All or Nothing Mentality?

FindingMyFit2014

Hi!
Does anyone else struggle with "all or nothing" thinking or the "what the hell" effect when it comes to the diet mentaily? I allow myself to eat whatever I want, but I still have these moments. How did you overcome this? Does anyone else struggle with this?

Thanks for the comments

BinaryPulsar

Here is a good article that I read about it recently: http://www.burnthefatblog.com/the-bad-attitude-that-kills-diet-and-exercise-programs.php

likitisplit

Sometimes we all let the "shoulds" get in the way of the "dids." I try to reframe things in terms of "better than"

...5 minutes of exercise is better than 0.
...3000 calories is better than 3500 calories.
...maintaining is better than gaining.

jennegan1

When I first joined I kinda went in with that attitude...But then I thought do I really wanna give up on everything that I like to eat or drink and I said no not really...Just cut back on alot of what I eat normally with smaller portions and now I plan on doing one goal at a time. Starting with eating at a deficit and doing cardio. As I get closer to my goal I plan on doing more strength training

judyde

Sometimes we all let the "shoulds" get in the way of the "dids." I try to reframe things in terms of "better than"

...5 minutes of exercise is better than 0.
...3000 calories is better than 3500 calories.
...maintaining is better than gaining.

^^ Exactly! I find that MFP helps me keep going, since even if I go over my calorie goal by 400 calories, I'm still at a deficit. I am set up for a 500 calorie deficit to lose 1 pound a week. So even "failing" is still moving me in a forward direction toward my goal.

likitisplit

Sometimes we all let the "shoulds" get in the way of the "dids." I try to reframe things in terms of "better than"

...5 minutes of exercise is better than 0.
...3000 calories is better than 3500 calories.
...maintaining is better than gaining.

^^ Exactly! I find that MFP helps me keep going, since even if I go over my calorie goal by 400 calories, I'm still at a deficit. I am set up for a 500 calorie deficit to lose 1 pound a week. So even "failing" is still moving me in a forward direction toward my goal.

Totally this!

FindingMyFit2014

All of these suggestions are great! I find myself easily discouraged because I am trying to maintain my weight so when I go over, I feel like it is automatic fat gain!
Any other thoughts are welcome I appreciate the responses.

likitisplit

All of these suggestions are great! I find myself easily discouraged because I am trying to maintain my weight so when I go over, I feel like it is automatic fat gain!
Any other thoughts are welcome I appreciate the responses.

Have you checked out GoKaleo's blog?

Really, if you have an active lifestyle, any random overages will wash out over the year. It's the habits that either save you or bite you in the butt.

jhbruiser

I'm still battling with this myself. I changed my weight loss goal to .5 lbs a week instead of 1 lb b/c of it, actually. Every time I'd go over, I'd figure what's the point of trying to keep it down now? This way, it's a bit harder to go over (although I managed to today) and I know there's no wiggle room if I do go over. One day at a time!

PikaKnight

Great reading material:

http://body-improvements.com/2013/05/24/undiet-your-diet/

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1122891-9-reasons-fat-loss-is-always-slower-than-you-d-like

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1105036-article-on-flexible-dieting-by-armi-legge?page=1#posts-17068746

callas444

One thing that helped me was to not allow myself any "cheat days". Instead, I have an occasional "cheat meal". The rest of the day has to be healthy, but for one meal I indulge. In the past, cheat days have become cheat weekends, cheat weeks, etc. One binge would lead to the next. When I started MFP, I only promised myself to eat smaller portions of my normal food and to cut back on sweets. I have gotten better and better at changing my attitude to embrace healthier habits. People will argue about cheat days, but you have to do what works for you.

FindingMyFit2014

Thanks for all the suggestions and comments. I love the cheat MEAL, idea rather than a cheat DAY! Any others?

sensored44

That's an awesome way to view our 'fails"... Swiped!

twixlepennie

Sometimes we all let the "shoulds" get in the way of the "dids." I try to reframe things in terms of "better than"

...5 minutes of exercise is better than 0.
...3000 calories is better than 3500 calories.
...maintaining is better than gaining.

+1

cherwood

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

Last year I lost 20 pounds. I kept if off for about 5 months then I hurt my neck and couldn't exercise enough. I lost it mentally so here I am again. I waited 5 weeks for even one cheat meal then allowed myself one cheat meal a week. That worked quickly. You are so right about cheat days, they turn into weekends then weeks. That's how I gained it back.

Unknown

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GummyHuman

I always had that "what the hell" mentality my whole life until I had a scary doctor visit in September. That was enough motivation to keep me going until I actually started seeing results. Now that I've seen results, and I realize it's possible to see results, I am just motivated to see more and better results!

Not sure how long this wave of motivation will last but I plan to ride it as long as I can.

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

The only thing that worked for me was time. It took a long time for me to start having a better relationship with food. Nobody can be perfect. Just do the best you can and try to make "your best" a little better each day.

HollisGrant

Hi!
Does anyone else struggle with "all or nothing" thinking or the "what the hell" effect when it comes to the diet mentaily? I allow myself to eat whatever I want, but I still have these moments. How did you overcome this? Does anyone else struggle with this?

Thanks for the comments

I had enough of being fat and exhausted and refused to buy into my own excuses.

I overcame the all or nothing attitude by slowly adding positive things to my day and allowing myself to be happy about these little steps, things like walking to work instead of driving (round trip it's just one mile). Give yourself a high-five for adding quality of life to your day. Every step is a plus. They eventually add up to a better lifestyle.

Cranquistador

I still revert back to this at times even though I know it is not logical.

WalkingAlong

I struggle with it. One thing that helps me is to remember the math of it all. Our bodies don't work under 'black or white' conditions. If we overate by 300 calories that's 1/3 as bad as by 900 calories, whereas the 'black or white' thinker just sees both as FAIL. Our bodies operate 100% in the gray areas so it's good to try to get your mind to think in those terms.

I used to think of all the dieting I'd done, all the workouts, and how it still hadn't gotten me to my ideal body, so it was all worthless. I have to remind myself that without all that hard work, I'd probably weigh a hundred pounds more than I do so it was totally worth it.

msf74

Yes, I think most people experience this and it is a major reason why most diets fail miserably over the long term.

It is indicative of a "deprivation" mindset and sets up an astonishingly frustrating "diet / gain / diet / gain" cycle. The way to get passed it is to develop a healthy conscious relationship with your eating which you can sustain over the long term and which replaces your old unconscious associations with food which triggers you to eat all the things.

It's about psychology as much as physiology.

kellyskitties

I've developed my diet philosophy slowly (and some of it stolen from others along the way) but reviewing it and keeping it in mind has kept me on track. Also, when I started I didn't have a plan exactly this time. I just started logging. Then looking for tiny tweaks I could make comfortably. I've figured out failure isn't failure, it's just a speed bump. I just start again - and try to figure out what caused it and if I could have done better (realistically).

I get it - I am very OCD - I pursue perfection and then give up in many things. It's the vicious cycle of perfection. Then one day I just decided to just log and "not look at my feet." I said children first start to walk and when they look down at their feet and realize it they fall. I am just not looking down. I don't think about it, I don't let others opinions matter too much (cause some on here have a LOT of opinions and perfection issues), and I just keep moving forward in small choices I make every day for better or worse. I don't even set goals of how many pounds - that implies I'll "crank it up" or hold to a perfect plan - and then off I'll go running from it when I couldn't do it. I limit my goal setting - that's probably been my biggest victory. I listed some milestones on my page - but when I reach one - who knows. Doesn't matter when.

What first did me in was when my schedule at work went kablooey. I realized I couldn't do it all right then. I asked for help online - got some good advice and some useless "you have to power through" advice. And I dropped myself to maintenance for that time period. I only gained a couple pounds and then when I could I resumed again. I just decided better to hold my place than give up. And it worked like a charm. The stress even reduced on me right then. THAT was one of my biggest AHA moments so far. That and letting perfection go. There is no end to perfection unless you have a lot of rules and rules get hard to keep up with and meet when life gets in the way.

I have also banned regret. I just refuse to apologize, call it a cheat, be remorseful or kill myself with exercise over a cupcake. Cupcakes gonna happen. I am not physically able to do great amounts of exercise to "punish" myself and I don't want to. I just analyze the cupcake moments, what happened, why did I want it, was it worth it, could I have done a little better?

Anyway my philosophy from my profile:

I've learned 1. It's all about choices. It's not a big picture thing - it's about one choice and then another. So if you make a bad one choice - make the next one better. 2. Sometimes I drop to maintenance to maintain my sanity so if you slip, just don't slip clear over the ravine past maintenance. 3. If you do, in fact, slip clear over the ravine, so what, just resume better choices. That's resiliency winning over quitting. One bad choice, one bad day, one bad week doesn't mean you quit. 4. Perfection is not going to happen and can be self defeating. I'll take progress over perfection any day.

If this sounds familiar or helpful - or you just want to you can friend me.

albayin

I am one of those "all or nothing" "black or white" people. Because of this mentality/personality I am able to keep my routine going but at the same time, I constantly feel frustrated because I don't seem finding any satisfaction in the changes but rather focused on a certain "result", like 20 lb loss, or 2 size down...I don't have these results so I feel I am a loser in the battle...

adorable_aly

I used to be like this, but I think it takes time and practice and a change in a way you think. Once you accept that this is your life now, that is you will always strive to be healthy and fit, then there is no black and white, it's a decision, and one you stick to, no matter what happens on the scale/ in life. Sure you will have days you eat more, but you'll also have days you eat less, and that's ok and perfectly normal.

In contrast if your goal is a number on a scale, then that's when the all or nothing thinking comes in. you lose motivation every time you don't lose see a specific weight on the scale and then the decision in your mind is to go harder or give up. That's the black and white thinking that is dangerous.

So truly realise that you are changing your life, making yourself healthier, fitter and happier, and that no single day or number on a scale changes that commitment you made. There truly is no finish line. (apart from death )

msf74

There is some really excellent advice in this thread.

When MFP is good...it's really good.

djxil

I am All or Nothing, Black or White, Right or Wrong, my favorite phrase is on my page, "Do or Do Not, There is No Try - Yoda".

But in all things, moderation and balance, is the only way to survive and thrive.

I blend the two extreme viewpoints into one, for instance, I quit Fast Food, Soda and Candy, cold turkey, day 1 and starting logging everything, however, I have gradually folded in exercise, healthier food, homemade cooking.

So, again, balance is key. You cannot beat yourself up too much if you fail, nor can you celebrate obnoxiously, if you win.

jennegan1

I always had that "what the hell" mentality my whole life until I had a scary doctor visit in September. That was enough motivation to keep me going until I actually started seeing results. Now that I've seen results, and I realize it's possible to see results, I am just motivated to see more and better results!

Not sure how long this wave of motivation will last but I plan to ride it as long as I can.

Good Luck! I didnt have a scary doc appt in Sept. But Sept was my older daughters 10th birthday and 6 months to my 32nd birthday . So I finally said well Im considered obese time to make a change and get with it now or never. I choosed to do now instead of never. But also alot of health issues run in my family I want to get healthy enough to combat them before they start

msf74

. You cannot beat yourself up too much if you fail, nor can you celebrate obnoxiously, if you win.

"If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same..."

jennegan1

I used to be like this, but I think it takes time and practice and a change in a way you think. Once you accept that this is your life now, that is you will always strive to be healthy and fit, then there is no black and white, it's a decision, and one you stick to, no matter what happens on the scale/ in life. Sure you will have days you eat more, but you'll also have days you eat less, and that's ok and perfectly normal.

In contrast if your goal is a number on a scale, then that's when the all or nothing thinking comes in. you lose motivation every time you don't lose see a specific weight on the scale and then the decision in your mind is to go harder or give up. That's the black and white thinking that is dangerous.

So truly realise that you are changing your life, making yourself healthier, fitter and happier, and that no single day or number on a scale changes that commitment you made. There truly is no finish line. (apart from death )

Very well put!!! I agree with you as well...Its not truly the number on the scale Im worried about or how quickly it comes off or. My food choices werent always unhealthy more or less it had to with the portion sizes in what I was thinking or thought that was healthy. Plus I want to show my girls good healthy eatings and that you can still have "junk food" as long as you dont over do it.

laursoar

I've absolutely struggled with this thought process. I'd say that letting go of that mentality has been one of the biggest reasons why I'm succeeding right now!

For me, I'm really terrible at prioritizing exercising. I have less trouble overall with keeping my eating habits in check. Although I do exercise slightly more than I did prior to changing my lifestyle, I have lost almost all of my weight by monitoring the calories that I eat. Eventually, exercise will become a bigger priority in my life... but I realized that separating the "easier" part out and getting control of my eating habits would be much more sustainable for me long term. With eating too though, I've also had to come to terms with the fact that I'm probably never going to be someone who eats cleanly. I try to make more health-conscious choices but continue to indulge in moderation on the less healthy options.

Going at everything with this mindset makes such a difference in feeling like I can keep up with these changes forever!