Feel the love but no passion, or romance
Replies
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TIL: how wendyterry lost the 78lbs
LOL your profile pic looks like an astronout's vagina. NASA-vaj.0 -
TIL: how wendyterry lost the 78lbs
LOL your profile pic looks like an astronout's vagina. NASA-vaj.
talk about deep space! :drinker:0 -
The point of being in a relationship is steady sex with minimal effort for the next instance of sex.
I do like the chase on occasion. But, sex with minimal effort is definitely the biggest perk of being in a relationship.
sex with minimal effort? if my SO put minimal effort into sex I would not be happy or satisfied. at all. it also wouldn't be readily available... no sex is better than bad sex. once again, you guys are real winners.
This is a semantical issue. I think there's confusion as to what effort actually is. The first instance of sex requires the most amount of effort from the male perspective. Outside of the framework of one night stands, you need to approach someone, build some sort of meaningful rapport, go out on some dates, get her in a private setting, continuously escalate physically. After the first few instances of sex, the amount of effort per instance of sex is less because the initial efforts have already been made. I'm not advocating taking sex for granted within the confines of a relationship, but it is much easier to keep someone happy that you've already started with than start over from the beginning.
Also, and a woman would never consider this, there's something called the cumulative effect. That means, for every time that a man's efforts with one time fails, he has to start over with a new woman from scratch. That's not easy, from any perspective.
To make the first paragraph happen, there's a lot of coordination involved and infrastructure requirements. You need a good enough job to afford a smartphone, because it is so much harder to get a girl's number if you are pulling out a feature phone when you get her number. In a major metropolitan area, that would make a girl laugh at you. Also, you need a well located apartment that is in a singles friendly area. Sometimes, those apartments can be pricey. So to afford the lifestyle, you need to take college and work seriously, which takes a lot of effort too.
I am actually surprised and impressed at this post. I understand where you were going with that now. although I am still slightly disappointed your biggest motivation for a relationship is the readily available sex, I appreciate the explanation.
I guess, when you ultimately dislike and have no respect for women, sex is all they are good for.0 -
LOL you people offer some interesting advice. Talk to him, let him know kindly that he's a wonderful man and you love being intimate with him. Relationships are cyclical sometimes youll be like sweaty rabbits and other times youll be like an old marry couple. The longer you are in a relationship the more you realize how it cycles.
NVM this sentence tells me what you already know:
I feel kinda messed up that I sometimes want him to fall in love with someone else, so we can split, but he can be happy about it....0 -
TIL: how wendyterry lost the 78lbs
LOL your profile pic looks like an astronout's vagina. NASA-vaj.
woah it does some futuristic sex doll0 -
The point of being in a relationship is steady sex with minimal effort for the next instance of sex.
I do like the chase on occasion. But, sex with minimal effort is definitely the biggest perk of being in a relationship.
sex with minimal effort? if my SO put minimal effort into sex I would not be happy or satisfied. at all. it also wouldn't be readily available... no sex is better than bad sex. once again, you guys are real winners.
This is a semantical issue. I think there's confusion as to what effort actually is. The first instance of sex requires the most amount of effort from the male perspective. Outside of the framework of one night stands, you need to approach someone, build some sort of meaningful rapport, go out on some dates, get her in a private setting, continuously escalate physically. After the first few instances of sex, the amount of effort per instance of sex is less because the initial efforts have already been made. I'm not advocating taking sex for granted within the confines of a relationship, but it is much easier to keep someone happy that you've already started with than start over from the beginning.
Also, and a woman would never consider this, there's something called the cumulative effect. That means, for every time that a man's efforts with one time fails, he has to start over with a new woman from scratch. That's not easy, from any perspective.
To make the first paragraph happen, there's a lot of coordination involved and infrastructure requirements. You need a good enough job to afford a smartphone, because it is so much harder to get a girl's number if you are pulling out a feature phone when you get her number. In a major metropolitan area, that would make a girl laugh at you. Also, you need a well located apartment that is in a singles friendly area. Sometimes, those apartments can be pricey. So to afford the lifestyle, you need to take college and work seriously, which takes a lot of effort too.
I am actually surprised and impressed at this post. I understand where you were going with that now. although I am still slightly disappointed your biggest motivation for a relationship is the readily available sex, I appreciate the explanation.
I guess, when you ultimately dislike and have no respect for women, sex is all they are good for.
I ultimately dislike and have no respect for certain women. And I have no sexual use for them. They are still good for a sammich though.0 -
TIL: how wendyterry lost the 78lbs
LOL your profile pic looks like an astronout's vagina. NASA-vaj.
talk about deep space! :drinker:
I am hearing darth vader breathing along with it. Eerie experience.0 -
bump0
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I guess, when you ultimately dislike and have no respect for women, sex is all they are good for.
I already knew that was his attitude, but I expected that and his response was at least thoughtful. it made sense. I still don't approve of or agree with it, but he's entitled to his opinion and motivations, I just ask that they're presented well.0 -
The point of being in a relationship is steady sex with minimal effort for the next instance of sex.
Not sure to :huh: or :laugh:0 -
maybe i am being overly analytical, but I think I spotter the word "depressed" when you were describing this man. Is this something he takes medication for?
because that can have an effect on libido. and you can talk until you are blue in the face, and that can't reverse the effects of medications. If this is the case, he needs to talk to his doctor and see if the can try different things that will not effect him as much.
Sorry if i keyed in on the wrong term0 -
You cannot expect the relationship to have the same level of passion, sex and romance ALL THE TIME. People in the relationship go through different phases at different times that changes their behavior. Its jut how much patience and understanding and love you have for each other that can make/break the relationship. Did you try to find out why there is no passion? Is it from his end or both of you are responsible for it? There could be something else bothering him. Unless you are planning to not commit to anyone, "crushes that you cant have" are always going to be there!
As the OP read, if you are already thinking about breaking up, there is no point continuing the relationship. Its not fair to both of you! Just have the talk to him and move on i guess.0 -
I am glad you find your suggestion of using highly addictive and harmful substances to boost libido so hilarious.
It warms my heart to know that I made you glad. Merry Christmas! :flowerforyou:0 -
TIL: how wendyterry lost the 78lbs
:laugh:0 -
TIL: how wendyterry lost the 78lbs
LOL your profile pic looks like an astronout's vagina. NASA-vaj.
woah it does some futuristic sex doll
IKR? I didn't even notice the pic at first because of laughing so hard at the comment. But, um yeah. Too funny. I did not expect this thread to turn out to be so humorous! :laugh:0 -
The point of being in a relationship is steady sex with minimal effort for the next instance of sex.
I do like the chase on occasion. But, sex with minimal effort is definitely the biggest perk of being in a relationship.
sex with minimal effort? if my SO put minimal effort into sex I would not be happy or satisfied. at all. it also wouldn't be readily available... no sex is better than bad sex. once again, you guys are real winners.
This is a semantical issue. I think there's confusion as to what effort actually is. The first instance of sex requires the most amount of effort from the male perspective. Outside of the framework of one night stands, you need to approach someone, build some sort of meaningful rapport, go out on some dates, get her in a private setting, continuously escalate physically. After the first few instances of sex, the amount of effort per instance of sex is less because the initial efforts have already been made. I'm not advocating taking sex for granted within the confines of a relationship, but it is much easier to keep someone happy that you've already started with than start over from the beginning.
Also, and a woman would never consider this, there's something called the cumulative effect. That means, for every time that a man's efforts with one time fails, he has to start over with a new woman from scratch. That's not easy, from any perspective.
To make the first paragraph happen, there's a lot of coordination involved and infrastructure requirements. You need a good enough job to afford a smartphone, because it is so much harder to get a girl's number if you are pulling out a feature phone when you get her number. In a major metropolitan area, that would make a girl laugh at you. Also, you need a well located apartment that is in a singles friendly area. Sometimes, those apartments can be pricey. So to afford the lifestyle, you need to take college and work seriously, which takes a lot of effort too.
I am actually surprised and impressed at this post. I understand where you were going with that now. although I am still slightly disappointed your biggest motivation for a relationship is the readily available sex, I appreciate the explanation.
Thanks Hayley. This would be a good example of reasonable adults having a discussion. When I say something in soundbite form like "The point of being in a relationship is steady sex with minimal effort for the next instance of sex", there's an underlying depth to what I say.
I think if we are all being real and honest with ourselves, I would say that most of us seek a relationship for the readily available sex. The best illustration of this point is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs). Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is usually taught in more depth than this Wikipedia article in a college 101 level Psychology or Sociology class.
According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, all humans have needs. The needs are categorized in a pyramid. You can't move up the pyramid fully unless your base needs are met. A base need of Maslow's Hierarchy is sex. Sex is viewed as more integral than the social components. Sex is a primal instinct whereas the social components of a relationship are socially constructed.0 -
crystal meth and porn...problem solved
just gonna say it, generally crystal meth has the opposite effect of viagra. do not think that will solve OP's problem.
Well, obviously I was joking. Meth comes with its own set of problems, but it certainly works better than viagra, and it's cheaper too.
I think someone sold you a bill of goods if your man couldn't get it up after a bowl or two. It may have been pectin with B12.
...Or maybe you are trying to remember what the DARE cop told you, and you are confusing amphetamines with cocaine (which *has* to be in the proper dose because too much will certainly keep "it" limp). Amphetamines, in just about any form, and in a variety of dosages, increases blood flow throughout the body, while also increasing serotonin and dopamine, putting everyone "in the mood.")
I actually speak from experience not regurgitated facts DARE told me. it's 50/50, sometimes it causes equipment to work better and other times it prevents anything from happening. I am being vague here as I do not think this is really something OP's thread needs to be hijacked with.
This^^ I am a recovering addict with almost 8 years soberity and it sounds to me like you may have also been around the block a time or two. Especially with knowing what it might be cut with.. Think you left out a couple though unless your chem teacher didn't teach you what your lab should contain to burn meth clean and double your money.
On a serious note, I don't find it a joking matter. There are some of us that have very real knowledge of the lasting effects of meth use. Sex generally isn't great after prolonged use. If they can get it up, they can't get off. If we are in the mood, we don't always stay moist... Either you think you know or you have only experienced it a little.
Having written about the epidemic of meth use in my area and the fact I used for 10 years before getting sober, I think I have enough experience to say this was the sorriest post I have seen all day in the forums.0 -
crystal meth and porn...problem solved
just gonna say it, generally crystal meth has the opposite effect of viagra. do not think that will solve OP's problem.
Well, obviously I was joking. Meth comes with its own set of problems, but it certainly works better than viagra, and it's cheaper too.
I think someone sold you a bill of goods if your man couldn't get it up after a bowl or two. It may have been pectin with B12.
...Or maybe you are trying to remember what the DARE cop told you, and you are confusing amphetamines with cocaine (which *has* to be in the proper dose because too much will certainly keep "it" limp). Amphetamines, in just about any form, and in a variety of dosages, increases blood flow throughout the body, while also increasing serotonin and dopamine, putting everyone "in the mood.")
I actually speak from experience not regurgitated facts DARE told me. it's 50/50, sometimes it causes equipment to work better and other times it prevents anything from happening. I am being vague here as I do not think this is really something OP's thread needs to be hijacked with.
This^^ I am a recovering addict with almost 8 years soberity and it sounds to me like you may have also been around the block a time or two. Especially with knowing what it might be cut with.. Think you left out a couple though unless your chem teacher didn't teach you what your lab should contain to burn meth clean and double your money.
On a serious note, I don't find it a joking matter. There are some of us that have very real knowledge of the lasting effects of meth use. Sex generally isn't great after prolonged use. If they can get it up, they can't get off. If we are in the mood, we don't always stay moist... Either you think you know or you have only experienced it a little.
Having written about the epidemic of meth use in my area and the fact I used for 10 years before getting sober, I think I have enough experience to say this was the sorriest post I have seen all day in the forums.
I agree. It was a strong late entry for Most Shameful Post of the Year.0 -
On a serious note, I don't find it a joking matter. There are some of us that have very real knowledge of the lasting effects of meth use. Sex generally isn't great after prolonged use. If they can get it up, they can't get off. If we are in the mood, we don't always stay moist... Either you think you know or you have only experienced it a little.
Having written about the epidemic of meth use in my area and the fact I used for 10 years before getting sober, I think I have enough experience to say this was the sorriest post I have seen all day in the forums.
I'm sorry that you had such a hard time with it. I have a brother-in-law that's a crackhead and a younger brother who is an alcoholic. Personally, I'm addicted to nicotine. We all have our demons. Through it all, I refuse to lose my sense of humor. 0 -
having a sense of humor is very different from being downright offensive. I am rarely offended. in fact, I think yours was about the third post I have been unsettled by and I have been here since March. you cannot claim you are entitled to make jokes about a sensitive matter because your brothers experience a similar struggle. nicotine is not meth. meth is not recreational, or fun, or something to do because you want to get your nut off. your first suggestion of it may have been slightly humorous, but then posting incorrect information and telling me I must be confusing something I got from a DARE seminar (which, by the way, I did not attend--was too busy doing meth), or must have not *really* been doing crystal since my ex experienced ED after using... that's completely inappropriate.
in any case, thanks for your contributions. OP, I apologize for assisting in the derail of your thread. I think you did get some good answers though and hope things work out for you.0 -
Every pro-meth post = reported.0
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meth is not recreational, or fun, or something to do because you want to get your nut off.
Ok, now you are hijacking, but I seriously have to disagree with this statement. Before we had the kiddos, it was *exactly* that for my husband and me on most weekends. It's a lot of fun, more fun than cocaine, IMHO. :smokin:
Oh good grief.0 -
Talk with him. With . . . not AT. Share. You say he is already making an effort to touch you more. That is a great sign. It shows he cares, that he wants to do more, to help you find happiness. Share with him how you like to be touched and like to be treated. Maybe not all at once, but over time. When he does something you like, tell him. An "Ooooo, I like that!" with a smile and maybe a hug. Give him positive feedback physically and verbally.
Also, what does he like? Guys usually need respect, to feel respected. Let him know you respect him and appreciate him. Do little things to let him know he is special. Let him know you are doing these things because you know he is special and important to you. I remember hearing about a gal who would put flowers on the nightstand as one of the ways to communicate that she wanted to make love. He didn't know that was what it meant. He thought she just liked flowers. Find out how he likes to have love communicated. Touch? Food? Notes in his lunch box? Be proud of him in public as well as private. I don't know you all but he sounds like a pretty good guy.
Good luck! :-)0 -
meth is not recreational, or fun, or something to do because you want to get your nut off.
Ok, now you are hijacking, but I seriously have to disagree with this statement. Before we had the kiddos, it was *exactly* that for my husband and me on most weekends. It's a lot of fun, more fun than cocaine, IMHO. :smokin:
Oh good grief.
that one was humorous just because of the sheer absurdity of it.0 -
meth is not recreational, or fun, or something to do because you want to get your nut off.
Ok, now you are hijacking, but I seriously have to disagree with this statement. Before we had the kiddos, it was *exactly* that for my husband and me on most weekends. It's a lot of fun, more fun than cocaine, IMHO. :smokin:
Oh good grief.
that one was humorous just because of the sheer absurdity of it.
You like cocaine better? :laugh:0 -
Every pro-meth post = reported.
Merry Christmas! Hopefully Santa will bring you a sense of humor. To me, it's funnier than the old "just break-up" post, but if you want to take it as "pro-meth," then nothing I can say will stop you.
[that escalated quickly gif]0 -
stick it out! the one thing you have to learn about long term relationships is passion doesn't last any longer than the "falling in love" phase does, but you move onto such greater things and connections.. any marriage counselor will tell you this (as mine did when i was having troubles with my SO), and it may help you to read The 5 Love Languages so you can get your relationship back to where you want it! best of luck
) 0 -
It's sex. I think you're going to be highly disappointed with what you find if you leave the man you love because your sex-life was lackluster. I would much rather deal with a sex-issue than a mental/emotional connection issue, differences in morality/values, and/or incompatible life goals. You can't expect to have it all, some do but most don't, and I think if this is your biggest (or only) problem then you should try to work it out. IT sounds like you want to be with him but you're bored--well, make your relationship un-boring.0
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stick it out! the one thing you have to learn about long term relationships is passion doesn't last any longer than the "falling in love" phase does, but you move onto such greater things and connections.. any marriage counselor will tell you this (as mine did when i was having troubles with my SO), and it may help you to read The 5 Love Languages so you can get your relationship back to where you want it! best of luck)
Your advice is for a married with children person.
26yo and not married and no kids? Bye.
25 years old, engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years, and have an absolutely amazing relationship because i've worked at it.
oh and i've gone through the EXACT thing the OP is writing about and she asked for opinions riiight here:I would love to hear from other people who reached this cross road in their long term relationship....
So bite me.) 0
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