Not sure how to feel (LONG STORY)...

seltzermint555

It sounds, to me, like you aren't exactly "judging" these people...but you know that the surgery is not for you, and you're committed to changing your body the healthiest possible way. For that I strongly commend you. I feel the same, too.

In SOME aspects I'd say losing the weight w/o surgery is almost easier. You and I will (hopefully) never know the feeling of all those terrible side effects and lifelong maintenance pills and habits that so many people experience post-surgery. That's a win.

BUT...I can totally understand your irritation & frustration. The MIL parking in handicapped is pretty ridiculous. I'll go ahead and assume that she DOES have a valid disabled parking permit. If not, I would refuse to go anywhere with her and make the statement that what she's doing is illegal. But the FIL commenting about all the weight he's losing vs your slightly slower progress...that is just plain rude in my opinion. I'd be very annoyed as well.

DonnaJones7

There's a reason they call people "Family" and not "Friends".
TOO close for comfort. NOBODY should be asking about your progress in that kind of detail and comparing.
Start generalizing and don't give them specifics. "Oh, I'm happy with my progress so far" and change the subject.

Get hubby support on NOT going to the gym together with them. HE can tell them "we're going a different time so we can focus" or whatever. Doesn't need to be hurtful, but too much togetherness is NOT a good thing.
Or maybe go on your own??

Get some distance. Your journey is tougher, slower, MORE permanent, and DEFINITELY Healthier.
Good Luck to you!

cebreisch

Recently my boyfriend's mom started going to the gym with us (on the weekends). She says she goes during the week at her work. His parents both had gastric bypass surgery in 2013. So now I will give a back story: I have struggled with my weight all of my teenage/adult life. Never once did I seriously look into having weight loss surgery and here's why: I'm the reason I gained weight so I should be the reason that I lose weight, if there ever is a time that I WANT to indulge, I want to be able to do it without getting dreadfully sick afterward (they call it dumping syndrome), I love my long hair and would like to keep my long hair (all women I know that have had the surgery have cut their hair short due to lack of vitamins causing it to fall out), I do not want to have to take vitamins for the rest of my life, and I can't nor do I want to have to pay for a bunch of surgeries to correct the loose skin left after all the drastic weight loss. I have 3 friends who have had the surgery and now I know his parents who have had it done.

Now to get to where I don't know how to feel or basically what to do with my feelings...I love his mom. She's a kind and funny woman. However...it drives me absolutely insane that when she comes to the gym with us, she parks in the handicapped spot even though she is perfectly capable of walking the extra ten feet to get into the gym!! I have NEVER been one to try to find the closest spot. In my head I always think "It won't kill me to walk." Every time she parks there...And every time I want to look at her and say "And you wondered why you got to be over 300 lbs?! Walk the extra ten feet for Christ's sake!"

Then the other day we stopped by his parents house to grab his nephew because we were going to babysit. His mom asked me how much weight I've lost and I said 40 lbs because when I started doing this again I was 294. She said you look amazing and great job, and then his dad says "I've lost ten lbs this week!" Again...I wanted to look at him and say "Yeah!!! Great!! How'd you do it? Oh yeah, you had part of your stomach removed!! I actually had to sweat my *kitten* off in a gym and show restraint when eating!! Congratulations on not having will power!

It's not jealousy...I have no idea what it is that makes me think these things or feel this way. I've been dealing with these types of issues for years, ever since my best friend had the surgery. Is there a way to be happy for these people and their weight loss when I'm actually working really hard and putting in a huge effort to lose mine?

I really understand where you're coming from. A friend of my father's had lap-band surgery - not so he could lose weight, but more so it would limit the amount of food he could eat and force him to lose weight. He still eats ice cream, and whatever he wants.

I looked into having lap-band because I had always had so much trouble losing weight. When I went to see the surgeon, he told me he wanted me to lose 90 pounds before he'd do the surgery. I thought, "If I could have done that, I wouldn't be here!!"

Anyway, they set me up with a nutritionist and a therapist. Therapist talked me into joining Weight Watchers so I'd have another level of accountability, and I did. I ended up losing 115 pounds, and had LOTS of excess skin around my belly. I had that removed last April, and between the recovery being more difficult than expected, and a lot of other things happening, I'm not at about 100 pounds lost.

I hoped that by losing it slow, I wouldn't have to have excess skin removed. BUZZ....WRONG!! I still have about 100 more to lose, and I'll need to go through the rest of the skin removal surgery. BUT that's okay. Part of the reason I've resisted the lap-band is because whether I do that or not, I'm going to have to learn how to eat right. If I can eat right without the surgery and lose the weight all the same, all the better.

Meanwhile, please realize that this journey you're on is YOUR journey. You can't compare yourself to others, and they shouldn't compare themselves to you. It took me a while to build up my nerve to say, "They're on their path, and I'm on mine. I will be happy for their successes, and whatever happens, they shall not derail me."

Seeing a therapist has helped a LOT in that realm. It might be worth considering.

Good luck to you!

sheleen302

I understand your irritation, I swear I do but stop giving that much energy to something / someone that make no difference in your life. Time to let it go....they are doing the best they can do for their own life and their own circumstances.

Be happy for others people even if it is not the choice you would make for yourself.

It is not worth the energy.

Good luck

This sums up how I feel about it.

Yes, me too. Also, when my formerly obese brother and sister in law began losing weight due to their surgery, it spurred me on to stay on track and lose weight--I definitely did not want the "title" of the overweight one in the family. Maybe you could use their positive experiences with weight loss as a positive for yourself--it will make you much happier to change your outlook.

JohnnyOrlando

Don't beat yourself up. The fact that she parks in a handicap spot at a gym to do anything other rehab disgust me.

Think about putting some space between you and them (for fitness anyway.)

Why surround yourself with people you don't really respect and don't really make you the best you can be?

Do you own thing and smile and nod and know you are achieving more than they are regardless of the numbers.

8-)

skinnyinnotime

You're doing it the right way. Don't worry about what they're doing and just ignore their remarks, look after you! :flowerforyou:


BTW, I don't think your boyfriends mum is kind...she's taking a disabled space she doesn't need and depriving someone who may need it.

JTick

Not rage...irritation. She had the surgery - - now weighs 169 lbs and is still using her handicap parking plackard. She is perfectly mobile. My best friend who had the surgery is constantly saying how "fat" she is (even though she weighs like 150 somethin), and says things like if she wore a size 24 again she'd kill herself (knowing that I wore that size a few months ago). The surgery doesn't fix the issues and it irritates me when my weight loss is overshadowed by theirs because they're losing ten lbs a week compared to my 2 lbs a week. It being my boyfriend's family makes it harder because I feel like I can't talk to him about without making him angry.

Hate to burst your bubble, but if you think doing it the "right" way fixes your emotional issues, you are DEAD WRONG. I still have so many issues about my weight, even after losing 80 pounds. I still see myself as so fat, even after 80 pounds. Don't question someone else's emotional frustrations...you have no say in how quickly someone "fixes" their issues.