This is my story! IM SORRY IF YOUR OFFENDED READING THIS

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valerie759
valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hello, my name is Valerie, i'm 20 years old and just 2 weeks ago my BMI (41) determined I was Mordidly obese, weighting in at 250 lbs at 5'5'' high. WOW, what a big slap in the face that was... All I can say is that reality set in and it finally made me realize, yes I am actually morbidly obese and I am one hamburger away from having a heart attack at 20 years old. You see the issue with me is that when I look in the mirror I don't see 250lbs, I don't see myself to be as fat as I actually am. In other words, the image I see of myself is fat, but not THAT fat. Not to be rude or anything but i've had many times in the past where I would see a really obese person and I would always ask myself "Am I THAT fat??" or i'd say " At least i'm not fat like him/her'' Until two weeks ago when i finally realized I AM THAT FAT and I am that person that I used to judge. It kills me that i was so selfish and rude into thinking I was better than any other obese person. It hurts me that I was so uncomfortable with my own weight I would compare myself to others that are also struggling just like I am to lose weight. I was ignorant and ignored what my own body was telling me, and I always convinced myself that I wasn't THAT bad when in reality, the back pain, always being out of energy ETC. was my own cry for help to myself. Two weeks ago I was judging, I was mean and I was completely oblivious to my own body and to others, that it made me gain and gain weight, as i kept lying to myself. But at some point, I have to stop lying to myself, stop making excuses for why I am fat and start changing and taking charge of my life. It was so bad, I couldn't wear jeans anymore because I found them to be so uncomfortable, I would walk in the mall and I'd be exhausted, and don't even think about going into a regular store and trying on clothes because I was terrified of ripping the clothing or trying it on and being stuck in it. Bottom line, my body has been telling me in many ways I am unhealthy for years now (before i was even morbidly obese) and I don't feel comfortable in my skin, and I need to change that and stop comparing myself to others. I kept ignoring it and it made me gain an extra 25 lbs on top of how I was already very overweight now making me morbidly obese. I was so sick of being in my skin, i'd cry randomly about how i hated my life and how any little physical effort kills me. All because I am not comfortable in my own skin. It can affect your daily life greatly and very negatively like it did mine.


This is why I am here, seeking support and looking for redemption. I want to support every other person that feels the same emotions I feel about my life, basically I want to find happiness. And most of my problems are currently caused by being morbidly obese. I want to offer support to all the people I have compared myself to in the past, and I want to encourage them and congratulate them if they are on here because until two weeks ago, they were actually doing something to change it unlike me. Three weeks ago i started my transition into this healthy lifestyle. I don't count the first week as my weight loss time because i was eating unhealthy just as much as i was eating healthy. Then last week I started to track all my food, exercise and actually following a daily calorie amount and since then, I have lost 16.3lbs. I am now with a BMI of 38.9 and I fall into the obesity Class 2 category. I look forward to the day I can go in a normal store and buy a pair of jeans that actually fit and are comfortable on my body along with a plain shirt no layers because I won't have anymore rolls of fat to cover up.

This is my story, my struggles and I hope if I have offended anyone by writing this, I would like to reassure you that I am now very much suffering for the pain I have caused myself by being in denial. At the end of the day, I want to feel comfortable in my skin, and I am sick and tired of my weight to be the source of all my problems. With that, I leave you with my weight loss goals; I wish to lose 80 pounds, to bring my bmi to slightly above overweight and afterwards depending if I am comfortable with myself or not I wish to lose another 20 to bring to a normal healthy weight.

If anyone has common goals or comments please add me as a friend or reply to this post, Let's all encourage each other to a better, healthier, happier life.
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Replies

  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    You're on the right track! The more weight that drops the better you will feel and that's what it's all about right? I am not far behind you I started at 233 and am 5'7" - have to start somewhere and I find being on here lots right now helps keep me in line and I am learning a lot - Best of luck on your journey :flowerforyou:
  • pmur
    pmur Posts: 223 Member
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    Acceptance is key. You have stopped denying the truth and accepted that you need to change. That's the most important part, the weight will come off with the help of diet and some exercise. In time, I hope you are able to come on here and write about how you went from an unhealthy to a very heathy BMI.
    Take things one step at a time though. Remember, all that weight didn't come on in a day and it won't go off in a hurry either. That's what I keep telling myself. I've fallen off the wagon three/four times in the last two years of trying to lose pregnancy weight. The hardest part is to continue being motivated. I don't use the scale as my motivation anymore. I'm happy with the fact that I perform better at the gym now, am able to complete an entire one hour Zumba class with no major issues. Used to cry to sit/climb up stairs, even laugh after 30mins of Zumba when I first started. That's how unfit I was. That lasted for an entire month but now I'm sometimes there for two back to back sessions and feel great! You can do it! Go for it!
  • wvtracyann
    wvtracyann Posts: 106 Member
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    you can do this I have been on here for a few years but never got completely serios about this until this last year. while I don't have as much to lose as you I can still understand not feeling comfortable in your own skin and wanting to be Healthy! If you add me as a friend I will encougage you and give you advice along the way, but I will not sugarcoat anything. If you are eating under 1200 I will tell you how unhealthy it is if you fill your day is fast food just because it "fits" I will tell you. If you have an awesome day I will praise you. If this is the type of friend you are looking for feel free to add me if not I can understand.
  • kducky22
    kducky22 Posts: 276 Member
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    WOO HOO!! Welcome!! the first step is knowing you want to change! Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
  • mlima14
    mlima14 Posts: 112 Member
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    Best of luck! Just don't give up and you'll see the changes.:smile:
  • valerie759
    valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
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    Thank you for the support everyone! I have a question... How i do i get the banner with the progress bar in the post like some of you have??
  • purplemurfy
    purplemurfy Posts: 95 Member
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    Valerie - Bravo for opening your heart and sharing. I can't tell you how many similarities to my situation I found in your post. I also couldn't see how big I'd become when looking in the mirror. Deep down, I knew it, it showed on the scale and how I felt. But yeah, I was in denial.

    We are here now and it would be great to check in once in a while and motivate one another. Great for you - you're starting early in life. I'm already 45.....ugh.....but that's not excuse. It should be a reason for me to work on this all the more as it has really affected my health and I'm at a critical age to make the difference before its too late. My long term goal is 90-100lbs. I'm planning on 1lb a week so that I get this down and don't feel too deprived. Haha.

    We can do this! We will do this! One step at a time.
  • unniexoxo
    unniexoxo Posts: 7
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    I'm around the same weight and height as you and I experienced the whole denial thing, myself. I honestly thought I wasn't as big as I am (btw, I do not own a full body mirror lol). I would look down and could see my feet perfectly fine, but what I honestly couldn't see is how wide I have become. Anyway, after some full body pictures surfaced of me after a party I went into recluse mode for a few weeks, and now I'm starting to deal with my problem. So I definitely can understand how you are feeling! But at least you are ready to work hard. I just rejoined the site this week so add me if you would like and we can motivate each other. If anyone else would like to add me... go right ahead. :)
  • MrsAustin1480
    MrsAustin1480 Posts: 83 Member
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    Click on "Apps" at the top of your screen, then select "tickers" - MFP will help you make one. Easy as pie!
  • Sunshine2plus2
    Sunshine2plus2 Posts: 1,492 Member
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    Hello and Welcome! Mind over matter and you got this!
  • purplemurfy
    purplemurfy Posts: 95 Member
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    To get it in your posts click on "community" then on "settings" then check the box to add.
  • valerie759
    valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
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    Click on "Apps" at the top of your screen, then select "tickers" - MFP will help you make one. Easy as pie!

    Thanks!!
  • cassielynne72
    cassielynne72 Posts: 7 Member
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    Great job! I'm proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself. Keep up the great work. It's worth it! :happy:
  • purplemurfy
    purplemurfy Posts: 95 Member
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    @Sunshine2plus and MrsAustin. Your ticker numbers are very motivational. Awesome job! I can't wait to see mine get there too.
  • valerie759
    valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
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    I'm around the same weight and height as you and I experienced the whole denial thing, myself. I honestly thought I wasn't as big as I am (btw, I do not own a full body mirror lol). I would look down and could see my feet perfectly fine, but what I honestly couldn't see is how wide I have become. Anyway, after some full body pictures surfaced of me after a party I went into recluse mode for a few weeks, and now I'm starting to deal with my problem. So I definitely can understand how you are feeling! But at least you are ready to work hard. I just rejoined the site this week so add me if you would like and we can motivate each other. If anyone else would like to add me... go right ahead. :)

    I completely understand you, in my case, I refuse to put pictures on social media unless its only of my face... :/ And then there is this amazing guy telling me how beautiful I am and how he loves me and I always feel like he's lying to me because in my mind, i don't deserve to be loved because im obese and who would love me like this anyway?''.... I think i need to work on my confidence throughout all this but I'm pretty sure most of it will come naturally when i get comfortable with my body..
  • patriciapowerswilliamson
    patriciapowerswilliamson Posts: 109
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    I am excited for you! Congratulations on your new journey! :):smile:
  • rachelg145
    rachelg145 Posts: 185 Member
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    Girl, go on On Demand and watch last night's Biggest Loser - It's the only time I've seen the show and it was the makeover show. These people had lost anywhere from 75-150 pounds and you could not even recognize them. They all felt great, looked SO happy and amazing...It CAN and WILL happen. If you religiously use this tool to track your calories you won't cave to binges and do whatever you can at the gym and push yourself little by little. Don't try to become a kale addict - just use good judgement and eat as much protein in healthy forms as you can. The manager at my gym said that Casein protein shake mix (vs. regular whey or others) is a slower release version that keeps you full longer, if you end up trying to supplement meals around workouts.

    Remember all of us, not matter how much or how little we want to lose are all trying to be healthy and our best selves. I was on the treadmill next to a woman who has been at the gym constantly and she's easily got 100 pounds on me and when I finished my workout she smiled and raised the roof applauding that I kicked my own butt for an hour because she's happy and on her journey, too. It takes a village. She wasn't pissed that I was smaller than her and I think she's beautiful and awesome.

    Make this new chapter your story for the future!!
  • HomesteadHoney
    HomesteadHoney Posts: 11
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    A full body mirror near the shower is helpful for denial :)
    Mine told me "it's time to get serious about this love affair with chocolate"
    You've made a good start!
    Now, I'm going to look for "the biggest loser", never seen it ;)
  • Welshfairy1
    Welshfairy1 Posts: 2
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    I've read your story and well I'm the same , it is hard and it's tough but you know what,that in a years time you be slipping on those jeans. I know for me just the thought of being able to do that myself fills me with determination and drive, it'll change your life it's changed mine.

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