Sins of Our Parents

Achrya

I blame my mom for making tasty food. And not putting a lock of the fridge to keep my from sneaking into the food at night. And for trying to make me eat vegetables because now I won't touch them.


Good job trying to keep me healthy MOM!

AllonsYtotheTardis

At what age do you stop blaming your parents for everything?

DamePiglet

My parents were wonderful people who did the best that they knew how.

Which is apparently an amazing amount, because my mom taught me fantastic eating habits that I kept until just a few years ago. And that's why I'm here now. I am re-learning what I forgot.

I am a mom to adult children, and I hope they will forgive me for whatever I might have done wrong (it seems they have, as we enjoy a good relationship). I did the best I knew how.

I hope some of you can find peace with what is in the past and just leave it there.

There are no re-dos in life. Not them. Not you.

DavPul

At what age do you stop blaming your parents for everything?

apparently never

feelin_gr_8

We did not eat super healthy growing up. Money, time, likes...whatever reasons. Parents were skinny when I was born, now both overweight. My brother and sister are healthy weights, but I ended up more like my parents. I think sometimes I eat treats right away because if I left a treat out growing up then it would be gobbled by someone else Of course, this sometimes happens with my husband too lol. I've come to the point where I don't get upset or blame them...they did the best they could. I doubt I will ever forget a family member "oinking" at me when I was about 12 though...things like that are hard to forget.

SapiensPisces

I certainly do not blame my upbringing or anyone involved for my obesity.

However, I hope I can do a good job of teaching nutrition and fitness to my family. Unfortunately, nearly everyone in my family is either obese or a very heavy smoker, so not the healthiest. None are highly active either.

It's one of my major goals in life to ensure that I live a healthy active life to be a good example to my son.

F00LofaT00K

So. We all make our own choices, we're all adults, blah blah blah. But underneath all of that, is there some part of you that is still dealing with how you were raised?

ALWAYS. My mother was, well. . . IS an alcoholic and while she never really physically abused me and my sisters, there is a lot of emotional damage that was done. You don't need or WANT my whole life story, so specifically relating to the topic of weight: She would use me as her exercise buddy when I was VERY young for aerobics videos and I was aware that she was doing it "to lose weight" or "to get skinny." Once I was 12, I became her dieting buddy. I was 12 years old and "Somercizing" with my mother. After she got bored of that, we did the Atkins Diet. There were all kinds of diets we followed together and I wasn't even close to chubby. I was a healthy weight for a 12 year old, but I began to think I needed to lose weight and that I was fat. I developed a lot of issues with eating and as a teen used food as a way to control the awful things that went on in our home. I developed Bulimia. I wouldn't eat for days, then I would binge and I would purge with excessive exercise. I loved that I could force my mother to behave in a predictable manner by making her worry about my rapid and excessive weight loss. It made me feel like she cared about me. I went t therapy for a little while in college but decided I could fix things on my own (mistake) and ended up making myself eat a lot just to be sure I wouldn't suffer from an ED again. I got a bit fat. I have a lot of issues with food (obviously) and I'm convinced they largely stem from my mother having me diet with her from such a young age. There was more emphasis on being thin and losing weight than there was on just being healthier.

I know my mother didn't do any of this with malicious intent. . .or any intent actually. . . she has a lot of her own problems. LOTS and LOTS of problems. I'm never quite sure how aware she is of the effects her actions have on others. The older I get, the more I see that my mother is mentally ill and the less I blame her for the terrible things she has done. They were still a result of things she said and did, but I see now that she can't, doesn't or won't see that herself. I'd rather forgive her than hold on to so much resentment but no matter how much I forgive her, I just can't forget and a bit of resentment is always lingering somewhere. I'm not talking about the dieting thing at this point. Just all of the bad stuff in general that is too complicated to get into on a forum.

TL;DR: There are many parts of me that are still dealing with how I was raised by my mentally ill, compulsive liar, alcoholic, emotionally abusive, dependent mother. I imagine there always will be but I expect it to get easier with time. I've been out of her house and on my own for 4 years now and every year the past affects my life exponentially less. I AM an adult and I realize by now that the choices I make at this point are mine and mine alone. I can use the past as a guide for making my choices but the choices I make are nobody's responsibility but my own. If I want a healthy relationship with food, it is up to me to make it happen.

AABru

I had always been over 200, but I had always been healthy and active.

It's not likely for most males under 6 feet to be 200lbs to not be overweight. So not sure how you thought this was a healthy weight.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Check the gender of the OP!

DamePiglet

So. We all make our own choices, we're all adults, blah blah blah. But underneath all of that, is there some part of you that is still dealing with how you were raised?

TL;DR: There are many parts of me that are still dealing with how I was raised by my mentally ill, compulsive liar, alcoholic, emotionally abusive, dependent mother. I imagine there always will be but I expect it to get easier with time. I've been out of her house and on my own for 4 years now and every year the past affects my life exponentially less.

It will get easier with time if you choose for it to be. Sounds like you're headed that way. :flowerforyou:

AABru

EVERYTHING aside...once you are capable of decisions, it is time to move on. Some people take longer than others to lose our learned behavior. Some people never relearn their behavior...some of us make excuses for our behavior...the end result is always the same. If you don't change and learn you won't grow.

F00LofaT00K

So. We all make our own choices, we're all adults, blah blah blah. But underneath all of that, is there some part of you that is still dealing with how you were raised?

TL;DR: There are many parts of me that are still dealing with how I was raised by my mentally ill, compulsive liar, alcoholic, emotionally abusive, dependent mother. I imagine there always will be but I expect it to get easier with time. I've been out of her house and on my own for 4 years now and every year the past affects my life exponentially less.

It will get easier with time if you choose for it to be. Sounds like you're headed that way. :flowerforyou:

Thank you, I agree. If something isn't going the way I want it to, it does no good to blame my mother for things that happened years ago. Nothing changes unless I take action and responsibility and MAKE something change.

SerenaKitty

I was healthy and slim until age 17. My dad walks, on average, 15,000 steps per day. Neither of my parents are overweight, nor is anyone in my immediate family.

They did everything right. I can't blame them for a thing! We always had whole foods, garden fresh foods, and also had junk food on special trips every now and then. Well rounded food and activity experience as a child.

danasings

No. As an adult, I accept responsibility for my own behavior.

ETA: for many years in my youth I did "blame my parents." Once I changed my mindset and stopped focusing on the unimportant "why"s of the ED and weight issues, I was finally able to make permanent changes.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

No, my parents did everything right with regard to food. We ate a varied diet including lots of veggies. We had desserts and treats in moderation. When I was an adult things got away from me for awhile, but it's a credit to my parents that I immediately knew what to do when I realized I needed to lose weight. My mom always said that fad diets don't work and that the only thing that is sure to work is calorie counting, so that's what I did.

arendiva

My dad was always very critical of me and my younger sisters for our weight, even when we only had a little bit of chub. He would randomly demand we get on the floor and do an arbitrary number of crunches. Which served only to make us hate exercise and have low self esteem. Meanwhile he would drink a gallon of whole milk a day and would frequentlly eat a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting. my parents never lead by example in terms of diet and exercise and both are still over weight to this day.

vjohn04

My dad was always very critical of me and my younger sisters for our weight, even when we only had a little bit of chub. He would randomly demand we get on the floor and do an arbitrary number of crunches. Which served only to make us hate exercise and have low self esteem. Meanwhile he would drink a gallon of whole milk a day and would frequentlly eat a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting. my parents never lead by example in terms of diet and exercise and both are still over weight to this day.

I can relate. My dad used to make me run around the block 5 times every morning at 5 AM for what seemed like forever, because I was too heavy. All it made me do was resent him.

Once I was able to make choices on my own as an adult, I stopped blaming other people for my own shortcomings.

faithsimmons526

I have no idea whether my parents' confused comments had anything to do with my current tendency to be overweight. I do know, however, that until I reached the age of about 19, I was so picky that it was almost impossible for me to gain weight. Their favorite comments were:

Mom: do you realized that there are children in Africa who are starving?
Me: then send them this, because I can't finish it.

Dad: You don't eat enough to put in a bird's eye.
Me: (nothing ... pretty sure he was wrong)

My problem arrived about the same time I noticed that stuffing, gravy, Chinese food and salad dressings ... and many other things ... taste good. Crap.

Cait_Sidhe

No, don't think so. I never adapted my parents eating habits. As a kid I absolutely refused to eat most foods, and the eating habits of others had no affect on that. Never was a fan of my mother's cooking. The only thing that may have had an influence on my eating habits is that we were extremely poor, so treats were very rare and to be savored and enjoyed.

I'm an adult now. I make my own eating decisions.

susanrechter

I have to say, we ate very healthy growing up. I lived in the Philippines and we ate alot of fish, fresh fruit and veggies. Not very much beef because beef was stringy and expensive. Lots of pork and chicken. My parents had soda available and I drank alot of it, but very little candy and no fast food at all. We did not have any weight issues. We swam alot and were always doing activities in the tropical heat. My parents actually instilled good eating habits in us growing up. No issues.No temptations.
Now as an adult, my weight gain is attributed to maybe DNA and my own choices. I have to understand my weaknesses and strengths in chosing what is best for my body. Unfortunately I have too many choices and I falter. MFP is getting me into a disciplined mode in a sea of temptations. I have to make the right choices. Can't blame anyone but myself.

faithsimmons526

I hear you Cait_Sidhe ... my mom's cooking left a lot to be desired too. She'd cook carrots for about an hour, a roast for 3 or 4 ... and seasonings were dang near considered a sin lol. Maybe that was a blessing though.