I'm jealous of a friend that I inspired.
Replies
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Generally the things we despise in others reflect the flaws we see in ourselves. It's hard to take, but the only thing that will make you feel better is ignoring him and refocusing on yourself. Do things that make you proud of YOU and you'll feel less irritated with him
Good luck!
(and yes, I am going to attempt to take my own advice as well
we all do it!) 0 -
Ummm, no, never experienced wanting something bad for my friend...evah. I'm a lifer with friends and they have my heart until I'm gone from this earth. I always want the absolute best for them. You may need to get some help with this since it appears you do recognize it as an issue.
Maybe, its the first time I've felt like this. It's an odd feeling and I know it's not right. I know I'm competitive but I've never despised a friend like this before. I blame part of it on facebook, I see every day his posts on his progress as he posts pictures and his workouts on facebook every dang day.
It's time to stop logging into Facebook then.0 -
who cares? it sucks. build a bridge. you aren't competing against him and you never will be. you are your own competitor.0
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Thats kind of crazy, I can see your point as I would be pissed if one of my chubby friends suddenly got skinnier than me after being inspired by me and I would be bummed, but I would be happy for them, and use that jealousy as fuel to better myself. Do it. Use your anger/jealousy to fuel you! AND FYI jealousy is not attractive so if you have a GF keep it to yourself lol.0
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Ok, I'll play armchair psychologist ;-)
Your jealousy isn't really about your friend. It's about what you think you *should* be, and knowing you're not there. Your friend's just a mirror, and right now you want to smash it because you don't like what you see.
And you get that it is your issue, which is an important first step. Now take that second step and see how it's really self-loathing. And work on that. I don't know what your goals are, so I can't advise you to one-up this guy. It's not about him anyway. It's about what YOU really want and where you are now, and how you feel about all that.
Re-focus. What do YOU want? Really? Okay. Now how are you going to get there?
And btw, pretty ballsy to put it out there in the forums like that.0 -
Ok, I'll play armchair psychologist ;-)
Your jealousy isn't really about your friend. It's about what you think you *should* be, and knowing you're not there. Your friend's just a mirror, and right now you want to smash it because you don't like what you see.
And you get that it is your issue, which is an important first step. Now take that second step and see how it's really self-loathing. And work on that. I don't know what your goals are, so I can't advise you to one-up this guy. It's not about him anyway. It's about what YOU really want and where you are now, and how you feel about all that.
Re-focus. What do YOU want? Really? Okay. Now how are you going to get there?
And btw, pretty ballsy to put it out there in the forums like that.
Well damn, not only do you get calorie counting with this web site...you get free psych eval!
I luh this site!0 -
It's time to stop logging into Facebook then.
Probably good advice.. It's how I keep my family up to date with my kids and so forth. Dang facebook :-D0 -
Ok, I'll play armchair psychologist ;-)
Your jealousy isn't really about your friend. It's about what you think you *should* be, and knowing you're not there. Your friend's just a mirror, and right now you want to smash it because you don't like what you see.
And you get that it is your issue, which is an important first step. Now take that second step and see how it's really self-loathing. And work on that. I don't know what your goals are, so I can't advise you to one-up this guy. It's not about him anyway. It's about what YOU really want and where you are now, and how you feel about all that.
Re-focus. What do YOU want? Really? Okay. Now how are you going to get there?
And btw, pretty ballsy to put it out there in the forums like that.
Well damn, not only do you get calorie counting with this web site...you get free psych eval!
I luh this site!
Should be a donate button so I could buy them a beer!0 -
Take a page from his book.
Ummm, no, never experienced wanting something bad for my friend...evah. I'm a lifer with friends and they have my heart until I'm gone from this earth. I always want the absolute best for them. You may need to get some help with this since it appears you do recognize it as an issue.
Maybe, its the first time I've felt like this. It's an odd feeling and I know it's not right. I know I'm competitive but I've never despised a friend like this before. I blame part of it on facebook, I see every day his posts on his progress as he posts pictures and his workouts on facebook every dang day.
Use FB and post
goals
Accomplishments
Pics
Motivational quotes
You may feel silly at first but the likes and encouraging comments from friends can be powerful fuel to continue.0 -
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Take a page from his book.
Use FB and post
goals
Accomplishments
Pics
Motivational quotes
You may feel silly at first but the likes and encouraging comments from friends can be powerful fuel to continue.
I always thought people thought those people were annoying. That's why I never really posted anything about it on facebook. Add in if you rebound you look kind of silly.0 -
In any competition, the victor usually outdid their opponent by preparation, practice and paying attention to detail. He wanted more than you did and accomplished those.
And you're jealous because you KNOW you can do it too, but for some reason haven't mustered up the guts to COMMIT to it. Till you do, you'll just keep on being green.
It's really just a decision and commitment you have to make on your own.
He didn't STEP on you on the way to success (like some people do in life), he just attained it through burning desire. Should be an inspiration instead of an exasperation.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Friends and family want to be part of your life and encourage you to succeed. Give them that chance, also if you put it out there you have added motivation cuz you don't want to look silly.
Take a page from his book.
Use FB and post
goals
Accomplishments
Pics
Motivational quotes
You may feel silly at first but the likes and encouraging comments from friends can be powerful fuel to continue.
I always thought people thought those people were annoying. That's why I never really posted anything about it on facebook. Add in if you rebound you look kind of silly.0 -
Nothing is anon online. In other words the green eyed monster is out of the closet, let's slay it. The psychoanalysis done here was pretty good and in your heart you already knew what had to be done, so do it.0
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Take a page from his book.
Use FB and post
goals
Accomplishments
Pics
Motivational quotes
You may feel silly at first but the likes and encouraging comments from friends can be powerful fuel to continue.
I always thought people thought those people were annoying. That's why I never really posted anything about it on facebook. Add in if you rebound you look kind of silly.
Also? This keeps other people's actions/opinions in the driver's seat. Get right with you first. You've got this.0 -
In any competition, the victor usually outdid their opponent by preparation, practice and paying attention to detail. He wanted more than you did and accomplished those.
And you're jealous because you KNOW you can do it too, but for some reason haven't mustered up the guts to COMMIT to it. Till you do, you'll just keep on being green.
It's really just a decision and commitment you have to make on your own.
He didn't STEP on you on the way to success (like some people do in life), he just attained it through burning desire. Should be an inspiration instead of an exasperation.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Sometimes in football we were just plain better than the other team :-D
That being said.. +1, you are right.0 -
I have been on the other end of this.
A friend inspired me to get off my butt and do something about my weight. Now she is slipping back down the weight gain slope and is so jealous. I try to say things to inspire her and I invite her to workout with me. She says mean and hurtful things to me but I know that it is jealously and I won't let it effect me and my determination.
You can get back on track ... you are aware and that is the first step. Take baby steps to get back on track...I know you can do it!0 -
Not sure where to put this... Anyways... I'm jealous of a guy I inspired to lose weight.
A friend of mine 2 years ago saw me lose over 100lbs of weight, I was running 5k's and 10k's. He told me that it inspired him to take up a weight loss competition for a fitness magazine. He did awesome, he actually won his division and he in turn decided to change his focus on life and lost over 140 lbs in 10 months and is now trying to become a trainer. Now seeing how I bounced back into some bad habits I'm incredibly jealous of him.
I almost despise him for it and I know I shouldn't. He's a great guy and I really helped nudge him into making a better choice, sadly I didn't keep making those choices for myself.
Maybe you should be proud of the fact that it was you inspiring him in the first place that made him so successful? A teacher is never so proud as when the student surpasses him; it means he did a great job.0 -
I have been on the other end of this.
A friend inspired me to get off my butt and do something about my weight. Now she is slipping back down the weight gain slope and is so jealous. I try to say things to inspire her and I invite her to workout with me. She says mean and hurtful things to me but I know that it is jealously and I won't let it effect me and my determination.
You can get back on track ... you are aware and that is the first step. Take baby steps to get back on track...I know you can do it!
I'd never say something mean to the guy. He really is a good guy, his change has been remarkable.0 -
It's normal to envy him, but don't hate him. Instead feel happy that you helped change someone's life because YOU inspired someone else.
As for picking up bad habits STOP IT! remember how you lost the weight to begin with. How proud you were of yourself. Don't give up on yourself.0 -
Don't whine about it.... use it. In my experience... negative feelings are the BEST motivators in the world. Use his success to get you back to where you need to be... kicking those bad habits again. Why do you think the Success Stories board is so popular? I'd say people get a little "jealous" that so-and-so is doing so well... and their stats are so close to theirs, etc. It's a great tool to use to kick yourself in the butt and keep going.
Good luck!0 -
Ok, I'll play armchair psychologist ;-)
Your jealousy isn't really about your friend. It's about what you think you *should* be, and knowing you're not there. Your friend's just a mirror, and right now you want to smash it because you don't like what you see.
And you get that it is your issue, which is an important first step. Now take that second step and see how it's really self-loathing. And work on that. I don't know what your goals are, so I can't advise you to one-up this guy. It's not about him anyway. It's about what YOU really want and where you are now, and how you feel about all that.
Re-focus. What do YOU want? Really? Okay. Now how are you going to get there?
And btw, pretty ballsy to put it out there in the forums like that.
^This.Great response.0 -
Pretty honest of you to put that out there. A lot of people have judged you. I have to admit that what you posted sounds pretty f''d up. But I think any of us might feel that way if we let ourselves.
Change your focus. Ask yourself "what stregths does he have that got him there?" ADMIRE THEM! Then ask yourself "What stregths do I have?"
MOVE ON and focus on YOUR strengths. Focusing on him will not make you better. Stop reading his facebook posts. FB BREEDS JELOUSY LIKE NON-OTHER as MANY people use it as a bragging medium.
The only way you will be happy is to change your focus.
Easier said than done- but you can do it. GOOD LUCK!0 -
Part of my goal on this fitness quest is to inspire others if I can. Nothing can be cooler than knowing you inspired someone to make positive changes in their life because of you. He did all the work but you provided the spark and it's something you can add to your list of accomplishments even if he's never acknowledged that fact that you inspired him.0
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There is only one thing to do my friend. Stalk him, watch every move he makes. Find every one of his weakness' and in the late, late hours work on them yourself until the day comes. The day of reckoning. The day when you farmer walk past him with weight he can only dream of carrying. His entire soul will be crushed and he will probably regress from that point on.
or
You could loose your ***** tits and be happy for your friend.
Edit: Actually, have had something similar happen to me so I'm just making fun of you to make myself feel better.0 -
Facebook is the devil, my friend. Not everything you see is how things really are.
Try and look at it like this, while your getting jealous and having so many feels over his pics and what not, he is probably refreshing his page over and over to monitor the amount of "likes" his pics get. If they don't get as many as he feels validates the attention he is seeking from others, he probably feels just as bad as you do.
I may be completely wrong I'm sure he's probably a fantastic guy but in this day and age of social media and people's near obsession with getting validation in the form of a virtual thumbs up (given mostly out of a sense of obligation in most cases) it's definitely a possibility. Places like Facebook only show you what the poster wants you to see, not what is really going on.
Hope this helps
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Part of my goal on this fitness quest is to inspire others if I can. Nothing can be cooler than knowing you inspired someone to make positive changes in their life because of you. He did all the work but you provided the spark and it's something you can add to your list of accomplishments even if he's never acknowledged that fact that you inspired him.
He acknowledged I was the inspiration. I think that is part of the issue.. he acknowledged that on facebook and then by far has surpassed me since I've slipped a bit.0 -
The problem isn't the guy and his success. The problem is you and your lack of success. It's no different than being jealous of a friend who got a new car while you're still driving around on your moped - it's not THEIR fault you're getting passed like you're standing still - it's YOURS. Instead of being jealous of the friend with the new car, why don't you work harder on yourself to get where you want to be. Stop comparing yourself to him. YOU aren't HIM. Being jealous of him is asinine and counterproductive. You can either wallow in self-pity and keep giving him the stink eye, or you can get off your duff and make the results you want to see. Simple as that. His ability to control his behaviors and exhibit discipline is no reason to be jealous - he's just better at it than you are. Channel that competitive nature into striving to have more self control and discipline than him if you must...
In other words, suck it up and drive on.0 -
Ok, I'll play armchair psychologist ;-)
Your jealousy isn't really about your friend. It's about what you think you *should* be, and knowing you're not there. Your friend's just a mirror, and right now you want to smash it because you don't like what you see.
And you get that it is your issue, which is an important first step. Now take that second step and see how it's really self-loathing. And work on that. I don't know what your goals are, so I can't advise you to one-up this guy. It's not about him anyway. It's about what YOU really want and where you are now, and how you feel about all that.
Re-focus. What do YOU want? Really? Okay. Now how are you going to get there?
And btw, pretty ballsy to put it out there in the forums like that.
^This.Great response.
Yes, this... this is pretty much what I was trying to say. lol0 -
Yeah, I really need to refocus. Harder done then said!0
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