Reaching out for help....I have a problem

hosegirl

Sounds to me that you may be in a depression spiral. Also set your goals attainable. One goal could be go to the gym 3 times a week. It takes 7 weeks to break a habit. Another goal could be to do you food diary every day. I struggle with this one. Another goal. swap out something that you have a weakness for-chocolate cake with some thing that is good. Or find a recipe to make it healthier.

Crumpet_Girl

PICTURES

This is me too, I saw some photos of me with my kids when they were little and it made me sad to think when they look back at these all they will see is an over weight and insecure person. I wanted to be a good example to them and be happy and healthy.

The other thing that motivates me is proving people wrong. lol So many people have said to me over the years "why do you bother, your always watching your weight and you never lose any" or "your just a big girl" or even "you look great, you don't seem like you need to lose weight" It motivates me to prove them wrong. I use the negative talk to push myself to reach my goals.

Good luck!

frodopuppy

liking yourself is one thing and that's great but the number does not seem healthy and that's enough reason to lose some weight. no one says you have to be a size 2. I'm happy being a 10. just want to firm up and get rid of the stomach fat, I've always hated that word fat ugh anyway your checking in on this site for a reason so just give it a shot

nkovacs1954

Bull….if you didn't care you wouldn't be here or have posted.

This is a great community and we all have the same challenges…we aren't here because we ate too many carrots while training for a marathon.

Seek out the support and friendships here that will support you. I know I have one friend here and every time I see a message I am more encouraged…

We are here to help, not forget about you...

Annalisa_87

The use of photographs kept me motivated and also gave me an idea of how much to lose. I recommend taking pictures of your body for all women looking to lose weight, because comparing them gives you such a great feeling.

goldenopp

Ah, sorry - I obviously didnt type all of this down. I had a slipped disc in 2009, and this is where I put on most of my weight. I couldnt stand for more than 20 minutes, couldnt sit for more than 20 minutes and got quite depressed. then after the surgery, everyone says oh you cant do this exercise, and you cant do that, and so I ended up putting on weight.

Also, now that I am this weight, I have pain in my back more and more often, and i DESPERATELY do not want to go back to a time when I could do nothing.

Also, I have a big problem with sugar, and I am noticing that I have headaches more and more often lately. I am sure this is related, as I quit for a few days, and when I then had more sugar, I had more headaches again

Oh ok. I'm 32 I have 3 bulged discs, two torn discs , stenosis in my nerve canals and edema . (Swelling) in my marrow. Ouch! I need surgery but facing 50 more lbs I have to lose I'm not jumping right into that being over weight. I've never had trouble losing weight before, after having my kids and what not. But, now with the daily pain I end up doing less than more often. I don't listen to a dog gone word anyone says about you can or can't do when it comes to exercises. I . Listen to my body, the pain. I can't do any high impact and usually do the modifications on almost everything. I personally found a phenomenal group on fb that gives you the support and motivation but also helps hold you accountable. We always have room for more! Who knows since your the first person I've found with the same issue we may end up helping each other! Send me a friend request if you'd like.

goldenopp

I totally get this! I started at 190lbs (nearly 14 stone) and I still thought I looked great like when I was a good 50lbs lighter, then every so often I'd see a photo of when I thought I looked great and realised that a) I did not look good b) someone of my size should not wear a bodycon dress and c) when did my face get so big??? I'd be bothered for a few days get over it and then got back into my head that I was fine....

It was only in the summer/Autumn that I had to stop wearing my wedding rings that It really hit me.

Don't worry your moment of clarity will come x

This is so me. Agreed take like swim suit pics in mirror with your phone for instant views.

Stripeness

So, you've gotten some really solid advice here. I definitely echo the rec for this MFP classic:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants


Additionally, I'd also encourage you to read this multi-parter:
http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/training-the-obese-beginner.html

And definitely be kind to yourself. It sounds as if you've got a lot to deal with. Be gentle.
:flowerforyou:

GothicaAdore

If you are a gamer like me, create achievements. Play it like a game. That is basically all life is anyway. Play to win and play hard.

wittman01

The only person that can answer those questions are YOU! Soul searching sucks, digging into why you are really overweight sucks, making serious overwhelming changes sucks..yeah, BUT looking at yourself mirror or otherwise and knowing you do count, your not that individual that has NO self-esteem. Seriously, everything else will fall into place. EVERYTHING including your weight

acpgee

Maybe focus on health instead of looks.

I used to be very skinny in my teens and twenties. I worked on the international circuit as a fashion model between the ages of 18 to 25. When I retired from that business at 25 I resolved never to give another thought to my appearance or to diet again. Because I didn't care about my weight I put on 2 kg a year, every year for over 20 years. A 5 lb gain every year only represents a daily surplus of maybe 40 kcals (that's half a slice of toast?) so is not really that bad, but I shouldn't have let it go that long. I also got to the point of avoiding mirrors, etc, and didn't like being reminded I didn't look as good as I used to, age aside.

When I was diagnosed as type 2 diabetic in August 2012, that got my *kitten* into gear to start losing weight. It became a health issue rather than a vanity issue.

suzismurf75

I used to think I had to be thin to be loved. I now have a husband who loves me no matter what size I am. Because of that wonderful fact, it was hard to feel motivated to lose weight.

I agree with the other posters that you have to WANT this. I have had more than one failed attempt at getting healthy in the past. This time, as with my other successful times, I am motivated to make changes.

Oh...and I LOVE sugar....so I will sometimes add extra time on my workout to allow for dessert. Whatever it takes :-) Good luck!!!

Briargrey

Get something that works for you. Please ignore the person who said you shouldn't eat after 7 pm because the calories you consume magically turn into some sort of friggin' pumpkin that sits on your *kitten* and never leaves. It's not true.

Read the guide to sexypants link someone posted - it has the BEST advice for this. Figure out what you should be eating calorie wise (if you use MFP, don't let it set you to 1200 - cut back on the # of pounds per week if it does. I'd say 1400+ is more reasonable). Weigh your food. Track everything. Get as close to a nearly perfect indication of what your calorie intake is right now. If you use MFP's settings, eat back exercise calories, BUT beware that MFP's default calories burned under exercises tends to be ridiculously high. Don't make the mistake of overestimating calorie burn and eating up your deficit. If you use TDEE - a %, set your MFP stuff manually and follow that.

Be honest in your calorie intake. Tasted something you were baking? Log it. It adds up.

BABY STEPS. So much weight loss failure in my life was going 'full bore' and making a gagillion changes, usually massively restricting something I liked. With calorie counting in a reasonable way, you have enough calories to feel satiated and you can eat whatever you want within those calorie intake limit, so you don't have to cut out all sugar or all carbs or all purple-polka-dotted gummy bears or whatever. That, to me, was KEY because when I failed (and I always failed), I would feel horrible because I had cheese or a cookie or whatever, and then I would be depressed and then I would go eat more. Blech. Now, I just know that I have a calorie limit, and the freedom to eat whatever within it. I tend to choose wiser now, adding more fruits and vegetables, because I can spread out my calorie 'buck'.

For working out - again baby steps. Find something small. Do it until it is a habit. Add something else or change it up, etc. Educate yourself, lots of good info here.

You can do this. But you do totally have to want it yourself. We can't give you motivation. External motivation only goes so far. It needs to be intrinsic.

whitebalance

tl;dr version: You don't know what you're missing and you'll be so happy a year from now if you just start now.

OP, I'm gonna share part of my story with you here, because this is where I was a couple years ago. Overcommitment, daily stresses, and just not caring that much led me to a sedentary lifestyle with a healthy dose of overeating. I was not really content, but resigned. I'd been in and out of shape over and over, but my "in shape" was still usually out of shape. I didn't think of myself as inactive, but I found myself spending more and more time sitting in a recliner chair at home on the computer with a snack. It was tiring to stand for long periods of time. I could walk from the parking lot to my building at work, half a mile or so away, but it was so tiring and I found myself more and more often finding excuses to park in the paid visitor lot next to the building.

I had some trouble breathing. I couldn't get comfortable in my seat when driving. Airplane travel was miserable. I passed some kidney stones. I was always tired, always winded, uncomfortable standing for long stretches of time and wanted a wall to lean on after the first 15 minutes or so. My knees and ankles were sore; my Achilles tendons, tight; my neck, always stiff.

And I was less than 50 pounds overweight!!!

I might have lived with my body the way it was; I'd gotten used to it and I didn't realize how bad I was feeling. But one day, I realized that I wasn't going to stay the way I was. My body is always changing... It was going to get better, or it was going to get worse. Every day I spent sitting around brought me closer to not being able to get up. Every little bit of weight I gained was greater strain on my knees, my feet, my back, my ankles -- which would push me back to the chair for longer. I started fearing that I was setting myself up for Type II diabetes. I was even having dreams about getting bad news from the doctor that would make my mom cry.

The thought of living my life in a recliner chair was not appealing (except sometimes it was, and that scared me). I made a very small change, a commitment to walking. Specifically, I stopped keeping Diet Coke in the house... I'm a happy Diet Coke addict and my morning Diet Coke is like most people's morning coffee. If I wanted it, I had to walk to the corner store for it. That was less than a mile round trip, but it was a start. That one small change empowered me to make more changes. More walking, stair climbing, calorie counting -- and eventually running, strength training, and (newly) a martial arts class I'd been wanting to take up for 5-6 years. And a total loss of over 40 pounds.

Along the way, I found that breathing was easier... my knees didn't hurt at all anymore... my heavy backpack wasn't all that hard to carry... running was fun... airplane seats are actually kind of roomy... 10 miles isn't really that far to walk... there are some really nice hiking trails in my area... jeans can be comfortable... and it is possible to look in the mirror and like what you see. I discovered that my "hernia" was something else, which freed me to work out more aggressively. I found my old self, who must have thought I never wanted to see her again.

My quality of life now is completely different from what it was a year ago. Not in the "oh, I run Spartan races and am a celebrity goddess of exercise" sense, but in the sense that I feel better in every way. I have more confidence and I feel more in control of my life. And I can do more of what I want to do. I passed my weight loss goal over half a year ago and have been maintaining ever since, and finding new ways to challenge myself, because my body is still changing and always will be. I want to keep it changing in the right direction. The most important thing, though, is that I got my life back.

I really had no idea what I was missing. If I can be so bold as to hope something life-changing for a random stranger on the Internet... I sincerely, prayerfully hope that you will find out for yourself what you are missing.

wrenegade64

The bottom line is that you HAVE TO CARE. There are no two ways about it. I have 150 lbs that I have to lose and I know all about feeling discouraged and not caring and throwing my arms up in the air more time than I care to admit. There comes a point when you have to make the decision to dive head first into it and make it work. There will be days when it seems that your efforts don't pan out but there are dozens of reasons why.
Dig deep and remember why you started the journey and use that as your motivation to pick yourself up and get back on that horse and RIDE! There will always be folks around you can turn to and share with----GOOD AND BAD. Put less focus on your setbacks and put more on your victories....ALL OF THEM....from only losing 1 pound to a pair of pants starting to get loose to someone passing you a compliment. Celebrate them all. YOUR WORTH IT!

SeattleJill

I was almost the same stats as you (5'9 and 271 lbs) but i didn't have much of a problem with it. In fact, I thought I carried my weight pretty well (except for the awful awful pictures, and I always avoided having those taken of me). I think maybe because I felt fine, and I had cute clothes, and the fact that I was always fat (all of my life) I was just comfortable with it. I also never really had any horrible abusive shaming things happen to me. So, i wasn't that embarrassed either. I'm lucky I guess. I didn't get serious until I saw that my fasting glucose was pre-diabetic. I'm as vain as the next gal, but my looks weren't enough to jump start me. I had to get "sick" for it to scare me enough to change everything. Diabetes scares me more than anything else, so it was a good motivator for me. All I could think about (and sometimes still do) was the sugar coursing through my blood vessels chipping away at vital veins. Last year I started work in a transplant hospital and I would listen to all of these patient reports of people who needed new Kidneys, and they were so, so sick, and most of them needed new kidneys because of Diabetes. <shudder> Sometimes something has to happen for it to click. I was lucky in that I didn't have to get really sick to change my life.

Pigskinny

Focusing on the physical aspect of getting healthy is bound to discourage anyone, regardless of size. But, as one of my favorite quotes goes, nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude. And nothing in the world can help the man with the wrong one.
So basically, when you want to strive for that goal more than you're satisfied with how you are now, that's when you'll find your motivation.

BrandyLeeShumway

Oh also... i find that using a smaller plate at dinner helps! I can fill that sucker up, but it'll never hold as much at the big one.

I do this one too. My husband just chuckles cause when we go to his Mom's for dinner she does not have the smaller plates so I try to leave a rim of the plate a little larger than normal around my food so it looks like I am just crowding all my food together.

ImpishVanity

I have been the same way for a long time. My recommendation is to look in mirrors as much as possible. Have friends take a ton of pictures of you and show them to you. You need to really see what you DO look like. Then realize what you WANT to look like. The motivation to make those two things one and the same will come once you've really come to terms with reality. You need to do so without shame though. When you look at the mirror you need to remember that while it may not reflect who you are on the inside or what you think you should look like, you are still beautiful. It's very important to remember that.

4daluvof_candice

Ah, sorry - I obviously didnt type all of this down. I had a slipped disc in 2009, and this is where I put on most of my weight. I couldnt stand for more than 20 minutes, couldnt sit for more than 20 minutes and got quite depressed. then after the surgery, everyone says oh you cant do this exercise, and you cant do that, and so I ended up putting on weight.

Im not sure how severe your pain is but,
I had an accident while in the military where I fell off a ladder from the 5th deck(floor) to the 6th and was dangling betweenthe 6th and the 7th. My right leg stopped my fall all the way to the 7th by gripping hard on the manhold I was crawling into. I have problems each time a few lbs come off but i keep woking on getting those muscles stronger. Ive done INSANITY, jogging walking, 30 day shred and any other exercise you can name. It is doable. You can do! except no excuses...:glasses: