Depression

maeleemae

Please, any help from others who have experienced weight gain from depression then the inability to lose weight or to exercise due to depression. I've never been overweight in my life until I suffered through several major life upheavals during the past 3.5 years (divorce, loss of home, money, job, death of my beloved brother). I am not comfortable in my own skin as I am 30 pounds overweight. That may not sound like a lot to some people but it has been a fairly sudden weight gain for me that I've never had due to the reasons I mentioned above. I try to get back on my feet, try to be positive, start to exercise, then the dark cloud just envelopes me and the motivation isn't there. It is a terrible, vicious cycle. I lay in bed, so sad, so frightened, hating myself, knowing that one thing I could do to feel better is to get up and exercise, something I've always enjoyed doing and I may do that for a week or two and then I just give up. Eat poorly. Eat sugar, anything that temporarily makes me feel good then hate myself afterwards. Can't stand how my body feels, can't stand looking at myself, can't stand that I can't wear any of my clothes, can't stand my weakness and my sadness, my fatigue, myself. I can't seem to pull myself out of this hole.

PatheticNoetic

I cannot tell you what you should do but for me I force myself to push past the way I feel to exercise and eat right. It really is a "just do it" thing. If I stop I have trouble starting again so I can't stop.

ks_mommaof5

First and foremost, you are not alone. Next, you are vastly more strong than you give yourself credit for being. The emotional fortitude it requires to be honest about how you feel - even in an online forum - means you have the WILL and HONESTY you need to persevere and live a life of happiness.

I have suffered from intense depression at different times in my life and can completely relate to your situation. For me, low-dose medication has proved beneficial. It isn't a cure ... but it does help take the edge of what I call the "lows" so that I can stop the constant ticker-tape of self-hatred that seems to run through my mind during every second of every day.

Like you, I've been at the bottom when I've lost loved ones - my father to suicide and then my mom to lung cancer. I've been through a messy divorce and custody battle.

In the dark moments, when our hatred for everything we are makes us crawl out of our own skin, the best advice I've ever received is just to breathe. In. And out. To focus on breathing. To be aware of our own heartbeat. To know that we are alive. As someone who lost a loved one to suicide due to extreme depression, I know that there is a place of gratitude in my soul where I am, even though depressed, grateful to be breathing. To have a beating heart.

Remember that change is lots of little decisions strung together. Everything doesn't have to magically transform. Just one thing can be different and that is forward progress.

Please, please, keep the faith that life has so many gifts in store for you and that you CAN and WILL find your way into the light.

***hugs***

elyelyse

I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

Rozzii_

I've had depression myself, and I actually found that getting out of bed and doing something even if it's a little thing will bring back the motivation. You might not believe me but if you literally force yourself to do something, you will have a sense of accomplishment. That problem where you feel frightened and loathing yourself is just the depression talking, you can get through this, you just have to believe that in yourself. You can do this and lose the weight, and feel amazing again, but you have to want it.
The bad diet is probably comfort food, although I would suggest rather than changing everything overnight, do one thing at a time. If say tomorrow, what you achieved was for example going for a walk, then you've done something, you've achieved a goal, and you've made your first step. Then you take it from there, just baby steps.

I'm not very sure if this is helpful, but feel free to talk or message me anytime

PatheticNoetic

I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

I'm not saying that's what she should do. I was saying that's what works for me. I've been dealing with depression for years. Everyone has a different approach to getting through it. I'm not qualified to give her advice on it so I just told her what I do.

somethinginherair

I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

It's totally okay to need help! Very few of us are able to find it within to be motivated 100% of the time. Just remember that you're never alone and it's okay to ask for help.

kerryforward

You're singing my song. I've been there a hundred times. I am now on medication for depression and I feel so much better. The medication, for me, was honestly the difference between getting out of bed and living my life or not getting out of bed in the morning and completely ignoring the consequences. Downward spiral, the latter. You sound like maybe you should speak to a doctor.

I've been exercising (relatively lightly) every day Monday through Friday for the past 3 weeks or so. This is a first for me in all my life. The reason I'm able to do it is because it is now convenient for me. The office where I now work has a lovely fitness room where I spend my lunch hour like this: 5 minutes changing, 30 minutes working out, 5 minutes changing back, and 20ish minutes eating my lunch afterward, every single day. So, every day I do this, and I never regret it.

The biggest positive change I made for myself, though, was leaving a job that was damaging to my mental health. The work was fulfilling, but the office environment required unpaid overtime and an extremely fast pace that caused me to run myself ragged, mentally. Every day when I got home, I'd sit on the couch and crash, then eat dinner, go to bed and repeat it the next day. That office churns and burns people as fast as can be. When I quit that job, I felt like I was walking on air. Now I have a MUCH easier job (I basically went from operations process improvement person, down to pretty basic admin assistant). Some days the work is boring, but I always do excellent work, I go above and beyond what's expected of me, I'm working on making good friends, and I have time to think about my hobbies and energy to do things I enjoy. 100% of my energy isn't spent at work anymore. The pay is basically the same, maybe a tiny bit less, but my well being is priceless. I feel so much better since I took control and left the place that I was letting harm me mentally and went to a place where I can be mentally free.

Is there anything in your life that you are able to change that might make you feel better? It might not happen overnight, but maybe you can put a plan into action.

ambience13

I have Bipolar type II, which includes many cycles of deep depression that come on suddenly, out of nowhere.
For me, the one thing that has helped me IMMENSELY is Transactional Analysis. Google it. It's a form of therapy, however I've never actually had therapy, I just research it all myself, and apply it to my own life and situation. Luckily, I have the ability of being truly honest with myself, and I love Psychiatry/Psychology/Medicine, so this works brilliantly for me.
I hope you find something that benefits you and your situation soon though

littlekitty3

Hey girl you're not alone,
Therapy is expensive and sometimes the best therapy is finding support through any website (like this one), looking at others success stories of battling this *kitten*, music, just anything. Also if there's a negative influence (like a person or a job), try your best to stay away from it as much as possible.
Also draw, blog, make YouTube videos. Who knows where a giant support group will come from.

Sharon_C

My biggest suggestion to you would be to seek help. I've lived with someone with depression and being able to talk to a professional makes all the difference in the world. Find a good therapist who you can talk candidly to. If you need to, get on medication to help you control it. There's nothing wrong with seeking help.

elyelyse

I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

I'm not saying that's what she should do. I was saying that's what works for me. I've been dealing with depression for years. Everyone has a different approach to getting through it. I'm not qualified to give her advice on it so I just told her what I do.

my comment was not meant to contradict yours, just to offer another perspective.
some people need to hear that its ok if they can't do it alone. It's ok to need help. for someone who has been failing to do it by themselves, sometimes hearing "just do it" makes them/us feel like a failure, because they've already tried that.

sbone95

As you say the sudden weight gain is a bit of a surprise! I used to run 10km each day, until it hit, then i just couldn't find the motivation to do anything, and then there was the extra weight that suddenly made me feel even worse. What i found helped me (it may be different to some people) is to exercise. The endorphins generated from exercise allows our bodies to feel better and give you a little happiness boost though some exercise may seem like a dread to do like having to run or swim etc, I've found that Zumba has been a life saver! its so much fun! I've found my moods have become better and the weight is shifting as well (in the way i like) and you don't have to drag yourself to do it each time! But as they say, each to their own, I've just found that it helps me :happy:

FaylinaMeir

I guess I'm lucky in that my depression and self hate is what fuels my desire for change! There will come a day when you sit there and go "I'm sick and f-ing tired of feeling this way, it's gotta change" and then it just clicks. It's cliche, and I'm sorry but it happened for me and my husband. My other motivation is my desire for a baby. My weight right now is probably whats making it impossible to conceive, so I have that.
Don't give up you can do it!

toddis

I find at least part of depression stems from habit. You get into habits that give you a feeling of comfort, but tend to be counterproductive. So, I am working on developing new habits. One of which is going to the gym. Just the very act of
committing to going somewhere and doing something helps immensely. The actual exercise will then reinforce the
new habit by helping your mood. Oh, and I take vitamin D now too, that seems to help.

I think having a therapist/friend/doctor to talk to can also help immensely. It's not a route I've chosen to go myself. I find when I talked to friends about it it just became a negative feedback loop.

elyelyse

Hey girl you're not alone,
Therapy is expensive and sometimes the best therapy is finding support through any website (like this one), looking at others success stories of battling this *kitten*, music, just anything. Also if there's a negative influence (like a person or a job), try your best to stay away from it as much as possible.
Also draw, blog, make YouTube videos. Who knows where a giant support group will come from.

it's true that therapy can be costly (though many therapists offer a sliding scale fee)...but, if someone had a physical illness that wasn't responding to over the counter remedies... would you tell them to just find support online in a community instead? Depression is a real illness that often requires attention from a specialist, and sometimes medication.
I do agree that drawing, writing, and other forms are creative expression are very beneficial...but I can say from experience, sometimes my depression stops me from getting out of bed, let alone trying to accomplish anything.

ETA: therapists aren't just someone you go in and spill your guts to, I got a best friend who is great for that...a good therapist is trained to help steer your thinking and actions in a positive direction.

alwaysdance

As someone who has suffered depression and comes from a family where mental health has been an issue I highly recommend seeing a Dr. Having a safe place to heal is so important. For me low-dose medication was key. Be prepared that it will not fix everything. Contrary to public belief there is no happy pill. It will however provide an emotionally stable place for you to start putting in the work to get better. Fighting depression is just as hard as living with it, but I promise you it's worth it.

Please feel free to friend me if you need support. Sending you love and courage.

RllyGudTweetr

I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

It's totally okay to need help! Very few of us are able to find it within to be motivated 100% of the time. Just remember that you're never alone and it's okay to ask for help.

OP, as another with diagnosed clinical depression, please get help. We readily go to a doctor when we damage a limb; your brain deserves the same courtesy.

sunshine11111

It sounds like you've been through a lot. I found myself in a similar place over the last few years... that deep, dark depression. I am taking some antidepressants now and I'm getting ready to start talking with a therapist, as my doctor told me that the medication only helps so much but you have to do the work to pull yourself out. I noticed after starting the antidepressants that I had just enough energy to make some small changes (not too much to overwhelm me at first), but right now I'm starting with eating healthy. Over the last few years I have been using food as a means to comfort myself as everything around me falls apart. I want you to know that you aren't alone.

aleggett321

You are so brave to share this with the community. Do you realize that you've just made one step towards getting where you want to be?
It seems like you are in a place where trying to make big changes is just too overwhelming. So start small. Really small. If its just too much to tackle an exercise program, set a manageable goal every day. Maybe it's only a 10 minute walk, but its still a success. Looking at losing 30 pounds may sound insurmountable. So make one good food choice a day. Even if it's only one less cookie, or a few less bites of chocolate. Build on it from there.

I do agree with those that have said a professional evaluation would be a good step. Depression is a physical condition and needs to be looked at as such. I wish you the very best!

elyelyse

So start small. Really small. If its just too much to tackle an exercise program, set a manageable goal every day. Maybe it's only a 10 minute walk, but its still a success.

YES! this is EXACTLY what I did. We can handle pretty much anything for 10 minutes, right? The great thing about this is that if you just make it for those 10 minutes, you can feel that as a success,...but very often once we get up and moving, we realize it's not as bad as we thought it would be, and we can go for more...and that feels even better (which makes it easier the next time, because you remember that feeling)

maeleemae

The quick response from so many people is uplifting...thank you so much. My depression is mostly situational. The horrifying betrayal of my ex-husband, the loss of my home, all my money, the embarrassment and stress of having to drift from one relative's couch to another's, never knowing if I'll have a place to live, having to quit instructing my fitness class due to my situation was also a blow as it was something that I was good at and made me feel good, losing contact with the many friends at the gyms I taught at, the death of a man I've loved as a friend since we were kids, and finally the death of my brother last June. I live in a small town, jobs are scarce, particularly for someone my age who hasn't really worked since I left my home state to be with my husband (now ex-husband). So I have nothing, no insurance, everything that was in my home of 20 years is in storage. My ex is a wealthy surgeon and I have had to resort to cleaning cabins as a means of getting by. I have skills but my age and huge gap since I last worked (other than as as fitness instructor) has worked against me as I mentioned. I force myself to think positively, not to focus on things I can't change, or let hatred infiltrate me and eat me up inside but then I also become apathetic and think is this how I'm going to live out the rest of my life? Fear, hating myself, apathy, struggle, anxiety. No, the ex, the wealthy surgeon, didn't have anything on me as it may seem - the farce of the whole thing is that it was he who was court ordered out of our home in order to protect my children yet I am the one who lost everything. I'd do it again to protect my girls, I'd just pray for a better attorney. I wasn't going to go into specifics. I need to get past the pain. My brother's death was the worst. My apologies. Maybe I should blog about it as was suggested. I try to bury certain memories. I just want to feel well enough to work out, get my strength back, teach my class again, find a job that will sustain me. I don't think that's asking too much. I think if I can accomplish those things, I would be my happy self again.

traciegyal

Hello!
God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Please first and foremost, pray to the God you believe in. It is powerful and it works.
I lost my job recently, I am a mother of two small children, high bills, and in a terrible relationship I am in the process of ending. The first thing I did was run to the gym. I am the heaviest I have ever been, and I have ignored it by allowing all of my accomplishments to make up for it.
The gym (since 1/16/2014) has helped me to release my frustrations, fight my fears, and continue working toward accomplishing a goal while going through the issues that I am going through right now. So far the scale has told me that I have only lost 5 pounds, so I turned to measuring different parts of my body with measuring tape. I have lost inches in areas that have bothered me for years! I see my body proportioning out, and it has only been a few weeks.
I joined Lucille Roberts and I only do the classes. All of the women there have a way of coming together and supporting one another as we go on our weight loss journeys.
YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE STRONG! YOU WANT IT! DO NOT GIVE UP! PUSH YOURSELF TO NEW LIMITS! PRAY!!!!!
I promise you, once you begin to make the progress you are looking to make, there will be no turning back, just remember to say thank you! Praying for you!

PatheticNoetic

I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

I'm not saying that's what she should do. I was saying that's what works for me. I've been dealing with depression for years. Everyone has a different approach to getting through it. I'm not qualified to give her advice on it so I just told her what I do.

my comment was not meant to contradict yours, just to offer another perspective.
some people need to hear that its ok if they can't do it alone. It's ok to need help. for someone who has been failing to do it by themselves, sometimes hearing "just do it" makes them/us feel like a failure, because they've already tried that.

Fair enough. To be honest in the past I've had counselors that I've spoken with and I've been on medication. I'm just going on my own now because I'm tired of taking a pill every day and trying to sort out s**t. There is a great benefit to counseling.

ARC1603

Hi there, I think so many others on here can empathise with your circumstances. I honestly believe for a lot of people with weight problems, the weight is a symptom of other underlying issues like depression.

Personally, I've probably had depression and anxiety for a long time. I say probably because I never realised it and never got help until I had my son last year. Everyone around me and even I assumed it was post natal depression. It's only really since getting the treatment for this that I'm coming to realise it's been around a lot longer than that. I really would suggest getting some medical help, which is easy for me to say cos we have the NHS here. Although saying that all I really got from them was anti-depresents. The rest has been a combination of self help and I'm now having counselling sessions with occupational health at work. I've found the medication helps lift the fog so I can see things clearer for myself. Someone once described it as the first step on a ladder which you then have to climb yourself. It just takes the edge off so you can look at thinks more objectively. As for the self help, I've read some excellent books (I'll have a look on my amazon and post back with details!) which have given me good points to think about and work through myself. I write a journal and use that as my therapy too.

Be kind to yourself. You've had a rubbish time of it. You're whole life has turned upside down, you've lost your identify, support network and your self esteem has taken a battering. It's ok to feel angry at your OH and it's ok to feel pain and sadness at losing those close to you. It's just about not letting it consume you. I'll go and find those books now.

ARC1603

Some good books are -

Size of my life by Karen Cigna
You can be thin by Marisa Peer

These are the most useful two but I've also read loads more that helped too!

alfiedn

Your situation is so hard! I've had situational depression, too. But not for as many excellent reasons as you. Here's the good news: it can get better! I do think counseling could help you. Also, even if you begin anti-depressants, it doesn't mean you'll always have to take them. They can be a tool to help you get to your normal again and back on your feet.

I love the advice you've gotten about making a very small goal. Perhaps getting out of bed and brushing your teeth is even enough sometimes. Once you have one thing under your belt, try something a bit more.

I love that your asking for help here, but don't be afraid to ask friends or family or a therapist, too.

waytobeduck

Concerning the depression: Reading has helped me to gain perspective, reasoning skills, and positive emotion. I do not like reading but I pick up Jane Austin - Emma and, suddenly, I am forced into thinking a certain way, in order to understand the text. It really helps to force yourself to read something that is like this... and not about you or your woes. You don't even have to make much effort tbh... Just read and continue reading. I hope things get better for you.

neandermagnon

I've had depression from PTSD

take the fat loss slow and steady. Don't cut fats out of your diet, there's a link between insufficient dietary fat and depression, also, between vitamin D deficiency and depression, and vitamin D is a fat soluble vitamin. You do need to be careful with fats re portion control, because they're calorie dense, but include them as part of your diet. I aim for 40% carb, 30% protein 30% fat (i.e. by number of calories, not volume of food, as fat contains more calories per gram than protein or carbs) - also, aim to get most of the fat from high quality fats, i.e. those that contain omega 3s and/or fat soluble vitamins. Deep frying etc destroys a lot of the nutrients in fat. By all means have a little deep fried food if you really want to and can fit it in your calorie goal, but generally go for better quality fats: egg yolks, oily fish, fresh dairy (if you can digest it), nuts, avocado, cold pressed oils, etc.

Aim to get all the nutrients you need while staying within your calorie goal. The brain is an organ and just like your other organs needs sufficient nutrition for it to function properly. If you have depression (whatever the cause) this is all the more important.

Don't have too big a deficit. You only have 30lb to lose, so it's important for your physical health to take it steady. 1lb a week is a good rate of loss to begin with although as you get closer to goal you should switch to 0.5lb a week. Eating too little can make people feel tired and run down which is the last thing you want if you're trying to recover from depression. If you think that your diet is making the depression even a little tiny bit worse, then slow down your fat loss to 0.5lb a week or do more exercise so you get to eat more.

Do exercise. Personally, I've found strenuous exercise to be the best thing (after therapy) for keeping PTSD and depression at bay. The more strenuous the better, although even just going for walks has a positive effect. Lifting heavy weights has the most dramatic effect, and it's not just the thing of using up stress hormones and releasing endorphins etc, it's also because PTSD left me feeling extremely weak and vulnerable, and being able to squat and deadlift more than my body weight makes it hard to carry on feeling weak and vulnerable.... anything that makes me feel strong and capable is good for me

Getting enough sunlight is really important, try to get sunlight on your skin. This makes vitamin D (which helps fight off depression) and also just being outdoors in natural light is very uplifting. Depression often strikes in mid winter, because of this, even in people who don't have SAD (seasonal affective disorder - i.e. depression when the only cause is lack of natural light)

Do whatever you can do to reduce day to day stress, and as your depression is caused by a whole bunch of nasty life events, any ways that help you to express your feelings, like talking to a counsellor, beating the crap out of a punch bag, writing about it, whatever works for you, do this a lot. just so long as it works for you and you're not bottling up your feelings.

If you do all these things, the balanced diet, calorie counting + exercise should get rid of the extra lbs and leave you feeling much happier about yourself. Personally, i sometimes have issues of self-hatred (which comes from the PTSD) and it's easy to blame these kinds of feelings on being fat or whatever, but if they come from an illness then they don't go away when you lose weight, and you need to get rid of them through learning to accept yourself as a person, and other stuff that counsellors can help with.

jenilla1

I have the exact opposite problem. I lose my appetite and end up losing weight. I'm already on the slim side, so that can be a bad thing. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. It's hard enough to change your lifestyle without trying to do it while you're trapped in a funk. It makes even the simplest of things a challenge. :flowerforyou:

littleandysmom

God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Please first and foremost, pray to the God you believe in. It is powerful and it works.

Totally agree!! Losing a loved one is so hard. Lost my oldest son almost 4 years ago. I started reading a daily devotional called "streams in the desert". Also started writing in a couple of journals. One was a grateful journal. Daily, my youngest son and I would write 3 things that we were grateful for. We soon discovered how much we had to be thankful for. My other journal was filled with things I wanted to say to my son that passed. It was hard to write in this one without crying. Also starting going to a support group, called grief share. Not sure if it's in your community? It was at our church.

I also understand about the husband/betrayal--other woman situation. (It happened a month after our son died). Really thought I was headed for a mental breakdown. If it wasn't for God's love, wouldn't have gotten through it.