So frustrated with my famliy

HollisGrant

I have been doing well for the past 2 months and I'm down 14 lbs. A month ago my mother in law comes back from visiting family. Ever since, any of the healthy food that I buy she feels that she needs to eat or make it for the whole family. I spent $40 yesterday so I could have salad stuff for the next week or so, but 75% of it is gone now. I buy wraps so I'm not eating white bread, but she eats them all. I buy breakfast shakes for myself and she gives them to my kids. And then she turns around and makes 3 batches of brownies and 3 trays of cookies. So after she eats all the healthy stuff that I buy, then I have to eat all the fried, fattening and salty foods that she makes. I'm just about to the point that I want to give up. I wish I knew what to do......:frown:

Sit down with her and talk to her in a nice way.

Talk or not, I would buy a second refrigerator. You might need one in a house with a lot of people with different food lifestyles. If you look at sales you can get a small refrigerator for $100-200. Keep the second fridge in your garage or basement. You can also buy a lock for the door -- they make them just for refrigerators. That might cause WWIIII in your house, though.

Mr_Knight

I wish I knew what to do......:frown:

At the risk of stating the obvious...you could start by talking to her instead of to the internet.

Ejourneys

I feel your pain.
I've been helped by watching episodes of Cesar Millan's "The Dog Whisperer." Problem dogs throw a fit when they don't get their way, and Millan says, "This is good. We want this." He holds his position (whatever it has to be) and lets the dog go nuts, until the dog's rage is used up.

If only people learned as quickly as dogs do. :-)

Here's what helps me:
1. Don't take it personally. This includes personal attacks on you. It's not you, it's your MIL. This is her noise, and noise is all it is. View it as that. Learning this kind of detachment is hard, but it is possible. Just keep practicing.
2. When she tries to draw you into a conversation and manipulate you, ask yourself, "Will my saying anything make a difference?" If the conversation is her same old schtick, chances are the answer is no. I have said, "I am not participating in this conversation." The other person keeps on talking and tells me how dysfunctional I am. It's noise. I invoke #1 and hold my tongue. Sometimes this means I deep-six my ego for a while, but in truth I'm making it stronger.
3. Practice deep breathing and ways of staying calm. I play music in my head. I let the other person's noise become a buzz. I focus on letting my shoulders relax. Once I've told her I'm done with the conversation, I don't answer her questions. I don't take her bait. She can insult me all she wants; it doesn't matter. (In my case, this is someone with mental illness and brain damage from MS, so I remind myself that it's the disease, not the person.) Eventually she calms down.
4. Remember that responding to a toxic person fuels that toxicity. Let them run out of steam. Chances are they will when they realize they can't get a rise out of you. They'll probably keep trying, on and off. If I'm not feeling at my best, I slip and blow a gasket, but then I get right back on the wagon. As with weight loss, this is all one day at a time. The goal is to reduce your stress in the midst of the other person's chaos.

Similarly, the way to deal with a child's temper tantrum is to ignore it:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/12/05/143062378/whats-behind-a-temper-tantrum-scientists-deconstruct-the-screams

For example, "That's what parents Noemi and David Doudna of Sunnyvale, Calif., found. Their daughter Katrina once had a meltdown at dinnertime because she wanted to sit at one corner of the dining table. Problem was, the table didn't have any corners – it was round. When David Doudna asked Katrina where she wanted to sit, the tantrum only intensified."

I remember that article when I've got an adult's tantrum on my hands.

I love the idea of the separate fridge. Also, you are under no obligation to eat what your MIL dishes out.
Congrats on losing the 14 pounds and Kudos on quitting smoking! Keep taking good care of yourself; it will help you deal with the drama. As Millan puts it, be calm and assertive. It's a learning process, but you've got this.

Fivepts

I'm wondering the same things. Are you living with her or is she living with you? Who is paying the bills? If you are living with her and she doesn't respect your wishes then maybe it's time to take your family and live elsewhere. If she is living with you then firstly, you and your wife need to be on the same page as to what you and your family will eat and how to respect and honor each other's wishes. If she's just visiting, then you can probably put up with a little junk food for awhile or else take over the kitchen and make sure everyone your kids eat healthy along with you.