Reducing parental concern over my diet

intheaeroplaneoverthesea

The other day, I went out to eat with my parents and was originally going to order a vegetable soup and a garden salad, however my parents became concerned and insisted that I had to get a pasta, which I ended up doing to avoid creating drama, however, this of course disrupted the meals I had planned out for the day and I ended up going over my caloric limit, and the only thing that saved me was that I had done more exercise than usual that day, reducing the adverse impact of the pasta. Since I go out to eat with them a lot, how can I stick to my diet without my parents becoming overly worried about the fact that I'm actually eating healthily?

mungowungo

Sorry but parents will be parents. That being said are you in a position where you can cook them a meal? That way they can see that you can look after yourself.

Vex3521

Agreed that parents will be....parents. Would you be open to showing them your logs so they can see that you're getting a good balance of nutrients and not starving? Family means well so pulling up my logs in front of a few members of mine convinced them (especially on holidays) that I am actually ok and not hurting myself. I think dragging out my food scale freaked them out lol. Even as an adult family worries so it's got both the positive and negative sides.

VBnotbitter

A quick look at your profile and diary suggests that you are already a healthy body weight, and that you state you have a history of disordered eating and a desire to control your body. You are consistently eating below goal and missing (or not logging) meals.

As a parent I would be worried too.

mamahannick

A quick look at your profile and diary suggests that you are already a healthy body weight, and that you state you have a history of disordered eating and a desire to control your body. You are consistently eating below goal and missing (or not logging) meals.

As a parent I would be worried too.

Agreed. You are eating below the 1200 bare minimum that anyone should ever eat, and then factoring in 300+ exercise calorie burns drops it even lower. You are not eating enough. You can eat enough and eat healthy as well.

sillyvalentine

The other day, I went out to eat with my parents and was originally going to order a vegetable soup and a garden salad, however my parents became concerned and insisted that I had to get a pasta, which I ended up doing to avoid creating drama, however, this of course disrupted the meals I had planned out for the day and I ended up going over my caloric limit, and the only thing that saved me was that I had done more exercise than usual that day, reducing the adverse impact of the pasta. Since I go out to eat with them a lot, how can I stick to my diet without my parents becoming overly worried about the fact that I'm actually eating healthily?

Try printing out your meal plan for the day so that you can show them that you are eating enough and being healthy and whatever they want you to eat doesn't fit into your plan.

Val_from_OH

At 18 years old, it is your choice whether to go out to dinner with your folks or not. If you're going out for the companionship or a celebration, then make a little leeway in your plan for a real meal. Many restaurants have lighter dishes with <600 calories. This can easily fit into a 1500 calorie per day plan (1200 + 300 exercise calories). Since you have said that your goal is to gain structure of your eating, this additional planning should help you feel more in control, not less.

If you're just going out with mom & dad because they're not cooking that night, then choose to stay home & make your own food. I'm sure they won't mind saving the $15 or $20 and having a night to themselves.

TavistockToad

The other day, I went out to eat with my parents and was originally going to order a vegetable soup and a garden salad, however my parents became concerned and insisted that I had to get a pasta, which I ended up doing to avoid creating drama, however, this of course disrupted the meals I had planned out for the day and I ended up going over my caloric limit, and the only thing that saved me was that I had done more exercise than usual that day, reducing the adverse impact of the pasta. Since I go out to eat with them a lot, how can I stick to my diet without my parents becoming overly worried about the fact that I'm actually eating healthily?

if your diary is accurate they have every right to be worried!

a goal weight of 115 is pretty low for your height (i say this because i am the same height as you)

SarahWrittenThin

Your calories are often sub 500 for the day and you have entries where you enter food and then set them to zero calories which indicates that you ate it and "disposed of it". If your parents were not concerned they would be blind.
Seek help via a counselling service for your disordered eating.
1 cracker and water does not make a meal. Your body will begin to feed from it's organs including your heart. It's not a game. It's your life.

Homemaker57

As with all relationship issues, I'm an advocate of honest, gracious communication! If I were in your shoes, I would gently tell my folks that I love eating out with them but it's uncomfortable for me when they comment negatively on my food choices and try to get me to order specific things. I'd ask if they have any concerns about my health they'd like to talk to me about, and go ahead and talk about it, and at the end of the day take the stance that I appreciate their concern and I hope they can understand my desire to make my own dietary choices without a lot of criticism.


Now, if they DO have concerns about your health, take them seriously. Especially if you have a history of under-eating, they are probably legitimately worried for your well being. Maybe you can turn it into a teamwork, positive experience by coming up with some healthy guidelines together and being open with them in that way. That's up to you though.



Bottom line it's okay to tell someone if they are doing something that makes you uncomfortable, and set healthy boundaries.

AlongCame_Molly

Stop going out to eat with them. (side note: even "healthy" options at restaurants are still pretty bad 9 times out of 10) Start inviting them on walks in scenic places, or hikes, or window shopping. That way you still get quality family time, but avoid awkward questions about your food choices.

And nobody forced you to have the pasta, get that idea out of your head. They pushed, you cracked. It's a simple case of you not sticking to your guns. All you're doing is enforcing that you can be bullied by them, and they will continue to exploit that, (however inadvertently) until YOU make it stop.

sloth3toes

My parents are both dead. So, I can't relate. Sorry, I got nothin'.

19TaraLynn84

I was going to suggest that you show your parents your food log, but after viewing it myself, I personally think they have a reason to express concern. You don't have that much weight to lose, so it's not going to come off quickly. I saw that you had raised your calorie goal, but you were still consistently logging way under even then. Food is not your enemy. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to consult a nutrionist to learn healthy ways to consume the calories you need. That would set your parents a little more at ease, I'm sure.

KnM0107

After looking at your profile and diary, I think your parents should be worried...

3laine75

If you're logging accurately, they may be right to be concerned. It shouldn't be to hard to find a healthy option when eating out, with a good balance of macros - I wouldn't like to see my daughter eating veggie soup and a salad as one of her main meals. You should try to find more protein option.

Apologies, if you actually eat more than you are logging.

bumblebreezy91

A quick look at your profile and diary suggests that you are already a healthy body weight, and that you state you have a history of disordered eating and a desire to control your body. You are consistently eating below goal and missing (or not logging) meals.

As a parent I would be worried too.

+1

Sabine_Stroehm

A quick look at your profile and diary suggests that you are already a healthy body weight, and that you state you have a history of disordered eating and a desire to control your body. You are consistently eating below goal and missing (or not logging) meals.

As a parent I would be worried too.

Pretty much this. They are worried.

ItsCasey

Do you live with your parents? If so, perhaps they have more insight into your eating habits than you think. And I realize this is probably a foreign concept to an 18-year-old, but they might be right.

jonnythan

Do you live with your parents? If so, perhaps they have more insight into your eating habits than you think. And I realize this is probably a foreign concept to an 18-year-old, but they might be right.

Looking at her diary, they are 100% right.

ETA: the older I get, the smarter my dad gets, somehow.

tigersword

Do you live with your parents? If so, perhaps they have more insight into your eating habits than you think. And I realize this is probably a foreign concept to an 18-year-old, but they might be right.

Looking at her diary, they are 100% right.

ETA: the older I get, the smarter my dad gets, somehow.

This. All of this.

You need some counseling. And probably more pasta.

kamyers1289

Agree with all. Your diary is troubling, as is your profile saying you need "more control". Classic disordered eating. Please get help.

sevsmom

I'm a parent to 5 kids ages 7-22. The only time I get concerned about any of their eating habits is when something appears extreme. (My oldest learned about calories in 7th grade and basically went on a hunger strike for 2-3 months....he looked awful!!!) None of my kids are even close to overweight, but if I had a child that was and they wanted to be mindful about their eating, I'd be very supportive. That being said, you probably need to explain, thoroughly, what you are up to to your parents so they see that you are not "starving" yourself or being drastic.

Once I would hear the reasoned and methodic approach, I think I would encourage the healthy choices, not try to discourage them.

Edit: If you are being extreme....it's a parent's job to try to redirect. If you are skipping meals and trying to achieve some weight goal in a blatantly damaging way....I'd be all over you if you were my kiddo!

DebbieLyn63

Maybe not more pasta, but definitely more protein and more calories. Your parents love you and are concerned for your health, with good reason. Talk to your parents about some nutritional counseling for all of you, so you can work as a team to form some good mental and physical health habits.

MG_Fit

Judging from your diary, I'm going to have to agree with Casey on this one.

Commander_Keen

Did you ask them why pasta vs Rice or Protien ( chicken, fish, ext?)

jonnythan

Did you ask them why pasta vs Rice or Protien ( chicken, fish, ext?)

I doubt her parents are really up on macro ratios. They just want to see their daughter eating food instead of starving herself and developing an eating disorder.

Sabine_Stroehm

Did you ask them why pasta vs Rice or Protien ( chicken, fish, ext?)

I doubt her parents are really up on macro ratios. They just want to see their daughter eating food instead of starving herself and developing an eating disorder.

Based on her profile, I'd say they know she has one. But yes, I totally agree.

AllyBooMommyof2

A quick look at your profile and diary suggests that you are already a healthy body weight, and that you state you have a history of disordered eating and a desire to control your body. You are consistently eating below goal and missing (or not logging) meals.

As a parent I would be worried too.

Agree

MorgueBabe

Eh parents are parents. I've been a vegetarian since 1995. My mother and extended family still offers me meat.

DebbieLyn63

Eh parents are parents. I've been a vegetarian since 1995. My mother and extended family still offers me meat.

But do you eat super low calories and if you do eat a normal meal, then throw it up afterwards?

ETA- perhaps the OP could look at your diary for some healthy tips on getting calories and macros in, while eating vegetarian.

blably

i think it wouldnt be wrong to talk with a doctor.

cause with what youre doing, youre just harming your body. you may not care right now, and might be gettin the ''high'' feeling from being hungry as F, but in a few years, youll remmeber our words.