Should I quit - husband's afraid I'll look like a dude

emtbythesea
emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
in Motivation and Support
He's afraid I'm going to get bulky like a dude. I'm NOT a fan of blowing off my spouse and doing whatever I like - I'd be mad if he did that to me. What I don't understand is wanting to stop something that isn't even happening yet. And what if I WANTED to be big and huge? Guess what, I do! I used to weigh 98 lbs and looked like death. Now I weigh 115 and actually have some tits and *kitten*. He doesn't even notice it. I get joy and confidence from lifting, but when I get home I feel embarrassed. He likes to refer to people who go to the gym as "meatheads" and makes jokes when I come home pumped about my workout. It's really weird too because he's a professional athlete...who is lucky and never has to set foot in a real gym. Advice before I quit?
«13

Replies

  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    Read this thread:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1096001-halp-heavy-lifting-made-me-supah-bulky

    That should give you some decent insight.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    He likes to refer to people who go to the gym as "meatheads" and makes jokes when I come home pumped about my workout. It's really weird too because he's a professional athlete...who is lucky and never has to set foot in a real gym. Advice before I quit?

    Sounds like he's trying to stop you from going to the gym. Have you asked him why he does that?
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    He's supportive of me working out "to maintain health" but he's not a fan of my muscles (Which are not even big and I totally love them)
  • morethanthis0
    morethanthis0 Posts: 260 Member
    Talk to him about it. Communication is key. you're doing something that is healthy for you and makes you feel good!
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    Yes! I actually saw this. I KNOW this is true, but all he really "knows" is that he sees female weightlifters in movies and they all look like guys, so that's what will happen to me. When I try to show him hot lady lifters like Caitlyn Trout, he refuses to even look and says I'm not them. Weird right? Like a pre-emptive phobia rooted in imagination...and I'm about to get on that train.
  • littlelou374
    littlelou374 Posts: 19
    If he supports you being healthy, he should support strength training. It has a lot of body benefits beyond what's visible to the eye...liking helping to prevent osteoporosis. Plus, stronger muscles help support joints, which eases the stress placed on them. Plus, you like it. Which is reason enough to have a conversation about how his comments are making you feel.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    You are right. I'm continuing to talk to him about my training goals even though I know he doesn't care. I gotta at least put the effort in to try to understand his concerns
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    Sounds like he's pretty insecure about his own strength and/or physique.
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
    Question? Do you want to be healthy? Do you want to live a long fruitful life. Does he want you to be around for him? Those are the answers you need.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Wow. I don't even know what to say.
  • Sovictorrious
    Sovictorrious Posts: 770 Member
    I would quit because lifting hinders women walking in heels. True story, there was a study and all...in my head.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    I totally look like a guy from 2 years of very heavy lifting.....


    Not really. I'm a competitive natural bodybuilder. Clothes fit amazing with the added muscles and I don't even look like I lift in regular clothes.
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    Seems legit.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    If he supports you being healthy, he should support strength training. It has a lot of body benefits beyond what's visible to the eye...liking helping to prevent osteoporosis. Plus, stronger muscles help support joints, which eases the stress placed on them. Plus, you like it. Which is reason enough to have a conversation about how his comments are making you feel.

    ^^ These are all good points. You might invite him to come with you and do something else there. He might be jealous or want ownership of you -- I can't tell. But talk to him. I would tell him the jokes made me feel bad and to talk to you another way..
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    It's really just a fear he has that I will look like a guy if my muscles get huge. I KNOW this is not true, but most guys think that way. He's ok with maintenance for health. I want my husband to be physically attracted to me, but I really like my look and IT'S SO FUN! You have all really given me a good boost of confidence.
  • Fatguy2Fitguy
    Fatguy2Fitguy Posts: 129 Member
    Whatever you do... don't quit! When you don't turn into a muscle bound bodybuilder miraculously overnight he'll realise that the usual misconception is a load of rubbish, and he'll have a hot fit partner instead!

    (If you do pack on a load of muscle overnight, please let me know your secret though lol).
  • Mellyajc
    Mellyajc Posts: 142 Member
    The question is not whether you should quit, it's about how you can help him understand the joy this pursuit brings you. No loving partner would ask their partner to stop doing something they love unless it was a health concern. Random fears about appearance? NOT a good reason.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    Maybe he is insecure and afraid you will find another man at the gym.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    And what if I WANTED to be big and huge? Guess what, I do!

    You have every right to want that. Just as he has every right to his own sense of aesthetics - and there are a LOT of males who don't find bulked or extremely lean women particularly attractive.

    In the end, you'll each have to figure out your own appropriate set of compromises - good luck! :smile:
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    I agree with you. Problem is, he actually DOESN'T like the way I look right now as much as did before. I do.
  • keeptehpeace
    keeptehpeace Posts: 189 Member
    sounds like he's jealous to me! keep doing the weightlifting, it sounds like you've found something you really like, you wont turn into a dude overnight
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    You have every right to want that. Just as he has every right to his own sense of aesthetics - and there are a LOT of males who don't find bulked or extremely lean women particularly attractive.

    He can like what he likes. . .when asked. . .
    Yeah, that's a healthy approach...

    :smokin:
    ...and stop mocking her for working out. That's not cool. Continually picking at her is not a healthy way to discuss his preferences. It's belitting and manipulation.
    WTF are you talking about? I didn't mock or "pick" at anybody.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    I agree with you. Problem is, he actually DOESN'T like the way I look right now as much as did before. I do.

    Sounds like you get to make a decision about what you value more - his opinion on your physique, or your own.

    Also, is he a jockey?
  • TinaBaily
    TinaBaily Posts: 792 Member
    I totally look like a guy from 2 years of very heavy lifting.....


    Not really. I'm a competitive natural bodybuilder. Clothes fit amazing with the added muscles and I don't even look like I lift in regular clothes.

    Wow! I looked at your photos (sorry...your comments made me do it :blushing: ) and you look totally amazing!! I'm so jealous of your rear. All the lifting has made you look awesome and not at all like a guy. Congratulations on your success, especially seeing how far you've come, if that's your before photo in your lineup.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    divorce bound-
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
    Strong first crosspost.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Nah just start lifting, it's hard to get swole if yer a girl. If its gets to the point where he questions it, you can always be like....

    giphy.gif

    That should clear things up for him.
  • jos05
    jos05 Posts: 263 Member
    divorce bound-

    I have to agree!!
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    but all he really "knows" is that he sees female weightlifters in movies and they all look like guys, so that's what will happen to me.

    Yes, because everything that happens in movies is real...

    Perhaps the best thing is not to say anything at all as it doesn't sound like he'll believe anything until he sees it. The best way to prove him wrong is to keep up with it until you are where you want to be.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Yes! I actually saw this. I KNOW this is true, but all he really "knows" is that he sees female weightlifters in movies and they all look like guys, so that's what will happen to me. When I try to show him hot lady lifters like Caitlyn Trout, he refuses to even look and says I'm not them. Weird right? Like a pre-emptive phobia rooted in imagination...and I'm about to get on that train.

    Just get on the train and have a pair of 1 lbs pink barbells that you leave in yer locker during workouts. Carry them in with you and wear your Zumba jacket when you walk in the door from the gym everyday. He'll never suspect.

    545335390_o.jpg

    (i went to the gym few weeks back and upon my return hubs and kiddo were truly baffled b/c they did not see me on the treadmills right by the door. Didn't even bother going in past the columns where the recumbant bike and me were having a tussle on how high I could crank that mofo. I know how to do this. trust me, stay vague, stay married.)

Categories