My boyfriend not supporting me--

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  • HeatherLaehn
    HeatherLaehn Posts: 3
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    Sounds unsupportive. Look for other signs, maybe he is just not the one.
  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
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    It may not be about the food. Money is a big source of conflict in relationships. (The other 2, according to an old boss, are sex, and squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle.)

    What's your sense of where he thinks the money you spend on "extravagant" food should go? If you reduced your spending on groceries by, say, $20 a week by buying cheap packaged/processed foods, where would he want the money to go? Is he worried about having enough money to pay basic expenses? Does he have "wants" of his own that he thinks are more important?

    If he thinks you're not paying your fair share of expenses, then agree on how much more you should contribute, with the promise that he won't say a thing about what you spend on groceries. If you can't reach an agreement (or if he really is arguing with you about food), I'd say find another boyfriend. I lived with, and married a man with far different financial priorities than I had, and subsequently divorced him. My second marriage, to a man with similar financial values, is much happier.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    are you married or do you have kids? if the answer to those questions are no then break up.

    there are other fish in the sea and there's no sense in tethering yourself to someone who's a jerk
  • wrenegade64
    wrenegade64 Posts: 410 Member
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    HIGH FIVE IWTBFCIN3. Same for meshashesha20. Support is the key and if he won't give you the support you need, I promise you, SOMEONE ELSE WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO! DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO GIRL!!!
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    move out..

    problem solved...
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,444 Member
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    If he "hates" that you want to take care of your yourself ... run.
  • janeite1990
    janeite1990 Posts: 694 Member
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    As others are suggesting, there is more to this problem. This could be a thing where he is too controlling. This could be that you aren't contributing fully to the shared finances. It could be that he has some sort of financial insecurity (like he grew up poor and now he obsesses about every penny, just worrying about it all). Maybe he doesn't like the healthy food but can't bring himself to say that he would rather have Cheetos than apples. Lots of possible reasons for his reaction.

    Congratulations on your diet success and commitment to eating healthy. He needs to know this is a priority for you. He deserves for you to live up to whatever financial deal you made when you moved in together. Look for the root of the problem and make sure you are being fair, too. If he is too controlling, run, don't walk out the door.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    Bring him with you to the farmers' market. It's cheaper than imported grocery stuff, better for the local economy and the environment and it's still healthy.

    It's your money, so I can't see why he gets up-in-arms about the way you spend it.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    MFP, where it is easier to Just Break Up.


    OP, you still havent answered any questions.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    OP never came back ….

    level 2 troll alert...
  • hararayne
    hararayne Posts: 261 Member
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    OP never came back ….

    level 2 troll alert...

    2nd that.
  • donald149
    donald149 Posts: 211 Member
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    It's necessary to know that not everyone will follow your vision. The more you listen to others, the more you'll doubt yourself. You have to know within your mind that you must accomplish this even if others don't believe. You can't concern yourself with others because this is for you. Congrats on the progress you've made so far...
  • potatovine
    potatovine Posts: 21
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    Your money, you do with it as you please.
    Maybe that is a bit simplistic but its how I see it.
    I have personally lived with my partner for 8 years. We have our own money. Yes I do the shopping for the whole house but we both put in. I get what I want, he also adds to the list of things I don't want or need. It all works out in the wash.
  • embaudin
    embaudin Posts: 45 Member
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    OP never came back ….

    level 2 troll alert...

    2nd that.

    Am a newbie when it comes to message board abbreviations.... 'OP' is original poster yes?
  • j67867
    j67867 Posts: 27
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    You need to sit down with him and tell him what is on your mind.Motivation relies heavily upon the people you surround yourself with.It makes a huge difference to you emotionally .It's not necessary to see eye to eye on everything but mutual respect in a relationship is needed for each other interests and passions for it to work.And good communication is paramount.
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Are you spending your money on Shakeology or something?

    Just popped in to see how many people told her to just break up. Then found your response. Inquiring minds wanna know.
  • hstoblish
    hstoblish Posts: 234 Member
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    Having shared priorities is key to making a relationship work over the long term.

    Hubs and I have an agreement that putting money into our health and fitness is a priority. If we can't afford those thing, then we need to make cute elsewhere.

    So, a couple of suggestions:

    Don't share money until you guys are ready. And by ready, I mean until you have developed a good set of shared financial priorities.

    And maybe not even then. Some couples work best if they have a shared fun savings account, but split their incomes and each contribute equally to the household expenses. Others share everything. Others still have a shared chequing but separate visas and savings if they have different savings goals. There is no one right way to deal with this and don't let anyone try to tell you that there is. You guys make the rules.

    The other thing is this: if you're doing all the food prep, purchasing etc., then he has to deal with the fact that if you're doing the work, he doesn't get as much as a vote if you weren't doing it together.

    Also - prepared meals and unhealthy stuff tends to be more expensive than you might think, so I'd suggest that you go out to a store together and each of you load up on what you think is a week's worth of groceries, then run it all through the till. See what's actually more expensive and by how much.

    Here's the thing, if you're letting good foods go bad, you're wasting money. If you're buying packaged food that is labelled as "healthy" or whatever, you're wasting money. Buy fresh, buy as close to the store as possible and you'll probably spending less, but even if you're not, calorie for calorie you're getting more nutrients.

    (PS - I found that as soon as my husband moved in with me and we started splitting food costs 50/50, my food bill went up by about 150%, no exaggeration, just due to the fact that he ate meat and more than twice as much as me.)
  • hararayne
    hararayne Posts: 261 Member
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    OP never came back ….

    level 2 troll alert...

    2nd that.

    Am a newbie when it comes to message board abbreviations.... 'OP' is original poster yes?

    yep

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