Reaching out for help....I have a problem

newtothishelp

Hi all,

I wonder how many of you have exactly the same problem as me.

I am 5'7, and over 19 stone (about 269lbs) so clearly, I am very overweight.

I don't feel as though I am massive though. I am, and I see this when I look in a full length mirror, but I just avoid mirrors. Mentally, I don't see myself as being big, and I think this is part of the reason that I don't try to go on a diet.

I lack any motivation of any kind.

I am a member of the gym, and go maybe twice a week. I joined the gym in May last year, and I have lost no weight atall. I know I do overeat though, but mainly I JUST DON'T CARE!

I do care, on the odd occasion, just most of the time I don't.

Has anyone overcome this? Does anyone have any tips, can anyone offer me any motivation or daily encouragement? Help!

Feel free to friend me - ALL and ANY advice very much welcomed!

astronomicals

find some insecurity...


what can I say, I'm a realist.


better yet.... stay confident, but, find some goals you actually will strive for... things youll be able to do, not amounts of weight loss.

Mellyajc

Is it that you don't care, or you're resigned?

I'm confused, because accepting yourself and being happy as you are is WONDERFUL! That is to be celebrated!

And yet, you're here, you've set a goal, and you're calling it a problem...

So why are you here? What inspired the goal you chose?

I was resigned to my weight for a long time, never thinking I could get below it. I accepted my body, but I'm very happy to be seeing what was below the fat, so progress has helped keep me motivated, as well as the feeling I get from running every day.

So why are you here and how did you choose the goal you did?

howardheilweil

I'd have to say that if you didn't care, you wouldn't be on this site asking for help. I'm not a therapist, but it could be that you are telling yourself that you don't care because you are afraid of failing, which is TOTALLY NORMAL! Take baby steps. Start by logging your food... Everything you eat. Don't eat differently, just log it all. I'm guessing that will be an eye-opener for you. Then start moving toward your calorie goal - whatever MFP told you to eat in order to lose a pound a week. Again, take it slowly. At the same time, you might want to up your exercise. Doesn't have to be all at the gym. I know the weather stinks in a lot of places right now, but how about going for walks. How about taking the stairs instead of the elevator... All those little things add up. You can do this! Good luck!

diannethegeek

I remember not seeing my size when I looked in the mirror. It was a trick of the mind I was particularly good at. I'd look in the mirror and concentrate on the little details, the hair, the outfit, the makeup, etc. instead of actually seeing the big picture.

You might be someone who benefits from setting a fitness goal instead of a weight loss goal. Or you might just not be "there" yet and that's okay too.

4legsRbetterthan2

There are a lot of people here who can give advice and motivation if you decide you want to change and how you want to do it, but ultimately you are going to have to decide that for yourself. It looks like you need to take a long look in the mirror and decide what you really want and how hard you are willing to work for it. You will have to figure out your reasons for change but I don't think anyone else can really help you much until you do.

mamma_nee

1st off - REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES AND SNAP PICTURES OF FRONT, BACK and SIDE VIEW then look at the pictures and see if you like what you see?

Mellyajc

Also what is it you do while at the gym?

I'd look for non-scale motivation. I started running "to lose weight" but since then I do it because I love it, it can be fun, the community, seeing my progress on speed and mileage etc, and weight became very much a background issue. Going to the gym "to lose weight" wouldn't work for me, the exercise I do has to be something I either really enjoy or really feel the benefits of. Yoga, I can feel immediate results. When I can increase weight at the gym, I feel good, but I get there mostly through rock climbing, because the repetition of weights etc tends to bore me.

If you can't see motivation to lose weight, where could you find motivation? Are there things you want to do that you can't right now?

Mellyajc

I remember not seeing my size when I looked in the mirror. It was a trick of the mind I was particularly good at. I'd look in the mirror and concentrate on the little details, the hair, the outfit, the makeup, etc. instead of actually seeing the big picture.

You might be someone who benefits from setting a fitness goal instead of a weight loss goal. Or you might just not be "there" yet and that's okay too.

This is a good point too. I don't think I saw how overweight I was until losing it and comparing old pictures to new ones. In some ways I still don't want/like to see.

newtothishelp

Ah, sorry - I obviously didnt type all of this down. I had a slipped disc in 2009, and this is where I put on most of my weight. I couldnt stand for more than 20 minutes, couldnt sit for more than 20 minutes and got quite depressed. then after the surgery, everyone says oh you cant do this exercise, and you cant do that, and so I ended up putting on weight.

Also, now that I am this weight, I have pain in my back more and more often, and i DESPERATELY do not want to go back to a time when I could do nothing.

Also, I have a big problem with sugar, and I am noticing that I have headaches more and more often lately. I am sure this is related, as I quit for a few days, and when I then had more sugar, I had more headaches again

BrandyLeeShumway

You say you just avoid mirrors due to not liking what you see.....that could be a bit of motivation for you there. If you do not like what you see when you look in the mirror, don't stop looking in the mirror work to change the reflection you see. It is not going to be easy but with good support it is doable and at times can even be fun. Find what works for you for burning calories. And remember that exercise is not the only way to burn calories. You burn calories with everything you do in life. If you like to go shopping with friends, get to the nearest shopping center and browse away. If you like to swim hit the water...It is every movement some do not make a significant change in calories burned but even something as simple as chewing gum or fidgiting has some effect. So put your best foot forward and make your self happy to see you.

SueInAz

Motivation comes from within. No one can motivate you to do anything you don't want you to do. Don't believe me? Try to convince someone else they need to lose weight.

Fear of failure is a major reason most people don't even try. Fear of deprivation is another. Personally, I don't think you CAN fail. Any weight loss is a good thing so if you set a 110 pound goal and get halfway there, you'd still be far better off than you are right now. Another idea would be to set mini goals, something more immediate than your current goal. Reward yourself for reaching each goal. Lose 10 pounds and give yourself a pedicure. Run for two minutes straight and buy a GPS watch. Something like that.

You might sit down and try to come up with reasons to lose the weight and reasons to keep living the way you're living now. That should help you make your decision and might even provide you with the exact motivation you need. Put those reasons on a piece of paper and stick it to your bathroom mirror or fridge door so you'll see it every day.

ashleythoren

Nothing helps motivation like a goal to work toward. For me this time it is looking good in my friend's wedding.
Sometimes it takes a really bad or embarassing event. Sometimes people just wake up and decide.

But mostly... pick a goal, don't pick a day, and there is no better time than the present to get started.

ashleythoren

Oh also... i find that using a smaller plate at dinner helps! I can fill that sucker up, but it'll never hold as much at the big one.

mlima14

Look at it this way; So you want to grow old in a wheel chair, because your weight ruined your knees and back? Do you want to your children or grandchildren to ask you why you are in that wheel chair, and will you answer them honestly? I know this may be harsh but it's a reality. I had a grandmother that she was so over weight that we had to visit her in her chair because she couldn't get up, her knees couldn't handle the excess weight. Before she passed away it became so that she couldn't leave her bed anymore because no one had the strength to pull her out of the bed and put her in her chair. See it that way and don't be resigned to stay the way you are if you are not happy.
There's a post that I read that I found very inspirational its called;
"ME? LOSE 100 POUNDS? Impossible, but I did it!"
you could read it if you like, it's given me another reason to keep going and not give up.

woodml1

Try switching to a goal that you can care about more consistently. I LOVE having new clients register for a 5K/10K/half-marathon (depending on where your starting point is) because it's a more tangible goal to train for and reach. "I CAN RUN 3.1 FRIGGING MILES! I AM A BEAST! I AM AN ATHLETE!" You don't even have to run the entire thing! Just pick a distance that's challenging for you and strive to complete it!

Once you start moving towards SOMETHING you may find other things to keep you motivated like feeling better physically and mentally, getting to pull a bunch of old clothes out of the closet to wear again, inspiring someone else to start... You never know what it could snowball into!

MsMacL

You seem happy with yourself so I'm puzzled why you're on here, as you don't really seem to want to lose weight. Am I missing something?

IvoryParchment

I'd pick a smaller goal if you're not feeling motivated. Go for 20 lbs and see how much better you feel.

Get a backpack and fill it up with bottles of fluid equal to 8 liters. That's not quite 18 lbs. Wear it all day for several days. Then take it off and see how much difference it makes. That's how much better you will feel without that 20 lbs.

StephYoung1

I wouldn't say I didn't care - but I didn't care enough to actually do anything about it. Then last year, I went to my doc for a physical. My blood pressure and cholesterol were through the roof, my blood sugar was out of control, I had sleep apnea, blah blah blah - the list went on and on. She finally just stopped and said look - I can prescribe medications for all of this, but it doesn't matter, the truth is that obesity is going to kill you no matter how many drugs I give you, and probably sooner rather than later. Do you want drugs or are you going to do something about this?

I decided I didn't want to die fat, sick, miserable, and relatively soon, if I could help it.

If you're that overweight, you're in the same boat. Even if you're young enough that you don't have all the bad labs yet, it really is just "yet". You're not sick YET. So it's really kind of up to you. What kind of quality of life do you prefer? Pick, then live with it.

denisegunnels

Nothing wrong with being happy with yourself but there is always room for improvement. Actually, I think the same feeling kept me from dieting for a long time as well. It's like any other addiction though, when you decide it's going to be different, it will be. Until then nothing in the world can change it.

Even after I committed mentally I was very worried that I would fall off after the first couple of weeks and admittedly, there were some times when I did want to not worry about it. What saved me was this web site. The graphs showing your progress really motivate me for some reason.

If you decide to do this, 1. Don't set ridiculous goals you can't possibly meet. 2. Keeping trying different workouts until you find something you like. The number one reason people can't stick to anything, be it diet or exercise program is because they don't like it!. Find something you do like. 3. Be honest about what you are putting in your face. Don't fudge your calorie counts. (Yes, you have to count the pints at the pub and the nibbles too.)

I would start by first recording what you eat for two weeks. Don't set a daily calorie limit, just see what you are actually consuming. It's probably going to be a reality check. That's fine. Next set a reasonable calorie limit that will allow you a slow steady loss with some allowance for play days.

Good luck. I wish you the best.

Shriffee

I don't see anything wrong with not caring about how you look, but maybe you should think about the consequences of being overweight on your health. Maybe you have? I am a student in the medical field and it has really made me look at the impact of being overweight and unfit on my body and not just concerned how it looks. I may be no Jessica Alba, damnit, but all my body parts work, which is more than some can say. I'm going to keep them working!