Should I quit - husband's afraid I'll look like a dude

Options
24

Replies

  • keeptehpeace
    keeptehpeace Posts: 189 Member
    Options
    sounds like he's jealous to me! keep doing the weightlifting, it sounds like you've found something you really like, you wont turn into a dude overnight
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Options
    You have every right to want that. Just as he has every right to his own sense of aesthetics - and there are a LOT of males who don't find bulked or extremely lean women particularly attractive.

    He can like what he likes. . .when asked. . .
    Yeah, that's a healthy approach...

    :smokin:
    ...and stop mocking her for working out. That's not cool. Continually picking at her is not a healthy way to discuss his preferences. It's belitting and manipulation.
    WTF are you talking about? I didn't mock or "pick" at anybody.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    Options
    I agree with you. Problem is, he actually DOESN'T like the way I look right now as much as did before. I do.

    Sounds like you get to make a decision about what you value more - his opinion on your physique, or your own.

    Also, is he a jockey?
  • TinaBaily
    TinaBaily Posts: 792 Member
    Options
    I totally look like a guy from 2 years of very heavy lifting.....


    Not really. I'm a competitive natural bodybuilder. Clothes fit amazing with the added muscles and I don't even look like I lift in regular clothes.

    Wow! I looked at your photos (sorry...your comments made me do it :blushing: ) and you look totally amazing!! I'm so jealous of your rear. All the lifting has made you look awesome and not at all like a guy. Congratulations on your success, especially seeing how far you've come, if that's your before photo in your lineup.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    Options
    divorce bound-
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,655 Member
    Options
    Strong first crosspost.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Options
    Nah just start lifting, it's hard to get swole if yer a girl. If its gets to the point where he questions it, you can always be like....

    giphy.gif

    That should clear things up for him.
  • jos05
    jos05 Posts: 263 Member
    Options
    divorce bound-

    I have to agree!!
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    Options
    but all he really "knows" is that he sees female weightlifters in movies and they all look like guys, so that's what will happen to me.

    Yes, because everything that happens in movies is real...

    Perhaps the best thing is not to say anything at all as it doesn't sound like he'll believe anything until he sees it. The best way to prove him wrong is to keep up with it until you are where you want to be.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Options
    Yes! I actually saw this. I KNOW this is true, but all he really "knows" is that he sees female weightlifters in movies and they all look like guys, so that's what will happen to me. When I try to show him hot lady lifters like Caitlyn Trout, he refuses to even look and says I'm not them. Weird right? Like a pre-emptive phobia rooted in imagination...and I'm about to get on that train.

    Just get on the train and have a pair of 1 lbs pink barbells that you leave in yer locker during workouts. Carry them in with you and wear your Zumba jacket when you walk in the door from the gym everyday. He'll never suspect.

    545335390_o.jpg

    (i went to the gym few weeks back and upon my return hubs and kiddo were truly baffled b/c they did not see me on the treadmills right by the door. Didn't even bother going in past the columns where the recumbant bike and me were having a tussle on how high I could crank that mofo. I know how to do this. trust me, stay vague, stay married.)
  • DjinnMarie
    DjinnMarie Posts: 1,297 Member
    Options
    Do you have any idea how much time you would have to spend in the gym to "look like a dude"? He would leave you for not being at home enough before he left you for being "too bulky".
  • Kevalicious99
    Kevalicious99 Posts: 1,131 Member
    Options
    Its because no one told you .. but spouses don't like when their other half is making steps to better themselves .. as they figure that they will be left behind in the dust. Typical insecurity issues.

    Good luck .. and keep doing it. You don't need to stop cause he is insecure.
  • l_ashley
    l_ashley Posts: 154 Member
    Options
    "Bulky" is in the eye of the beholder. Physiologically, we women don't produce enough testosterone to cause our bodies to gain any significant type of bulk during average weight lifting. Those bodybuilder women have to take lots of different supplements, as well as do heavy lifting for several hours a day, to achieve the muscle bulk they have.

    I would talk to him and let him know that you like your body right now. Don't let him shame you into not lifting weights, because you are doing it for you. His fear really doesn't have very much ground.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
    Options
    Like others have said:

    1. He's scared you'll leave him.
    2. He's scared that you won't need him to do "man" things.

    Was he this much a jerk about the gym before you started going?

    A supportive person doesn't mock you or what you do.
  • apercanis
    apercanis Posts: 72
    Options
    I have to agree as well. (In response to jos05 and kimosabe1 on being bound for divorce) I don't wish to downrate your husband , but, for a spouse to be unsupportive/discontent of their partner's happiness in their endeavors is really..sh*tty to be quite honest. I think if you communicate with him that you don't appreciate his jokes and remarks towards your strength training and that you love the new body you've given yourself then he should respect that and stop being negative about it.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
    Options
    I agree with you. Problem is, he actually DOESN'T like the way I look right now as much as did before. I do.

    Wait, he likes the way you looked before at 98lbs, which you described as looking like "death?" I think there are deeper issues here. I'm out.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Options
    That's a sad situation. I can understand both sides. If it's something you really like doing, he should support you. On the other hand, it sounds like he is scared that you may end up stronger than him, and it sounds like he's embarrassed by that. He's also scared that you'll "look like a man". That simply isn't true.

    Honestly, I would just continue doing what you're doing. If he cant understand it and is being irrational about it, do it privately. Esp if you know you're goal is not to get bulky.

    I do feel like he is being ridiculous, and if he's belittling you, than that's a bigger problem that needs to be addressed. He is absolutely right to voice concerns. But not if he is doing it in a condescending way. Maybe you all can come to a compromise at some point.
  • starlaca
    starlaca Posts: 779 Member
    Options
    Some men just don't like muscles PERIOD. I remember telling some family and friends at dinner that I wouldn't mind having a body like Jillian Michaels or Carina from Dancing With the Stars and ALL of the men told me "Starla, NO MAN wants a woman who looks like that!!" 3 men at the table told me this. On a different occasion, one man told me Jillian looks like a dude. But when I went home and asked my husband he said he is fine with me continuing the weights and if I ended up looking like those two girls, he wouldn't mind. Ha, ha, I bet he won't! :blushing:

    Anyway, maybe you can keep working out to be healthy and just try not to get too muscular.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    Options
    I like the idea of the 1lb pink weights and the Zumba jacket - that was really cute. I'm just really uncomfortable with the whole "my secret gym life" thing. Sounds like being "vague" is the way to go.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    Options
    He sounds insecure. Is he in shape?

Categories