Sins of Our Parents

runningjen74

Growing up, generally good eating habits were had at home. Except my mother, I thought all female adults didn't get to eat properly. Mum survived on salad with oil / sugar on top, coffee + choc covered digestive biscuits. I'm pretty sure she had an eating disorder at some stage. But we were fed what was thought to be healthy at the time and was for the most part.

As an adult if I call over,

Mum: Will you have a cup of coffee
Me: Yes please
Mum: what about a biscuit
Me: No thanks
Mum: I've some cake in the cupboard
Me: No thanks, I'd dinner at home
Mum: what about some cheese
Me: No, really I'm fine thanks
.....and it continues on, till I leave. I'll often be sent home with food for my husband then.

I know myself, if I can stay off the sugar, I'm fine, but once I start I crave it and will eat all in sight. Chatting later, she comments, Yeah, you don't really have much self control :-D

I just laugh. Irish mammies will always push food on you, they are trying to smoother you with love. Just deal with it and say yes to what suits you and politely refuse the rest. If any of you have seen Mrs. Doyle on Father Ted pushing the tea you'll know the routine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N20wHvMPTGs

ninerbuff

I had always been over 200, but I had always been healthy and active.

It's not likely for most males under 6 feet to be 200lbs to not be overweight. So not sure how you thought this was a healthy weight.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Check the gender of the OP!

I know she's female which is why I made the above statement.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

soupandcookies

My father is an exercise bulimic. He modeled extreme anxiety and rigidity around food, followed by massive binge eating. I do not blame him for my issues with food and weight, but I am sure growing up around eating disorders, did not help me. I take full responsibility for my relationship with food, as I am an adult with my own family, but unfortunately I did follow in his footsteps. That being said, I have had help (and I continue to have help) with my issues, and I can finally say that I am in recovery. Sadly, my dad is 65 years old, and still struggles with his eating disorder, every day. I think we can either stew in our pasts, or we can choose to move forward and treat ourselves with love and respect. We all deserve to be healthy and happy!

MyChocolateDiet

God this thread made me sad the stories of the parents making the kids do weird exercise things and stuff.

I can safely say I don't blame my parents for my current weight status but then even though they were not perfect, (who's parents are) they did not subject me to that kind of thing.

I'm glad for that and for their handling of food as not pushy but also encouraging to try new things. But providers of everything they knew we liked in enough quanitities as to not make us infer food was scarce and needed to be consumed by the loadsful when provided. I hear some of that too sometimes. Lot's of what I read on MFP about people's childhood's with foods makes me sad. And grateful I did not have to go through that. Flowers for all of you who went through too much stuff or overly focused on weight situations...:indifferent: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

BinaryPulsar

I think part of a healthy life involves taking an honest look at our past. Seeing the issues we have. Then making the choices we want for ourselves in our own lives and for our children as parents and for the other loved ones in our lives (partner/friends/etc). By looking at it honestly and unraveling it, we stop allowing it to influence us. This is not about blaming our parents or not letting go. By facing it, we are able to let it go and move forward. And if our parents are still behaving hurtfully towards us in our adulthood we either need to set some ground rules with them (establishing ourselves as adults) or limit our contact, so that we can be healthy in our own lives and be healthy in our relationship with them. Parents are imperfect humans with their own problems and neurosis (some worse than others). We learn in our adulthood how to continue a relationship that is not overly harmful to anyone. And if our parents have mental illness or a personality disorder, it also helps to learn how to deal with that specific issue in a healthy way.

VeganAmandaJ

Wow, no offense but your dad sounds like a real winner!

Yes, I've discussed this with friends and yes while I take responsibility now, it is difficult that things like fast food have been ingrained in my soul practically, lol. I mean, I was eating french fries as a child, McD's was down the street. We didn't have tons of veggies, or they were cooked to sogginess or cheese was added, many meat based potato, spaghetti, chili type meals. My father over the past 10 years had tried to be healthier and so has my mom since she has had diabetes which I feel is due in part to diet as she has been overweight for a number of years. My dad may be slightly overweight but he is a HARD worker and I'm sure he burns off enough to make up for some of the damage. My sister has also struggled off and on and surprisingly my brother never really has and since he's been married he's thinned out some more. I think maybe they don't know any better but are trying to be more health conscious now.. I take a lot of responsibility, but change is hard!

For you overweight kids:

Do you feel your parents contributed to the mindset that allowed you to become overweight?

Both of my parents are/were overweight. My mother used to be a model, but gained a ton of weight when she was pregnant with me, and never managed to really take it off. My entire life, I watched both of my parents flit from one diet to another, from one workout regimen to another. I watched my dad flit from one skinny other woman to another, until he left my mom for skinnier pastures.

My dad, though, did the most to give me issues though. At first, he would gank most of my food from my plate while I was eating. To this day, I still eat super fast because I feel like a giant fork is going to descend and steal all my food. Moreover, he would *always* comment on my weight. It was never, "You look beautiful", but always "You look skinny." or nothing at all. I think he thought he was making me aware of my weight so I wouldn't get overweight like him and my mom, but my father has really elevated it to an art form.

A couple years ago, when my dad arrived at a party I was throwing, he pinched my backfat when he hugged me to check how much I had lost.

So. We all make our own choices, we're all adults, blah blah blah. But underneath all of that, is there some part of you that is still dealing with how you were raised?

lisalsd1

I blame my parents for my weight as a child, b/c they were the adults and I was the child.

I didn't purchase meals, cook meals, junk food, etc. As a child, you don't have control over many aspects of your life. Your parents are often the biggest role models in your life, b/c you live with them, and are the adults with whom you spend the most time. You learn from your parents, and unfortunately, this means you can learn bad habits.

I started to lose weight in highschool, when I started making better choices for myself. When I was able to dictate how much time I would spend dedicated to exercise, when I could make choices regarding food and portion size.

I take full responsibility for my weight as an adult though. I recognize that I did learn terrible habits from my parents, but I also recognized that I had to develop a better relationship with food and better self-image for my children.

As a parent of 2 young kids, I DO take full responsibility for my kids' health at this stage, b/c I'm providing all of the food and teaching my kids how to live a healthy lifestyle.

aquarianpixi

I was raised in one of those "clean your plate" house holds. one of my earliest memories was being spanked for not finishing my food and my brother being forced to eat till he was sick in fear if being punished. I was banned from doing sports because my parents didn't want to take me to any kind of extra curricular. hell if I did homework instead of chores I was yelled at, degraded and punished (but that's a different matter). not suprising I ended up being an emotional eater. I weighed 300lbs before I was in high school.

I don't blame my parents, my mom never knew hiw to handle kids so her was of parenting was to treat us like pets or servants (I still see her do it with my sister's kids). at 25 it is all on me. I am now my own person and am trying to get better, but it would have been a lot better if I didn't have such a high starting point