standing when a woman enters the room?
These are just common courtesies that we were raised to practice. Does showing courtesy and/or deference make me a Chauvinist?
One thing that I have noticed over tha last few years is that when I open a door for someone and let them enter ahead of me, they are surprised. Is it that uncommon now?
I'm a little dissappointed. People are so self-involved. Half the younger people I see these days have ear buds in and are looking down at their cell phone, texting. They don't even know what is going on around them. But, I guess, I prefer to thing that they are unaware than intentionally rude.
I am replying to this before even reading the replies But I just had to say that I totally agree with you on the lack of manners and self-involvement. I come from a very old-fashioned southern upbringing, and I think it's sad that people, and largely, but not exclusively, young people do not know how to interact with others courteously. And I don't think it's a male/female issue. I ALWAYS open a door for someone with their hands full, and about half the time, I'll get a thank you. I don't do it to be thanked. I do it to be kind.
I can't tell you, though, how many times I've had a door slammed in my face when my hands were full, by older men.
My siblings and I were just taught to be kind, considerate, and help out when we could. And it's stuck. That's not being taught much anymore (and I'm not saying never. But it certainly isn't as prevalent.)
You're not a chauvinist, RD. Well, not because of THAT! 0 -
Then here's a helpful tip. If you preface what you're saying with "at the risk of sounding whatever", that's your red flag that other people are going to think that you sound whatever. What inevitably follows "I don't mean to sound racist, but..."?
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