Feeling sad because guy cancelled date. Advice?

2

Replies

  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
    My advice:

    1. Be less invested in people you haven't even developed anything with or haven't met yet.
    2. Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" or watch the movie. Both are good. Do both.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    My advice:

    1. Be less invested in people you haven't even developed anything with or haven't met yet.
    2. Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" or watch the movie. Both are good. Do both.
    Don't watch the movie. It's a mixed message because they end up together in the end, which was NOT the point of the book!
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    My advice:

    1. Be less invested in people you haven't even developed anything with or haven't met yet.
    2. Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" or watch the movie. Both are good. Do both.
    Don't watch the movie. It's a mixed message because they end up together in the end, which was NOT the point of the book!

    QFT with emphasis on reading the book. I never saw the movie but the book was quite eye opening and taught me a lot about my own thought process when it came to dating. You just can't take that stuff personally - if something's meant to be, than it will be!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    My advice:

    1. Be less invested in people you haven't even developed anything with or haven't met yet.
    2. Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" or watch the movie. Both are good. Do both.
    Don't watch the movie. It's a mixed message because they end up together in the end, which was NOT the point of the book!

    QFT with emphasis on reading the book. I never saw the movie but the book was quite eye opening and taught me a lot about my own thought process when it came to dating. You just can't take that stuff personally - if something's meant to be, than it will be!
    Don't get me wrong -- the movie was enjoyable. It just gave a very different message and I don't think a good one.
  • Cre8veLifeR
    Cre8veLifeR Posts: 1,062 Member
    Look at the bright side at least he cancelled and didn't just stand you up. Things can always be worse.

    It's nothing to take personally, that's for sure.You're adorable, and obviously caring. Take yourself on a date, or go out with friends and have a great time with NO intention of meeting someone - and I bet you'll meet someone. :wink:
  • keeptehpeace
    keeptehpeace Posts: 189 Member
    My advice:

    1. Be less invested in people you haven't even developed anything with or haven't met yet.
    2. Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" or watch the movie. Both are good. Do both.
    Lol I bought that book for a friend of mine that always fell for guys immediately and dated online and could never find a nice guy it seemed, she was offended at first but she said it was a real eye opener into her own behaviour and thinking patterns about men and dating (never read it myself, if a guy doesn't put in enough effort I tend to just leave and I'm perfectly happy with being single instead of settling)
  • bloominheck
    bloominheck Posts: 869 Member
    Diamonds arent a girls best friend, DD batteries are

    Amen brother!
  • autumnwater
    autumnwater Posts: 449 Member
    Sorry the guy cancelled on you. If you were really looking forward to it, I can see how that can be disappointing.

    One guy I met online, who I was only vaguely interested in, stood me up on a date and just ignored me after that. Another online date overslept the first date. And then still another guy I'd clicked with from an online site took me out to 2 dates, ignored my text for a week, and then tried to get my attention again. I wasn't too hung up about these things but they were still disappointing. But looking back now, they are just memories that carry little weight in my life

    I do believe that a lot of dating is luck. Maybe this guy did get really busy, and there will be another date. Maybe not, but then you might find someone else you click with even more. Keep your head up high and believe in yourself, and positive energy will attract great people :)
  • richardheath
    richardheath Posts: 1,276 Member
    If you continue online, feel fortunate that you are a woman, because online dating greatly favors women. Your inbox is likely flooded with prospects, and you can just pick from the next one. It is quite probable that this guy will not re-schedule, so focus efforts elsewhere (preferably on offline meetings).

    This isn't necessarily true! I read this yesterday (although I kind of knew it before): http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

    Back when I was online dating, I know that things would be quiet for a while, then 3 or 4 prospects might come up all at the same time. I'd try to not cancel any planned dates, but there were times when one girl might get pushed to the back of the line. In fact, that happened to my current gf. We exchanged a few emails, then stopped, as I had another date and thought things might go well with her. Of course, they didn't. So, I emailed my now gf again, and things have been going great for a year and a half now. Although she won't let me forget I almost lost her!

    So chin up, and be awesome. The right one will come along.
  • tesha_chandler
    tesha_chandler Posts: 378 Member
    Sounds like he chickened out to me.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    A dinner date on a first online date can be so awkward. You're stuck with this weirdo for an hour or two. Lol
    Or you could be stuck with them for 3 and a half days ????
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    If you continue online, feel fortunate that you are a woman, because online dating greatly favors women. Your inbox is likely flooded with prospects, and you can just pick from the next one. It is quite probable that this guy will not re-schedule, so focus efforts elsewhere (preferably on offline meetings).

    This isn't necessarily true! I read this yesterday (although I kind of knew it before): http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

    Back when I was online dating, I know that things would be quiet for a while, then 3 or 4 prospects might come up all at the same time. I'd try to not cancel any planned dates, but there were times when one girl might get pushed to the back of the line. In fact, that happened to my current gf. We exchanged a few emails, then stopped, as I had another date and thought things might go well with her. Of course, they didn't. So, I emailed my now gf again, and things have been going great for a year and a half now. Although she won't let me forget I almost lost her!

    So chin up, and be awesome. The right one will come along.

    In my opinion, I would imagine the most difficult thing from a woman's perspective is weeding through the volume of messages. When there's a high volume of messages, some of them would be less than desirable. That's normal, given how a screen and keyboard embolden people to do things that they wouldn't necessarily do in an person setting. However, I believe it is easier to sort through messages than have to create prospects from scratch, breaking through the clutter of a flooded female inbox. When you have that sort of volume in your inbox, there's bound to be a palatable prospect. It doesn't always seem to play out like this though, for a variety of reasons.

    Also, Jezebel is not a male friendly site, so I am befuddled why a male is citing Jezebel to make a point.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    Move on that is my advice . I know it can suck and you could feel a little rejected but don't take it too hard ...its just some dude from the internet

    no big deal :wink: lots of people out there for potential fun dates ..stay open to it :bigsmile:
  • wanna_b_there
    wanna_b_there Posts: 295 Member
    Don't want to say it but I have to... If a guys REALLY into a chick he'll do just about ANYTHING to make that date.
    But *kitten* does happen so if he had to cancel I understand.

    Then again If I was into her and had to cancel you bet your sweet azz I reschedule another date right then and there and not leave it up in the air with an "Sure we can hang out some other time" That seems a lil weak

    Exactly/ Don;t give this dork a second thought OP. He's just a wimp.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    "Men are afraid they are going to meet someone fat , Women are afraid they will be raped or murdered" - nice little highly accurate quote about online dating


    poor men and there not getting 1000 messages ohh life so hard :huh:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,988 Member
    Happens. Life isn't always going to be rosy.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    "Men are afraid they are going to meet someone fat , Women are afraid they will be raped or murdered" - nice little highly accurate quote about online dating


    poor men and there not getting 1000 messages ohh life so hard :huh:

    i was on match for about 1 day and cancelled my membership. traded numbers with a gal and the next thing i knew my phone was blowing up while at work.

    fact is id probably be better suited to be single for the rest of my life
  • richardheath
    richardheath Posts: 1,276 Member
    If you continue online, feel fortunate that you are a woman, because online dating greatly favors women. Your inbox is likely flooded with prospects, and you can just pick from the next one. It is quite probable that this guy will not re-schedule, so focus efforts elsewhere (preferably on offline meetings).

    This isn't necessarily true! I read this yesterday (although I kind of knew it before): http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

    Back when I was online dating, I know that things would be quiet for a while, then 3 or 4 prospects might come up all at the same time. I'd try to not cancel any planned dates, but there were times when one girl might get pushed to the back of the line. In fact, that happened to my current gf. We exchanged a few emails, then stopped, as I had another date and thought things might go well with her. Of course, they didn't. So, I emailed my now gf again, and things have been going great for a year and a half now. Although she won't let me forget I almost lost her!

    So chin up, and be awesome. The right one will come along.

    In my opinion, I would imagine the most difficult thing from a woman's perspective is weeding through the volume of messages. When there's a high volume of messages, some of them would be less than desirable. That's normal, given how a screen and keyboard embolden people to do things that they wouldn't necessarily do in an person setting. However, I believe it is easier to sort through messages than have to create prospects from scratch, breaking through the clutter of a flooded female inbox. When you have that sort of volume in your inbox, there's bound to be a palatable prospect. It doesn't always seem to play out like this though, for a variety of reasons.

    Also, Jezebel is not a male friendly site, so I am befuddled why a male is citing Jezebel to make a point.

    So what you mean is "Jezebel isn't male friendly therefore the point is obviously invalid"? Sorry, but I try to be aware of my male privilege.

    The guy in the story had the same idea that you have. That women have it easier. He tested his assumption and found he was wrong. It's not simply the number of messages, it was also the way they escalated quickly to sexual/angry.

    I don't know whether it is harder or not, but is certainly different, and not necessarily easy. For either gender.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    If you continue online, feel fortunate that you are a woman, because online dating greatly favors women. Your inbox is likely flooded with prospects, and you can just pick from the next one. It is quite probable that this guy will not re-schedule, so focus efforts elsewhere (preferably on offline meetings).

    This isn't necessarily true! I read this yesterday (although I kind of knew it before): http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

    Back when I was online dating, I know that things would be quiet for a while, then 3 or 4 prospects might come up all at the same time. I'd try to not cancel any planned dates, but there were times when one girl might get pushed to the back of the line. In fact, that happened to my current gf. We exchanged a few emails, then stopped, as I had another date and thought things might go well with her. Of course, they didn't. So, I emailed my now gf again, and things have been going great for a year and a half now. Although she won't let me forget I almost lost her!

    So chin up, and be awesome. The right one will come along.

    In my opinion, I would imagine the most difficult thing from a woman's perspective is weeding through the volume of messages. When there's a high volume of messages, some of them would be less than desirable. That's normal, given how a screen and keyboard embolden people to do things that they wouldn't necessarily do in an person setting. However, I believe it is easier to sort through messages than have to create prospects from scratch, breaking through the clutter of a flooded female inbox. When you have that sort of volume in your inbox, there's bound to be a palatable prospect. It doesn't always seem to play out like this though, for a variety of reasons.

    Also, Jezebel is not a male friendly site, so I am befuddled why a male is citing Jezebel to make a point.

    So what you mean is "Jezebel isn't male friendly therefore the point is obviously invalid"? Sorry, but I try to be aware of my male privilege.

    The guy in the story had the same idea that you have. That women have it easier. He tested his assumption and found he was wrong. It's not simply the number of messages, it was also the way they escalated quickly to sexual/angry.

    I don't know whether it is harder or not, but is certainly different, and not necessarily easy. For either gender.

    Male privilege is obsolete in Western countries. Quite simply, due to first, second, and third wave feminism, male privilege no longer exists in the West.

    Since the dawn of Western civilization, It has never been a better time to be a woman and it has never been a worse time to be a man. The opportunities that women have today are exponentially greater than in the past. Women earn more Bachelor's degrees than men. Also, traditionally male jobs in manufacturing have been off shored, and other blue collar male jobs have been disappearing from the US economy. Single, childless women 30 and under today and living in major metropolitan areas make more money than their male counterparts. The so-called wage gap between men and women is a fallacy as well. Women and men get paid the same in occupations. It is illegal in the United States to pay a man more than a woman for the same work. However, where there is a perceived wage gap is because of life choices made, life choices which are optional.

    Also, keep in mind, that Jezebel is a media outlet. The overwhelming majority of media outlets have an agenda that they are aiming to promulgate. Jezebel's audience would be considered feminist leaning women, usually college educated or greater. Jezebel has to promote content that is empathetic to women's causes, and often times that can be misaligned with a traditionalist male perspective.

    Sure, there are difficulties in online dating for women. I don't think that is an invalid perspective for a second. But, on the whole, it is much easier to be a woman dating online than it is to be a man.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    But, on the whole, it is much easier to be a woman dating online than it is to be a man.

    So ... you've been a woman dating online and experienced this yourself?

    Define "easier."
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    If you continue online, feel fortunate that you are a woman, because online dating greatly favors women. Your inbox is likely flooded with prospects, and you can just pick from the next one. It is quite probable that this guy will not re-schedule, so focus efforts elsewhere (preferably on offline meetings).

    This isn't necessarily true! I read this yesterday (although I kind of knew it before): http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

    Back when I was online dating, I know that things would be quiet for a while, then 3 or 4 prospects might come up all at the same time. I'd try to not cancel any planned dates, but there were times when one girl might get pushed to the back of the line. In fact, that happened to my current gf. We exchanged a few emails, then stopped, as I had another date and thought things might go well with her. Of course, they didn't. So, I emailed my now gf again, and things have been going great for a year and a half now. Although she won't let me forget I almost lost her!

    So chin up, and be awesome. The right one will come along.

    In my opinion, I would imagine the most difficult thing from a woman's perspective is weeding through the volume of messages. When there's a high volume of messages, some of them would be less than desirable. That's normal, given how a screen and keyboard embolden people to do things that they wouldn't necessarily do in an person setting. However, I believe it is easier to sort through messages than have to create prospects from scratch, breaking through the clutter of a flooded female inbox. When you have that sort of volume in your inbox, there's bound to be a palatable prospect. It doesn't always seem to play out like this though, for a variety of reasons.

    Also, Jezebel is not a male friendly site, so I am befuddled why a male is citing Jezebel to make a point.

    So what you mean is "Jezebel isn't male friendly therefore the point is obviously invalid"? Sorry, but I try to be aware of my male privilege.

    The guy in the story had the same idea that you have. That women have it easier. He tested his assumption and found he was wrong. It's not simply the number of messages, it was also the way they escalated quickly to sexual/angry.

    I don't know whether it is harder or not, but is certainly different, and not necessarily easy. For either gender.

    Male privilege is obsolete in Western countries. Quite simply, due to first, second, and third wave feminism, male privilege no longer exists in the West.

    Since the dawn of Western civilization, It has never been a better time to be a woman and it has never been a worse time to be a man. The opportunities that women have today are exponentially greater than in the past. Women earn more Bachelor's degrees than men. Also, traditionally male jobs in manufacturing have been off shored, and other blue collar male jobs have been disappearing from the US economy. Single, childless women 30 and under today and living in major metropolitan areas make more money than their male counterparts. The so-called wage gap between men and women is a fallacy as well. Women and men get paid the same in occupations. It is illegal in the United States to pay a man more than a woman for the same work. However, where there is a perceived wage gap is because of life choices made, life choices which are optional.

    Also, keep in mind, that Jezebel is a media outlet. The overwhelming majority of media outlets have an agenda that they are aiming to promulgate. Jezebel's audience would be considered feminist leaning women, usually college educated or greater. Jezebel has to promote content that is empathetic to women's causes, and often times that can be misaligned with a traditionalist male perspective.

    Sure, there are difficulties in online dating for women. I don't think that is an invalid perspective for a second. But, on the whole, it is much easier to be a woman dating online than it is to be a man.


    You sounds bitter? Are you bitter? Did some woman dominate you?
  • SunShineBeastess
    SunShineBeastess Posts: 225 Member
    Happens. Life isn't always going to be rosy.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Couldn't resist - GO 49ers!!!
  • MM_1982
    MM_1982 Posts: 374
    So what you mean is "Jezebel isn't male friendly therefore the point is obviously invalid"? Sorry, but I try to be aware of my male privilege.

    VqOjuN0.gif
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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    So what you mean is "Jezebel isn't male friendly therefore the point is obviously invalid"? Sorry, but I try to be aware of my male privilege.

    VqOjuN0.gif
    I knew when DMZ posted you would be along at some point.

    I still think you're the same person.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I can definitely understand your feeling sad/hurt by this. But I agree with others. You didn't even meet him face to face, and it is his loss!!

    There are plenty of other guys who you may click with and won't flake on plans.

    If you want my honest opinion, he probably hooked up with someone else already...either an ex or another person he met online. FTR I don't think online dating is bad at all, it's how I originally met my husband so I definitely can't complain there.

    I hope you will have a date soon with someone who appreciates the opportunity and is way cooler than this guy.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    He may or may not be interested but the ball is in his court so let it be. If he doesn't initiate any new contact then he's probably not so interested. Move on.

    I agree with this advice too.

    Also, I would follow the "second chance" rule if I were you. If he contacts you in a timely fashion for another date then give him ONE MORE opportunity. If he waits a really long time then no. If he flakes on plans a second time, no third try.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
    sounds like you got blown off sorry - doesn't sound like he was just busy (based on if i was the guy) - if i were in the same situation and I was busy I would have handled that very differently (and I'm a pretty average dude)

    sorry :((
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  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    Op- Dating is tough! It can make you see the worst in people, but it can also show you the best. When I first started dating again, I had to learn to get tough skin. It is really hard to not know why someone blows you off. You just have to take a moment to regroup and really figure out what you want. Yes, your inbox may get flooded with stupid messages, but you can be picky. You should be picky! There will be a lot of guys on there looking for one night stands (a lot of women as well), there will be a lot of bitterness, then there will be a few that are very genuine. You will go on many dates, and each time you will learn something more about yourself. If a guy blows you off, then move along. Get back out there because there will be someone out there who is looking for a woman like you. Good luck!!

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