bridal humiliation
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if my MIL ever spoke to me like that my husband would be furious. Noone has the right to be spoken to like that .0
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I want to cry after reading that. You show them girl! You show them good! I would sooooo love to slap your future MIL right now. What a ****!0
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Thanks, everyone (well, except the guy who said to pull up my big girl pants as I'll be wearing sexy lacy undies with my dress instead). My fiance knows exactly how his mother is and for everything like this she has said to me she has been 10x worse to him over the years. She, as several of you have pointed out, has no filter and often says off-colour things, though this has been the most out there. She has (sort of) apologised, as far as she is capable of doing. However, I'll be taking my short, 5'1", 39-29-39 self out dress shopping with my girlfriends, one of whom gave me a fantastic bridesmaid pep talk last night! I can't wait!
I would kill for measurements like that. Sexy hourglass. You rock!0 -
Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?
Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.
If this is the way your family treat each other I am glad I am not in it. No member of my family would blatantly be so rude and hurtful and that includes the MIL.
Glad I'm not in it either. This is flat out bullying. Yes, grownups do it too.0 -
people arent shy to tell you you are a fat bride..i was almost 6 months pregnant when i got married, and my husbands grandma announced to his side of the family that his wife was fat..she didnt know i was pregnant either..it was funny to me for the situation that she didnt know, but it was also a little hurtful that she would just blurt it out to people i didnt even know yet..oh well..its your business, and sometimes brides are big girls..its life..dont let her make you feel bad about it..its YOUR wedding..good luck with the preparations0
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I want to cry after reading that. You show them girl! You show them good! I would sooooo love to slap your future MIL right now. What a ****!
You would slap a senile old lady in her 70s for saying some old world style comment?
Whatever happened to being the bigger person and forgiving people/understanding the human condition. Compassion, forgiveness anyone?
You seem very emotionally immature. Childlike almost.0 -
Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?
Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.
yea, I am going to go with that was not teasing….teasing is messing with someone in a friendly way.not repeatedly poking them in the stomach and questioning their dress size...0 -
Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?
Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.
I agree with this^
The OP is completely ignoring the emotions of the MIL (who I assume is older and of a previous generation)
I think the only reason you should be upset is if you look amazingly fit and she is being crazy.
It seems like all she did was joke about you being a medium instead of a small medium and that age old joke where all women want to be thinner.
If you are really real with her you can be real about that. Considering you are 44 and have a cat avi I doubt you are beyond criticism.
Now here is why its justified to a degree for her to get personal with you: you are marrying her son, her creation. The creature she loves more than anything on the planet. And you are also sharing some of her space now. So even moreso than you want to allow, she feels a certain allotted judgement upon you and the idea of whether or not you are symbolically "fit" for her son so any feelings she has to that degree are permissible in theory of boundary.
Was I there? No. Was it questionable? Yes, it should have been a positive encouraging vibe. But don't think its all just about you OP, her emotions are running just as high about the dynamic and quite frankly, maybe she just doesn't think you're good enough for her son in the back of her mind and thats where the criticism came from.
Was she off base to say you are not in perfect shape? Maybe a lil poke/elbow nudge like cmooon are you reallllly a size 12?? wink wink? you can tell me we are women.
No OP you're right. Cancel the marriage. You are a flawless diamond beyond criticism.
LOL so its OK for the MIL to basically call her fat over and over and poke at her midsection?
that is pretty warped way to look at things….glad I am not in your family...0 -
Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?
Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.
I agree with this^
The OP is completely ignoring the emotions of the MIL (who I assume is older and of a previous generation)
I think the only reason you should be upset is if you look amazingly fit and she is being crazy.
It seems like all she did was joke about you being a medium instead of a small medium and that age old joke where all women want to be thinner.
If you are really real with her you can be real about that. Considering you are 44 and have a cat avi I doubt you are beyond criticism.
Now here is why its justified to a degree for her to get personal with you: you are marrying her son, her creation. The creature she loves more than anything on the planet. And you are also sharing some of her space now. So even moreso than you want to allow, she feels a certain allotted judgement upon you and the idea of whether or not you are symbolically "fit" for her son so any feelings she has to that degree are permissible in theory of boundary.
Was I there? No. Was it questionable? Yes, it should have been a positive encouraging vibe. But don't think its all just about you OP, her emotions are running just as high about the dynamic and quite frankly, maybe she just doesn't think you're good enough for her son in the back of her mind and thats where the criticism came from.
Was she off base to say you are not in perfect shape? Maybe a lil poke/elbow nudge like cmooon are you reallllly a size 12?? wink wink? you can tell me we are women.
No OP you're right. Cancel the marriage. You are a flawless diamond beyond criticism.
LOL so its OK for the MIL to basically call her fat over and over and poke at her midsection?
that is pretty warped way to look at things….glad I am not in your family...
Dude she's 70 years old! She's gonna die soon. She lost most sense of civility long ago.
You have to have patience with someone like that like as if they were a child. Not become an emotional wreck over some stupid comment they made. Especially when its a natural dynamic to get the urge to judge the partner your offspring is marrying.
People in my family would just brush it off and understand she is old.0 -
Yeah, my MIL is a complete a-hole. I've been married for a decade...and guess who neither my husband or I have spoken to in almost 2 years...and it's been almost 6 years for the SIL.
Here's the thing though...she can continue to be rude to you. It'll only cause your soon-to-be-husband to push her away.0 -
Stay away from this woman...she sounds passive aggressive...only share with people who truly love you, your special moments...0
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This may not be the popular answer, but I just celebrated my 25th anniversary. So I am claiming sage wisdom.
Forgive her and forget the incident.
She is going to be in your life a very long time. He will become your family. Don't let this be a constant source of irritation in your marriage. My MIL keeps a better house than I do and is an awesome cook. I used to take umbrage her suggestions along housekeeping and cooking. But now I know she loves me and I her. It was her way of helping.
Please consider keeping your future MIL in the planning. Ask your family or bride's maids to run interference if she begins to act badly again.
Your fiancé may be able to say something to her about saying negative things, but that depends on him and their relationship. I adore my hubby but he'd totally flub that up.0 -
I definitely think it was rude of her to question your size, and especially to touch you without your permission.
But I do happen to know that wedding dresses run a few sizes small, so a 12 would really be like a size 6-8 depending on designer. If you're sticking with MFP and are continuing to lose weight, I'd say a 12 would be easily doable.
I agree with you on being done dress shopping with her. It's your wedding and you deserve to feel special, and not be questioned.0 -
First of all congrats on your engagement! Second, sooo sorry to hear that...I know you will find the perfect dress and you will look SMASHING!!!!0
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Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?
Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.
yea, I am going to go with that was not teasing….teasing is messing with someone in a friendly way.not repeatedly poking them in the stomach and questioning their dress size...
^ This. I'm all about family teasing but that MIL sounds like a first rate byeotch. Just think about the torture you'll be able to inflict when you move, have grandchildren, and keep forgetting to find time to visit her. You'll have the added bonus of saving your kids the pain and suffering from dealing with her.0 -
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yea, I am going to go with that was not teasing….teasing is messing with someone in a friendly way.not repeatedly poking them in the stomach and questioning their dress size...
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^ This. I'm all about family teasing but that MIL sounds like a first rate byeotch. Just think about the torture you'll be able to inflict when you move, have grandchildren, and keep forgetting to find time to visit her. You'll have the added bonus of saving your kids the pain and suffering from dealing with her.
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He's right! The shift in power is awesome when you pop out a couple of grandkids.:laugh:0 -
Considering you are 44 and have a cat avi I doubt you are beyond criticism.
It's his cat. :laugh:0 -
Thanks, everyone (well, except the guy who said to pull up my big girl pants as I'll be wearing sexy lacy undies with my dress instead). My fiance knows exactly how his mother is and for everything like this she has said to me she has been 10x worse to him over the years. She, as several of you have pointed out, has no filter and often says off-colour things, though this has been the most out there. She has (sort of) apologised, as far as she is capable of doing. However, I'll be taking my short, 5'1", 39-29-39 self out dress shopping with my girlfriends, one of whom gave me a fantastic bridesmaid pep talk last night! I can't wait!
I would kill for measurements like that. Sexy hourglass. You rock!
THANK YOU!!!!!:blushing:0 -
This may not be the popular answer, but I just celebrated my 25th anniversary. So I am claiming sage wisdom.
Forgive her and forget the incident.
She is going to be in your life a very long time. He will become your family. Don't let this be a constant source of irritation in your marriage. My MIL keeps a better house than I do and is an awesome cook. I used to take umbrage her suggestions along housekeeping and cooking. But now I know she loves me and I her. It was her way of helping.
Please consider keeping your future MIL in the planning. Ask your family or bride's maids to run interference if she begins to act badly again.
Your fiancé may be able to say something to her about saying negative things, but that depends on him and their relationship. I adore my hubby but he'd totally flub that up.
Yes, you nailed it. She has apologised, I've forgiven her, and I am kind to her because she is old and lonely and her son is all she has and we both love him dearly. I've made my boundaries clear, and accepted that she'll probably say something inappropriate again. I'll not exclude her from the planning, but maybe just from the dress shopping 0 -
Considering you are 44 and have a cat avi I doubt you are beyond criticism.
It's his cat. :laugh:
Hee hee glad to hear it worked out 0
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