need help as husband brings alot of bad food!
Replies
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Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
^This and this:
I think that if you're feeling good about what you're achieving and you're seeing real positive results, you are more likely to look at the bad food your husband brings home and feel empowered to avoid it.
The next time you tell yourself you won't eat it, the easier it will be the time after that.0 -
Well, I do understand. My husband didn't get "on the wagon" for 8 months after I had been losing weight. Not that he brought home bad stuff often, but he was eating things or more of things than I would have "appreciated".
Thing is, the only person you have any control over is you. You can't control what he brings home, and what he eats. He's a grown up, and you aren't his mom. You could have a conversation with him that it isn't helping you that he does this, and/or have him put the bad stuff in a certain place so that you know "not to go there"....but he may resent it. Not your fault that he's insensitive to your needs, and it's not his fault that your trying to lose weight. (Sorry to be overly blunt.....can you tell it's not my first rodeo. LOL)
Here's what helped me: I have a "snack box" that has protein bars, snack size baggies of pretzels, packages of peanut butter crackers, etc. - basically, around 100 calorie snacks. That's my "go to box" when I get hungry. I also have a "dorm fridge" that I keep water, greek yogurt, light string cheese, etc. in. The box and the fridge are in the laundry room upstairs.
In both cases, I'm able to go get a snack or a drink without having to see all the other tempting food in the house.
What's funny is that my husband decided to make the drawer in his night stand his "safe haven" - cliff builder bars, protein bars, cashews, etc. Because there were things that I was buying that he didn't want to go overboard on.
It's definitely a rough road no matter what you do or how you proceed.0 -
I agree it's not easy to have unhealthy food around. My family likes cereal and ritz crackers in their soup etc which I really try not to eat. I tend to get hungry in the afternoon after my kids are home from school and when I'm making dinner - that's when I have snacked in the past on a crackers, cereal which don't fill me up. . So now, I simply make myself a filling and delicious low calorie snack: cream of wheat with a few drops of stevia and a T of better n' peanut butter from Trader Joe's. This fills me up so I don't snack and actually enables me to have a smaller dinner. It's really working for me as cutting out snacking has been the big game changer. Try this or something else that is tasty, filling and nutritious for 21 days and it might work for you too. Good luck!0
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My husband is the exact same way, I find the easiest thing for me to do is to not try and explain or persuade him not to do what he likes. I just made a choice to either eat it and get bigger or not eat it and be healthier. I think it boils down to that simply choice.0
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Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
I think that this is the best approach. Your husband needs to understand your goals. We have junk in our house but I have put it in a high up place so I have to get a chair to reach it. So whilst I get that chair I do think should I be eating this? More often than not I don't eat it, when I do I just do some extra exercise.0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
really? Throw food away …come on …
how about just don't eat it, or eat a little about and maintain you daily deficit…
Throwing food away because you are scared you might eat it is bordering on an eating disorder/unhealthy relationship with food...0 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
She said that she's spoken to him about it and he brings it home anyway. It sounds like they're at an impasse if he's not willing to budge.
That being said, I admit that I am in the "nobody makes you eat it" camp, since I see that as the healthier approach. You have to learn to deal with life on its terms, I do feel that throwing it out or otherwise banishing it is starting down the slippery slope of becoming controlling and unreasonable.
It is his home too. Just because op speaks to him doesn't mean he has to do what she says. He shouldn't budge, she should learn self control.0 -
Is this a serious question?0
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If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
Lol! Don't forget to squirt dishwashing liquid on it so you're not tempted to dig it back out. I've been guilty of that in the past. It used to kill me to know one of the kids put a takeout container in the trash that had a perfectly good enchilada in it. I used to grab the container and go into the bathroom so she didn't know I lied when I said I didn't want her leftovers. Talk about messed up in the head! My other sneaky trick was to tell the kids to put their plates on the counter and I'd scrape the food off when I did the dishes. Then I'd tiptoe into the kitchen and scrape the food off right into my mouth. Ugh. I'm embarrassed to even admit that now.
can't be serious….0 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
She said that she's spoken to him about it and he brings it home anyway. It sounds like they're at an impasse if he's not willing to budge.
That being said, I admit that I am in the "nobody makes you eat it" camp, since I see that as the healthier approach. You have to learn to deal with life on its terms, I do feel that throwing it out or otherwise banishing it is starting down the slippery slope of becoming controlling and unreasonable.
It is his home too. Just because op speaks to him doesn't mean he has to do what she says. He shouldn't budge, she should learn self control.
Isn't that what I just said? That ultimately she has to control what she eats.
It sounds like your just rooting around for a disagreement or not reading what people are saying entirely.0 -
OP ..my advice is the following…you can't really expect your husband to give up the foods that he likes….however, you can realize that you either 1. Do not have to eat these foods, or 2. you can eat some of these foods, maintain a calorie deficit, and still lose weight.
i will just say that diet and weight loss does not have to be self torture where you ban certain foods; I think it is more of process of learning that you can still eat the foods you like, just less of them….
Well i guess there is always option 3 - divorce, but that seems a wee bit extreme...0 -
Are you trying to deny yourself all of the "bad" foods?
If you are, try getting out a scale and measuring out 1 serving size. Allow yourself to have one serving size of something "bad" every day. As long as it fits in your calories, you're ok.
I find I'm less likely to binge by doing this.0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
Lol! Don't forget to squirt dishwashing liquid on it so you're not tempted to dig it back out. I've been guilty of that in the past. It used to kill me to know one of the kids put a takeout container in the trash that had a perfectly good enchilada in it. I used to grab the container and go into the bathroom so she didn't know I lied when I said I didn't want her leftovers. Talk about messed up in the head! My other sneaky trick was to tell the kids to put their plates on the counter and I'd scrape the food off when I did the dishes. Then I'd tiptoe into the kitchen and scrape the food off right into my mouth. Ugh. I'm embarrassed to even admit that now.
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Since getting married I've put on weight as my husband is constantly bringing bad food, sweets, chochs, crisps, cakes, you name it ! I always say I wont eat them but i end up eating them! how can i stop myself eating the crap he brings. and yes i've asked him to stop but he doesnt and hes skinny as hell too!!! ufair.
If he is not willing to support you in this, perhaps there is something deeper going on that a marriage counselor could help you with.
My husband said he would support me any way he could but he freaked out when I tried to throw the Halloween candy out. I can understand it has value so I made him put it in the garage for next year.
Can your husband keep his junk in the garage or his car?0 -
Everyone talks about willpower as though the only answer is to sit by and suck it up and just say no. Yeah, that sounds good...in theory...but in practice, most people need something more than will...we need STRATEGIES. Actual ways to make drawing from that will power easier. "Just Say No" isn't always enough.
(Maybe some of these have been mentioned, I didn't read every answer fully...)
*Ask him to keep the snacks somewhere out of your sight. Hell, if you need to get a lock box, do it and he gets the key/combination.
*Find activities for yourself during those times that he is snacking so you aren't sitting there watching him eat the food you want.
*Allow yourself one treat every day when he is snacking, in a portion that fits into your goals, so you don't feel deprived. You CAN have those things, you just have to pick one thing and have a small amount.
*Ask him to limit his snacking in front of you. That doesn't mean telling him he can't eat these things in front of you, but maybe a request that if he is going to really overindulge in a way that is triggering for you...is there somewhere he can do that that isn't in your face.
*Give yourself small, non-food rewards for consistency: if I can keep away from the extra snacks for 5 days, I will treat myself to a new nail polish, new music, pair of earrings...something inexpensive but that makes you feel good. Do this for SMALL successes, like a week or less because that is SO much more do-able than a month. and small successes lead to long term success.
Sometimes, just WANTING something isn't enough, you have to develop ways to make it happen.
***before someone comes in here and talks about controlling other people and taking responsibility for yourself....relationships are about compromise. and if my significant other isn't willing to do some things to help me reach my goals...then he doesn't care enough about me***0 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
She said that she's spoken to him about it and he brings it home anyway. It sounds like they're at an impasse if he's not willing to budge.
That being said, I admit that I am in the "nobody makes you eat it" camp, since I see that as the healthier approach. You have to learn to deal with life on its terms, I do feel that throwing it out or otherwise banishing it is starting down the slippery slope of becoming controlling and unreasonable.
It is his home too. Just because op speaks to him doesn't mean he has to do what she says. He shouldn't budge, she should learn self control.
Isn't that what I just said? That ultimately she has to control what she eats.
It sounds like your just rooting around for a disagreement or not reading what people are saying entirely.
I misread it... That is all.0 -
I ask my husband to put things I can't resist out of sight. I do at least have the willpower not to look for things.
Also, if he's eating something I need to stay away from, I go find something else to do.0 -
You've just gotta be tough on yourself and not eat his stuff. Believe me I know how you feel my husband is extremely skinny and eats nothing but junk, I am always tempted to eat it but I refuse to give in. I don't think it would be fair to him or our kids to throw out all the junk in the house but then again it isn't exactly fair for it to always be there tempting me. I put all the junk food in one cabinet and the only time I open that cabinet is if I'm getting something for the kids to snack on, this has helped me a lot. Out of sight out of mind kind of thing. It's unfair that he gets to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants but I know that I'm not lucky like him and that i need to really watch what I eat.0
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Since getting married I've put on weight as my husband is constantly bringing bad food, sweets, chochs, crisps, cakes, you name it ! I always say I wont eat them but i end up eating them! how can i stop myself eating the crap he brings. and yes i've asked him to stop but he doesnt and hes skinny as hell too!!! ufair.
Been through this myself. Lots of "management" techniques you can try.
1. Ask him not to buy it (clearly not going to work).
2. Ask him to keep it out of sight and/or locked up. (eh. maybe, but if he takes it out to eat while you are around... that might not work).
3. Figure out when he is most likely to be eating the crap, and make yourself otherwise busy at that time:
a. find yourself an activity out of the house to go to while he's doing it. It could be going to a gym/ymca, visiting a friend, taking care of shopping
b. if getting out of the house isn't feasible due to the time of day, etc., while he shovels crap in his mouth, do something constructive: do laundry, mend any clothing that needs mending, get on the computer and type out a letter (keep your hands busy on the keyboard so you aren't reaching for crap-food), learn to knit, cross-stitch, anything that keeps your hands busy and away from food.
4. If you absolutely have to sit with him while he's shoveling crap in his mouth (maybe it's a favorite TV show that you both watch together), then plan ahead. Prepare something that you can have while he's eating his crap; it helps if it is somehow similar in texture, I found. If you have ice cream in the refrigerator and you know he's going to eat it, plan ahead and make yourself sugar-free jello. While he's chowing down 300 calories in a cup of ice cream, for example, you can have two cups of jello for just 20 to 40 calories. Need it dressed up? Plan ahead when making the jello and add a few pieces of fruit to it. Or try a greek yogurt, extra-chilled to give it a creamy, ice-cold texture. If he's having something crunchy like Doritos at 140 calories per ounce (which is just 11 dorito chips), you can have a cup of air-popped popcorn for just 31 calories, or, if you like carrots/celery, go for that. That way, although you are sharing/bonding while watching something on TV, you are eating too - but just something that is better for your body.
5. Sometimes, give yourself permission to indulge just a tiny bit. Calculate what it will take for you to undo the calorie damage you are considering taking on. For example, let's say you had put one cup of popcorn in your food plan, but at the last minute, you are tempted and considering eating the eleven Dorito chips instead. That's 109 extra calories that you hadn't planned for (140 - 31 = 109). How will you burn off that extra 109 calories? Will you need to walk an EXTRA hour beyond your planned exercise to burn that off? Stop and think: it's 8 pm, you want to eat those Doritos while watching an hour-long show with your husband. Are you going to get up after the show and walk an hour? No? Ok, maybe you decide you'd be willing to walk for eleven minutes after the show - that's worth two Dorito chips. So have your two Dorito chips, and then get up after the show and walk those eleven minutes.
Ultimately, it's your job to resist putting crap in your mouth, but yeah, it's nice to have the support of family members. My first spouse used to delight in tormenting me, sitting on the couch with a half-gallon of ice cream, making "mmm mmm" sounds and waving it in my face. He had a lot of control issues and at the time we had met, my self-esteem was really non-existent. As it turns out, his control issues went far beyond what I knew about and extended to others besides me. At this point in my life, I'm not just glad he's gone, I keep hoping that someday, someone sends me a telegram that he was found dead wherever he went into hiding at.
Remember, your spouse doesn't have a weight problem. He doesn't see any problem with his eating.
But... .you might want to see if he's got a hidden problem, such as high blood pressure, low HDL, high triglycerides, etc., because eating right isn't always only about losing weight.
I know plenty of people who LOOK fit but are actually unhealthy, with high blood pressure and/or diabetes. If he's heading down that path, you might be able to make some inroads with him on what he eats if he doesn't want to have a stroke, heart attack or diabetes down the road.0 -
Willpower........You either have it or you don't. How bad do you want it? Some people make changes.....others make excuses.0
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oh and before I forget….
in…for the sabotage...0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
Here we go...not sure why your husband has to change because you want to change yourself.
If I did that my son and husband would be ticked...not only is it wasteful but down right mean and other things that I wont say.
Why throw good food out? why waste the money? Why make your husband change because you don't have the will power to say no,
ETA in for the ever popular my husband sabatoges me as well.,0 -
Talk to him about it and see if you can come to a comprise, my boyfriend is allowed treats in the house but he hides them from me and doesn't tell me about them, its like they don't exist
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If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
Here we go...not sure why your husband has to change because you want to change yourself.
If I did that my son and husband would be ticked...not only is it wasteful but down right mean and other things that I wont say.
Why throw good food out? why waste the money? Why make your husband change because you don't have the will power to say no,
ETA in for the ever popular my husband sabatoges me as well.,
another example of first world problems….0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
Here we go...not sure why your husband has to change because you want to change yourself.
If I did that my son and husband would be ticked...not only is it wasteful but down right mean and other things that I wont say.
Why throw good food out? why waste the money? Why make your husband change because you don't have the will power to say no,
ETA in for the ever popular my husband sabatoges me as well.,
^^^^ This!!! I wish I would throw out the food my husband purchased! The key to success in this whole weight loss thing is consistency and self control. Just because you are trying to lose weight doesn't mean the whole family has to suffer and it also doesn't mean that you have to be isolated. I eat the same meals with my family, the only difference is my plate is smaller, my portions are smaller and depending on how my exercise went that day I may or may not indulge in some dessert. You are making this harder than it has to be...pre-log everything and see if you can afford to eat it within your daily budget. Throw out his food and look forward to marital problems. Just work on you...mental strength and physical strength and everything else will fall into place.0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved! 0 -
Cant believe this is a serious question (is this a common sense advice forum) but however, funny that the husband gets the blame. Nasty husband for bringing bad food to wife who just gladly eats everything put in front. Wife is just as to blame here....0
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Make healthy snack pack alternatives for your self-portion out crackers/cookies etc and track them here. Have hummus and carrots ready for eating.
It helps me to prelog my day that way I can instantly see how many calories I have left. If it doesn't fit in the day I either work out or don't eat it.0
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