dating advice
Ok, so I am 27 and am single mostly because I suck at the whole dating thing. I am super self conscience and it always surprises me when I find out someone is attracted to me. I have always been heavy and it makes me view myself with a lower self worth I suppose. I have only had 1 boyfriend, I have been on dates but maybe I am too picky I don't know only one guy has made me think, yeah I can see spending a lot of time with you. If by some chance a guy that is attractive is talking to me I get nervous and say ridiculous things or do really clutzy things. Examples had a guy offer to buy me a drink, got flustered and couldn't remember what I was supposed to say so instead "I like zombies they are awesome, they eat brains, ok so yeah..." then I walked away in utter embarrasment. Clutzy moment #1, I used to work at Home Depot and this guy looked at me and said hi, I turned around and walked straight into one of the giant orange beams, head first....awesome I know. My love life keeps my friends constantly entertained...anywho I got asked out for tomorrow night.
He is nice, 31, and has a kid. I am super nervous about this, I have never dated anyone with kids before. His son is adorable and I love kids so him having one isn't a deal breaker. I know his son comes first and that's the way I want and expect it. I have already scoped out the menu so I know what to order not to trash my diet...don't know if that's weird but I want to keep my goals in perspective even if I date him. I haven't asked about his relationship with his ex or his custody arrangements and I don't know if it's acceptable to ask or if I should just wait for him to tell me or bring it up? Also not very important right away but I would like to be married and have kids someday and should I be concerned that he is done with that chapter? Only having one boyfriend I am also scared I might be much less experienced physically, I am probably freaking out over nothing but does anyone have some advice?
Sorry for the novel yall but thanks for reading and any advice if you decide to leave some.
He is nice, 31, and has a kid. I am super nervous about this, I have never dated anyone with kids before. His son is adorable and I love kids so him having one isn't a deal breaker. I know his son comes first and that's the way I want and expect it. I have already scoped out the menu so I know what to order not to trash my diet...don't know if that's weird but I want to keep my goals in perspective even if I date him. I haven't asked about his relationship with his ex or his custody arrangements and I don't know if it's acceptable to ask or if I should just wait for him to tell me or bring it up? Also not very important right away but I would like to be married and have kids someday and should I be concerned that he is done with that chapter? Only having one boyfriend I am also scared I might be much less experienced physically, I am probably freaking out over nothing but does anyone have some advice?
Sorry for the novel yall but thanks for reading and any advice if you decide to leave some.
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Replies
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I don't know much about your situation but my advice would be to hold off on the serious questions for the first date unless he brings it up. Go out, have fun, and see if you like him! If you become serious about him, then start worrying about that other stuff.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to keep your goals and if he's a keeper he'll understand that. That's just my advice, I figured it couldn't hurt to throw my two cents in!0 -
I really appreciate it! Two cents are definitely welcome lol0
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I agree with vanilla! Those sorts of "heavy" questions will come in time. My guess is that he'll bring it up on his own. I'm sure he's aware that a 20-something woman with no kids is most likely (not always, I know, but it's a pretty likely possibility) going to want kids of her own, so it's doubtful that he's oblivious to that.
For all you know, you may not click otherwise, and then all those worries are pointless. I should take my own advice more often, but you'll cross that bridge when you get to it.
Enjoy yourself, have fun, and try to relax Almost everyone is nervous in these situations, so keep that in mind, and you may end up less nervous.
Edited to correct the one with whom I was agreeing0 -
I agree. Just have fun (sounds hard) and ask simple questions (jobs, music, where you grew up, etc.). As a dad myself, I would think this guy is pretty responsible raising his kid on his own. I would not probe the details unless he brings that up. He obviously likes you. Just see where it goes.0
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awww calm down!! you are cute and you will be fine!
Do not ask really serious stuff right now just go with the flow have fun with him and see what happens
try not to think to much on it until it gets more serious if it does
try to focus on you and not so much on him by that I mean focus on how you are feeling if he is a good match for YOU not if he is thinking you are good enough for him
:flowerforyou:0 -
You sound adorable! Take the other people's advice and just have fun! It's a first date, you don't even know if YOU like him yet. Don't be so worried about what he thinks.0
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First of all, relax and enjoy yourself!
It's okay to have a casual conversation about his son, but I wouldn't delve too deeply this soon. If it looks like you two will be moving onto something more serious a ways down the road, then ask that stuff then.
I wouldn't worry about the fact that he's already been married and had a kid. That doesn't mean that he may never want to marry or have kids in the future. When I met my (now) husband, I was 23, divorced and had a toddler. He was 30 and had never been married. We still married and would have had kids if we had been able to. He also had a LOT more experience in bed than I did, but because he loved me and wanted me to be with him forever, we grew together in that department.0 -
Okay, first of all - take a breather! The ball is in your court, he asked YOU out. So you already have affirmation that he's into you, and he's waiting for that from you on the date. You deserve it, whether you are where you started on your weightloss journey or you're nearing the end. I know confidence is probably closely tied to where you are on your journey, so I understand being insecure but he asked you out so you already know he likes you.
When you're dating... it's not all about whether they like you, you get to be selective too. So he's probably just as nervous you won't like him. If you're super nervous have a drink to take the edge off if you enjoy drinking (but I wouldn't suggest more than 2, you don't want to get drunk).
As for the stuff about his kid... I would wait until it gets more serious. I'm not saying you can't be the one to bring it up, but I would wait until you've been seeing each other for a few weeks or months before doing that unless he brings it up first. Although he's a single parent, he wants you to be dating/getting to know HIM (not the ins and outs of his relationship with his child's mother and custody agreements) so his kid doesn't probably come into it until he thinks he'd want to be more serious with you. If he asked you out, odds are he's over his ex but do tread lightly.
About being experienced physically... he's just not going to care, plain and simple. It doesn't matter how many times you've done it, every guy/girl is unique. There are some things that most guys/girls like but it takes months to get into a good rhythm in that regard and it's unique to every relationship. It just takes time to learn someone's body, and it doesn't matter how many bodies you've known previous to be able to do that. So don't worry! Take it one date at a time, and you'll do fine
tl;dr Chill girl, he's into you and it's only the first date
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you are overthinking this.
it's your first date. he asked you out. that means he wants to get a chance to talk to you and get to know you a little better and maybe practice his jokes.
go. enjoy the date. if you hit it off, great. if not, it's still great because it's a self-confidence builder for you.
the only thing you should be thinking about is having fun and seeing if you enjoy each other's company. don't think past the date. worrying about all of that other stuff is irrelevant if you don't hit it off.0 -
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just get hammered and that way when the clumsiness kicks in, you can just blame it on the booze.......oh, and don't talk!
I'm kidding! Be yourself because if someone don't like you for yourself, it's not worth it!0 -
you are overthinking this.
it's your first date. he asked you out. that means he wants to get a chance to talk to you and get to know you a little better and maybe practice his jokes.
go. enjoy the date. if you hit it off, great. if not, it's still great because it's a self-confidence builder for you.
the only thing you should be thinking about is having fun and seeing if you enjoy each other's company. don't think past the date. worrying about all of that other stuff is irrelevant if you don't hit it off.
^^^^ perfect advice!!!
Just relax...
a date is ... two people...meeting up... having a couple of laughs...learning about each other and leave all that serious talk for like date 5-6...
Just go slow... everyone nowadays jumps in head first... take it step by step!
PS: you're beautiful... channel that inner beautiful... pair it with the outer beauty... and ROCK ON!!! :happy:0 -
Seems like DMZ should show up in here any minute with some riveting advice regarding the interference of technology in dating and shallowness of the female sex.....
But before that happens....
You are adorable. It's ok to be nervous. It's ok to admit to your date that your nervous and it's ok to wonder about things down the road. But don't share the details all these in-depth apprehensions you're having with your date, ok? Just breathe. Go have fun! Everything will work itself out. Either he'll be the one, or he'll be the one you kill time with waiting for the one.0 -
Seriously, You're adorable. Clumsy and awkward is endearing and honest.
As long as his name isn't Mike or DMZ, go out and have a great time, sweetheart 0 -
Seems like DMZ should show up in here any minute with some riveting advice regarding the interference of technology in dating and shallowness of the female sex.....
yep! ...self-appointed dating experts always bring the LULZ with the advice they copy and paste from silly misogynistic blogs.0 -
you're currently guilty of this....\m/0 -
...or Moose. Yes, avoid these three.Seriously, You're adorable. Clumsy and awkward is endearing and honest.
As long as his name isn't Mike or DMZ, go out and have a great time, sweetheart0 -
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Seems like DMZ should show up in here any minute with some riveting advice regarding the interference of technology in dating and shallowness of the female sex.....
Great minds, sista.0 -
Thanks yall. I appreciate your help and advice and will just try to take a deep breath (and probably a whiskey and coke) before he shows up and just enjoy myself.
:drinker:
P.S. You are all awesome for helping me with my crazy freak out moment :flowerforyou:0 -
Yep, save the serious stuff for later dates, unless he brings it up. See how it goes first.
And learn to own your awkwardness! I'm super clumsy and say the most random stuff when I get flustered too and I've learned to joke abou it and laugh it off and make it charming. It can be endearing if you don't act ashamed of it. 0 -
You have already gone off and married this guy and are thinking about kids. Back the truck up. You are going on a first date. First things first- eat well, enjoy your time with him, don't talk about past relationships, and DONT SLEEP WITH HIM. There is nothing to worry about regarding the "physical" thing - don't sleep with him. If you want a guy to ever consider you as a good woman and potential mother to his children- you cannot be the one who puts out on the first date (or second or third for that matter). Show how valuable you think you are and men will treat you that same way.0
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For starters welcome to the world of being a clutz and babbling like an idiot LOL! I have done the same things....well maybe not the zombie comments. But I just make a joke about it. I have a good sense of humor and I wouldn't want to be with a guy who didn't. That being said I have been married to a guy for about 3 1/2 years. He's rarley serious, and laughs at me all the time, half the times he's laughing I don't even realize what I did.
Just relax and know that when you find the right guy he will love you for all your silliness. I don't know how indepth I would get on the first date. Maybe see if it lasts to a second date before bringing up kids and what not. That might make him think you are moving too fast. But I would be sure he understand you want kids before things get too serious. You don't want to get really involved and then find out he doesn't want more kids at all.
Good luck!0 -
My dating advice would be to have fun and enjoy yourself. Not every man interested will be boyfriend let alone husband material...I think you are thinking too much into it. A date is just that, a specified time and place to meet...there most people chat a little keep it light and surface, maybe throw in a little flirting if you are feeling that way. But it's pretty much JUST a casual meeting to see if you two are a match for another casual or not so casual meeting. So stop stressing! He's attracted to you, and that's why you have been asked out on this date. Take a deep breath, sit back and enjoy yourself. Talk but don't bring up anything too personal and really listen to what he says, observe him, and decide if you would want a second date with him. I hope you have a great time!!!0
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A) This sounds like a first or second date. Hence enjoy the date. If you are that picky you might not, hence why worry about the rest of your life tonight. Marriage, kids, relationship with the ex are at least a month or two down the road, maybe longer. Let things run there course. Tonight should be having fun, and enjoying an evening out. (Shoot at 31 and newly divorced he might not even know the answers to some of those questions yet. But that is OK.) And honestly most of what you mentioned here, your history, etc... are TMI for the first or second date.
And awkwardness or clumsiness can be endearing at some level. If it happens laugh about it and then move on. We all have off moments. And shoot maybe he is just as nervous as you. So chill. You are going to dinner with potentially a new friend. 0 -
you have a lot of awareness of and mental focus on yourself. turn that around and focus it instead on him and how he responds to you. use your powers for good and do not make yourself anxiety-ridden worrying over every little thing you're doing. you don't need to keep highbeams and a microscope on yourself all the time. no one else is.
...AND pretty much everything else that's been said.
:flowerforyou: good luck!0 -
Ok, so I am 27 and am single mostly because I suck at the whole dating thing.
Stop dating. Forget about the whole premise of dating to find someone. That leads to too much expectations and such.
Just go out with people you are interested in, both in groups and maybe one on one. I did some dating, but every girl I really ever had serious interest in I met as friends through common interests, such as volleyball leagues, college, outdoor events, etc. I LOVED hitting clubs for fun but only once did I ever meet someone substantial that had common interests.
I know that doesn't help with other issues you may have mentioned, but overall it just sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself.0 -
1.) He saw something in you and was interested enough to ask out.
2.) You saw something in him that you accepted when he asked you out.
The above are two of the best reasons to move forward with this. Be yourself and allow him to be himself, you will be fine, and move forward from there.
And finally ARE YOU LIVING AS A HERMIT, because in my neighborhood all of the single guys (and there are a lot) would be standing in line for a chance for a date, especially with your looks and (from what I can see in posts) personality.
Just one old man's opinion.....0 -
Well? How did the date go? Inquiring (nosy) minds want to know!0
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Well he bailed on me Saturday, said he wasn't feeling well. He still talked to me though and saw the picture..profile pic now, of me going out dancing and took me out yesterday.
Good things and bad things happened.
Bad things: He didn't compliment me at all, I'm not vain but you just kind of expect to hear your date say you look nice right? He got on facebook while we had dinner...once again I really don't care but it was unusual for a first date. I paid for the movies, I feel it should be 50/50 but once again just strange for first date. He mentioned his ex-wife by himself, apparently she is his best friend makes me wonder why they aren't still married. They were going out to buy furniture together today not sure how I feel about this. I mean it's wonderful especially for their son that they get along so well but I'm still not sure if he would choose to be with her if he could. He also by himself mentioned he didn't want to be married again because the stats were stacked against him. He also said he read somewhere that the only way it works out is if you get back with your ex because you know what you did wrong and how to prevent it. Makes me even more concerned with his feelings with his ex.
The good: He was spontanious, I loved it. We got to the movies to early so we drove around until we found an Italian place that was family owned and delicious. He was also hillarious and had me laughing all night. He was super easy to talk to and I didn't really get that nervous when I was talking with him, it made it easy to relax and enjoy myself. He was also considerate, or maybe he just wanted to hold my hand lol but they were cold so he grabbed both and held them so they would be warm. He kissed me goodnight and it was an excellent kiss. :blushing:
He hasn't really talked to me today, just a few snapchats but he mentioned last night he would want to do it again so I guess we will see. He's also with his ex furniture shopping so that may hinder his ability to communicate today. I haven't messaged him either lol I figure he will text me when he wants and is able to talk. So overall I had a great time with him and I think I would be up for a second date.
Any advice from you more experienced daters?0
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