"you are taking this too seriously"

Mr_Knight

She is very typical and will text with how healthy she just ate, because it was a salad. Then she takes it personally when I try to give a suggestion. Her salad at the restaurant was more calories than I ate that day and I said "that's great, but it would be even better if we find a healthy recipe for that and still get the taste".

You're too old to be making rookie mistakes like that.

Take care of your own plate, let her take care of her own.

lisalsd1

She might feel self-conscious about what she is eating or about her weight. Just keep doing what you are doing, and just leave her alone. She might eventually come around when she sees your results. The worst thing would be to be pushy (especially if she is overweight). She might take your advice as an insult. That's only going to lead to resentment.

I've found that sometimes when you are losing weight and taking control over your health, people close to you (who happen to be overweight), unfortunately, take your behaviors as a personal comment on their weight.

Danilynn1975

My story:

2 years ago exactly today, the day before my 37th birthday then, in a hotel room in Atlanta on a business trip and saw myself under those harsh bathroom lights and thought "ugh, I'm fat". And I was fat. I weighed 209 pounds at 5 foot 7 inches tall.

I did not like what I saw staring back at me. I barely recognized me. I decided to change. I found this app on my phone, downloaded it and started logging. I cried the first time I logged my food. I distinctly remember the meal that I logged that made me cry.

I don't think I could ever forget it.

My husband is rail thin. Has never been fat and having seen his genetics, probably never will be. He loved me when I outweighed him by 79 pounds, he loves me now and still outweigh him.

I got home from that business trip on my birthday. My husband had baked me a cake and decorated it.
He didn't know I had started this app.
I didn't tell him, I logged and ate my cake and cried afterwards. It was traumatic. I so did not want to hurt his feelings by not eating a cake he baked from scratch for me out of love. It was the first cake he had ever made and it was for me.

A couple days later I let him in on this app I was doing, he didn't say anything, just looked at me funny.
He does the cooking, but he bought a Weight Watchers cookbook and started making dinner from those recipes for me so I could calculate them.

They do not taste diet. You might give that a whirl for you and your wife. The kids even liked the stuff from that cookbook.

Tomorrow is my birthday, 2 years of logging every bite I have eaten. My husband thinks nothing of it anymore. He's branched out from that cookbook since then. He warns me if a high calorie dinner is planned, and if I say not today, he will make 2 meals or leave me some of what he plans to cook to fix it how I want it.

He writes down the ingredients for me, will even weigh it out.

Through this whole time, he has never pushed, criticized or asked me one thing about if I should or should not eat something.

His diet has improved. He is a heart patient, and his health has improved as a by-product of supporting me.

He is an absolutely awesome guy.

I think you probably are too for asking help to not hurt her feelings. And I think it is admirable.

One thing I did learn, was the less of a big deal you make it, the less of an issue it is.

But give the weightwatchers cookbook recipes a try. They don't have funky swaps like try and pass off smushed cauliflower as "mashed potatoes" in it. Which by the way fool no one not even yourself.

Its recognizable food she might enjoy. But for all that is holy, do not tell her where the recipe came from. As a woman I can tell you, it would be a bad thing if it isn't in her plan.

Good luck.

Stripeness

She is very typical and will text with how healthy she just ate, because it was a salad. Then she takes it personally when I try to give a suggestion. Her salad at the restaurant was more calories than I ate that day and I said "that's great, but it would be even better if we find a healthy recipe for that and still get the taste".

You're too old to be making rookie mistakes like that.

Take care of your own plate, let her take care of her own.

This!

And OP, a few weeks ago, my (adult) DD melodramatically wailed and armwaved from the kitchen "All those times I mocked you for using the food scale. OH! How the mighty have fallen!" - as she weighed out whatever she was eating.

We had a good laugh. Someday, you and DW may, too!

janicebinva

Several people have given good advice. One thing I didn't see was how not to take her eye rolling and comments too seriously, unless you think she's trying to sabotage you on purpose.

Some people don't like change, and you're changing the way you eat, which is one of the important routines of the household. The fact that it's a good change may not matter to the part of her that doesn't like change, if she does have that tendency.

Seeing you pay attention to her diet also reminds her that perhaps she should pay attention to her own. Depending on her reaction to that -- if the inner child wails "it's not fair! I want to eat whatever I want!" -- then it may be the inner child talking.

If you have to, I would draw clear boundaries about what can be said and done by each of you when it comes to sharing opinions about how much or what you're eating, and working out. For instance, no eye rolling when you get out the scale. Things like that. She should be supportive and humor your efforts to do something positive, even if it puts a crimp in her style.

Good luck!

mndavid

You're too old to be making rookie mistakes like that.

Take care of your own plate, let her take care of her own.

I really am, I see it now

She might feel self-conscious about what she is eating or about her weight. Just keep doing what you are doing, and just leave her alone. She might eventually come around when she sees your results. The worst thing would be to be pushy (especially if she is overweight). She might take your advice as an insult. That's only going to lead to resentment.

I've found that sometimes when you are losing weight and taking control over your health, people close to you (who happen to be overweight), unfortunately, take your behaviors as a personal comment on their weight.

I realized on page one my mistake. Maybe some other dumb guy will learn from it too

This!

And OP, a few weeks ago, my (adult) DD melodramatically wailed and armwaved from the kitchen "All those times I mocked you for using the food scale. OH! How the mighty have fallen!" - as she weighed out whatever she was eating.

We had a good laugh. Someday, you and DW may, too!

Not a wife, but I hope so we have a good laugh about it one day.

Several people have given good advice. One thing I didn't see was how not to take her eye rolling and comments too seriously, unless you think she's trying to sabotage you on purpose.

Some people don't like change, and you're changing the way you eat, which is one of the important routines of the household. The fact that it's a good change may not matter to the part of her that doesn't like change, if she does have that tendency.

Seeing you pay attention to her diet also reminds her that perhaps she should pay attention to her own. Depending on her reaction to that -- if the inner child wails "it's not fair! I want to eat whatever I want!" -- then it may be the inner child talking.

If you have to, I would draw clear boundaries about what can be said and done by each of you when it comes to sharing opinions about how much or what you're eating, and working out. For instance, no eye rolling when you get out the scale. Things like that. She should be supportive and humor your efforts to do something positive, even if it puts a crimp in her style.

Good luck!

I don't let the comments get to me. I still will scan or enter food on my phone. It helps me.

I have gotten positive comments from her since it is already obvious, so I hope things go in a positive direction. I am shutting my mouth more now.