In need of advice: Stuck between 2 guys? Help...

13

Replies

  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    IMO if you're thinking of getting with another guy, just one month into dating/a relationship (whatever you want to call it) it sounds like you're not all that into him. A month is early days and should be up there in the most exciting times, not times when you're thinking about someone else.

    Not going to tell you what you should do, but personally, if I was in that situation I'd probably end it with the guy you're dating, get my head together / try and work out what you actually want from someone / enjoy being single a while and see where it goes with your friend. You don't have to be with either of them, and as long as both are aware you are entitled to date more than one person. That's what dating's for right? Getting to know someone, without the commitment of a proper relationship?
  • Cali_Chica
    Cali_Chica Posts: 895 Member
    Some day you'll be on here cause you're stuck with one guy. Enjoy your dilemma.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    as long as every one knows the situation.

    And here lies the problem. :tongue: :laugh:

    Thing is, they don't need to know the details of "the situation". If you aren't exclusive with somebody, that means you are free to date as you see fit without reporting back. Most dudes (not all, certainly) who are 18-22 will happily agree to this type of arrangement, at least for a certain amount of time because NOBODY wants to get locked into something that isn't right.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    as long as every one knows the situation.

    And here lies the problem. :tongue: :laugh:

    Thing is, they don't need to know the details of "the situation". If you aren't exclusive with somebody, that means you are free to date as you see fit without reporting back. Most dudes (not all, certainly) who are 18-22 will happily agree to this type of arrangement, at least for a certain amount of time because NOBODY wants to get locked into something that isn't right.

    Agreed, however I got the impression from the OP that the boyfriend is under the assumption they are exclusive, which is all types of wrong.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    You're 19. You are allowed to date more than one person at once, as long as every one knows the situation.
    Indeed!

    Also just be honest, lying is a very unattractive.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    In need of some serious advice. I'm stuck between two awesome guys. One of which I'm technically "dating" and the other whom I am like best friends with, but he likes me. Now, the guy I'm dating is 18 and a year younger than me. He's probably going to the marines in June. The other is 22, has a business degree, job, ans is probably going to major in neuroscience when he enrolls back into college. They are both athletic and love to lift, just as I do.

    I just dunno what to do. The 22 year old doesn't know I'm dating the other guy because he and I are just friends for now. I made that clear. But he said that if he knew I was dating someone, he'd have to move on, which I don't want. I see potential with this guy but I like my current boyfriend. UGH. Help.
    Being dishonest before marriage is not practice for honesty after marriage.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    as long as every one knows the situation.

    And here lies the problem. :tongue: :laugh:

    Thing is, they don't need to know the details of "the situation". If you aren't exclusive with somebody, that means you are free to date as you see fit without reporting back. Most dudes (not all, certainly) who are 18-22 will happily agree to this type of arrangement, at least for a certain amount of time because NOBODY wants to get locked into something that isn't right.

    Agreed, however I got the impression from the OP that the boyfriend is under the assumption they are exclusive, which is all types of wrong.

    They have been seeing each other for 1 months. It seems reasonable to assume that she could say to him "I really like you, but I am not ready to be exclusive" and his response will be "Oh, ok" and they'll both be free to date other people.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    In need of some serious advice. I'm stuck between two awesome guys. One of which I'm technically "dating" and the other whom I am like best friends with, but he likes me. Now, the guy I'm dating is 18 and a year younger than me. He's probably going to the marines in June. The other is 22, has a business degree, job, ans is probably going to major in neuroscience when he enrolls back into college. They are both athletic and love to lift, just as I do.

    I just dunno what to do. The 22 year old doesn't know I'm dating the other guy because he and I are just friends for now. I made that clear. But he said that if he knew I was dating someone, he'd have to move on, which I don't want. I see potential with this guy but I like my current boyfriend. UGH. Help.
    Being dishonest before marriage is not practice for honesty after marriage.

    Who in this situation is getting married?
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Throw a coin.
  • action_figure
    action_figure Posts: 511 Member

    3) Don't pull the kettlebell above armpit level while doing the swing. Posterior chain, not thoracic and shoulders.

    Best advice on the forum all day! :)
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    In need of some serious advice. I'm stuck between two awesome guys. One of which I'm technically "dating" and the other whom I am like best friends with, but he likes me. Now, the guy I'm dating is 18 and a year younger than me. He's probably going to the marines in June. The other is 22, has a business degree, job, ans is probably going to major in neuroscience when he enrolls back into college. They are both athletic and love to lift, just as I do.

    I just dunno what to do. The 22 year old doesn't know I'm dating the other guy because he and I are just friends for now. I made that clear. But he said that if he knew I was dating someone, he'd have to move on, which I don't want. I see potential with this guy but I like my current boyfriend. UGH. Help.
    Being dishonest before marriage is not practice for honesty after marriage.

    Who in this situation is getting married?
    I know right? Dating at 19, not creating a 75 yr plan lol
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    In need of some serious advice. I'm stuck between two awesome guys. One of which I'm technically "dating" and the other whom I am like best friends with, but he likes me. Now, the guy I'm dating is 18 and a year younger than me. He's probably going to the marines in June. The other is 22, has a business degree, job, ans is probably going to major in neuroscience when he enrolls back into college. They are both athletic and love to lift, just as I do.

    I just dunno what to do. The 22 year old doesn't know I'm dating the other guy because he and I are just friends for now. I made that clear. But he said that if he knew I was dating someone, he'd have to move on, which I don't want. I see potential with this guy but I like my current boyfriend. UGH. Help.
    So, what is your goal for your relationship?
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
    QFT at 19 I had 3 guys I was dating, they all new of each other and were free to walk if they didn't like the situation. They were also free to date others. This it the age to find out what you want not to settle for what you have!
    Well, I'd been married for 2 years, but I've also been exceedingly lucky and nobody should do things the way we did it and expect success.

    The problem is, she probably has already had some kind of exclusivity arrangement with this guy, so that's why I say she needs to sit down with him and back out of that now before it's too late. If he's not down with that, he'll probably walk. That seems reasonable too. It's really crappy to try to control these guys and hold them back from finding what will make them happy by keeping them in the dark though. It's selfish and immature.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    It seems reasonable to assume that she could say to him "I really like you, but I am not ready to be exclusive" and his response will be "Oh, ok" and they'll both be free to date other people.

    Agreed. You don't have to say "I'm dating both you AND George, Friday nights with George, Saturdays are you."
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:
  • action_figure
    action_figure Posts: 511 Member
    The oldest person in this situation is still just barely an adult. You're not "stuck between two guys". You're having a high school drama llama party over two potentialities, neither of which is even in the beginning stages of coming to fruition. All three of you are going to grow and change and have immense demands placed upon you by the next few years of maturation. Especially the guy in the military and the guy going to med school. I advise, like everyone else here, that you be honest with everybody involved, and learn who you are and what you really want. Continuing to pursue your own goals and dreams, through your continuing education, and your fitness journey is one of the best ways to accomplish that.
  • Jimaudit
    Jimaudit Posts: 275
    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:

    And here I was trying to think of a politically correct phrase for skank.
  • FindingMyPerfection
    FindingMyPerfection Posts: 702 Member
    QFT at 19 I had 3 guys I was dating, they all new of each other and were free to walk if they didn't like the situation. They were also free to date others. This it the age to find out what you want not to settle for what you have!
    Well, I'd been married for 2 years, but I've also been exceedingly lucky and nobody should do things the way we did it and expect success.

    The problem is, she probably has already had some kind of exclusivity arrangement with this guy, so that's why I say she needs to sit down with him and back out of that now before it's too late. If he's not down with that, he'll probably walk. That seems reasonable too. It's really crappy to try to control these guys and hold them back from finding what will make them happy by keeping them in the dark though. It's selfish and immature.
    Agreed
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Rats. I was hoping for a sandwich pic. :sad:

    sandwich-o.gif

    :flowerforyou:
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
    I think if it is that difficult for you to decide than you aren't as interested as you think you are in EITHER guy. If you truly, truly, ultra-super want to be with somebody, there will be no question about it. That's just my opinion. I can't really give you any advice you want to hear... because I think you should say goodbye to both of them and spend some time figuring out exactly what it is you want from a partner.

    ETA: And always be honest with them. You say you are "technically dating" your "boyfriend." Which is it? Is he your boyfriend... or are you just going on dates here and there. If your best friend is only your best friend, why can't he know about this? If you dating somebody is enough to make him go away forever, then he's not much of a friend. He's interested in you and just waiting for you to feel the same about him. That's not friendship.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:

    And here I was trying to think of a politically correct phrase for skank.

    Liking two guys are 19 makes a girl a skank? Well, you are certainly charming.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
    QFT at 19 I had 3 guys I was dating, they all new of each other and were free to walk if they didn't like the situation. They were also free to date others. This it the age to find out what you want not to settle for what you have!
    Well, I'd been married for 2 years, but I've also been exceedingly lucky and nobody should do things the way we did it and expect success.
    Also wanted to add that I married someone who was in the armed forces too, and it is not at all easy, like ILiftHeavyAcrylics said. They have a saying, "If the navy wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one with your seabag." And that is pretty much true. The kindest thing you can probably do is cut the ties now, before he goes to boot camp, so that he is free and so are you while you are going to be physically separated anyway. You can always go on dates with him if he comes back on leave or whatever. Maybe you were meant to be together, in which case, you'll meet up after his time in the service is done and you have finished your education and/or established yourself in a career. You should focus on making yourself someone who is worth building a life together with, and I'm sorry, but nobody is really a complete enough person at 19 to be that. Meanwhile, your free time outside of those obligations can be spent with a variety of people, keeping it light and learning what is important for *you* in a relationship. Then you can find the person that meets those qualifications, for whom you meet their qualifications, and then you can form a team that will be unbeatable!

    Don't do it the way I did it and put the cart before the horse. Don't form your team and then lock yourself into a life course that forces you to make all of your choices based on being beholden to this team. It's just not smart. I cannot overemphasize enough that my life should be a disaster based on my choices, and I want you to avoid that near-certain risk.
  • Junken_Diraffe
    Junken_Diraffe Posts: 716 Member
    It doesn't count unless they high five.
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
    Oh, the problems of 19 year olds . . . when you grow up this issue will seem like nothing, and my guess is that neither of these guys will be around by then.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    It doesn't count unless they high five.

    Tina-Fey-High-Five-Reaction-Gif-On-30-Rock.gif
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:

    And here I was trying to think of a politically correct phrase for skank.

    Liking two guys are 19 makes a girl a skank? Well, you are certainly charming.

    Its not the "liking" of two guys, its the dishonesty. Before my husband I dated multiple guys at once, they always knew and if they didn't like it they could walk. The OP stated her "best friend" guy has no clue she is dating someone or else he would walk away, and the other she refers to as a boyfriend so she is implying they are exclusive. Being honest is the only way to do this, if they walk they have the right to.

    Also skank was not my word for this, just think the op needs to reevaluate the situation and both of these relationships started on the wrong foot, they would make a great learning tool.
  • miss_glamorous
    miss_glamorous Posts: 34
    If you're *stuck* between two guys, I can only infer that you have no real feelings for either of them.

    Don't be with either of them. It's OK to be single.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:

    And here I was trying to think of a politically correct phrase for skank.

    Liking two guys are 19 makes a girl a skank? Well, you are certainly charming.

    Its not the "liking" of two guys, its the dishonesty. Before my husband I dated multiple guys at once, they always knew and if they didn't like it they could walk. The OP stated her "best friend" guy has no clue she is dating someone or else he would walk away, and the other she refers to as a boyfriend so she is implying they are exclusive. Being honest is the only way to do this, if they walk they have the right to.

    Also skank was not my word for this, just think the op needs to reevaluate the situation and both of these relationships started on the wrong foot, they would make a great learning tool.

    Except somebody you are NOT dating and have said "I just to be friends" to doesn't get to make demands about what information you share with them. That he would even say that is kind of creepy and a warning sign, but it could also just be his way of tell her he's into her in "that way".

    If she likes him, she should talk to the "boyfriend" and tell him she's not ready to be in an exclusive relationship with him. Because she's not. But she doesn't owe 22 year old details of her personal life if she's explicitly keeping things friendly with him. If he's not happy with friends, which is what she says she is clearly saying to him, he needs to move on on his own. She doesn't need to "set him free" he is free.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    This is funny cause I'm kinda in the same situation except my situation is that neither are my friends - they're pure romantic interests, and we're a decade older than you and your guys. I don't need advice cause I've been there, done that. I'm dating them both, being completely honest with them, and if feelings develop more with one, I'll be breaking it off with the other. It's that simple.

    But you're a baby. Keep it casual with both. This is the best time in your life to date and have fun! I never had a boyfriend in college. It was wayyyy too fun to be single and date around (*not* sleep around - date!), Be honest with both that you like them both, but don't want a commitment right now. Focus on school first, good friends second, and then fun times with boys last. Life is much easier that way.

    Good luck girly! :-)
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    Well I was going to come in and congratulate you and ask why exactly you needed help but I'm leaving disappointed. I'll try to be helpful though - what's more important to you, money or benefits? Choose the dude accordingly.

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