Depression

maeleemae

The quick response from so many people is uplifting...thank you so much. My depression is mostly situational. The horrifying betrayal of my ex-husband, the loss of my home, all my money, the embarrassment and stress of having to drift from one relative's couch to another's, never knowing if I'll have a place to live, having to quit instructing my fitness class due to my situation was also a blow as it was something that I was good at and made me feel good, losing contact with the many friends at the gyms I taught at, the death of a man I've loved as a friend since we were kids, and finally the death of my brother last June. I live in a small town, jobs are scarce, particularly for someone my age who hasn't really worked since I left my home state to be with my husband (now ex-husband). So I have nothing, no insurance, everything that was in my home of 20 years is in storage. My ex is a wealthy surgeon and I have had to resort to cleaning cabins as a means of getting by. I have skills but my age and huge gap since I last worked (other than as as fitness instructor) has worked against me as I mentioned. I force myself to think positively, not to focus on things I can't change, or let hatred infiltrate me and eat me up inside but then I also become apathetic and think is this how I'm going to live out the rest of my life? Fear, hating myself, apathy, struggle, anxiety. No, the ex, the wealthy surgeon, didn't have anything on me as it may seem - the farce of the whole thing is that it was he who was court ordered out of our home in order to protect my children yet I am the one who lost everything. I'd do it again to protect my girls, I'd just pray for a better attorney. I wasn't going to go into specifics. I need to get past the pain. My brother's death was the worst. My apologies. Maybe I should blog about it as was suggested. I try to bury certain memories. I just want to feel well enough to work out, get my strength back, teach my class again, find a job that will sustain me. I don't think that's asking too much. I think if I can accomplish those things, I would be my happy self again.

traciegyal

Hello!
God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Please first and foremost, pray to the God you believe in. It is powerful and it works.
I lost my job recently, I am a mother of two small children, high bills, and in a terrible relationship I am in the process of ending. The first thing I did was run to the gym. I am the heaviest I have ever been, and I have ignored it by allowing all of my accomplishments to make up for it.
The gym (since 1/16/2014) has helped me to release my frustrations, fight my fears, and continue working toward accomplishing a goal while going through the issues that I am going through right now. So far the scale has told me that I have only lost 5 pounds, so I turned to measuring different parts of my body with measuring tape. I have lost inches in areas that have bothered me for years! I see my body proportioning out, and it has only been a few weeks.
I joined Lucille Roberts and I only do the classes. All of the women there have a way of coming together and supporting one another as we go on our weight loss journeys.
YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE STRONG! YOU WANT IT! DO NOT GIVE UP! PUSH YOURSELF TO NEW LIMITS! PRAY!!!!!
I promise you, once you begin to make the progress you are looking to make, there will be no turning back, just remember to say thank you! Praying for you!

PatheticNoetic

I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

I'm not saying that's what she should do. I was saying that's what works for me. I've been dealing with depression for years. Everyone has a different approach to getting through it. I'm not qualified to give her advice on it so I just told her what I do.

my comment was not meant to contradict yours, just to offer another perspective.
some people need to hear that its ok if they can't do it alone. It's ok to need help. for someone who has been failing to do it by themselves, sometimes hearing "just do it" makes them/us feel like a failure, because they've already tried that.

Fair enough. To be honest in the past I've had counselors that I've spoken with and I've been on medication. I'm just going on my own now because I'm tired of taking a pill every day and trying to sort out s**t. There is a great benefit to counseling.

ARC1603

Hi there, I think so many others on here can empathise with your circumstances. I honestly believe for a lot of people with weight problems, the weight is a symptom of other underlying issues like depression.

Personally, I've probably had depression and anxiety for a long time. I say probably because I never realised it and never got help until I had my son last year. Everyone around me and even I assumed it was post natal depression. It's only really since getting the treatment for this that I'm coming to realise it's been around a lot longer than that. I really would suggest getting some medical help, which is easy for me to say cos we have the NHS here. Although saying that all I really got from them was anti-depresents. The rest has been a combination of self help and I'm now having counselling sessions with occupational health at work. I've found the medication helps lift the fog so I can see things clearer for myself. Someone once described it as the first step on a ladder which you then have to climb yourself. It just takes the edge off so you can look at thinks more objectively. As for the self help, I've read some excellent books (I'll have a look on my amazon and post back with details!) which have given me good points to think about and work through myself. I write a journal and use that as my therapy too.

Be kind to yourself. You've had a rubbish time of it. You're whole life has turned upside down, you've lost your identify, support network and your self esteem has taken a battering. It's ok to feel angry at your OH and it's ok to feel pain and sadness at losing those close to you. It's just about not letting it consume you. I'll go and find those books now.

ARC1603

Some good books are -

Size of my life by Karen Cigna
You can be thin by Marisa Peer

These are the most useful two but I've also read loads more that helped too!

alfiedn

Your situation is so hard! I've had situational depression, too. But not for as many excellent reasons as you. Here's the good news: it can get better! I do think counseling could help you. Also, even if you begin anti-depressants, it doesn't mean you'll always have to take them. They can be a tool to help you get to your normal again and back on your feet.

I love the advice you've gotten about making a very small goal. Perhaps getting out of bed and brushing your teeth is even enough sometimes. Once you have one thing under your belt, try something a bit more.

I love that your asking for help here, but don't be afraid to ask friends or family or a therapist, too.

waytobeduck

Concerning the depression: Reading has helped me to gain perspective, reasoning skills, and positive emotion. I do not like reading but I pick up Jane Austin - Emma and, suddenly, I am forced into thinking a certain way, in order to understand the text. It really helps to force yourself to read something that is like this... and not about you or your woes. You don't even have to make much effort tbh... Just read and continue reading. I hope things get better for you.

neandermagnon

I've had depression from PTSD

take the fat loss slow and steady. Don't cut fats out of your diet, there's a link between insufficient dietary fat and depression, also, between vitamin D deficiency and depression, and vitamin D is a fat soluble vitamin. You do need to be careful with fats re portion control, because they're calorie dense, but include them as part of your diet. I aim for 40% carb, 30% protein 30% fat (i.e. by number of calories, not volume of food, as fat contains more calories per gram than protein or carbs) - also, aim to get most of the fat from high quality fats, i.e. those that contain omega 3s and/or fat soluble vitamins. Deep frying etc destroys a lot of the nutrients in fat. By all means have a little deep fried food if you really want to and can fit it in your calorie goal, but generally go for better quality fats: egg yolks, oily fish, fresh dairy (if you can digest it), nuts, avocado, cold pressed oils, etc.

Aim to get all the nutrients you need while staying within your calorie goal. The brain is an organ and just like your other organs needs sufficient nutrition for it to function properly. If you have depression (whatever the cause) this is all the more important.

Don't have too big a deficit. You only have 30lb to lose, so it's important for your physical health to take it steady. 1lb a week is a good rate of loss to begin with although as you get closer to goal you should switch to 0.5lb a week. Eating too little can make people feel tired and run down which is the last thing you want if you're trying to recover from depression. If you think that your diet is making the depression even a little tiny bit worse, then slow down your fat loss to 0.5lb a week or do more exercise so you get to eat more.

Do exercise. Personally, I've found strenuous exercise to be the best thing (after therapy) for keeping PTSD and depression at bay. The more strenuous the better, although even just going for walks has a positive effect. Lifting heavy weights has the most dramatic effect, and it's not just the thing of using up stress hormones and releasing endorphins etc, it's also because PTSD left me feeling extremely weak and vulnerable, and being able to squat and deadlift more than my body weight makes it hard to carry on feeling weak and vulnerable.... anything that makes me feel strong and capable is good for me

Getting enough sunlight is really important, try to get sunlight on your skin. This makes vitamin D (which helps fight off depression) and also just being outdoors in natural light is very uplifting. Depression often strikes in mid winter, because of this, even in people who don't have SAD (seasonal affective disorder - i.e. depression when the only cause is lack of natural light)

Do whatever you can do to reduce day to day stress, and as your depression is caused by a whole bunch of nasty life events, any ways that help you to express your feelings, like talking to a counsellor, beating the crap out of a punch bag, writing about it, whatever works for you, do this a lot. just so long as it works for you and you're not bottling up your feelings.

If you do all these things, the balanced diet, calorie counting + exercise should get rid of the extra lbs and leave you feeling much happier about yourself. Personally, i sometimes have issues of self-hatred (which comes from the PTSD) and it's easy to blame these kinds of feelings on being fat or whatever, but if they come from an illness then they don't go away when you lose weight, and you need to get rid of them through learning to accept yourself as a person, and other stuff that counsellors can help with.

jenilla1

I have the exact opposite problem. I lose my appetite and end up losing weight. I'm already on the slim side, so that can be a bad thing. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. It's hard enough to change your lifestyle without trying to do it while you're trapped in a funk. It makes even the simplest of things a challenge. :flowerforyou:

littleandysmom

God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Please first and foremost, pray to the God you believe in. It is powerful and it works.

Totally agree!! Losing a loved one is so hard. Lost my oldest son almost 4 years ago. I started reading a daily devotional called "streams in the desert". Also started writing in a couple of journals. One was a grateful journal. Daily, my youngest son and I would write 3 things that we were grateful for. We soon discovered how much we had to be thankful for. My other journal was filled with things I wanted to say to my son that passed. It was hard to write in this one without crying. Also starting going to a support group, called grief share. Not sure if it's in your community? It was at our church.

I also understand about the husband/betrayal--other woman situation. (It happened a month after our son died). Really thought I was headed for a mental breakdown. If it wasn't for God's love, wouldn't have gotten through it.

Edensienna

(((((Hugs))))

I have experienced divorce and felt very low for quite some time. You have experienced immense pain and loss in many areas of your life. Please seek professional help to steer you in the right direction now. You can recover and be happy and fulfilled again

scribb

I am so sorry that you feel like you are in this dark place. You are not alone, and they're are many people here that can support you. You may also want to seek perfusion all help to get you turned around and heading in the right direction. Do not wait any longer. Today is the day that you decide that you want your life back.