Annoyed Husband...

245

Replies

  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,015 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    I don't understand the question/issue. There are no times you can use the TV that he is not home/doing something else? You only have 1 TV? You can each eat your own food without worrying about what the other is eating.......Does he prepare the meals or do you or do you each fend for yourself?
  • RunMyOregonBunsOff
    RunMyOregonBunsOff Posts: 862 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    Try making a deal with him like if you get to bench mark weights he gets something and when you get to your goal weight he gets a big prize. What ever will motivate him most. It could be dinner someplace he loves, a weekend trip, bow chicka wow wow...feeling like there is something in it for him (because he loves you how you are) might help him to cheer you on because it's like cheering for both of you.
  • monikagiesbrecht
    monikagiesbrecht Posts: 194 Member
    See my husband does not really ever cook or anything so its all me. However I do ask him ALL the time what he is hungry for, that way I dont just make food that I want and that suit my 'diet'. For lunches (for work) we shop completely separately. He will get cookies, chips, pudding, danishes, candy, chocolate and just anything like that. and i strictly get apples, oranges and grapefruits and like cucumbers. so it's not that i even make him eat what I eat, I always let him get what he wants.

    We do have more than one TV, one is 55" and the other one is like a standard smaller box tv (dont know how big) however only where the big one is, there is room to do anything and that's the one he likes to watch. I try to do something else while he is watching, however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.

    I'm also not constantly telling him calories and such, If he asks if I wants some chips and salsa (example) then i'll be like no i shouldn't, not good for my diet and tons of sodium/calories/whatever else. then he rolls his eyes. He will eat it in front of me (which doesn't bother me) but he will continually tell me how good they are and i'm missing out and all kinds, yet i wont take one ever..
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    Is that him in your picture? He doesn't look tiny.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,069 Member
    go the ninja route.
    dont talk about the calories
    dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
    dont talk about the workouts.

    just DO.

    DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.

    and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.
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  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
    When it is time for me to work out, my husband minds our son to make sure he doesn't interrupt me. If he comes in the room while I am grunting and strugglin with my 5th push up, he'll say, "get you some honey!" and then he looks down at me with this gaze that is all at once challenging and resolute, as if he is assessing what I am made of. It makes me try harder. When it is time for me to do my meditation in the evening, he takes over the parenting, putting our son to sleep so that I am not disturbed. When I am minding the food I eat, he is supportive and suggests healthier alternatives. I do the same for him. He knows that when I am healthier, I am happier, and when I am happier I am a nicer person. Also I feel more sexy, and as such, I am more interested in sex and this is just a win/win situation for both of us. All of us really, because then he is in a better mood. My relationship is secure with love and trust and freedom. I am grateful for this. I am rich.
  • sheermomentum
    sheermomentum Posts: 827 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    I think the words you're looking for are "suck it up."
  • LRoslin
    LRoslin Posts: 128
    See my husband does not really ever cook or anything so its all me. However I do ask him ALL the time what he is hungry for, that way I dont just make food that I want and that suit my 'diet'. For lunches (for work) we shop completely separately. He will get cookies, chips, pudding, danishes, candy, chocolate and just anything like that. and i strictly get apples, oranges and grapefruits and like cucumbers. so it's not that i even make him eat what I eat, I always let him get what he wants.

    We do have more than one TV, one is 55" and the other one is like a standard smaller box tv (dont know how big) however only where the big one is, there is room to do anything and that's the one he likes to watch. I try to do something else while he is watching, however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.

    I'm also not constantly telling him calories and such, If he asks if I wants some chips and salsa (example) then i'll be like no i shouldn't, not good for my diet and tons of sodium/calories/whatever else. then he rolls his eyes. He will eat it in front of me (which doesn't bother me) but he will continually tell me how good they are and i'm missing out and all kinds, yet i wont take one ever..

    Next time he offers you something that doesn't fit your goals, just say, "No thanks, I'm not in the mood/I'm not hungry," and let it go. He probably feels like he's getting a mini-lecture about HIS diet. You don't need to give him reasons why you're not eating something, it's your business. Just like it's his business if he wants to stuff his face. And if keeps eating on about how good they are, just say "I'm glad you're enjoying them, honey!" You can also make yourself healthier versions of foods like that and eat it in front of HIM. :)

    As for the TV, is there a way you can move the smaller TV into a larger room? Or a basement? Or maybe tell him you could just join a gym and work out there, if it bothers him so much. I'm more concerned about his telling you that YOU don't have time to work out. Is he your nanny, does he have you on a schedule? Tell him you know perfectly well how much time you have in the day, but thanks for being so concerned!
  • I would have to agree that your husband sounds immature and unsupportive. He is more than likely taking it out on you that he is unable to put on weight and you are concerned about losing it. So he is projecting his failure onto you.

    I think that if the TV is a big issue you should get a gym pass and go to the gym and let him have the TV. However, realize that once he see's you spending time at the gym and making new friends.. and being surrounded by men who are getting in shape he will either 1. get motivated and want to go with you or 2. get insecure and wanna argue.

    Either way you married someone who isn't on the same page as you and he will have to change that.. however I doubt he will.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    A lot of people are saying your husband must be super controlling, and/or threatened that you'll lose weight and leave him.

    I call B.S. in this particular situation.

    I think it's much more likely that your husband is just annoyed and/or inconvenienced by some things regarding your diet & exercise habits. It would be easier for him if you stayed at your current weight, which he likes you at just fine, and did all of the same stuff as he does. There's nothing really BAD or wrong with that attitude but he does need to change it.

    Just sayin'...not every slightly frustrated spouse is that way because of evil intentions or their own insecurity.
  • I think his lack of support is annoying...he should be cheering you on when you make decisions to be healthier...his response is really selfish. Its reaslly hard to change your habits and to turn down foods that are tempting..its hard to stick to exercise routines when you have lots of demands on your time and energy...I say ignore his eye rolls and stick with it regardless of how annoyed he is - you deserve to spend the time you need to take care of yourself, you also deserve to be applauded and feel good about the changes you're making. Good luck!!
  • Rose6300
    Rose6300 Posts: 232 Member
    go the ninja route.
    dont talk about the calories
    dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
    dont talk about the workouts.

    just DO.

    DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.

    and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.


    I agree with everything except the last part. When I start eating healthier/exercising more, I tell my hubs what I'm doing and then that's it. Once. I don't talk about calories or exercise or him or anything. It's not his battle. And it's none of my business if he should or shouldn't eat healthier/exercise more. Oftentimes he'll start in making changes a few weeks after I do, but that's because he feels like it. And if he complains about his progress I will tell him tweaks he can make if he wants to, only because I tend to read a lot more about this stuff than he does. (We tend to let ourselves go for a year or two then be good for a year or two etc etc.). No reason to "go get some strange" though.
  • walterm852
    walterm852 Posts: 408 Member
    Love the Ninja comment

    Just keep communicating and focus on the solution vs right and wrong

    Happy wife, happy life and the reserve is good too
  • HappyStack
    HappyStack Posts: 802 Member
    A lot of people are saying your husband must be super controlling, and/or threatened that you'll lose weight and leave him.

    I call B.S. in this particular situation.

    I think it's much more likely that your husband is just annoyed and/or inconvenienced by some things regarding your diet & exercise habits. It would be easier for him if you stayed at your current weight, which he likes you at just fine, and did all of the same stuff as he does. There's nothing really BAD or wrong with that attitude but he does need to change it.

    Just sayin'...not every slightly frustrated spouse is that way because of evil intentions or their own insecurity.

    Yes.

    Honestly, OP should talk to her husband. If he's not willing to be supportive or compromise and she's not doing anything too annoying (I'd cut out talking about calories/sodium, etc. at all) then the best course of action is to just get on with it quietly and hope he comes around. You can't force it on him, but you also can't allow him to hinder your progress and make you miserable just because he's uncomfortable with your changes.
  • monikagiesbrecht
    monikagiesbrecht Posts: 194 Member
    Yes that picture is of him, that was taken about 1.5 years ago already and hes smaller now.

    I never tell him he needs to work out, get in shape, eat better, or anything. I have asked him if he wanted to go for a jog with me.. and he says no he doesn't wanna jog.

    As for getting a Gym membership, I live about 30 minutes to the nearest gym, and its kind of a long way to go for that!

    See he grew up with Women do house work, Men sit and watch TV.. and this applies to everything apparently. Its just hard to stay motivated when i have to see this on daily basis.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    This topic always cracks me up. Nobody ever likes change, so when someone pulls up their bootstraps and tries to do something better for themselves, it's always soo much trouble for everyone else. They're annoyed become it's suddenly obvious just how bad they're eating, or that they're not exercising like they want to or feel they should, so they feel guilty, and by the way, it's all YOUR fault. LOL (Couldn't possibly be THEIR fault.)

    Ugh.

    For about 8 months, my husband kept having what he was having, and noticed me eating different. He never really said anything about it, but I noticed the looks/glances from him like, 'Hmm....she never had GRILLED chicken nuggets before..." Then he started logging on MFP. Suddenly, he said he couldn't believe how he thought he was eating relatively healthy, and that what he was having was actually worse for him than he thought! Well Halleluiah!

    Now he's been through P90X twice, and done Insanity. He's getting on me now saying that I can't not exercise forever - I'm going t have to start at it sometime.

    Sometimes you just can't win for losing! LOL

    Seriously though - communication is key. Work something out with scheduling the TV or getting another TV....something... I don't know if I could resist being smarty-pants telling him that your getting healthy is more important than him sitting on his butt wasting time watching TV.

    I've started saying that stuff isn't "food journal friendly" instead of "I can't have that." something about putting it that way makes it better for me - that I could have it if I so choose to, but I choose not to because there are better choices I could make.

    By all means, let him know that this is important to you, and let him know how he can be more supportive to your efforts.
  • TheApocalypse
    TheApocalypse Posts: 319 Member
    See my husband does not really ever cook or anything so its all me. However I do ask him ALL the time what he is hungry for, that way I dont just make food that I want and that suit my 'diet'. For lunches (for work) we shop completely separately. He will get cookies, chips, pudding, danishes, candy, chocolate and just anything like that. and i strictly get apples, oranges and grapefruits and like cucumbers. so it's not that i even make him eat what I eat, I always let him get what he wants.

    We do have more than one TV, one is 55" and the other one is like a standard smaller box tv (dont know how big) however only where the big one is, there is room to do anything and that's the one he likes to watch. I try to do something else while he is watching, however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.

    I'm also not constantly telling him calories and such, If he asks if I wants some chips and salsa (example) then i'll be like no i shouldn't, not good for my diet and tons of sodium/calories/whatever else. then he rolls his eyes. He will eat it in front of me (which doesn't bother me) but he will continually tell me how good they are and i'm missing out and all kinds, yet i wont take one ever..

    If he doesn't like what you make then he just needs to learn how to cook for himself...

    As for the TV... He sounds like he needs a reality check... or an *kitten* whoopin.
  • unhgoose
    unhgoose Posts: 122 Member
    Good luck with that and I'm not being sarcastic. My husband's mother did everything for him and it took years for us to get to a more balanced home life. Honestly we had marriage counseling and it made a huge difference on how we communicate and what expectations we brought to our marriage.

    But anyway...the first time I lost weight my husband was fairly unsupportive. From his perspective he was losing a partner in serious food and drink indulgence and he missed it. Also I was asking him to cook better food and when I cooked it was healthier stuff.

    This worked for me: I workout before anyone else is awake. So I do DVD's at 5:30 in the morning - which is also usually before the kids are up. I work out on the computer so the TV is free for the kids in case they do get up. I do indulge in goodies with my husband occasionally, but when he makes something yummy and bad for me I usually just say no thanks or have a bite. And I ask him not to make my favorite things unless I've planned for them. I'm lucky that he's a good cook, but I wish he baked a little less.

    Life is easier now because he's trying to lose weight too. I think it is much harder when you're the only one changing your lifestyle. So keep at it and good luck.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
    I'd agree with the "go ninja" advice for the food. The TV issue where he's coming in while you're mid workout and wants to use it is just childish and selfish. I wouldn't stop my workout in a situation like that regardless of how he was raised. I'd simply tell him, "Okay, I'll be done in XX minutes and you're welcome to it when I'm done." And then continue what I'm doing while ignoring him. Marriage is a give and take and you guys need to work together. I'm sure I've annoyed my husband plenty of times over the 22 years we've been married but he would never expect me to stop in the middle of something just so he could have his way. Only toddlers and extremely narcissistic people do that.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,799 Member
    Luckily, I do all the cooking in my household. I used to ocassionally get comments when I would adjust my intake based on my calories consumed, but about a month ago, I just told everyone that I am going to eat 1500 calories a day and, if at the end of the day, I have to make any radical adjustments, that's the way it is and I don't need any guidance, coaching, remarks or criticism.

    They seem to be getting over it.