Excuses? How not to cause offence?

Maggie1960

I had the sticky situation of having to refuse a slice of chocolate gateau today - a workmate had made it at home, and proudly brought it in for us all to share. I refused, saying I wasn't hungry and would maybe have a piece later, and she was really offended, saying "but I made it specially, what's wrong with my cooking?" AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH.:grumble: :grumble:

What should I have said? I'm allergic to chocolate? I have a wheat intolerance? The last thing I want to say is I'm on a diet - I work in an office full of overweight women - compared to them, I'm slim (yeah, at 189lbs, that's pretty unbelievable isn't it?) and I just feel I would get lots of negative comments.

Any advice is welcome!

Mindful_Trent

I think you handled it well - you don't owe anyone any justification for why you do or don't want to eat something. I probably would have said "It looks wonderful but I'm not hungry right now" or something like that. If they get offended, then that's their problem.

sim247

I am also in a similar situation, I am the 'slim one' out of the 3 of us women in our office and it's always tough when I am dieting as they just don't understand.

Earlier I tried the 'I don't eat biscuits anymore' line because I know if I have one, I'll want another and another. Maybe you could try something similar?

lina1131

When it comes to my health and my body, I do not care if someone gets offended when I refuse a piece of something. If they are offended because you do not have a slice of cake they clearly have issues.

I would have said "No thank you" and that is it. If they ask why, I always say "I am watching what I eat" and if they say "aww come on, one piece won't kill you" (which is always what they say) I say "No thanks". :laugh: It's pretty dry, but WTF? I don't feel like I need to provide a legal statement for why I don't want a piece of cake.

Bottom line: Tell them no. If they persist, tell them no. If they are offended, tell them no and roll your eyes. :bigsmile:

MzBug

Touchy.... Umm.... "sorry, but I recently found out that I am having a bad reaction to sugar"...... (silently) uhh like it makes me gain weight. Maybe next time they bring in fruit?

Lithuria

I think you did good, you don't really need to justify it to anyone but yourself, if you're not hungry you're not hungry. Maybe if she does it again tell her you'll wrap it up to take home then discreetly dispose of it?

CeleryStalker

My dad always said dont let someone else's problem become your own. Sounds like your coworker has an issue. It's not your problem. Why does she have to assume there is something wrong with her cooking? What are you supposed to be? Her personal food consumer? It's rude to expect people to eat food you shove in their face just because you took pride in cooking it. Maybe you had a chocolate allergy, maybe you are dieting, maybe you cant tolerate gluten....maybe your reason is none of her business and she should learn how to cope with rejection a little more reasonably. Wow....

DancingDreamer

say you're on a diet and say it proudly. i have to do this all the time. yes its awkward and even if people at first look at you and think "ugh but she's not overweight" eventually they will start looking at you with awe and amazement because you're STICKING to something. i had to refuse my uncle buying me dinner because the place he was ordering from was SUPER caloric. i felt awkward and like everyone was looking at me like a freak. but later the next week he told my parents when they were all out at dinner (they do this every few weeks...i have a close knit family) that he was REALLY impressed by my sticking to my diet and trying to lose weight. even though my uncle is huge and my aunt is huge and my grandmother is too and thats where i was when he offered to buy dinner and i'm WAY smaller then them. they were all impressed after they really thought about it. dont be ashamed of trying to be healthy. if you say you're on a diet its not saying that there is something wrong with someone's cooking its saying "oh man would i ever love a piece of that chocolate gateau but i'm trying soooo hard right now to stick to this diet and i dont wanna break it because i'm doing so good right now!" while saying "i'm not hungry" often translates in a baker's mind (i know this because i am one) to "i'm totally lieing because even people who arent hungry eat chocolate cake because chocolate cake is DELICIOUS this person must not like my cooking! oh no! *weep weep*" its unintentional but saying you're on a diet is the MUCH better option to saying you're not hungry. yes....even in a room of people WAY more overweight then you.

good luck!

KimSchnizleinWECHANGED

I had the sticky situation of having to refuse a slice of chocolate gateau today - a workmate had made it at home, and proudly brought it in for us all to share. I refused, saying I wasn't hungry and would maybe have a piece later, and she was really offended, saying "but I made it specially, what's wrong with my cooking?" AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH.:grumble: :grumble:

What should I have said? I'm allergic to chocolate? I have a wheat intolerance? The last thing I want to say is I'm on a diet - I work in an office full of overweight women - compared to them, I'm slim (yeah, at 189lbs, that's pretty unbelievable isn't it?) and I just feel I would get lots of negative comments.

Any advice is welcome!

You're right ... It is a sticky type situation .... All I can tell you is what I would have said in the same situation ..... Thanks (insert name). I'm sure you spent some loving hours in the kitchen making this just to share today, and I do appreciate your generosity. However, as much as I'm so very tempted, I just can't take a piece because I've decided to get a handle on my weight and health issues, and lose a few pounds. I'm just one of those unfortunate people who lose my focus if I cave into temptation even just one time. Please don't be offended by my refusal because it is very tempting to say 'YES ... YES ... YES ....'
.... Anyway that's something like what I'd have said. Believe me that one situation won't be the last time you have to turn down someone's luscious food! .... lol!

sallyLunn

I always take it and "save it for later" which means I throw it away in the bottom of the trash bin when no one is looking.

RoadDog

Stick to your guns. You handled it well.

I just say, "No thank you." 90% of the time, people can accept that. The other 10% of the time, my resistance increases in direct proportion to their persistence.

RoadDog

oops

Jenks

Wish I would have had your willpower today....

Jena_72

Wish I would have had your willpower today....

You See what would feel worse to YOU offending the baker or giving in and feeling like Jenks!?
Jenks remember this and next time just say Nooooo!! )

Ely82010

You did good and more power to you.
I understand where you are coming from, because I don't like or care for sweets (never did not even as a child), so I am always refusing deserts or just eating a fork full. I get the evil eye and the pushing of a full plate with the comment of "just a small piece." I hate that!

When I offer food to a person and I get the "no thank you" response, I just don't push the issue because I know how unpleasant it can be.

Ely82010

Stick to your guns. You handled it well.

I just say, "No thank you." 90% of the time, people can accept that. The other 10% of the time, my resistance increases in direct proportion to their persistence.

I love your answer!!

bellanean

I make it known at work that I do not eat that type of food. I have never called it a diet, I just say , no thanks I dont eat that. I am not about to care what they think. I am sure they think im snotty and think I am better then them because I actaully want to do something about my weight problem and they dont, but i dont let it bother me!

justahorsen

I don't eat chocolate (well, very rarely) it is not my favorite so I just always use that as my excuse...."no thanks, I don't like chocolate" and most people are more stunned by the fact that I don't like chocolate than the fact that I'm not having the cake (or cookies, or candy, etc)

Kminor67

My dad always said dont let someone else's problem become your own. Sounds like your coworker has an issue. It's not your problem. Why does she have to assume there is something wrong with her cooking? What are you supposed to be? Her personal food consumer? It's rude to expect people to eat food you shove in their face just because you took pride in cooking it. Maybe you had a chocolate allergy, maybe you are dieting, maybe you cant tolerate gluten....maybe your reason is none of her business and she should learn how to cope with rejection a little more reasonably. Wow....

I LOVE THIS! You crack me up, but I'm glad you're on my side! LOL

♥Faerie♥

I agree with everyone else, just say no, and leave it at that. You should not have to make an excuse for not wanting something, and you should not be obligated to eat something just because it is offered to you. Be persistent in your no thank you's, and eventually people will start to understand that you are not being rude, you are just being conscious of what you eat...

kendra1976

I just say no thanks. I normally tell them that I am watching what I eat. Then I normally tell them that I have worked really hard to get where I am at. If they persist, then I tell them how many calories said dessert is and how long it would take me to burn them off. That normally gets them to shut up.

Maggie1960

Brilliant replies - thanks everyone!:flowerforyou: I won't be guilt-tripped into putting bad stuff into my body to save someone from getting hurt feelings. It is MY body and I am working hard to get slender and healthy. No-one is going to sabotage my plans!

CeleryStalker

LOL thanks Kminor!

I'm just baffled. Why on earth would the woman be majorly offended? I'd be tempted to find out about her own dietary restrictions or dislikes, then make a special dish consisting of nothing but stuff she either can't eat due to health reasons or finds absolutely disgusting, push it on her, and the act like a buffoon when she declined the offer.

Then I might be so inclined to leave it on the hood of her car, but that's just me. LOL

bellinachuchina

When I was working in an office last year, I found it difficult at first to not be the "weirdo dieter". People would bring any junk food you can think of, in abundance, all the time! The first 10-20 times I declined their offers, I would get made fun of, talked about, etc. It bothered me a bit, but I knew that I was the only one with self control. Eventually, they began to respect my willpower, and wouldn't even ask me as frequently as they had before. They would say, "Wow, I wish I had your determination!", and some even embarked on their own weight loss journeys. So don't worry, be open about it, maybe your example will inspire your coworkers, as it did mine!

Jenks

Wish I would have had your willpower today....

You See what would feel worse to YOU offending the baker or giving in and feeling like Jenks!?

OUCH....but true :grumble:

baker_c

I had the same issue at work - The cake and goodies were brought in and I was given a slice of cake, all I said - I can't eat it, it will raise my blood sugar. Now, if I don't eat - no one forces the issue - everyone thinks I'm a diabetic, but at least they are not focing the issue and nobody is disappointed if I don't eat their goodies.

iplayoutside19

Just say no thanks.

If they persist I tell them it's not apart of the plan. Since I have been a big guy all of my life, groups that I'm apart of tend to expect me to clean up what's left. I haven't been like that in 18 months but it still happens.

jennylynn84

Just say no. And I wouldn't worry about letting them know you're on a diet, it will save this problem in the future. They may all think you're nuts because you're "so skinny!" (I get this sometimes - comparatively, I guess I am, but not really.) But after a while you'll just be "the thin lady on a diet" and they'll move on from pushing it on you. It's pretty expected at my office these days that when we have birthday cake (we have a WHOLE cake for every INDIVIDUAL birthday) I'm probably not partaking, especially if its cookie cake (most innocent-looking yet evil cake we've ever had). Sometimes I bring my granola bar or afternoon snack into the conference room to eat while they have cake. I'm sure they think I'm completely bonkers.

NH_1970

Stick to your guns. You handled it well.

I just say, "No thank you." 90% of the time, people can accept that. The other 10% of the time, my resistance increases in direct proportion to their persistence.

You are wise oh, Obiwan. I love this!

and I would have told the truth, I'm dieting that's filled with calories I'm sure it's great but if I even give in a little it will make the way for a whole range of giving ins, Thank You so much it looks so good, it smells so good, but I have to do what's right for me and my health.

and if they're all overweight I don't think I've ever run into another fat woman who has said -You suck for losing weight, usually they want to know how I'm doing it. Maybe I've just been lucky with that.

islandnutshel

I am gluten free, so that comes in handy. But would "my stomach is feeling a little touchy right now" work? It's vauge enough. or "that looks fantastic but I am off sweets for now". Or blunt, honest and friendly: "You were very generous to make that for us but I am trying to change my eating habits and am avoiding temptations right now, but thaks I appreciate the gesture." Some people don't want to hear it, because they feel it is a judgment regarding what they eat. So be it.

Suedre

I get this about once a week. Somebody wants to go eat pizza or BBQ for lunch or its doughnut week. Yeah, they make fun of me for grabbing a sandwich at the grocery store next door and brining it in the BBQ place, but quite frankly I do not enjoy eating like that anymore. It isn't even about being on a diet. It's about gourging on BBQ and Texas toast only to get back to my desk with a queasy stomach and heavy eyes. When I say that that I'm allergic to BBQ, I'm not kidding!

As a side note, I also turn down the homemade cookies, brownies, and other sweets by not even acknowledging them. I never say things like "I sure wish I could eat that" or "must be nice not to worry about calories" If people directly ask, I go with a simple no thank you. I have taken and thrown it away when they weren't looking, but that was Christmas time and I just felt wrong dissing it when I had just told her how much I loved chocolate chip cookies!