Ironic motivation

Thorbjornn

I've had a battle with myself over weight, eating right, working out, etc. for years. On another site I post at, my history is pretty much an open book. My fault. There is someone who has taken several opportunities to rip me apart. This was today's installment. I think his comments say more about him than they do about me:

"It doesn't matter. You come on this forum year in and year out and never change. You are a huge waste of everyone's time. You have not changed since I have been here and you never will. You are not a bodybuilder. You are not really anything but a whining, crying, excuse making, weak man and you will probably leave the forum for a year after reading this post like the last time I called you out. Give it a rest already, your game of getting attention here is pretty much played out."

I responded:

"You're probably right about me, and I'm sure others think the same, but they have class. I hope it makes you feel like a real man to tell me off. But you seem to be in a minority of one; the others seem to think I'm worth something. I haven't held a gun to anyone's head, anyone is free to ignore me. Godspeed on your journey."

He's not going to run me off that site but it does hurt (maybe because there's a kernel of truth); rather, I'm going to take the philosophy "Living well is the best revenge". So far we haven't had any further exchange, and I don't plan to.

I'd like to know where people buy their big hairy coconuts.

cmbancroft

Have you tried paying for a few sessions of personal training at a gym, or working out with someone else? The one-on-one usually helps most people get started.

Thorbjornn

Have you tried paying for a few sessions of personal training at a gym, or working out with someone else? The one-on-one usually helps most people get started.

I can't afford a personal trainer,and I don't know anyone to work out with. I've actually been weight training for over 20 years, so it's not the workouts that are a problem, it's taking off the weight. I used to train pl-style, and tended to out-eat my workouts. This guy is very bitter and angry and tends to lash out at me for some reason. The motivation I have now is to stay on plan to lose the 25 or so pounds I have.

focuseddiva

Typical schoolyard bully (the person who lashed out at you). Ignoring people like that is the best way to get rid of them. Just go on your merry way and ignore everything and anything that he fires against you. Eventually, he'll get tired of not getting a rise out of you and move on to someone else.

fivethreeone

The problem is that your motivation is an emotional response to someone else, meaning that (like all emotional responses) it will ebb and flow, making it unreliable as an impetus for future dietary adherence.

There's nothing wrong with feeling motivated; however, a feeling of motivation will not be enough to drive a goal through to completion.

MysteriousMerlin

You gotta do this for yourself, not because some twit is making you feel bad. YOU are worth doing this, YOU are the only one who can truly motivate you. Twits will be twits; he'd just come back with another snarky remark, no matter how well you do in the future.

MickeS

The problem is that your motivation is an emotional response to someone else, meaning that (like all emotional responses) it will ebb and flow, making it unreliable as an impetus for future dietary adherence.

There's nothing wrong with feeling motivated; however, a feeling of motivation will not be enough to drive a goal through to completion.

This^
You seem to be an emotional guy. So maybe sometimes you do some emotional eating. Don't get me wrong. I'm kind of an emotionally driven guy myself. If other people gets to you that's cool. All you have to do is connect to the kind that makes you grow. Kick that other a- hole out of sight and go back to basic. 10-20% calorie deficit and consistent workout of your liking and you're god to go!

ILoveGingerNut

It's pretty obvious that guy is out of order, his comment shouldn't touch you. You don't live to please people who have nothing better to do than posting insults.
And hey, we are just human, so don't be hard on yourself. If we are on this website it's because we are all in the same boat.
Take care xxx

SteveJWatson

Er, mate - its the internet and the internet is full of ****heads. I couldn't give a bollocks what people on the web think of me.

sjohnny

56 years old. I would have lost that bet.

Thorbjornn

Typical schoolyard bully (the person who lashed out at you). Ignoring people like that is the best way to get rid of them. Just go on your merry way and ignore everything and anything that he fires against you. Eventually, he'll get tired of not getting a rise out of you and move on to someone else.

Yep, I put him on ignore. That forum has the feature, fortunately.

Thorbjornn

The problem is that your motivation is an emotional response to someone else, meaning that (like all emotional responses) it will ebb and flow, making it unreliable as an impetus for future dietary adherence.

There's nothing wrong with feeling motivated; however, a feeling of motivation will not be enough to drive a goal through to completion.

This^
You seem to be an emotional guy. So maybe sometimes you do some emotional eating. Don't get me wrong. I'm kind of an emotionally driven guy myself. If other people gets to you that's cool. All you have to do is connect to the kind that makes you grow. Kick that other a- hole out of sight and go back to basic. 10-20% calorie deficit and consistent workout of your liking and you're god to go!

Heh, yeah I am an emotional eater... ironically an emotional under-eater. When I'm stressed or agitated I don't eat. I lose my appetite even though my stomach may be growling like crazy. At those times if I try to eat, a. it won't go down, or b. it will come up. Usually it's a. Then, however, when the "storm" passes, I over-compensate.

Thorbjornn

It's pretty obvious that guy is out of order, his comment shouldn't touch you. You don't live to please people who have nothing better to do than posting insults.
And hey, we are just human, so don't be hard on yourself. If we are on this website it's because we are all in the same boat.
Take care xxx

Thanks... yes this site is very supportive. There have been a few assclowns from time to time, but 99.9% of the members are doing their best to help each other.

Jerrypeoples

never try to lose weight for someone else. you do that and youre doomed to fail. find a reason to lose the weight that isnt in response to someone.


i have been told i am a nice guy but...i have been called out right every name in the book...i have tried being committed to the workout so that i can be healthier (mind you its all relative...even at my heaviest my cholesterol was barely 160) so it wasnt like i was heart attack waiting to happen.

almost two years ago i decided on tuesday and thursday nights i wanted everyone to say, *kitten* i could guard jerry out on the court...he killed us.

so with that i took it upon myself to be serious. i cut out fast food, i stuck to my workouts. i stuck to my cardio. i didnt get discouraged because all 100lbs i need to lose didnt melt off in the first week.

accept it took a while to put on the weight and it will take a while to remove it.

i am in the second week of lee labrada's 12 week training program i got from bodybuilding.com. in 12 weeks i am hoping that i will be in the low 220s. if not, i will have to deal with it.

ArroganceInStep

I've had a battle with myself over weight, eating right, working out, etc. for years. On another site I post at, my history is pretty much an open book. My fault. There is someone who has taken several opportunities to rip me apart. This was today's installment. I think his comments say more about him than they do about me:

"It doesn't matter. You come on this forum year in and year out and never change. You are a huge waste of everyone's time. You have not changed since I have been here and you never will. You are not a bodybuilder. You are not really anything but a whining, crying, excuse making, weak man and you will probably leave the forum for a year after reading this post like the last time I called you out. Give it a rest already, your game of getting attention here is pretty much played out."

I responded:

"You're probably right about me, and I'm sure others think the same, but they have class. I hope it makes you feel like a real man to tell me off. But you seem to be in a minority of one; the others seem to think I'm worth something. I haven't held a gun to anyone's head, anyone is free to ignore me. Godspeed on your journey."

He's not going to run me off that site but it does hurt (maybe because there's a kernel of truth); rather, I'm going to take the philosophy "Living well is the best revenge". So far we haven't had any further exchange, and I don't plan to.

I'd like to know where people buy their big hairy coconuts.

Stop posting and get to work.

nomeejerome

We are not on that forum, so we do not know the entire story. If you really want to reach your goals, do it.

scythswife

You can do it just befriend those that will have a positive influence and ditch the others.

Thorbjornn

You can do it just befriend those that will have a positive influence and ditch the others.

The funny thing is that out of a 3 page thread, there were only 2 negative posts... his and another one agreeing with him. Now, why is it that we let 1 negative comment out of 100 positive and encouraging ones get to us? Probably because it's public humiliation, and the other people have too much class to turn it into a p' ing contest. But we forget that. They just take it for the ignorance it is.

FattyFatsoMcTubby

Haters gonna hate.

I doubt one can be successful relying on haters for motivation. You need to be motivated from within. Once you are motivated from within, you can use use the haters to refresh your resolve. My screen name is something that someone once called me in an argument. I was in denial of the extent of my weight problem at the time. A year later, when I decided to start my journey to a healthier me, I chose to use the name I was called as a reminder of my denial and to refresh my resolve each time I see it.

stumblinthrulife

First up it sounds like what you need is discipline, not motivation. You stick with the weights presumably because you enjoy them, so it's not hard. But no one really enjoys eating at a calorie deficit, so you need to find some discipline to stick with it. Set your goals, decide what you need to do to meet them, and then do it day after day. One day at a time.

If you slip, don't berate yourself, just get straight back to it.

Forget about fad diets. You're a classic candidate for IIFYM if ever there was one. You've already seen that you cannot stick to restrictive diets. I'm sure certain people at BB.com were getting fed up with you because you kept doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That tends to frustrate people and they eventually lash out. Check out this post and follow the links therein to learn about setting your macros and taking a rational, reasonable approach to weight loss -

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants?hl=sexypants

Then head over to the Eat, Train, Progress group for some no-nonsense advice from a couple of our most knowledgeable and valuable members.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/10067-eat-train-progress-

nomeejerome

First up it sounds like what you need is discipline, not motivation. You stick with the weights presumably because you enjoy them, so it's not hard. But no one really enjoys eating at a calorie deficit, so you need to find some discipline to stick with it. Set your goals, decide what you need to do to meet them, and then do it day after day. One day at a time.

If you slip, don't berate yourself, just get straight back to it.

Forget about fad diets. You're a classic candidate for IIFYM if ever there was one. You've already seen that you cannot stick to restrictive diets. I'm sure certain people at BB.com were getting fed up with you because you kept doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That tends to frustrate people and they eventually lash out. Check out this post and follow the links therein to learn about setting your macros and taking a rational, reasonable approach to weight loss -

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants?hl=sexypants

Then head over to the Eat, Train, Progress group for some no-nonsense advice from a couple of our most knowledgeable and valuable members.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/10067-eat-train-progress-

+1

Thorbjornn

First up it sounds like what you need is discipline, not motivation. You stick with the weights presumably because you enjoy them, so it's not hard. But no one really enjoys eating at a calorie deficit, so you need to find some discipline to stick with it. Set your goals, decide what you need to do to meet them, and then do it day after day. One day at a time.

Wow, it's like you have a tap into my brain. :laugh: The weights are indeed no problem.

Forget about fad diets. You're a classic candidate for IIFYM if ever there was one. You've already seen that you cannot stick to restrictive diets. I'm sure certain people at BB.com were getting fed up with you because you kept doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That tends to frustrate people and they eventually lash out. Check out this post and follow the links therein to learn about setting your macros and taking a rational, reasonable approach to weight loss -

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants?hl=sexypants

Then head over to the Eat, Train, Progress group for some no-nonsense advice from a couple of our most knowledgeable and valuable members.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/10067-eat-train-progress-

Thanks a lot. I have my food diary here, and I'm tracking daily. I used the Katch-McArdle calculator to get my calories. A few other people verified it with me. It's probably about as close to right as I can get it. I'm keeping macros at about 40/35/25 p/c/f. I've seen IIFYM, but I never looked at it closely. I'm going to check these links out to see if what I have is close. As a side note, I'm actually the one who gets frustrated with myself, asking the same question and expecting a different answer. So you're probably right about the issue. Hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes.

Edit: the IIFYM calculator at http://iifym.com/iifym-calculator/ has me flipping the fat and carbs. Carbs are a problem for me, being insulin resistant, so it's best if I lower them a bit.

marciebrian

who cares what one a-hole says about anything. ignore him/her and move on. your life/your challenges/your ability to take hold of this on your own (along with your MFP friends of course).

Good luck!!!!

PikaKnight

We are not on that forum, so we do not know the entire story. If you really want to reach your goals, do it.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=159141741&page=2

Thorbjornn

who cares what one a-hole says about anything. ignore him/her and move on. your life/your challenges/your ability to take hold of this on your own (along with your MFP friends of course).

Good luck!!!!

Thanks. :happy:

Thorbjornn

We are not on that forum, so we do not know the entire story. If you really want to reach your goals, do it.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=159141741&page=2

Yep.

ILoveGingerNut

On the forum you'll find both people who will support you and people who... er... won't. So don't be obsessed with it. Befriend the people you like, keep in touch with them, and spend the rest of your time doing something you enjoy. Read a book, play videogames, try a new sport, visit a friend, climb a mountain, do some gardening... Just don't spend too much time on forums, for your own sanity!

Thorbjornn

Just don't spend too much time on forums, for your own sanity!

You are right. I do back off and go underground at times. I rarely get on at night anymore, it's mostly at work because I sit at a terminal all day monitoring computer systems (I'm a sys admin). The past week or so I've been on more than I had been in a while.

MyChocolateDiet

If he feels that way about you, I'd suspect others there might too.

That's okay though because you seem certain you are out eating your workouts and so don't really need a site like that as much as you need a cal counting one like this to get your eating on par with your workouts.

Good luck and just know that here starting useless threads asking the same questions over and over is frowned on as well.

I suspect you wont' do that here though for 2 reasons. 1) you have already been admonished over there for it and probably are smart enough to take the advice and 2) you might have been frustratingly asking the same questions over and over wondering what was missing and finally realized it's your diet.

Hope you have more success here while continuing your workouts eating at the right TDEE should reveal what I'd imagine after years on a bodybuilding site are lot's and lots of muscles.

PinkNinjaLaura

The numbers I read vary, but it's 70-80% your food & 20-30% your workouts. Bonus for you, your workouts are already in line so you aren't starting from scratch. You just need to get your eating in line. Hopefully switching up your macros helps. Being diligent helps. Sticking with it even when you don't feel like it helps. Eventually it really does get easier.

Edit to clarify that losing weight is 80% diet & 20% workouts. You can't out-exercise a bad diet, unfortunately.

JamieBeth19

The old quote rings true, "Before you diagnose yourself with low self esteem or depression, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by *kitten*." Today you were So what if you are slow at getting started on your weight loss journey, the first step is to want to make the change and it seems that you do! A cheap suggestion to start you off is to turn on some music and dance! I have several line dance songs on my ipod which helps because I can just steal other peoples moves ( I'm not a great freestyler). Good luck on your journey!