My boyfriend not supporting me--
amandalynk
Posts: 23 Member
My heaviest was 232. I now weigh 170-175. My boyfriend met me after I had already lost a lot of weight. So he doesn't understand this at all. He doesn't get that eating healthy can be spendy and it frustrates him. We get in arguments all of the time about it. and I don't know what to do. We just moved in together and he HATES the fact that I spend the money I do on healthy food. What do I do?!
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You should sit him down and communicate with him why it is important to you. That being said it does not have to be expensive....if you can't pay other bills because of it, I can understand why he is frustrated.
Personally I would try to find alternatives ( farmer markets are less expensive for example) or buy lean meat in bulk when on sale. Buy frozen vegetables in winter is a good choice.
Moving with someone else is not easy but communication is the key0 -
Why does he get angry about it....are you struggling financially?
If you spent money on buying yourself healthy food before you met him, I don't understand why he would expect you to change this now.0 -
Maybe you could point out to him that a healthier weight will result in lower health care costs in the future? Also, you may spend more in groceries than someone who is eating mainstream, fast foods, etc. but here are some areas where I've found I spend less in now that I've changed my lifestyle:
Eating out
Drinking (alcohol) out with friends, much less!
Spending on clothes, constantly yo-yoing means you spend more because your clothes don't fit right
Good luck!!0 -
Why does he think he gets a vote in how you spend your money?0
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My boyfriend and I live together but we keep separate bank accounts and each handle 1/2 of all shared bills. We are solely responsible for our own bills (car payments, auto insurance, cell phones, credit card, student loans, etc.). What we do with our money is up to us as long as we can afford our half of the shared bills. If one of us couldn't afford our half of the electric bill, we would have to talk about it and figure out where that money is going. As long as you're paying your share of the bills, it really is none of his business what you do with the rest of it. Unless you share a bank account. . . in which case I would suggest opening your own and keeping your money separate.
Have you asked him why he cares where your money goes? It's important to support each others' good decisions and being healthy is definitely a support-worthy decision. Unless some of his money is going toward your food, I can't imagine what logical reason he could possibly have for acting that way.0 -
Do you pay your way with rent/mortgage and bills? If so, then it's none of his business what you spend the rest of your money on, to be honest.
I'm not sure why healthy food needs to be so expensive, though. What kind of things are you eating? And where are you shopping?
I understand how annoying it can be to live with someone who isn't supportive. It's demotivating as well, but you have to power through it.0 -
Healthy eating doesn't have to be expensive. Take advantage of sales, get a membership card at a local grocery store, and get coupons on things you need. Is he mad that you're spending money that should otherwise pay bills, or is he mad that you guys don't have left-over money to have fun with?0
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Send him to hellMy heaviest was 232. I now weigh 170-175. My boyfriend met me after I had already lost a lot of weight. So he doesn't understand this at all. He doesn't get that eating healthy can be spendy and it frustrates him. We get in arguments all of the time about it. and I don't know what to do. We just moved in together and he HATES the fact that I spend the money I do on healthy food. What do I do?!0 -
My heaviest was 232. I now weigh 170-175. My boyfriend met me after I had already lost a lot of weight. So he doesn't understand this at all. He doesn't get that eating healthy can be spendy and it frustrates him. We get in arguments all of the time about it. and I don't know what to do. We just moved in together and he HATES the fact that I spend the money I do on healthy food. What do I do?!
Dump his A** and find someone that is in this for you and will be there for YOU!0 -
Agree with the above. I spend $50-70 a week on food and I'm able to pay all my bills. As long as you're paying for it with your income and can pay the rest of your bills, then there's no reason for him to complain.0
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Check out www.bountifulbaskets.org and see if they have a site in your area. You can get about 30# of fresh fruit and veggies for $15. They have organic options also.0
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If its not his money, then he does not need to give you his 2 cents..
Just ignore him..0 -
Are you spending your money on Shakeology or something?0
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My heaviest was 232. I now weigh 170-175. My boyfriend met me after I had already lost a lot of weight. So he doesn't understand this at all. He doesn't get that eating healthy can be spendy and it frustrates him. We get in arguments all of the time about it. and I don't know what to do. We just moved in together and he HATES the fact that I spend the money I do on healthy food. What do I do?!
To date I have saved well over $4000 by eating healthy and exercising. I don't have to buy monthly blood pressure medication or
Buy quarterly sleep apnea supplies. That's just on those 2 things. Stick to your guns.0 -
I am sorry but my husband met me when I was 150 and in the military with him in which I worked out each day. Today, I weigh 230 and he is my support. If you care for someone you support what they do especially if it is to better themselves. If he cannot be there for you when you need him that sounds like an issue to me.
He may not care what he eats now that he is young but it will catch up with him.My parents who have been together for 32 years and raised six children went from being in shape healthy 18 and 19 years olds to both having type two diabetes, my dad has had open heart surgery at 45 and my mom has other health issues as well.
I do think that you can find your own motivation and support but in the end if you live with someone who doesn't care (not meaning he has to diet with you but that he should understand and support you through praise and encouragement) then it will make your weight loss difficult. You have to seriously decide if you can be around that.
Healthy eating doesn't have to be expensive but at least your not spending the cash on expensive clothes and shoes. If you are paying your fair share of the bills you help create and your own things separate of him, I don't see what the issues should be. He should not get to dictate what you buy or don't buy especially just being a boyfriend.0 -
You don't need to eat organic or name brand to see results. As others have mentioned, farmers markets are generally cheaper (plus support local small businesses), you can get a membership to a place like Costco and buy in bulk for meat and freeze it and buy frozen over fresh veggies and fruits if your budget is really tight.
If it's your money and you don't have some agreement about putting money towards savings, bills, etc. that you're not able to uphold, it's really none of his concern what kind of food you're buying. But seriously, for a single female buying "nice" groceries, I rarely spend more than $50 a week. I imagine for $75 shopping cheaper brands and planning a little you could easily feed two adults.
ETA: Sit him down and explain to him your accomplishment so far with your weight loss and how you want to continue making progress with your health and fitness. If he understands that it's important to you and isn't a complete jerk he'll either be supportive or just leave the subject alone rather than fight you on your various financial decisions.0 -
What kind of food are you buying? It's hard to say anything without knowing that. I mean, there's a difference between buying $2 of green beans and a $3 package of cut/washed green beans etc.0
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Try to explain to him that it is actually cheaper to eat healthy. For example, this week I spent $40 on my food for the entire week. Not to mention some of the food was for my boyfriend (we shared the bag of apples and oranges). Plus, if you plan all your meals you save more money because you know how much to eat instead of just going to the store buying a bunch of stuff. Honestly, I have wasted so much food over the last year and now that I plan my meals I waste nothing so I save money. Even buying organic berries, apples, and oranges. I've essentially cut my groccery bill in half. Junk food is expensive! Not healthy food.0
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Is it that his grocery bills have gone up because you expect him to eat healthy too?0
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Better you find out now about his character! Find someone with your healthy aspirations who will support you in all your endeavors!0
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Sounds unsupportive. Look for other signs, maybe he is just not the one.0
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It may not be about the food. Money is a big source of conflict in relationships. (The other 2, according to an old boss, are sex, and squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle.)
What's your sense of where he thinks the money you spend on "extravagant" food should go? If you reduced your spending on groceries by, say, $20 a week by buying cheap packaged/processed foods, where would he want the money to go? Is he worried about having enough money to pay basic expenses? Does he have "wants" of his own that he thinks are more important?
If he thinks you're not paying your fair share of expenses, then agree on how much more you should contribute, with the promise that he won't say a thing about what you spend on groceries. If you can't reach an agreement (or if he really is arguing with you about food), I'd say find another boyfriend. I lived with, and married a man with far different financial priorities than I had, and subsequently divorced him. My second marriage, to a man with similar financial values, is much happier.0 -
are you married or do you have kids? if the answer to those questions are no then break up.
there are other fish in the sea and there's no sense in tethering yourself to someone who's a jerk0 -
HIGH FIVE IWTBFCIN3. Same for meshashesha20. Support is the key and if he won't give you the support you need, I promise you, SOMEONE ELSE WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO! DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO GIRL!!!0
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move out..
problem solved...0 -
If he "hates" that you want to take care of your yourself ... run.0
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As others are suggesting, there is more to this problem. This could be a thing where he is too controlling. This could be that you aren't contributing fully to the shared finances. It could be that he has some sort of financial insecurity (like he grew up poor and now he obsesses about every penny, just worrying about it all). Maybe he doesn't like the healthy food but can't bring himself to say that he would rather have Cheetos than apples. Lots of possible reasons for his reaction.
Congratulations on your diet success and commitment to eating healthy. He needs to know this is a priority for you. He deserves for you to live up to whatever financial deal you made when you moved in together. Look for the root of the problem and make sure you are being fair, too. If he is too controlling, run, don't walk out the door.0 -
Bring him with you to the farmers' market. It's cheaper than imported grocery stuff, better for the local economy and the environment and it's still healthy.
It's your money, so I can't see why he gets up-in-arms about the way you spend it.0 -
MFP, where it is easier to Just Break Up.
OP, you still havent answered any questions.0 -
OP never came back ….
level 2 troll alert...0
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