How to overcome "all or nothing" thinking with food?

laurenrosebud92

For example, I will start off with a healthy breakfast, and then I get offered pizza for lunch. Food is my weakness, I can't turn down pizza! So I eat a slice and think "well, I blew it for today" and end up eating 3 more slices, a cupcake, chips, french fries, whatever else! It is so hard to maintain a healthy weight when I am constantly thinking like that. I know I can't be the only one, is there anyone else who can help me understand this and how to get over it? What can I say to myself again? I did weight watchers about two years ago and lost 30 pounds, it really did teach me how to eat right, but I had to stop because it got expensive so I have been using myfitnesspal to track my food, but I have gained about 10-15 pounds back since stopping weight watchers (about 5 months ago) because I keep thinking like this. I had the same all or nothing thinking while on weight watchers, but I always pulled it together the next day and would keep it up for a few weeks and maybe have one bad day, but now it seems like this is every day. I wake up, have a healthy breakfast, and then I blow it by lunch. Can anyone give me advice? What else can I say to myself so I can "recover" on the next meal (it is very hard for me to do, because I will track it and I ended up going way over my calories on the "bad" meal and then I just feel like I failed.) I just need some advice and support!!!

hgycta

I really wish I had an answer for you, but I'm a victim to this same disordered way of thinking unfortunately >.< Hopefully someone has good advice!
I have improved slightly, though. It's hard, and will take time, but you just can't give up. So far I haven't found a "miracle solution" to make things easier, it just looks like for now the only way to solve this is to tough it out and force yourself to be good.
Just try to change your thinking. Rather than looking at a day as only a day's "goal," try to imagine the bigger picture. While one high calorie meal may seem like certain failure, throughout the week one meal isn't all that bad, as long as it only stays that one meal on that one day. Just try to realize how every cookie is even more you'll have to burn off later, so if you start eating a pack and going over, by simply closing that pack of cookies and stopping you'll be saving yourself calories and that's better than having to exercise them off later.
That was a really complicated way to explain what I hope someone will more effectively summarize in 1-2 sentences xD Sorry, I tried :x

fruttibiscotti

Track everything. Add everything you eat in your diary. You need to face cold hard facts, look at the data, and not just give up and walk away hoping tomorrow will be better. You cannot improve what you do not measure.

csk0018

Food is a battle for me everyday. What has helped me is really trying to plan what I eat before the day starts --- even if a bad meal is incorporated into it. For example, today -- we had already planned to go out for lunch and have burgers and cheese fries so I went out for a bike ride beforehand, only ate 1/2 of my burger and a quarter of the cheese fries and planned for a light dinner. Maybe that will help you if you think that way instead? Don't give up too easily --- just have that 1-2 slices of pizza and balance out how you are going to make up for that the rest of the day.

cmriverside

A slice of pizza or two for lunch every day wouldn't "blow it." If you stop giving "good" or "bad" names to food, you'll find it easier. All foods are allowable, just log them and succeed!

ils_1231

can you still "do" weight watchers? same concept for calorie counting, but just give points to everything you eat? that might help (?)

broox80

I swear its my brain that makes me fat!!! I do this too and I get so pissed at myself. I think Dr. Phil is like the feminine cleansing product, and the bag it comes in. He did however say something that has resonated with me throughout the years. "When it comes to food, if you say the words, may as well, you probably shouldn't! !" This has helped me some since I always would think since I blew it already I may as well eat more and have a free day!!! I still have the all or nothing thinking, but it is much less often than it used to be.

spiffychick85

For me the best way to circumvent this thinking is to plan ahead and not always put myself in temptations way. Do you bring your lunch pre made? I find if I bring my lunch I am much more likely to stick with my plan. All food is food...not good or bad. The problem comes in when training yourself moderation. You will have to sit and think how bad you want to succeed and stick to your plan. It does get easier once you have been tracking a while. Good luck!

zoodocgirl

1) Every moment is the opportunity for a new choice.

It doesn't matter what else you did that day, week, month, year, life. Would you say, "Well, I already ate all of this for the past XX years, so I guess I blew this lifetime, why bother?" What makes a day such an arbitrary measure of diet progress?

In THIS moment, what decision do you want to make? Think about it, then make it.

2) It's ok if that decision sometimes is pizza. If it is, own it. Depriving yourself entirely of the things you love will suck. Fit it in your calories and enjoy.

jhmomofmany

There is no magic bullet. You just have to stop it. Log your food. Eat the pizza but only as it fits your calorie limits. This is me, too, so don't feel like I don't get it. You just have to learn control. It gets better with practice.

MrsLannister

Like others have said, log log log. Also, give yourself permission to eat the foods you want. It might take some time, but after a while you start to realize that one slice of pizza, or a donut, or a candy bar, or a cupcake, or some chips doesn't "blow it." Stop telling yourself you can't have those things. Eat toward a calorie goal and if you want one of those things, have it, but commit to the goal.

I had a snickers bar today and I enjoyed it. It wasn't "blowing it," by any means. I logged it and adjusted my dinner accordingly. I came in under my goal.

kingscrown

Now that i'm 2 years into it all I can say is practice practice practice. Just never give up. It gets easier to some degree. I still have days where I have a hard time, but I don't have weeks, months, years of it being hard any more.

lorocks61

i pack lunch and snacks for the day. if it's not in the bag, it's not mine.
if it is something out of the ordinary, i have to track before eating.
my worst time of the day is when i get home after a stress filled day, and there
are chips calling to me from the pantry.
my hubby is a stick and likes to eat to eat them for snacks.
so far i haven't sucumbed, but everyday is a struggle

cmriverside

lorocks61, this is excellent, never heard that one before. So many people complain about sabotage at work. This solves that.

I pack lunch and snacks for the day.If it's not in the bag, it's not mine.

bellesouth18

My mantras when I first started:

1) "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
2) "You're eating to live now--not living to eat."

Now I don't have the problem you're facing as often. I managed to change my mindset over time. But lately, I've been having some old issues that keep popping up and have added 10 lbs. since Thanksgiving. I realized that I was getting back into some old habits and have stopped. I started telling myself my mantras again. So far so good.

Edit: Like one of the posters above me, I packed my own food and would eat just that. I pre logged my whole day in my food diary the night before. Even when I was at home, I tried not to deviate from my planned food.

Also, I looked in your profile and saw your age. Your diary isn't public, so I don't know how many calories you're trying to eat with your plan. I know many young people especially who are trying to eat next to nothing. If this is you, keep in mind you are still growing and need a balanced diet with a little extra calcium and other nutrients. Eating too much may be your body's signal, telling you it isn't getting enough food at your present calorie level. Try a decent calorie level for a week or two and try to stick with it. Go from there.

Mojoman02

You have to commit to the idea that you want to lose weight and nothing will stand in your way. It's a commitment to yourself. That being said, pizza here and there will not halt your plans. Food is not Good or Bad, YOU are not Good or Bad. Food is just calories...don't let it flip you out. You can do it!!

donnat238

I also have the all or nothing mindset - or as I call it the PERFECTION mindset. In the past I would get bogged down with the same things....well I had bacon cheeseburger and fries, so the milkshake won't hurt because I've already screwed up and may as well drop the diet, because it's not working. I'll start again on Monday and I will make all of the PERFECT choices then. This was my life for 30 years and I slowly added weight until I was 282 lbs.

I have finally learned that life is not PERFECT and I will make mistakes, but if I slip up now...I just pick myself up and go back to a sensible eating plan. The biggest help for me was planning out my meals as much as possible and allowing an occasional treat - if I completely get rid of all cheeseburgers or shakes I will fall off the diet wagon.

Good luck!

settingmyselffree

I am a food addict and I think the one thing that helped me was a bit radical. The advice my counselor gave me was None is better than One and what she meant by that is for a food addict like myself it is better to have no piece of cake (whatever is your weakness) than one piece that would turn out to be a whole cake worth of slices. I am a food addict so I don't know if this will help, but thought I would share my way of dealing with this demon.

1ZenGirl

I wonder if the "all or nothing" thinking comes as a result of labeling foods into "good or bad". The reality is nothing is off limits, rather logging your food and staying within your caloric requirements.

When I started losing weight I was eating 1200 calories a day and "clean eating" and would wonder why I was failing. I couldn't make it from my healthy breakfast to a healthy lunch. Then I educated myself, and now I eat more (a lot more) and eat whatever I want. I don't feel deprived and I don't feel like I have blown it and therefore I have an eating plan that is sustainable for me.

I would recommend reading the forums here as a great place to get educated. Use the "search" function and type in "all or nothing thinking" and my guess is you may come up with others that have gone through this as well. There are a lot of great things to learn here.

You will find your way. Stick with it.

b2kelly

You really need to come to terms with yourself and pin point what the motivation is as to why you want to lose weight in the first place. You need to really want it other wise it will not happen. I like to focus on the confidence I feel the closer to my goal I get, it is a great feeling and believe me there is an unspoken energy detected by others when I am staying on track. Stay focused and show restraint, find out what motivates you and project yourself to that place before you make a poor eating decision.

b2kelly

Track everything. Add everything you eat in your diary. You need to face cold hard facts, look at the data, and not just give up and walk away hoping tomorrow will be better. You cannot improve what you do not measure.

Also this is really good advice. I had a huge craving for Doritos the other day like ungodly craving. It was right before bed, I was ready to go get a bag, like an adult sized bag and crush the whole thing like some disgusting animal that should be caged. I simply plugged in what I was about to do to my body into MFP app, was blown away by the damage I would cause and put myself to sleep. I woke up the next day so proud I didn't give in.

Dnarules

I wonder if the "all or nothing" thinking comes as a result of labeling foods into "good or bad". The reality is nothing is off limits, rather logging your food and staying within your caloric requirements.

When I started losing weight I was eating 1200 calories a day and "clean eating" and would wonder why I was failing. I couldn't make it from my healthy breakfast to a healthy lunch. Then I educated myself, and now I eat more (a lot more) and eat whatever I want. I don't feel deprived and I don't feel like I have blown it and therefore I have an eating plan that is sustainable for me.

I would recommend reading the forums here as a great place to get educated. Use the "search" function and type in "all or nothing thinking" and my guess is you may come up with others that have gone through this as well. There are a lot of great things to learn here.

You will find your way. Stick with it.

This!!! If you associate pizza with "bad", you immediately think you've blown it. But if you realize you can have pizza, just maybe not as much as you did before, you may be able to have one or two slices without overeating everything in general.

rondaj05

The all or nothing has to come from you and you have to be mentally ready.

There is nothing wrong with a slice of pizza and maybe even 2 depending on your calorie goals. But you have to WANT to commit to your goals and figure out from there how YOU will get past this all or nothing approach.

It's easy for ME to say go ahead and have a piece of pizza as long as it fits in with your goals but it seems that you can't stop at one so maybe for the short term you should avoid any and all temptations until you get into a habit and routine of healthy eating, Once it's become habit it may be easier for you to eat one, enjoy it and stop there.

MadDogManor

I am a food addict and I think the one thing that helped me was a bit radical. The advice my counselor gave me was None is better than One and what she meant by that is for a food addict like myself it is better to have no piece of cake (whatever is your weakness) than one piece that would turn out to be a whole cake worth of slices. I am a food addict so I don't know if this will help, but thought I would share my way of dealing with this demon.

This is how I am, too. I cannot have one slice of pizza because it's my worst trigger food. Chips and salty crackers, too. I don't even start. Maybe someday I'll be able to fit those choices into my diet, but for now I can't. And, I'm learning that it's ok to be hungry, I don't have to stuff my face to try and quench the hunger, sometimes it'll never be quenched. Sounds a bit extreme to some, but it's helping me. Good luck

angel79202

Maybe try to enter your foods ahead of time into your diary and stick to it?
Some have success with that.
I don't see any food as bad, and do everything in moderation Good luck!

Inshape13

I read something a while back where someone said "If you ran a red light, would you keep running every red light after that?" It rang true with me because it is not something that would make sense to keep doing if it was a one time mistake. What worked best for me was to look at it as 1. Did I plan to eat the food that made me go over in calories and 2. If I didn't, did I learn something from the experience or even enjoy what I was eating.....if not then it was not worth the time it would take to burn it off at the gym and I learned what to look out for next time. Planning is a great thing when it comes to calorie limits. It comes down to getting control over the food and not taking it out on yourself if you fumble and eat something high calorie. If it is a single meal, then work it off....if it is a whole day, then let it go and plan for the next healthy day.

DancesWithBirds

I can relate.

I do this when I eat something that I hadn't planned on eating. Yep: I'm a planner. I plan dinners for my family a week in advance and I will often plan out my meals for the day by lunch time and log them early. It seems crazy, but it keep the guesswork out of it for me so that when I sit down to eat something particularly delicious I already know how much of it I am going to eat. When I plan pizza, I work it into my calories for the day and when I sit down to eat it I put however much of it on my plate and tell myself that's it. When I don't plan pizza, I do end up sitting down to the meal feeling defeated even before I start eating it. And even if I don't feel defeated, I rationalize that it tasted good and I want more and it can't be THAT many calories, anyway.... when I'm finished with one serving. It makes me eat more. And then lots of sugary foods in no moderation afterwards because hey, why not?

For me, it's totally a mental thing. I associate it with my binge tendencies. I mainly control it by planning ahead, but also by only buying single servings. I'm doomed if I buy a whole box of cookies, but if I can buy just one or two at the bakery then one or two is all I can eat. The same thing with the pizza: doomed if there are two large pizzas with different topping choices AND bread sticks and I didn't plan ahead (I like to sample!) but better if there is less pizza and less choices.

Once in awhile if I give in and binge, I just pull myself up out of the "hangover", tell myself tomorrow is a new day, then try try again. Hope that helps!

AlabasterVerve

What are you eating for breakfast? Does your healthy breakfast have lots of fat, protein and calories?

caredoll

A person with an addiction, or even a weakness, when confronted with a choice she/he knows is going to lead away from the goal and towards that "pleasure," will turn off the reason sensor in his/her brain. It takes practice and a lot of self-talk to take that off auto-pilot and stay in control of one's senses. Imagine yourself in a situation of temptation, then imagine yourself overcoming it.

Another thing to remember, you may have blown your "goal," but your body definitely knows the difference between two slices of pizza and the whole works. That's your little shoulder devil telling you to go for the mother lode! Don't believe that lie--just enjoy the pizza and remember that tomorrow there may be room for french fries.

As you can see, you are definitely not alone. We are all cheering for you! (And trying to help ourselves, in the process.)

Jlan11

I still struggle with this, from time to time, but I started to over come this mentality when I realized that one meal, one day, even one week doesn't make much of a difference in the long run. It's the pattern of choices over time that makes the difference. You can have a huge calorie day, cut back for the rest of the week, and still lose weight. When I first started MFP several people mentioned intermittent fasting. It was not really the best plan for me, but it makes so much sense. Weight loss is because of a calorie deficit over time not one meal. I take comfort in the fact that if I fall, I can get right back up, and I am still on the path to meeting all my goals!

kellyskitties

I've so been there - but now I've changed. I think logging it regardless has helped me to change. I look back at the choices I made and realistically why and what could I do better next time. I don't look back through critical glasses either. It's not about missing my chance at perfection. I look back with thoughts like "was it a favorite thing?" "was it peer pressure" "was I just hungry" etc. Then make a plan to prevent the problem or accept that it was a favorite thing and I'm just not doing without favorites. I log it, move on. If I go over my calories for the day I just try to stop before I go over my maintenance calories level. Some days I'm just HANGRY and that's all there is to it.

My current motto is that I choose progress over perfection. If I'm below maintenance - that's progress. If I'm below my goal calories - even better. If I'm over maintenance - what happened today? Sometimes, you just need that dinner out with friends or family and I've learned if that's my breaking point so be it. I just restart the next day trying to do better again.

It's a process and it won't happen day 1. My day 1 was, in fact, a crap fest of high calorie low nutrition foods for the most part and I didn't care. I started from where I really was not from a prewritten unobtainable plan of perfection diet that makes some author rich - I started right where I was and thought to myself "self, what could you do better." and there I was, first tweaks in hand moving forward. I'm still tweaking and moving forward. I've skipped logging for a couple days even - and started right back up. I see logging as my norm now and log whether things are blown away or right on target. It just is what it is and it's not going to be perfect. Nobody likes perfect diet people, they are hangry and judgmental. Relax and just log.