My fiancé just doesn't get it :/
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As a person with a significant other I have to tell you this:
You won't agree on everything. You don't have to. What you do have to do is be nice to each other when you disagree. He thinks one thing, you think another. There is no need to determine who is right and who is wrong. Let it go. He only wants what is best for you.
This too. My husband thinks women should do high reps, low weight, that dietary fat should be avoided at all costs and licorice is better than chocolate because it's fat free.
clearly your husband is an idiot.
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I have been working out, I don't plan on only losing weight by my diet, I am just trying to get back on real with my workout. But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight, and that's not right. I have no intentions of not working out, I know that it helps. But he just doesn't understand everything and it's frustrating. I know he's trying, but he thinks that just because he doesn't understand it that it's wrong. I'm just venting for my own sanity and looking for anyone else who is or has been going through this.
It's not that I want two different things, I simply want one thing. I want to be able to talk to him about all of this without him telling me it's wrong just because he doesn't understand it.
so you are exercising and losing weight, and he is telling you that you must exercise to lose weight?
Whats the problem then? Just say, i know, i am and its working
I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.0 -
The biggest key to successful weightloss is a deficit through diet.
FIFY! :flowerforyou:0 -
I have been working out, But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight,
So wait. You plan on working out, he tells you to work out and your frustrated because.. you don't want to be reminded to work out. .. Personally, I think your ignore button is broken.
Personally, if you want your marrage to survive, you need to get that ignore button fix.
I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.0 -
It sounds like you're fighting about something a bit trivial. He thinks you need to exercise to lose weight; you don't. My first response would probably be "Okay, honey. Good thing I'm working out, then!" and go along my way.
I do know that I'm stubborn enough to lose weight without exercising at all just to prove my point, but the fact is, exercise makes you healthy and it can help you lose weight faster (in many instances).
When faced with this type of conflict, I really just try to decide if it's a battle I want to fight. Otherwise, I do my best to support his opinion without giving my own up.
Maybe finding an article that supports both points of view is in order. A little research should help you find something that has good data on both sides of the debate.
Good luck.
ETA: If you didn't initially gain your weight in three days, you won't gain it back in three days.0 -
This is my advice from personal experience only:
1. I feel your pain. My GF can be wishy washy on supporting me. She tells me I look like I'm toning up and losing weight, then in the next breath she will say she doesn't see the changes in pictures. So, I don't rely on her observation for my success. When she compliments me, I say, "thanks babe" and leave it that.
2. Everyone thinks they know everything about weight loss/ toning up. Whether it's your Fiance or friends, people are gonna throw out some interesting theories your way. Weight loss and healthy lifesyle changings are trial and error. You will learn what works for you !! I don't even tell friends and family that I am trying to loose weight anymore.. Just to avoid hearing everyone's ideas about how I should go about it.
3. When the fiance' tries to add his bit of advice, just "o.k." him and nod with acknowledgement or say something like, " you may be on to something" . That's why you are on MPF, to make friends with the same goals as you. You can vent to us, ask us questions, and get support.
:flowerforyou: good luck0 -
...really dedicated to getting into shape...keeps trying to convince me that I HAVE to exercise...I'm doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred...my fiancé trying to drill it into my head that I absolutely have to work out...
You're fighting about working out and how you don't have to work out but you're already working out?
I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.0 -
Wait until you've been married 20 years or so. Then, he just won't give a crap what you do.
:drinker:
19 years tomorrow.0 -
It sounds like your fiance is a problem solver like my hubby, so when I just want to talk to him and not get feed back I just tell him that. And if I want advise I tell him that. So if you just want someone to talk to, just tell him that is what you want. It doesn't need to be so complicated, or dramatic. simply... listen I just need to vent , or talk , I don't want your help or advise right now.
^This is a very underrated skill for us guys to have. It took me a long time to realize the woman in my life isn't looking for advise or for me to fix anything. She's completely capable of doing it herself. She only wants to express her thoughts to someone verbally. Since you don't have any close friends right now that's him for better or worse.
I'm not saying he's like this, but some people are uncomfortable when their spouse decides to make a big change like this. My girlfriend certainly was when I made the decision to lose weight, and I've seen this theme repeated on these boards. They can start to wonder why you want to do it, and if it has anything to do with being unhappy in your relationship. The reality is that 99.9% of the time it has nothing to do with your spouse and everything to do with trying to make yourself a better person.
Since you guys are fighting about it, coming on here and venting with you FL or on the message board might be a better option for you right now. Most people on here are very supportive (just ignore the little fights commenters get into with each other).0 -
I tried that, he doesn't believe that our bodies burn calories without doing anything (ex: exercising)
:noway:
There's GOT to be a moral in this story...0 -
I have been working out, But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight,
So wait. You plan on working out, he tells you to work out and your frustrated because.. you don't want to be reminded to work out. .. Personally, I think your ignore button is broken.
Personally, if you want your marrage to survive, you need to get that ignore button fix.
I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.
Hmm, then you may need to specify to him what you mean by "support" when you want him to support you. Do you want him to push you to exercise? Do you want him to question that cookie you're eating in the evening? Do you want him to not mention anything unless it's to congratulate you when you have lost weight? Men aren't mind readers, and being supportive means different things to different people. I know this doesn't exactly help his lack of understanding when it comes to weight loss, but it might help limit his comments on exercise.0 -
It's not that I want two different things, I simply want one thing. I want to be able to talk to him about all of this without him telling me it's wrong just because he doesn't understand it.
Then tell him thats what you want. Telling strangers on MFP will not improve your relationship. If you go to a man and tell him about a problem he will try and fix it, that's what they do.
In HIS mind he is doing the right thing: You came to him with a problem, he's told you his advice, now youre not listening! Why come to him in the first place?!
In YOUR mind: It's not that I want two different things, I simply want one thing. I want to be able to talk to him about all of this without him telling me it's wrong just because he doesn't understand it.
You have to be clear when you communicate and understand that he's not a mind reader and see that in his own way this guy is trying to support you. Go back tell him what you need and give him a hug for trying to help imo.0 -
Do what works for you and what YOU need to do for yourself. Don't concern yourself with the other stuff. I can't believe this "blew up into a huge argument". There are way more important things in life to argue about. Pick your battles.
This0 -
...really dedicated to getting into shape...keeps trying to convince me that I HAVE to exercise...I'm doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred...my fiancé trying to drill it into my head that I absolutely have to work out...
You're fighting about working out and how you don't have to work out but you're already working out?
I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.
Again you can be right or you can be happy...you know you don't have to workout so why does it matter if he agrees????
Why not just say to him...."Yes honey I should be working out I know but I just haven't but don't worry I am going to get right back into it..." then leave the baby with him and go do some sort of workout.0 -
Many people here would agree that losing weight is "mostly" about diet. Calories in vs. calories out. Yes you will lose "weight" by eating fewer calories alone. BUT some of the weight you lose will be muscle mass.
There is a popular saying here ........dieting (alone) is looking better in clothes, and dieting + working out is looking better naked. If there is any possible way you can add strength training do it! I hate strength training. BUT I hate being smaller, yet looking like the Pillsbury Dough (Girl) even more.
I agree with the above. Both of your arguments are valid....it all depends on your final goals as to who is right.
Also you seem to think you know all about how it is done on MFP and you joined last month? :huh: I have been here 1.5 years and I STILL don't know a fraction of it.0 -
This is my advice from personal experience only:
1. I feel your pain. My GF can be wishy washy on supporting me. She tells me I look like I'm toning up and losing weight, then in the next breath she will say she doesn't see the changes in pictures. So, I don't rely on her observation for my success. When she compliments me, I say, "thanks babe" and leave it that.
2. Everyone thinks they know everything about weight loss/ toning up. Whether it's your Fiance or friends, people are gonna throw out some interesting theories your way. Weight loss and healthy lifesyle changings are trial and error. You will learn what works for you !! I don't even tell friends and family that I am trying to loose weight anymore.. Just to avoid hearing everyone's ideas about how I should go about it.
3. When the fiance' tries to add his bit of advice, just "o.k." him and nod with acknowledgement or say something like, " you may be on to something" . That's why you are on MPF, to make friends with the same goals as you. You can vent to us, ask us questions, and get support.
:flowerforyou: good luck
Thanks! I love that I can fin people on MFP but my fiancé also complains about me being on my phone too much (all I do on my phone is MFP really)0 -
I think he really is just concerned about you and wants you to not just be skinny but healthy. You can lose weight eating at a deficit no matter what it is. You can eat healthy or you can eat junk food but exercise in any form will do more than just help you lose weight. You can be skinny and really unhealthy.
I think you just need to have a calm conversation with him. Tell him thank you for trying to be supportive and I understand what you are saying but for now I need to focus on one thing at a time because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. When YOU feel more ready to continue on with exercise you will but for now focusing on your eating is my first goal. I think he will understand that.
Good luck.0 -
Agree with a lot of the previous posters. Just a bump in the road. Do your own thing and prove that what you're learning is the way to go! If he becomes a pest with the exercise deal nod and smile. I'm sure he thinks he's being motivating and supportive!
Also...wow, you guys are opening a restaurant together at 21? Big congrats and well wishes! I know at 21 my hubby and I were anything but motivated to do anything like that. Heck, it took us 5+ years to graduate from college. Spent a lot of time with online gaming and such. Now we're pretty responsible at 32 but old habits come creeping back sometimes.0 -
Family can be tough to get along with, but it's time to initiate and build some friendships. Few things are more valuable and contribute more to your well-being and overall happiness.All if this blew up into a huge argument last night and I got really frustrated and discouraged with everything I'm doing because he's the only person I have in my life (I don't have friend and my family and I don't get along enough for me to talk to them about this. For example, my mother is 200+ pounds and not much taller than me and since I'm already so much smaller than her she thinks I have no right to be unhappy with my body and to be trying to lose weight).
Congrats on your successes otherwise.0 -
This is my advice from personal experience only:
1. I feel your pain. My GF can be wishy washy on supporting me. She tells me I look like I'm toning up and losing weight, then in the next breath she will say she doesn't see the changes in pictures. So, I don't rely on her observation for my success. When she compliments me, I say, "thanks babe" and leave it that.
2. Everyone thinks they know everything about weight loss/ toning up. Whether it's your Fiance or friends, people are gonna throw out some interesting theories your way. Weight loss and healthy lifesyle changings are trial and error. You will learn what works for you !! I don't even tell friends and family that I am trying to loose weight anymore.. Just to avoid hearing everyone's ideas about how I should go about it.
3. When the fiance' tries to add his bit of advice, just "o.k." him and nod with acknowledgement or say something like, " you may be on to something" . That's why you are on MPF, to make friends with the same goals as you. You can vent to us, ask us questions, and get support.
:flowerforyou: good luck
Thanks! I love that I can fin people on MFP but my fiancé also complains about me being on my phone too much (all I do on my phone is MFP really)
Sounds like you just want to complain/vent about your fiance.
Would you rather we all just nod our heads and agree with what you're saying?0
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