Feel the love but no passion, or romance
Replies
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It's sex. I think you're going to be highly disappointed with what you find if you leave the man you love because your sex-life was lackluster. I would much rather deal with a sex-issue than a mental/emotional connection issue, differences in morality/values, and/or incompatible life goals. You can't expect to have it all, some do but most don't, and I think if this is your biggest (or only) problem then you should try to work it out. IT sounds like you want to be with him but you're bored--well, make your relationship un-boring.
completely agree^^
Sex can be much easier of an issue to work through than something like cheating or addiction. If he's already working on the things you've asked of him, he could be very open to making you happy with your sex life as well.0 -
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stick it out! the one thing you have to learn about long term relationships is passion doesn't last any longer than the "falling in love" phase does, but you move onto such greater things and connections.. any marriage counselor will tell you this (as mine did when i was having troubles with my SO), and it may help you to read The 5 Love Languages so you can get your relationship back to where you want it! best of luck
)
Your advice is for a married with children person.
26yo and not married and no kids? Bye.
25 years old, engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years, and have an absolutely amazing relationship because i've worked at it.
oh and i've gone through the EXACT thing the OP is writing about and she asked for opinions:I would love to hear from other people who reached this cross road in their long term relationship....
bite me.)
I don't believe in "working at it". It works or it doesn't. You shouldn't have to put in that much effort. That's my philosophy, and it works for me. Relationships are not supposed to last for years and years. They serve a purpose at that point in time, and sometimes, people grow out of them. It happens everyday. We spend too much time trying to fix things that aren't broken. We are meant to be together, and they go apart and continue. It's not a big deal. Staying together and working at it is more for control freaks. LOL. I just don't see the point.
But, I'm happy alone. I'd rather be alone. In order for me to make room for another person, they have to really be special to me. And, I will make room at that time. But, I don't have an empty place in my heart waiting for someone to fill it. LOL. I know a lot of people are like that. I'm not. So, that's why I don't believe in working on it. Screw it. I'd rather spend my time taking a nap.
Lol I totally understand what you mean. It can be a lot of work but it can also pay off tremendously. But I agree it's not for everyone! Different people just think and do things their own way, the way that works best for them, as you said 0 -
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I'm impressed. Page 2 and it's turned into a serious discussion about meth (slightly off topic). MFP.
OP when you find yourself turning to complete strangers on the internet for advice on your relationship, it's time to break up.0 -
crystal meth and porn...problem solved
just gonna say it, generally crystal meth has the opposite effect of viagra. do not think that will solve OP's problem.
Well, obviously I was joking. Meth comes with its own set of problems, but it certainly works better than viagra, and it's cheaper too.
I think someone sold you a bill of goods if your man couldn't get it up after a bowl or two. It may have been pectin with B12.
...Or maybe you are trying to remember what the DARE cop told you, and you are confusing amphetamines with cocaine (which *has* to be in the proper dose because too much will certainly keep "it" limp). Amphetamines, in just about any form, and in a variety of dosages, increases blood flow throughout the body, while also increasing serotonin and dopamine, putting everyone "in the mood.")
Amphetamines definitely kill any chance of sex after a while, especially for the man's part of the performance. Trust me on this.0 -
crystal meth and porn...problem solved
just gonna say it, generally crystal meth has the opposite effect of viagra. do not think that will solve OP's problem.
Well, obviously I was joking. Meth comes with its own set of problems, but it certainly works better than viagra, and it's cheaper too.
I think someone sold you a bill of goods if your man couldn't get it up after a bowl or two. It may have been pectin with B12.
...Or maybe you are trying to remember what the DARE cop told you, and you are confusing amphetamines with cocaine (which *has* to be in the proper dose because too much will certainly keep "it" limp). Amphetamines, in just about any form, and in a variety of dosages, increases blood flow throughout the body, while also increasing serotonin and dopamine, putting everyone "in the mood.")
Wow. Just...wow.0 -
It's possible to be best friends and have a happy marriage with NO sex life. Not what I would have chosen, but I have to play the cards I'm dealt, and that means a husband who is a friend, a great companion, loving, emotionally supportive, and a good man. I don't like having to be celibate, but there is no alternative except going outside the marriage. I've seen relationships that don't have the trust and respect we do, and that is much worse. Married 42 years now.....could not imagine leaving him.0
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It's possible to be best friends and have a happy marriage with NO sex life. Not what I would have chosen, but I have to play the cards I'm dealt, and that means a husband who is a friend, a great companion, loving, emotionally supportive, and a good man. I don't like having to be celibate, but there is no alternative except going outside the marriage. I've seen relationships that don't have the trust and respect we do, and that is much worse. Married 42 years now.....could not imagine leaving him.
Damn. That would not work for me at all.0 -
Better a celibate marriage--much as I hate that part of it-- than breaking up a 4-decades marriage in our 60s, with nowhere else to go, nobody else interested, and no income except social security. Aside from leaving my best friend ever.0
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Better a celibate marriage--much as I hate that part of it-- than breaking up a 4-decades marriage in our 60s, with nowhere else to go, nobody else interested, and no income except social security. Aside from leaving my best friend ever.
Biology tops social constructs. A sad story.0 -
Absolutely stellar responses from my mfp brothers and sisters thank you.
Words ring true from both sides of the coin (the stay and work it out side and the only 26 no kids not married let it go side). I think for me, at present, the course of action that feels like the right course of action is to indeed do the awkward conversations (already commenced), and try and lift the sexy side back up to scratch. (And having people give me a bit of a push in that direction has been helpful cos it's definitely not the easier option).
Some day someone may sweep me off of my feet and that will be it, I'll be gone. Through awkward conversation, I'm fairly confident we are both on the same page about this possibility for I or he. And then, even though we both know, we don't spit, because at present both comfortable and happy. Which seems to go very much against the norms (like you shouldn't string people along, and is it still stringing if you are both on the same page about it....anyway), in the mean time, going to lift my girlfriend game and ask him to do the same and see where that takes us.0 -
It's possible to be best friends and have a happy marriage with NO sex life. Not what I would have chosen, but I have to play the cards I'm dealt, and that means a husband who is a friend, a great companion, loving, emotionally supportive, and a good man. I don't like having to be celibate, but there is no alternative except going outside the marriage. I've seen relationships that don't have the trust and respect we do, and that is much worse. Married 42 years now.....could not imagine leaving him.
why don't you two have sex? that's crazy0 -
Because he can't. Diabetes does that...to him, and to his brothers, who are diabetics too. My sisters-in-law are in the same boat.0
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Because he can't. Diabetes does that...to him, and to his brothers, who are diabetics too. My sisters-in-law are in the same boat.
Not to get graphic or anything, but does sex have to include sexual intercourse?0 -
Talk to him about intimacy issues, decide on whether he has become a friend or whether he is still your partner, try couples counselling? Try a weekend away? Try going back to the days when you chatted got chatting too much in the evening, and suddenly looked pith the window and realised the sun was rising!
I have the opposite issue, I don't have the love, or the security, only the passion even though I really like him as a person as well I doubt it will work and don't know whether to keep going.0 -
Wow - a lot of opinions here. IMO, if you're not married and have no other *ties* i.e. children, then leave baby!0
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