Today I fell apart

LTKeegan

I've been working so hard. In the gym 4-5 days per week taking "active" rest days, eating within my calorie goal and cutting sugar way back. But today I just completely fell apart and started crying.

My boyfriend has his best friend in town, and he hasn't seen him in over a year (nearly 2) and last night they were drinking, and kept trying to get me to join in, I mostly resisted (I had 1/2 glass of wine before I changed my mind, mostly based on calories and that I had to wake up in the morning) and I was so good. I ate within my calorie goal and didn't have to explain my diet, just said I'm trying to eat healthier.

Today, we're planning to go out for dinner and my boyfriend suggested where he wanted to go before his friend got here and I vetoed it (its a little burger joint and there is one thing on the menu I can order, since I'm vegetarian, and the veggie burger is likely 2000 calories... you'd know if you saw the thing!) so that was okay, and I suggested somewhere that had food I knew I could eat and be within the calorie goal. And today, (out of forgetfulness) he brought up the same suggestion, multiple times, so I either a) don't go with them and let them go, b) seem like a really picky self-centered girlfriend, or c) go, eat 1/4 of a burger, be totally tempted to eat the rest, and feel ****ty the whole time, all the while looking like I have an eating disorder.

So just a few minutes ago, when he said he was going to call them and make a reservation, I (thankfully alone) started crying and he saw, and we had a long talk about how hard this is to do and I explained how I felt. And he felt really bad and apologized. Which was awesome. I know this is a lifestyle change, but we only go out for food when people come visit, so its not unreasonable for me to never eat at that place again.

But still, I totally fell apart. I feel so awful right now

knra_grl

So sorry you had a bad day - men are clueless and sometimes you have to actually spell things out to them but at least you have a BF who understood what you were telling him and felt bad for being insensitive - but maybe next time plan an evening out with one of your gal pals and let him have his boys night then neither one of you have to feel badly. :flowerforyou:

135OHK

Don't beat yourself up....you asked for what you wanted (and needed) and he responded in a positive manner. Shake it off, tell him what a wonderful boyfriend he is for being so supportive and move on.

WJZR

Chin up. He understood. You are being clear with you needs and brave to be sticking to your plan. You go girl! Be proud.

FancyPantsFran

Its okay to fall apart and cry sometimes. Getting those emotions out is healthy(IMHO) It is a lifestyle change and can be daunting and overwhelming at times. Its great that your boyfriend saw you were hurt and responded in a great supportive way. Kudos for being so honest with yourself

Ninkyou

It's great that your BF is supportive.

That being said, why can't you just enjoy one meal out? It's not like it's going to undo all of your hard work. Enjoy the company and food, log it and move on.

Your going to come across these kinds of situations ALOT. It's best to not stress out too much, do the best you can, and accept there will be days over your calorie goal. Don't be too hard on yourself.

GiveMeCoffee

This is where you need to work on remembering that one night out isn't going to ruin everything. If your boyfriend wanted you to go with him and his friend then you go out enjoy yourself, log it and move on. Next day you get back on track. Or let the guys go out and have their good time, and you find something else to do, if all you're going to worry about is your diet.

You said you only go out when people are visiting so unless you get company every night, the occasional meal out isn't going to impact your weight loss.

1PrettiNikki

This journey that we are on (weight loss/healthier you) is so so hard! People who are fit and don't have to watch what they eat really don't understand the amount of sweat, soreness, willpower and dedication it takes us to get to where we want to be. Some days I feel like breaking down because of the amount of work and time it takes, but then I visualize myself in this beautiful summer dress, radiating confidence and looking my best and unfortunately breaking down won't get me there. Please keep in mind that there will always be distractions and people who feel your decisions to be better are "stupid". Please always remember why you chose this better living path and ignore all distractions and opposition. You're not alone and sites like this wouldn't exist if you were. Keep your head up and your eye on the big picture. It's great you have support whereas I'm alone and the people around me think my lifestyle change is pointless.

BekaBooluvsu

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

waterwing

Aww.. bad days happen to everyone. It's incredible how emotional weight loss can be. Ups and downs, ups and downs. I can totally understand your frustration but you have to also keep in mind that real life happens sometimes. Sometimes you do end up socializing and eating poorly and you know what? It's okay. Just work out extra long the next day or eat extra light. You can't be undone by one dinner.

DaveInFL

This is where you need to work on remembering that one night out isn't going to ruin everything. If your boyfriend wanted you to go with him and his friend then you go out enjoy yourself, log it and move on. Next day you get back on track. Or let the guys go out and have their good time, and you find something else to do, if all you're going to worry about is your diet.

You said you only go out when people are visiting so unless you get company every night, the occasional meal out isn't going to impact your weight loss.

^^^^^^^
This.

prattiger65

It's easier when you don't restrict your diet, plan ahead for special occasions, eat foods that you love. Also consider this, this isn't his new way of eating, it's yours. He shouldn't have to go on your diet. I am glad he is thoughtful, you should be too. How often does he and his friend get to go out together and eat? Not trying to bring you down, just pointing out the other side of the coin.

AZKristi

Just let the guys go out and eat burgers - obviously that is what your BF would like to do with his friend. When it comes to social situations it isn't fair for us to dictate where or what other people eat simply because we have decided to start counting calories.

LTKeegan

Thanks everyone, this made me feel better.

I TRIED to get him to go out with his friend just the two of them as boys night, I even tried to take too long at the gym so they wouldn't want to wait for me. But he insisted. I think its because I don't know his best friend very well, and he and I have been together for a long time, so my guess is he wanted us to get to know each other better, which is fair.


I know one night out isn't going to ruin everything. But its just not something I feel like I can do right now, does that make any sense? I can try to justify it more, but I feel like today, this day, I need to stay on complete track where as tomorrow or next week (or last Friday when I ate cake) I COULD bend things a little. Today is just not the day to do that.

prattiger65

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

One day your dad won't be around and you will wish like hell that you had gone every single time. Ask me how I know.

pita7317

So sorry about what you are going thru right now.
I know it's tough dealing with "eating differences".
My husband, of 27 years, was shocked about the changes I have made.
But he has come around and accepts what I eat now.
Just go to dinner and eat only what you are comfortable with.
I mean really, is what YOU eat going to make or break an evening out ?
Food is such a social thing, Scary. And why ? Because that is the American "norm".
Don't cry ! Makes your eyes look terrible !
Go. Have fun. Take care.

astrampe

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

One day your dad won't be around and you will wish like hell that you had gone every single time. Ask me how I know.

This....it is not your dad`s fault - he is not on a diet...It is up to you to make good choises...And the same goes for the OP - it`s suppose to be a lifestyle, and life allows a burger now and then.....

GertrudeHorse

I know one night out isn't going to ruin everything. But its just not something I feel like I can do right now, does that make any sense? I can try to justify it more, but I feel like today, this day, I need to stay on complete track where as tomorrow or next week (or last Friday when I ate cake) I COULD bend things a little. Today is just not the day to do that.

If I understand correctly, you're saying you want to build up more resilience so you don't get completely derailed by indulgence? That is a totally important thing to do, and you should trust your instinct. Whatever you end up deciding, don't forget you've already done well conveying your thoughts to your BF and you should be proud of yourself for that. Falling apart and crying is totally normal and to be expected.

GertrudeHorse

My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied.

Hopefully you can find non-food activities to do with your father? I ask because society is predominantly organised around food and it will be extremely hard to maintain a lifestyle that opts-out of all food-related activities. You evidently have the skills to eat "right" when you are at home so it would just be a matter of transferring that skill to the restaurant environment. I know that's easier said than done, but surely it's worth it in the end?

castlerobber

so I either a) don't go with them and let them go, b) seem like a really picky self-centered girlfriend, or c) go, eat 1/4 of a burger, be totally tempted to eat the rest, and feel ****ty the whole time, all the while looking like I have an eating disorder.

I hate to say this, I don't mean to pile on...but I'm afraid it does come across as option b) above. Your BF hasn't seen his friend in forever, he obviously wants to go to this burger place, but it's become all about you and your diet? Surely the restaurant can accommodate you by making a junior-sized veggie burger, or customizing the toppings, or boxing up half the burger in the kitchen before they bring your meal out so you aren't tempted. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. While most of us would do well to eat out a lot less, sometimes we can't avoid it. So we need to learn how to make the best of it.

Reading down the thread, I see that you're turning down invitations from your dad because eating "right" is more important. That's sad, and actually starts to sound like an eating disorder. Please, at least go out for coffee or tea with him, or find an alternate activity that doesn't involve food. You won't have him forever. My dad is 78, still in fairly good health other than long-standing type 2 diabetes, but I know how quickly things can change.

MatthewNSW

Diets on paper are all about routine, rigidity, inflexibility. It takes insight and perspective to tell yourself that it's not armageddon if, one rare day, your numbers don't quite match a set of numbers they're meant to.

Fact is that you dealt with this obstacle in a really good way. I think you can find many, many positives in the outcome and how you approached it.

jmkmomm

I know how you feel. Sometimes I ask my husband if he wants me to stay fat??? That gets him to start thinking about how he tempts me with foods he knows I can't eat. And before all the bashers come in here and say that I can eat anything I want, just exercise it off. No I can't. I am a diabetic and have MS and it isn't that easy to just exercise it all off

DebbieLyn63

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

One day your dad won't be around and you will wish like hell that you had gone every single time. Ask me how I know.

This....it is not your dad`s fault - he is not on a diet...It is up to you to make good choises...And the same goes for the OP - it`s suppose to be a lifestyle, and life allows a burger now and then.....

Whoa! Slow down with the witch hunt there. This poster is 200 lbs overweight at 29. There are obvious food issues within the family. She is doing what she needs to do to get her eating under control, and if she doesn't trust herself to go to a restaurant right now, and potentially sabotage her efforts every week, then that is what she needs to do. She didn't say that she refused to spend time with her father, just that she declined a dinner out at a restaurant. Her father is the one who needs to understand how hard she is fighting morbid obesity and stop making her feel guilty by having to say no to him every week.

Perhaps some better communication with him about her needs at the moment, or even some family counseling might help in this situation.
Star- you do what you need to do for your health, and ignore those who don't understand your situation. No need for strangers to add even more guilt.

neandermagnon

This is where you need to work on remembering that one night out isn't going to ruin everything. If your boyfriend wanted you to go with him and his friend then you go out enjoy yourself, log it and move on. Next day you get back on track. Or let the guys go out and have their good time, and you find something else to do, if all you're going to worry about is your diet.

You said you only go out when people are visiting so unless you get company every night, the occasional meal out isn't going to impact your weight loss.

^^^ this

go, eat a whole veggie burger, log it, don't stress, move on. so long as you don't do that too often, it's not really an issue. this is a long term thing, your focus should be on maintaining a healthy weight for life. One week of losing a little less because you ate a huge veggie burger when out with your boyfriend isn't going to stop you achieving this goal. It might even help, because if you know that you can just eat whatever every once in a while, it makes it easier to stick to the eating plan the rest of the time. And being so upset and crying over a night out to eat a burger... well that's not good for your emotional health. Emotional health is as important as physical health, and you need to learn how to enjoy all the foods you want and also enjoy social eating events, without ruining your long term success (i.e. failure to maintain a healthy weight long term). It's totally possible to do that, it's just a question of portion sizes and (in the case of trips to burger restaurants) how often.

I went from obese to a healthy weight while eating out every 1-2 weeks. I still eat out ever 1-2 weeks while in maintenance. It's what you do day in day out that makes the difference.... not special occasions.

IIIIISerenityNowIIIII

They haven't seen each other in nearly two years and are best friends, then they would probably be dying for some guy time without ladies around. Let them go alone and have fun.

neandermagnon

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

One day your dad won't be around and you will wish like hell that you had gone every single time. Ask me how I know.

This....it is not your dad`s fault - he is not on a diet...It is up to you to make good choises...And the same goes for the OP - it`s suppose to be a lifestyle, and life allows a burger now and then.....

Whoa! Slow down with the witch hunt there. This poster is 200 lbs overweight at 29. There are obvious food issues within the family. She is doing what she needs to do to get her eating under control, and if she doesn't trust herself to go to a restaurant right now, and potentially sabotage her efforts every week, then that is what she needs to do. She didn't say that she refused to spend time with her father, just that she declined a dinner out at a restaurant. Her father is the one who needs to understand how hard she is fighting morbid obesity and stop making her feel guilty by having to say no to him every week.

Perhaps some better communication with him about her needs at the moment, or even some family counseling might help in this situation.
Star- you do what you need to do for your health, and ignore those who don't understand your situation. No need for strangers to add even more guilt.

It's not a witch hunt just because someone gave advice you don't agree with.

There really is nothing wrong with going out to eat, and eating whatever you want, every once in a while, even if you are very obese. ***so long as*** it's not too often and you're hitting your calorie goals the rest of the time.

Really, people don't need to forgo family events - especially when it's family members they don't see all that often - just because they're trying to lose fat. It's just a matter of making sure you're on track the rest of the time, and that the restaurant trips aren't too often. If it's a family member that constantly wants to go out to restaurants, by all means say no on most occasions. But for the rarer occasions, with family you see less often, then yes, go with them, enjoy their company, enjoy a meal where you don't have to care and order exactly what you want, then get back on track with the eating plan afterwards.

emergencyninja

Chin up. He understood. You are being clear with you needs and brave to be sticking to your plan. You go girl! Be proud.

I couldn't have said it better. Solid.

kimosabe1

um, why are u fricken vegetarian? It tells you being a vegetarian is a crazy idea because the ultimate vegetarian burger is 2000 calories! Wake Up!

neandermagnon

um, why are u fricken vegetarian? It tells you being a vegetarian is a crazy idea because the ultimate vegetarian burger is 2000 calories! Wake Up!

Maybe she's vegetarian because she doesn't want to eat dead animals....?

IMO it's an ethical choice, not a health one. Although vegetarian diets, properly planned, can be healthy, and 2000 calorie veggie burgers are not typical.... vegetarian cooking can be nutritionally balanced or unbalanced just as meat eating cooking can be. I can make vegetarian meals that fit my macros very easily, just as I can make meat dishes that fit my macros.

BTW I'm not a vegetarian as I don't see what's wrong with eating dead animals, provided they're kept and killed as humanely as possible and/or hunted sustainably, but most vegetarians I know are vegetarian for ethical reasons. And I enjoy vegetarian food. Mmmmm.... tofu....

Ophidion

um, why are u fricken vegetarian? It tells you being a vegetarian is a crazy idea because the ultimate vegetarian burger is 2000 calories! Wake Up!

Wow nice rude and ignorant post!

OP does not need to justify her dietary preference and hate to break it to you there are plenty of omnivore option burgers in excess of 2000cals so is being a omnivore "crazy"

Nice logic...sorry I meant derp!

lookin08902

It's easier when you don't restrict your diet, plan ahead for special occasions, eat foods that you love. Also consider this, this isn't his new way of eating, it's yours. He shouldn't have to go on your diet. I am glad he is thoughtful, you should be too. How often does he and his friend get to go out together and eat? Not trying to bring you down, just pointing out the other side of the coin.

I think you did a really good thing by recognizing when you're ready to splurge, and when psychologically it's just not the right time. We have enough head battles without all the temptation. But at some point, I think you'll need to start thinking of a strategy to handle whatever situation comes up. Maybe cut that veggie burger in half, put it in a take out box, forget about it, then enjoy the rest, or something similar?

I live with 3 skinny kids, my in-laws (who are set in their ways), and my husband who plays basketball twice a week during lunch. We have all sorts of junk food in my house - making sure we have snacks for the kids and they're the foods my in-laws love. And this may yet be my downfall since I'm relatively new to this. But so far, I followed the advice of many here, plan for the (little) splurge - one small chocolate dove promise once week instead of everyday together with extra 5 minutes of jumping jacks, and you're still on target. There is a whole world out there, whether at work, school, with friends, at parties, at festivals, celebrations, etc. At some point, we'll need to come up with strategies to control our eating, while allowing others the flexibility to join us, or not.