Annoyed Husband...
Replies
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I think his lack of support is annoying...he should be cheering you on when you make decisions to be healthier...his response is really selfish. Its reaslly hard to change your habits and to turn down foods that are tempting..its hard to stick to exercise routines when you have lots of demands on your time and energy...I say ignore his eye rolls and stick with it regardless of how annoyed he is - you deserve to spend the time you need to take care of yourself, you also deserve to be applauded and feel good about the changes you're making. Good luck!!0
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go the ninja route.
dont talk about the calories
dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
dont talk about the workouts.
just DO.
DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.
and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.
I agree with everything except the last part. When I start eating healthier/exercising more, I tell my hubs what I'm doing and then that's it. Once. I don't talk about calories or exercise or him or anything. It's not his battle. And it's none of my business if he should or shouldn't eat healthier/exercise more. Oftentimes he'll start in making changes a few weeks after I do, but that's because he feels like it. And if he complains about his progress I will tell him tweaks he can make if he wants to, only because I tend to read a lot more about this stuff than he does. (We tend to let ourselves go for a year or two then be good for a year or two etc etc.). No reason to "go get some strange" though.0 -
Love the Ninja comment
Just keep communicating and focus on the solution vs right and wrong
Happy wife, happy life and the reserve is good too0 -
A lot of people are saying your husband must be super controlling, and/or threatened that you'll lose weight and leave him.
I call B.S. in this particular situation.
I think it's much more likely that your husband is just annoyed and/or inconvenienced by some things regarding your diet & exercise habits. It would be easier for him if you stayed at your current weight, which he likes you at just fine, and did all of the same stuff as he does. There's nothing really BAD or wrong with that attitude but he does need to change it.
Just sayin'...not every slightly frustrated spouse is that way because of evil intentions or their own insecurity.
Yes.
Honestly, OP should talk to her husband. If he's not willing to be supportive or compromise and she's not doing anything too annoying (I'd cut out talking about calories/sodium, etc. at all) then the best course of action is to just get on with it quietly and hope he comes around. You can't force it on him, but you also can't allow him to hinder your progress and make you miserable just because he's uncomfortable with your changes.0 -
Yes that picture is of him, that was taken about 1.5 years ago already and hes smaller now.
I never tell him he needs to work out, get in shape, eat better, or anything. I have asked him if he wanted to go for a jog with me.. and he says no he doesn't wanna jog.
As for getting a Gym membership, I live about 30 minutes to the nearest gym, and its kind of a long way to go for that!
See he grew up with Women do house work, Men sit and watch TV.. and this applies to everything apparently. Its just hard to stay motivated when i have to see this on daily basis.0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
This topic always cracks me up. Nobody ever likes change, so when someone pulls up their bootstraps and tries to do something better for themselves, it's always soo much trouble for everyone else. They're annoyed become it's suddenly obvious just how bad they're eating, or that they're not exercising like they want to or feel they should, so they feel guilty, and by the way, it's all YOUR fault. LOL (Couldn't possibly be THEIR fault.)
Ugh.
For about 8 months, my husband kept having what he was having, and noticed me eating different. He never really said anything about it, but I noticed the looks/glances from him like, 'Hmm....she never had GRILLED chicken nuggets before..." Then he started logging on MFP. Suddenly, he said he couldn't believe how he thought he was eating relatively healthy, and that what he was having was actually worse for him than he thought! Well Halleluiah!
Now he's been through P90X twice, and done Insanity. He's getting on me now saying that I can't not exercise forever - I'm going t have to start at it sometime.
Sometimes you just can't win for losing! LOL
Seriously though - communication is key. Work something out with scheduling the TV or getting another TV....something... I don't know if I could resist being smarty-pants telling him that your getting healthy is more important than him sitting on his butt wasting time watching TV.
I've started saying that stuff isn't "food journal friendly" instead of "I can't have that." something about putting it that way makes it better for me - that I could have it if I so choose to, but I choose not to because there are better choices I could make.
By all means, let him know that this is important to you, and let him know how he can be more supportive to your efforts.0 -
See my husband does not really ever cook or anything so its all me. However I do ask him ALL the time what he is hungry for, that way I dont just make food that I want and that suit my 'diet'. For lunches (for work) we shop completely separately. He will get cookies, chips, pudding, danishes, candy, chocolate and just anything like that. and i strictly get apples, oranges and grapefruits and like cucumbers. so it's not that i even make him eat what I eat, I always let him get what he wants.
We do have more than one TV, one is 55" and the other one is like a standard smaller box tv (dont know how big) however only where the big one is, there is room to do anything and that's the one he likes to watch. I try to do something else while he is watching, however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.
I'm also not constantly telling him calories and such, If he asks if I wants some chips and salsa (example) then i'll be like no i shouldn't, not good for my diet and tons of sodium/calories/whatever else. then he rolls his eyes. He will eat it in front of me (which doesn't bother me) but he will continually tell me how good they are and i'm missing out and all kinds, yet i wont take one ever..
If he doesn't like what you make then he just needs to learn how to cook for himself...
As for the TV... He sounds like he needs a reality check... or an *kitten* whoopin.0 -
Good luck with that and I'm not being sarcastic. My husband's mother did everything for him and it took years for us to get to a more balanced home life. Honestly we had marriage counseling and it made a huge difference on how we communicate and what expectations we brought to our marriage.
But anyway...the first time I lost weight my husband was fairly unsupportive. From his perspective he was losing a partner in serious food and drink indulgence and he missed it. Also I was asking him to cook better food and when I cooked it was healthier stuff.
This worked for me: I workout before anyone else is awake. So I do DVD's at 5:30 in the morning - which is also usually before the kids are up. I work out on the computer so the TV is free for the kids in case they do get up. I do indulge in goodies with my husband occasionally, but when he makes something yummy and bad for me I usually just say no thanks or have a bite. And I ask him not to make my favorite things unless I've planned for them. I'm lucky that he's a good cook, but I wish he baked a little less.
Life is easier now because he's trying to lose weight too. I think it is much harder when you're the only one changing your lifestyle. So keep at it and good luck.0 -
I'd agree with the "go ninja" advice for the food. The TV issue where he's coming in while you're mid workout and wants to use it is just childish and selfish. I wouldn't stop my workout in a situation like that regardless of how he was raised. I'd simply tell him, "Okay, I'll be done in XX minutes and you're welcome to it when I'm done." And then continue what I'm doing while ignoring him. Marriage is a give and take and you guys need to work together. I'm sure I've annoyed my husband plenty of times over the 22 years we've been married but he would never expect me to stop in the middle of something just so he could have his way. Only toddlers and extremely narcissistic people do that.0
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Luckily, I do all the cooking in my household. I used to ocassionally get comments when I would adjust my intake based on my calories consumed, but about a month ago, I just told everyone that I am going to eat 1500 calories a day and, if at the end of the day, I have to make any radical adjustments, that's the way it is and I don't need any guidance, coaching, remarks or criticism.
They seem to be getting over it.0 -
When it is time for me to work out, my husband minds our son to make sure he doesn't interrupt me. If he comes in the room while I am grunting and strugglin with my 5th push up, he'll say, "get you some honey!" and then he looks down at me with this gaze that is all at once challenging and resolute, as if he is assessing what I am made of. It makes me try harder. When it is time for me to do my meditation in the evening, he takes over the parenting, putting our son to sleep so that I am not disturbed. When I am minding the food I eat, he is supportive and suggests healthier alternatives. I do the same for him. He knows that when I am healthier, I am happier, and when I am happier I am a nicer person. Also I feel more sexy, and as such, I am more interested in sex and this is just a win/win situation for both of us. All of us really, because then he is in a better mood. My relationship is secure with love and trust and freedom. I am grateful for this. I am rich.
This is my relationship. My husband is a Triathlete, he wasn't always, he was always a smaller guy and could just decide to do things, he just started running one day, did a 5k a week later, I on the other hand struggle. He can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, but he chooses to support me, and not make things more difficult on me in this journey. He helps me make good food choices and offfers me any knowledge he has. I wish I had more to say, but I feel like as your husband he should be supportive, maybe take the journey with you, everyone could afford to live a little healthier. I hope you guys can find common ground.0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry, but there is no "trying" to be supportive IMO. You either support the person you love, or you don't. If he's getting annoyed I would assume it's because 1.) he's really not supportive OR b.) you talk about it to the point where it's incredibly irksome to keep hearing.
Can you maybe meet him halfway and stop talking about WHY you don't want certain things. Maybe keep it at a simple, "No thanks, I'm good!" instead of "Oh, I don't want those chips because I've already gone over my carbs by 2g today and it would also put me over in fat by 4g, not to mention I'm too close to my daily calorie goal to truly enjoy any amount of chips."
As for your DVD workouts getting in the way of him wanting to watch TV, can you discuss a compromise where you set up a schedule for your workouts and stick to it? Maybe avoid doing it during the times his favorite shows are on? If you have to give up the TV for him to watch shows, he should reciprocate and give it up so you can do your workouts.
If you haven't already, I think it would be important to discuss your feelings with him instead of an internet forum. Communication and honesty is important in relationships. He needs to know how he is making you feel and he should make an attempt to explain to you exactly WHY he is so irritated with the situation. The fix could be something simple, but you'll never know until the problem is discussed openly and honestly with each other.0 -
Yes that picture is of him, that was taken about 1.5 years ago already and hes smaller now.
I never tell him he needs to work out, get in shape, eat better, or anything. I have asked him if he wanted to go for a jog with me.. and he says no he doesn't wanna jog.
As for getting a Gym membership, I live about 30 minutes to the nearest gym, and its kind of a long way to go for that!
See he grew up with Women do house work, Men sit and watch TV.. and this applies to everything apparently. Its just hard to stay motivated when i have to see this on daily basis.
I don't understand how this is keeping you from reaching your goals.0 -
See my husband does not really ever cook or anything so its all me. However I do ask him ALL the time what he is hungry for, that way I dont just make food that I want and that suit my 'diet'. For lunches (for work) we shop completely separately. He will get cookies, chips, pudding, danishes, candy, chocolate and just anything like that. and i strictly get apples, oranges and grapefruits and like cucumbers. so it's not that i even make him eat what I eat, I always let him get what he wants.
We do have more than one TV, one is 55" and the other one is like a standard smaller box tv (dont know how big) however only where the big one is, there is room to do anything and that's the one he likes to watch. I try to do something else while he is watching, however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.
I'm also not constantly telling him calories and such, If he asks if I wants some chips and salsa (example) then i'll be like no i shouldn't, not good for my diet and tons of sodium/calories/whatever else. then he rolls his eyes. He will eat it in front of me (which doesn't bother me) but he will continually tell me how good they are and i'm missing out and all kinds, yet i wont take one ever..
I agree with everyone else... ninja route about the exercise/diet and communication about the TV/lack of support. Keep asking him if he'd like to do things with you occasionally (I'd start with going on walks) and don't be offended if he refuses.
I would also suggest trying not to mentally judge what he's eating. Even if you're not saying anything (which you are when you refuse a food he offers and then list everything bad about it), any disapproval can likely be seen on your face.0 -
Wow! So much negativity. I assume the OP didn't post to hear how bad her husband is.
I agree with the general opinion here that it's up to us to do more and talk less. We have to realize that part of what makes us successful in changing lifelong habits is determination and the stubborn will to succeed. As we all know, this ain't easy. In our drive to change, it's very easy to start preaching to others and to get on other people's nerves. I try very hard not to talk about my eating habits with anyone. Even my own family. When I shop for food, I continue to buy the same junk that I always did. It's not my wife and childrens' problem that I changed my eating habits. I'm very lucky that my wife cooks very healthy to begin with. I never ask her to make anything special for me but she occasionally will. When going to other people, if they ask, I always tell them to cook whatever they want. With proper planning it can fit into my calorie allowance.
That being said, there definitely is some compromise needed . I think if you talk to your husband and point out how much work you're putting into this, he will be willing to make some compromise.
But we all have to remember to stop preaching (unless asked).0 -
Have you ever tried to eat while someone tells you what is wrong with that food? Even if it is someone with a severe medical condition limiting their choices, it can be quite off putting. Just learn to say "no, thank you."0
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If he wants the TV while you are exercising just say"the small TV is free. I'll be done with this one in x minutes".
He won't like it but sharing is god!0 -
Thanks! Will talk to him!0
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Yes that picture is of him, that was taken about 1.5 years ago already and hes smaller now.
I never tell him he needs to work out, get in shape, eat better, or anything. I have asked him if he wanted to go for a jog with me.. and he says no he doesn't wanna jog.
<b>As for getting a Gym membership, I live about 30 minutes to the nearest gym, and its kind of a long way to go for that! </b>
See he grew up with Women do house work, Men sit and watch TV.. and this applies to everything apparently. Its just hard to stay motivated when i have to see this on daily basis.
Why is that a long way to have some time to yourself where you can do what you need to do without inconveniencing him? I live 30 min away from my gym and three times a week I drive the 20 min home from work, take care of dinner and spend time with the family, then turn around and drive the 30 min to take a 1 hour boxing class. I also take time during the day before going home to go to the gym (since it is only 10 min away at that point). It may seem extreme to drive 30 min one way just to workout, but at least you know you will be able to workout.0 -
when i read your post, it reminded me of that your husband is a total douche. All i can think of why he is acting this way is for one, he wants you too himself, and he doesnot want any other men to look at you. The other thing is he might secretly love plus size women, if you loose weight, he may or maynot be attracted to you. Just a thought, if you need a friend you can add me.0
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" Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
His wife could eat no lean.
And so between them both, you see,
They licked the platter clean"
Except switch the roles. I bet you can work it out if you can communicate. Good Luck!0 -
Compromise might be a good idea. Can you afford a second TV? one for him to watch and one for you to work out on? Also, can you just not mention why you can't eat certain foods, and just not eat them? Sometimes maybe his annoyance isn't that you can't eat them, but that you constantly mention it. Have a discussion about the root of the issues at hand.
BonecrusherBrews is really cool.
I agree with the above. And thank you.
Similarly, I don't get a lot of support from my wife about working out and eating right. It used to frustrate her when I would get up early to go to the gym or not join her in late-night snacks etc. I just down-play the "why" and things have gotten a lot easier. A discussion isn't a bad idea but some of it is just wiring. Some people don't "get" why others enjoy working out and choosing healthy foods.0 -
Compromise might be a good idea. Can you afford a second TV? one for him to watch and one for you to work out on? Also, can you just not mention why you can't eat certain foods, and just not eat them? Sometimes maybe his annoyance isn't that you can't eat them, but that you constantly mention it. Have a discussion about the root of the issues at hand.
BonecrusherBrews is really cool.
I agree with the above. And thank you.
Similarly, I don't get a lot of support from my wife about working out and eating right. It used to frustrate her when I would get up early to go to the gym or not join her in late-night snacks etc. I just down-play the "why" and things have gotten a lot easier. A discussion isn't a bad idea but some of it is just wiring. Some people don't "get" why others enjoy working out and choosing healthy foods.
:drinker:0 -
Yes that picture is of him, that was taken about 1.5 years ago already and hes smaller now.
I never tell him he needs to work out, get in shape, eat better, or anything. I have asked him if he wanted to go for a jog with me.. and he says no he doesn't wanna jog.
As for getting a Gym membership, I live about 30 minutes to the nearest gym, and its kind of a long way to go for that!
See he grew up with Women do house work, Men sit and watch TV.. and this applies to everything apparently. Its just hard to stay motivated when i have to see this on daily basis.
30 minutes is too far to go to work out? Find some motivation. When I went to the gym to work out, I drove 30 miles, worked out 1-1/2 to 2 hours, and then drove back home. If it's important to you to work out, then go. 30 miles isn't that far. If you don't want to go that far, find a way to do it at home. When I moved to a place where I couldn't get to the gym, I bought an elliptical. Back when I couldn't afford either, I either ran outside or worked out to DVDs. Find what works for you. My husband sat on the couch while I worked out too. I didn't care if he did that. He is not me. My motivation is within me, it does not come from him.0 -
Yes that picture is of him, that was taken about 1.5 years ago already and hes smaller now.
I never tell him he needs to work out, get in shape, eat better, or anything. I have asked him if he wanted to go for a jog with me.. and he says no he doesn't wanna jog.
As for getting a Gym membership, I live about 30 minutes to the nearest gym, and its kind of a long way to go for that!
See he grew up with Women do house work, Men sit and watch TV.. and this applies to everything apparently. Its just hard to stay motivated when i have to see this on daily basis.
Tell your husband that the 50s were over a LONG time ago and that he needs to start pitching in with the housework and the cooking.
Also, he's being a prick by trying to kick you off the TV when you're working out. That's what a child does. An adult waits for the person using the TV to finish.0 -
Honestly sounds like he is a jack ***. Talk to him and if he does not want to listen, do what you need to and tell him to start cooking his own damn food.0
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Tell him to stop being an *kitten*. If he doesn't want to stop being an *kitten* then maybe he won't be getting any *kitten* any time soon.0
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30 minutes may not be a long drive for most of us, but it does mean adding the cost of a gym membership and added gas for the car all so that he can watch TV constantly on the larger of the two TVs? I can't imagine she's doing 2 hour workouts. Even if she does an hour, driving to a gym doubles the time it takes her to work out.
Sounds like it's time for a good heart-to-heart about what's important to each of you and where you can compromise. And, really, he needs to suck it up and support you in your goals as you do for him.
Honestly, if someone were cooking all of my meals, they could have the TV for a few hours, no problemo - and I only have one. But, truthfully, I don't think the TV usage is as upsetting as you doing something he's not on board with you doing. Deal with it sooner rather than later.0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
What you said here is very similiar to many of the things my husband did in the past too. You don't need to get up and work out, etc. When I changed the tactic and he figured out that the added weight was not healthy, then he stopped being like that. You see if you weigh less you may go looking for another man. It is subconscious, your his and he loves you the way you are, etc. but many women lose weight or change and then leave their husbands, he knows that in the back of his mind. Start saying, Oh with all the calories and carbs that won't keep me healthy, etc. I found when he realized that also I can't resist certain foods, that it was unhealthy for me to keep eating bad food, he stopped it. I tell him, "I exercise to keep my butt lifted, you don't want me to have a saggy butt" well that he got immediately.
He is saying he wants to be supportive and he does consciously, but subconsciously, not so much.
I know someone mentioned a gym, if you can do that and the take the workouts out of the house, get your own TV for workouts, etc, that will help too.0 -
I'm feeling a little better about my husband now. Mine is just clueless. My daughter made deviled eggs for a snack the other day and while I will eat eggs, especially egg whites, deviled eggs didn't fit into my diet that day. He came in my office while I was working and held the plate out with 2 on it and said, here I brought you these. I politely declined by just saying no thanks, but thank you for thinking of me. He says, come on, these are the last 2. I tell him again, I appreciate it, but you go right on and enjoy them, I don't want them right now. He says, well, just keep them for later. Again, I say a little more firmly, While I appreciate you trying to save them for me, I would prefer not to eat them today. Please just enjoy them. To this he responded, sheesh, what are in you in a bad mood about?
My husband is also very naturally lean and works in construction so constantly active and doing heavy lifting so doesn't have to think twice about his diet. He did have to restrict sodium for his blood pressure, but his doctor took him off the low sodium diet because his blood pressure medication keeps his BP down.
Go figure.
My husband is very supportive and tells me every day he is proud of me, but just doesn't realize. He tries to do something nice, without realizing that it is sabotaging my efforts.0
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