Annoyed Husband...

124

Replies

  • My husband is also very naturally lean and works in construction so constantly active and doing heavy lifting so doesn't have to think twice about his diet. He did have to restrict sodium for his blood pressure, but his doctor took him off the low sodium diet because his blood pressure medication keeps his BP down. :/ Go figure.

    Totally off topic, but that's a bit odd. Was his BP never controllable without meds? I'm just curious.

    Oh, and congrats on the way you deal with the food situation with your husband. It maye not be the ideal for either of you, but I think the two are a good example of communicating on an issue where you're not on the same page.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Buy a second TV, withhold the sex. He'll eventually crack, unless he's a sex camel (note how I didn't suggest divorce this time).
  • I never comment on stuff like this but that is crazy to me. If my wife wants to do anything to better herself, I am the first one to be supportive. Hmmm...my wife doesn't eat what I'm eating so she looks better naked?!? That's a hard choice there. Being a guy, I can normally understand where another guy is coming from but I can't understand that.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
    First, rolling eyes is communication.....but not the right kind. It's like being sarcastic (and it's disrespectful). So politely and sincerely ask him to not roll eyes at you, but rather to think about what he wants to say and say it without sarcasm.
    Second, consider your bed time. Do you have fairly set time for going to sleep? If you do, you will be able to handle getting up early and can workout with out using what I would call "family time."
  • 42nFab
    42nFab Posts: 36
    go the ninja route.
    dont talk about the calories
    dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
    dont talk about the workouts.

    just DO.

    DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.

    and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.
  • msthang444
    msthang444 Posts: 493 Member
    Another compromise might be doing the DVDs on the computer. I've done that before, or sometimes they're even on YouTube or something...
  • monikagiesbrecht
    monikagiesbrecht Posts: 194 Member
    If I work till 5:30pm everyday, I have a 10 min drive home (from the opposite direction of the gym) I go home, cook, clean up dishes, and by that time it is usually after 7:30 already (depending what i make) and then to drive half hour to go to the gym is 8 and if i even work out for an hour i would only get home at 9:30 the EARLIEST. Thats no time to shower, get ready for bed and yet I have to be up for 6 the following morning for work again. So thats very inconvenient.

    I have not had a hard time doing my fitness and stuff recently. I always run, bike, walk or anything outside or do DVDS and Zumba inside.
  • ashzacher
    ashzacher Posts: 114 Member
    Can you walk outside? Write down your exercises in a notebook (assuming you don't need the video for step by step instruction)? I purchased dumbbells recently because I was sick of waiting in line for some at the gym - best $30 I ever spent (Target). You could do those anywhere. Also, there are apps that can give you bodyweight, dumbbell & other exercises. Maybe just keep a notebook with some exercises in it, and go somewhere other than the TV room to work out whenever your husband needs the TV? Just a suggestion!
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
    If I work till 5:30pm everyday, I have a 10 min drive home (from the opposite direction of the gym) I go home, cook, clean up dishes, and by that time it is usually after 7:30 already (depending what i make) and then to drive half hour to go to the gym is 8 and if i even work out for an hour i would only get home at 9:30 the EARLIEST. Thats no time to shower, get ready for bed and yet I have to be up for 6 the following morning for work again. So thats very inconvenient.

    I have not had a hard time doing my fitness and stuff recently. I always run, bike, walk or anything outside or do DVDS and Zumba inside.
    If you develop a 9:30pm bed time, you will become accustomed to rising early enough to workout while he is still asleep.
    The two of you will get this worked out well; it's important to not make it a dividing point.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,165 Member
    If he offers you food you don't want, just say "no thanks".

    If he wants to use the TV you are using first, say "Sure, when I'm done, it'll be 20min".
  • I never comment on stuff like this but that is crazy to me. If my wife wants to do anything to better herself, I am the first one to be supportive. Hmmm...my wife doesn't eat what I'm eating so she looks better naked?!? That's a hard choice there. Being a guy, I can normally understand where another guy is coming from but I can't understand that.

    FTW
  • str8bowbabe
    str8bowbabe Posts: 712 Member
    This isn't about anyone else but yourself. If he is getting annoyed, respect that. Simply just don't eat whatever it is. If you really want to work out, you will find a way and if you really love your husband, you will find a way to work this out so both of you benefit and are comfortable with it.
  • Foodiethinking
    Foodiethinking Posts: 240 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    In the nicest way I see his point. My boyfriend is also losing weight, but I'm much more subtle and don't openly complain about calories, I just inwardly eat it and fit it into my calories or leave it, opting for something else. My boyfriend used to constantly say the word calories, making me feel a bit inadequate that I wasn't openly scrutinising food or looking at labels for something I already knew the general nutritional content for. I told him how I felt and he slowed it down a bit and said he feel more relaxed and that it became a little like an obsession.
  • bwogilvie
    bwogilvie Posts: 2,130 Member
    It's easy for strangers on the Internet to give advice, but keep in mind that we don't know you or your husband. So you'll need to pick and choose what seems to best fit your situation.

    That said, here's my 2 cents. You've got a small problem but there's an underlying bigger issue too (as a lot of people have already noted).

    The small problem is his specific responses to your weight loss project. I think not mentioning why you won't eat certain things is a good idea. My wife is very supportive of me, but she would quickly get tired of me saying that I couldn't eat something because of calories, carbs, sodium, etc. I just say "no thanks, I don't feel like it."

    On the other hand, insisting that you stop your workout because he wants the TV is pretty immature, especially since you have another TV. He should be willing to compromise about this.

    The underlying issue is that you seem to have different expectations about what married life involves. Did you have any discussions before getting married and setting up household together about who would do what work in order to make your common life work as well as possible? My wife and I both work outside the home, so we agreed that we would both contribute to housework. That doesn't mean we share each task 50/50. I do almost all the cooking, she does the majority of the cleaning, and we both do laundry (though she does more). I clear the driveway when it snows. We don't have kids, but if we did, we'd share the responsibility of raising them.

    On a deeper level, a good marriage means that each partner works for the happiness and success of the other, not for his or her own selfish interests. That doesn't mean that you lose yourself in the other: part of what makes me happy is that my wife has her own career, interests, and identity, and vice-versa. And it doesn't mean you have to like, or understand, everything that motivates your partner. But it does mean that when you get into a conflict, as we all do, the big question should not be, "How can I win this fight?" but, rather, "How can we work together to resolve this problem in the way that is the most fair to both of us?"

    Again, that doesn't mean splitting things 50/50. You have to take into account how important something is to the other person, too. If something means a lot to my wife, and not a lot to me, I'll compromise in her favor, and vice-versa.
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    Agree with the ninja comment. If you're watching what you eat, doesn't mean he has any interest in doing the same or hearing about how many calories are in what he's eating. Also, try compromising times for the TV so it doesn't turn into arguments.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    Buy a second TV, withhold the sex. He'll eventually crack, unless he's a sex camel (note how I didn't suggest divorce this time).

    sex is not a weapon to be used in a relationship.
  • BonecrusherBrews
    BonecrusherBrews Posts: 131 Member
    sex is not a weapon to be used in a relationship.

    ^^ agree 100%
  • Zomb1eMummy
    Zomb1eMummy Posts: 104 Member
    I am in the same boat as you. My hubby is technically underweight due to some medical issues and can eat like a horse and not gain. It sucks. Ultimately it is why I am the way I am now.

    What I recommend, and this is completely up to you, is allow yourself to eat some of the same foods, just at lower portions. That way he doesn't see the huge difference and doesn't think you are starving or depriving yourself.

    Once he sees how happy you are as you are losing the weight, he will become more supportive. My husband was adament on me being the same weight I was because he felt I was going to eat nothing but salads and not enjoy the foods we love together. However, now after losing 22 pounds, he is supportive and understands that I will still enjoy what I want to enjoy, it will just be measured out better.

    Hope I make sense.
  • Sounds like a jerk to me! It's not 1957. You shouldn't have to do everything while he sits on his butt. He seems immature and unsupportive and all you are doing is making excuses for him. Sounds harsh, but it's true.
  • MaggieGiamalvo
    MaggieGiamalvo Posts: 397 Member
    I had a similar issue when I was using MFP last time I lost weight (2012) and my husband, who could stand to lose a few pounds himself, would say things like "I think you're taking this weight loss thing little to far" when I would say I wasn't eating what I made him and the kids for dinner, or if I didn't want fast food. It was annoying, b/c I felt like he should have been more supportive.....! This go round has been a little better, with him letting me do my thing. Hang in there, and maybe you'll need to sit him down and tell him just b/c he can eat any and every thing (jealous of those people) you can't so some support from him would help tremendously. Good luck!!!

    Just curious... why are you making something different for your family from what you're making for yourself? If you're making healthy foods for yourself, wouldn't it make sense that your family should eat healthy foods, too?