Today I fell apart

lizcraft

It is natural to fall apart. Your hormones and your body are going all different directions. You are supposed to get those emotions out. They build up until you cant hold them anymore, then you cry or scream or hit something. It is ok to lose control. You should be proud that you said what you were feeling. It takes a lot of guts to say what you are feeling. And now that he knows you should voice your feelings more often. He will understand. He will support you.

If all else fails bring your dinner with you to the restaurant so that you can eat. I have done this a few times. If it is a restaurant that he wants to go to and you cant eat anything there then pack a dinner and when you get there order a drink. That way you are ordering something. If a manager asks let him know that you are eating healthy and you are not able to eat anything from the menu. They will understand that.

Good luck on your journey. I am rooting for you.

arrseegee

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

One day your dad won't be around and you will wish like hell that you had gone every single time. Ask me how I know.

Agreed

BrainyBurro

Thanks everyone, this made me feel better.

I TRIED to get him to go out with his friend just the two of them as boys night, I even tried to take too long at the gym so they wouldn't want to wait for me. But he insisted. I think its because I don't know his best friend very well, and he and I have been together for a long time, so my guess is he wanted us to get to know each other better, which is fair.


I know one night out isn't going to ruin everything. But its just not something I feel like I can do right now, does that make any sense? I can try to justify it more, but I feel like today, this day, I need to stay on complete track where as tomorrow or next week (or last Friday when I ate cake) I COULD bend things a little. Today is just not the day to do that.

eat half of it and take the other half home for tomorrow.

this is honestly NOT NEARLY AS HARD AS YOU ARE MAKING IT.

most people who are newly trying to get back into shape due to a new year's resolution fall into the trap of trying to adhere to an overly restrictive dietary intake, excessive amounts of exercise, and an all-or-nothing mindset that will eventually undermine all of their efforts.

relax. chill out. stop stressing so much. set REALISTIC goals and deadlines for yourself. life is meant to be enjoyed and food is part of that enjoyment. you also have no right to insist that others around you alter their behavior and/or enjoyment of life just because you are trying to get back into shape. when you're doing all of this the right way and your mind is in a good place, you'll come back and read this thread and wonder to yourself, "what the hell was i thinking?!"

TavistockToad

It's great that your BF is supportive.

That being said, why can't you just enjoy one meal out? It's not like it's going to undo all of your hard work. Enjoy the company and food, log it and move on.

Your going to come across these kinds of situations A LOT. It's best to not stress out too much, do the best you can, and accept there will be days over your calorie goal. Don't be too hard on yourself.

this...

why couldnt you have had a burger when he had his friend in town? one burger wont make you fat just like one salad wont make you thin...

lizcraft

um, why are u fricken vegetarian? It tells you being a vegetarian is a crazy idea because the ultimate vegetarian burger is 2000 calories! Wake Up!

To kimosabe1...that comment was uncalled for and rude. We are here to support each other. Not put someone down for being a vegetarian. You don't have to agree with someone's choices but support is huge so someone doesnot give up on themselves based on what someone else's judgements or views are.

msf74

eat half of it and take the other half home for tomorrow.

this is honestly NOT NEARLY AS HARD AS YOU ARE MAKING IT.

most people who are newly trying to get back into shape due to a new year's resolution fall into the trap of trying to adhere to an overly restrictive dietary intake, excessive amounts of exercise, and an all-or-nothing mindset that will eventually undermine all of their efforts.

relax. chill out. stop stressing so much. set REALISTIC goals and deadlines for yourself. life is meant to be enjoyed and food is part of that enjoyment. you also have no right to insist that others around you alter their behavior and/or enjoyment of life just because you are trying to get back into shape. when you're doing all of this the right way and your mind is in a good place, you'll come back and read this thread and wonder to yourself, "what the hell was i thinking?!"

This.

You need to ditch the "perfectionist / all or nothing" mindset pronto or it will mess you up.

Be consistent, not perfect and you will be golden.

DebbieLyn63

um, why are u fricken vegetarian? It tells you being a vegetarian is a crazy idea because the ultimate vegetarian burger is 2000 calories! Wake Up!

Maybe she's vegetarian because she doesn't want to eat dead animals....?

IMO it's an ethical choice, not a health one. Although vegetarian diets, properly planned, can be healthy, and 2000 calorie veggie burgers are not typical.... vegetarian cooking can be nutritionally balanced or unbalanced just as meat eating cooking can be. I can make vegetarian meals that fit my macros very easily, just as I can make meat dishes that fit my macros.

BTW I'm not a vegetarian as I don't see what's wrong with eating dead animals, provided they're kept and killed as humanely as possible and/or hunted sustainably, but most vegetarians I know are vegetarian for ethical reasons. And I enjoy vegetarian food. Mmmmm.... tofu....

It's not a witch hunt just because someone gave advice you don't agree with.

DebbieLyn63

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

One day your dad won't be around and you will wish like hell that you had gone every single time. Ask me how I know.

Agreed

But a couple of questions here-
Did she say she refused to spend time with her father, or just that she declined an every week offer to go out to eat? Perhaps they stayed in and she cooked a healthy dinner for him.

Why does going out for a restaurant meal equal love?

Many of us have families that equate huge meals with love. Food is what everything revolves around. Going out to dinner is the go-to entertainment choice. You show your love by baking cakes and pies at every family occasion. If someone doesn't eat all the foods when you are together, then they must be mad at someone or sick. The pressure some families put on over- eating is crazy. I grew up in this type of family, and 90% are morbidly obese.

Breaking this connection to food is very difficult, and there is tons of guilt involved. Loved ones don't do it on purpose, it is just all they know.

LTKeegan

To the people who were supportive, thank you, I really needed that.


To the people who know better than I do about myself and what I need on a given day: while I do appreciate your message, that I need to eat out and go crazy every so often, yesterday was not a day that I could reasonably do that. Do the people on this board NEVER have days that they know they really need to stick to their diet that day or else they'll be totally de-railed? Not because EVERY day you have to stick to your diet, but its just one of THOSE days?

OBVIOUSLY I need to go with the flow, sometimes, but I also need to stand up for whats best for me on some days. And when you already eat healthy 80% of the time and you're in the healthy weight range, and you exercise 3-5 days per week, there isn't a lot of wiggle room, and sometimes you know you can't reasonably burn those calories off later.


Edit: Oh, and standing up for myself was part of what made me lose it, because I was trying not to ruin their day but I was basically not given the option to opt-out.


And to the person who wants to comment on my choice of diet, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I'm vegetarian because I'm allergic to meat. Thanks for your concern.

LTKeegan

Also, we ended up going to an awesome locavore place and I had a fantastic (200 calorie) quinoa burger and winter veggie salad (YUM!!) and the boys ended up getting an apparently amazing butter chicken pizza.

WeepingAngel81

To the people who were supportive, thank you, I really needed that.


To the people who know better than I do about myself and what I need on a given day: while I do appreciate your message, that I need to eat out and go crazy every so often, yesterday was not a day that I could reasonably do that. Do the people on this board NEVER have days that they know they really need to stick to their diet that day or else they'll be totally de-railed? Not because EVERY day you have to stick to your diet, but its just one of THOSE days?

OBVIOUSLY I need to go with the flow, sometimes, but I also need to stand up for whats best for me on some days. And when you already eat healthy 80% of the time and you're in the healthy weight range, and you exercise 3-5 days per week, there isn't a lot of wiggle room, and sometimes you know you can't reasonably burn those calories off later.


Edit: Oh, and standing up for myself was part of what made me lose it, because I was trying not to ruin their day but I was basically not given the option to opt-out.


And to the person who wants to comment on my choice of diet, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I'm vegetarian because I'm allergic to meat. Thanks for your concern.

First- You do not need to justify your food choices with anyone. That person is trying to troll and derail your efforts for support.

Second- I totally understand where you are coming from with having days where you need to stay on track. It is very tough sometimes to not give in and go over board. It sounds to me perhaps you are an emotional eater? How long have you been trying to lose weight? How much do you want to lose? Keep in mind that your relationship with food should not be "scary". Learning to limit while enjoying "fun" foods is a very important lesson in all of this. It sounds like you are getting there with that (having days where you know you can give in a little) but your mindset needs to change from not giving in (and getting emotional when it can't be helped), to simply choosing what your lifestyle will be and holding your head high.

Third- I have been single through all of my efforts, but I have seen and heard of relationships falling apart because one person wants to eat whatever they want and to enjoy it with their SO while the other becomes an obsession. There needs to be a balance. I don't have the answer on how to find it, but it's important that you both understand each other's needs and how this is going to effect you both.

LTKeegan

To the people who were supportive, thank you, I really needed that.


To the people who know better than I do about myself and what I need on a given day: while I do appreciate your message, that I need to eat out and go crazy every so often, yesterday was not a day that I could reasonably do that. Do the people on this board NEVER have days that they know they really need to stick to their diet that day or else they'll be totally de-railed? Not because EVERY day you have to stick to your diet, but its just one of THOSE days?

OBVIOUSLY I need to go with the flow, sometimes, but I also need to stand up for whats best for me on some days. And when you already eat healthy 80% of the time and you're in the healthy weight range, and you exercise 3-5 days per week, there isn't a lot of wiggle room, and sometimes you know you can't reasonably burn those calories off later.


Edit: Oh, and standing up for myself was part of what made me lose it, because I was trying not to ruin their day but I was basically not given the option to opt-out.


And to the person who wants to comment on my choice of diet, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I'm vegetarian because I'm allergic to meat. Thanks for your concern.

First- You do not need to justify your food choices with anyone. That person is trying to troll and derail your efforts for support.

Second- I totally understand where you are coming from with having days where you need to stay on track. It is very tough sometimes to not give in and go over board. It sounds to me perhaps you are an emotional eater? How long have you been trying to lose weight? How much do you want to lose? Keep in mind that your relationship with food should not be "scary". Learning to limit while enjoying "fun" foods is a very important lesson in all of this. It sounds like you are getting there with that (having days where you know you can give in a little) but your mindset needs to change from not giving in (and getting emotional when it can't be helped), to simply choosing what your lifestyle will be and holding your head high.

Third- I have been single through all of my efforts, but I have seen and heard of relationships falling apart because one person wants to eat whatever they want and to enjoy it with their SO while the other becomes an obsession. There needs to be a balance. I don't have the answer on how to find it, but it's important that you both understand each other's needs and how this is going to effect you both.

Thanks


I don't think I'm an emotional eater, I'm 5'6", 137lbs and I'm trying to lose somewhere around 10-15lbs for athletic performance, so not much weight, and I don't have much to lose, I'm just trying to drop a small amount of body fat (I'm now about 22% looking to hit 18-20%).

I'm not afraid of food, I love cooking (its one of the things my BF and I love to do together) and I don't tend to over eat or eat when I get emotional (I know, I'm on a weight loss site, I must over eat, but I only gained weight when I started lifting and eating in excess-- for muscle building, which is what I wanted/needed for athletic performance two years ago, and now I need to lose the fat that I had before I started gaining muscle to further improve.) So it feels like I need to be strict-er, because if I'm not, I will literally be exactly where I was before, eating healthy and exercising and maintaining a healthy weight at a % body fat higher than I want.

The issue is that when I get emotional, I become a control freak, when I'm upset, I need everything to go according to plan. And I know this is something I need to work on, I've been working on it for years. But I had a rough day and I tried to go to the climbing gym, and it was closed for a competition, and then I spent an hour in traffic, and then I went to crossfit and did intervals, already an hour after I wanted to eat dinner and THEN my efforts to eat healthy food were being ignored. So I think thats why I was freaking out so hard. PLEASE don't point out that I need to be less of a control freak. Trust me, I know.

WeepingAngel81

PLEASE don't point out that I need to be less of a control freak. Trust me, I know.

:laugh: I won't point it out, but I am glad you realize where the problem lies. From the sounds of your OP it seemed as though you had an unhealthy relationship with food.

I know you already see this as a goal, but perhaps breaking your goals down day by day. That way, when you know something is planned, such as eating out, you can reevaluate your goals without feeling as though you're losing control. Just a thought!

ashcky

If it was me I probably would have just let my boyfriend choose the Burger place and let my diet take a back seat to his quality time with a friend he hasn't seen in awhile.

But also its taken me awhile to not beat myself up about being in control. I ate horribly last week but decided that getting mad ay myself would just lead to another bad week. And even though I thought I did bad, I actually lost 1.9 pounds

cebreisch

Don't feel awful. It's so hard to be so good for so long, and sometimes an "all to pieces" can really help us get it out of our system. It SUCKS trying to lose weight and having to work so hard at it. Where do you think the phrase "I don't have time for the breakdown I so justly deserve!" came from!! LOL

It is what it is. Like other's have said, I probably would have just gone to the burger place and had what I wanted and said, "oh well" because you know the friend is only going to be around for a short time, and hubby really wants to go. Sometimes it's hard to "let one meal go" when you're in your groove - whether you're a control freak or not! LOL

I saw something on here once that said something to the effect of, "when Life happens, simply yell "PLOT TWIST" and turn the other direction."

Keep your chin up and remember, you're awesome!!

1shauna1

Sounds like it took him a bit of time but he realized that it would be really hard for you to go there. Good boyfriend! Don't be afraid to speak up and tell him your needs, he sounds like a good one and will listen & help you. Put this behind you, go out with his buddy to a different place (they can go to the burger joint together tomorrow if they really want) and have a great time!

deksgrl

Call the restaurant, see if they can make you a salad, or what accommodations they can make for anyone with special dietary needs.

If there is nothing else they will do for you, then ask them to box half the meal before they bring it to you (make sure you eat a snack at home so you aren't starving eating just half). Or, eat at home and just come and socialize with an unsweetened iced tea while they eat.

There are a lot of options here that will allow you to participate without wrecking your plan.

Slaintegrl

Have your moment, learn from it and move on. My dad invites me out to eat once a week. I always refuse because I know I won't be able to eat right. He understands but is disappointed. One day it will hit the people we love that we'd rather eat at home and stay within our macros than go out to eat and ruin our week while being completely dissatisfied. You can do this! Great job for talking about it and resolving your issues!

How can one night out with your father ruin your entire week? He's the only father you'll ever have and when he's gone, you'll likely miss him like crazy! One day it may hit him that your "macros" are more important to your life than he is, and on that day, he'll probably stop asking. Trust me, my dad's been gone over 30 years and oh, how I wish I could go out to dinner with him just once more.

MysteriousMerlin

This is where you need to work on remembering that one night out isn't going to ruin everything. If your boyfriend wanted you to go with him and his friend then you go out enjoy yourself, log it and move on. Next day you get back on track. Or let the guys go out and have their good time, and you find something else to do, if all you're going to worry about is your diet.

You said you only go out when people are visiting so unless you get company every night, the occasional meal out isn't going to impact your weight loss.

*applause*

I will never let my lifestyle prevent me from hanging out with my husband, family or friends. When I know beforehand, I simply plan it into my day. If I don't, then I try not to go over, but if I do, then I make up for it the next day. It shouldn't stress you out to the point of tears :flowerforyou: Your boyfriend's a gem!

LTKeegan

Thanks everyone

And yeah, my boyfriend is totally a keeper

SexKittenlovesitrough

if you can't enjoy this....then it's not much of a lifestyle change.

you sound miserable.

i'm sorry (hugs)

uzumesama

I know one night out isn't going to ruin everything. But its just not something I feel like I can do right now, does that make any sense? I can try to justify it more, but I feel like today, this day, I need to stay on complete track where as tomorrow or next week (or last Friday when I ate cake) I COULD bend things a little. Today is just not the day to do that.

I completely understand. Some days we are hanging on by a single thread and the desire to revert to unhealthy habits is just lurking around the corner. Those days are the worst, as it's truly an internal struggle between your willpower and old eating patterns.

But that said, learning to forgive yourself and move on, if you have a bad food day is key. If we learn to do this, we graduate from the fad dieting mentality to health as a lifestyle.