I don't want to be attractive.

thickerella

As a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand completely and share your concerns. I get VERY uncomfortable with overt sexual attention unless it is from an approved party (see my intentionally unflattering profile pic?) and I don't like being touched.

I agree that therapy may be a good place to start.

In the mean time, wear your hair back, put a hat on, and stick to clothes that aren't very form fitting or revealing.

spoiledpuppies

I agree with the advice to talk to a therapist. I also think this could get easier with time. A part of me also doesn't like the attention/spotlight I get when I see people I haven't seen in awhile and they gush about my appearance. (Of course, in my case, a part of me loves that too!) But someone already told me that she can't remember what I used to look like. People you know will get used to your appearance and stop giving it any attention. If the unwanted attention is coming from strangers, that may not change and hopefully a therapist can help you navigate that.

silvergurl518

I think you should see a therapist, there's more than just weight issues there.

^agreed. i don't think anything is wrong with you. but i think you should take advantage of a school counselor (are you in college?) and talk about these issues. i'm sure you are very beautiful on the inside and out....and you need to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin. xo.

tomomatic

This whole fitness thing, you're doing it for yourself (not them).
You don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks.

Best of luck.

ItsCasey

I can't speak about the social anxiety disorder part, but I had a lot of the same feelings when I lost weight. When I was fat, it was easy to be invisible. After losing the weight, I went through a period of several months during which I was hyper aware of people looking at me when I was out in public. I was paranoid and very uneasy about it. I compare it to going through puberty and experiencing somewhat rapid changes in your body and knowing that everyone can see it. You think everyone is looking at you and judging you, and it's all exaggerated in your mind. I got used to it after a while, and now I realize that a lot of it was a figment of my imagination.

morethanthis0

I think you should see a therapist, there's more than just weight issues there.

I agree with this, you should talk with a professional.

dbmata

These thoughts I usually do not tell anyone. What's wrong with me? How do I stop this?

I understand your pain. I too bear the burden of being too attractive and charismatic. I don't think people understand how hard it is, the constant stares, the societal expectations that you're always "on." It's like people look at us, and expect us to be some dancing monkey there for their pleasure.

Stay strong, just remember... being beautiful is better than not being beautiful.

cebreisch

I think actually that there are many people who feel the same way you do - gained wait to not get the attention you didn't want.

Definitely see a therapist. I've been seeing a therapist since I started on this journey almost 3 years ago. The last thing I would have expected would that it would help, but it has immensely. My entire family has noticed a change, and when my mother starts on a tangent, I have the courage to address her with confidence and tell her to knock it off.

msf74

You reality has changed and you are fearful of that change.

That is perfectly understandable. Most people treat you differently when you are slim / attractive and you don't yet have the coping strategies to deal with it. You will learn though. I don't think you necessarily need a therapist at this stage rather than just time to adjust.

DonnaJones7

You're brave to be honest.
I have a thought and hope it helps:
When you're overweight, you learn HOW to respond to people's comments (both good and bad) about food, weight, etc. You are practiced and experienced in how to act in all kinds of situations because you're familiar with your weight, your image, who you are.
Now, WHO you are is changing. It might only be a physical change, but it IS a change.
People act differently towards you. OF COURSE it is uncomfortable. You may or may not want to be noticed, to be flirted with, etc. But you are also UNprepared for how to act, react, and BE this new person.
THAT IS OKAY. Take it slow.
Try to imagine that you know how to react and act to attention. When somebody notices how attractive you are, it will not bother you when you know how to react.
Then, you can learn the tools of how to act. You will gain experience.
I agree with those who recommend don't flaunt it now. But also, don't stop the great progress you are making.
One step at a time.
Just like you had to buy new clothes to fit the new body, you have to learn new skills to interact with people in your new body.
Good Luck!

seltzermint555

Maybe it is a deeper issue. I think most (if not all) people can benefit from counseling, so if that is an option for you then definitely look into it. I personally feel like women in my age group especially (30s) are sizing me up a lot more now that I've gotten smaller. I think when I was usually the largest women in any given group, it was a bit easier and I was treated nicely sometimes by strangers (women my age) out of pity. I only see that now, though. I have gotten some serious "mean mugs" off ladies who are larger than myself, and I was taken completely by surprise at first but it's happened enough now to make me uncomfortably aware. It is interesting to me and a bit sad.

salembambi

Yup therapy would do you good

I also have massive anxiety/agoraphobia and very low self esteem ... all the new attention I am getting makes me uncomfortable and honestly most of the time it feels like I am being mocked ...

oh such issues

oh so hard being gorgeous (haha no i really get what you are saying just being a ****)

bcattoes

I think you should see a therapist, there's more than just weight issues there.

This ^^

pinkfanatic68

I, too, have fear of others' attention to my body (men's attention). Therefore, over the years I've fluctuated between anorexia and compulsive overeating. For me, I have this fear because I was sexually assaulted in my early years. I'm determined to make myself either disappear with the anorexia or look grotesque to avert attention to prevent experiencing another sexual assault. Of course, it wasn't about me. I didn't cause it. The offender did. I know in my head that it WASN'T my fault. However, I haven't learned this at the heart-level. You're NOT alone in this, feeling like you do. Just want you to know that.

TheGirlsATimeBomb

i had/have this problem, or at least one similar. when i was bigger, it was easy. i KNEW i was unattractive, no one wanted me, i could look however i wanted. now that i've dropped weight, i'm in the "meh" category. i don't think anyone necessarily thinks i'm ugly, but i don't think i've reached "attractive" yet. so i'm somewhere in between not knowing if i'll be happier skinnier or if i'm better off just knowing my place in being ugly.

Fullsterkur_woman

I, too, have fear of others' attention to my body (men's attention). Therefore, over the years I've fluctuated between anorexia and compulsive overeating. For me, I have this fear because I was sexually assaulted in my early years. I'm determined to make myself either disappear with the anorexia or look grotesque to avert attention to prevent experiencing another sexual assault. Of course, it wasn't about me. I didn't cause it. The offender did. I know in my head that it WASN'T my fault. However, I haven't learned this at the heart-level. You're NOT alone in this, feeling like you do. Just want you to know that.

Yep, that difference between knowing something in your head and "knowing it in your guts" (as I think of it) is huge and liberating. Sometimes, you just need a professional to guide you through the structured repetition of "learning" it over and over before it becomes really real for you.

I don't want to be attractive either. I want to know that whatever positive reaction people have to me is based on a factor I can control, like my performance, competence, education, etc. and not for some intangible immeasurable that will fade with time and is out of my control anyway. We have the right to want/not want that; I want to be very clear about validating you on that issue.

But as Seltzermint put so well earlier, almost everybody benefits from counseling in some way, so I certainly recommend it to learn healthy/constructive coping strategies to replace the destructive ones that are no longer working for you. You deserve the opportunity to clear a path to your own happiness! :happy:

MikeRuz456

One thing you could do is just focus how being healthier makes you feel on the inside vs the aesthetic portion of losing weight. I know when I was eating crap and not exercising, I was tired all the time, my chest felt constantly tight like I couldnt take a deep breath and activity left me winded. By focusing on how much more energy you have, how much "cleaner" your body feels it will inspire you to keep with it. I do agree with everyone before me in saying there could be some underlying social variable going on and should look into talking with someone about it, however this could be a good start until then. The best of luck to you!

delicious_cocktail

Therapy.

Interesting that it sounds you're specifically uncomfortable with your curves. Do you think you have gender identity issues?

You could always dress in an unflattering way to deflect attention.

bkjk997

I am finding it easier to be overweight.... easier when I was 30 lb heavier.

The more weight I lose, as I become closer to the top range of healthy, I am getting more and more uncomfortable. Part of me wants to be thin and nice looking, but part of me is embarrassed. I have a very curvy shape that is getting revealed and I don't like that for some reason. (I am always attracting attention that I don't want, for one.) It's making my social anxiety worse and making me feel ashamed, even though I know that is irrational. This makes no sense.

I didn't want to have to confront this, but it is seriously bothering me. I think this was subconsciously why I did not want to lose weight at the start of this.

These thoughts I usually do not tell anyone. What's wrong with me? How do I stop this?

You should seek professional help from a psychologist. It seems as though you are hiding from something. If you can figure out what you're hiding from, you'll be able to get over it. (The extra weight is acting as a protective layer, but you need to realize that you don't need that layer to protect yourself. You're an adult now, who is perfectly capable of protecting herself without that layer).

As for the attention, you will get used to it. It's not worth being unhealthy to avoid that attention. One day, when you've dealt with the underlying issue, you may find it flattering.

Remember, you don't have to be supermodel skinny, but you should shoot to be within a "normal" BMI so that you can live a healthy life. Congratulations for owning up to it. You should be proud of yourself for admitting this to yourself. Most people wouldn't. Best of luck!